CHAPTER 37: RULE OF THREE

Hermes had officially shaken hands with over a hundred creatures.

He knew because Magni counted aloud every time: "Seventy-nine! Oh, she bites a little, don’t mind that. Eighty! Ah, he drools molten tar! It’s a common occurrence, don’t worry!"

One hundred and twelve.

None of them were distant relatives, apparently. These were all immediate cousins, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Some even claimed to have helped raise Magni, though he suspiciously forgot most of their names.

Hermes’ hand was raw. His tongue, also raw. Every food item he’d tasted in the Underworld was either boiling, on fire, or somehow sizzling with electricity. Even the drinks.

"Why is this lava tea crackling?" He’d asked earlier.

"That means it’s ripe!" Magni said proudly.

Now, his stomach churned like a washing machine filled with rocks. His hair smelled like smoke. His eyelid twitched involuntarily.

He finally dragged Magni aside into one of the quieter magma halls, where a lava fountain burbled in the background.

"Magni."

"Yes, Brother Modi?"

"When are we actually going after Trivia?"

Magni blinked, then smacked his own forehead. "By the burning beard of Uncle Scorchus! We did come here for something! Hah! I got so caught up in the family reunion, I nearly forgot!"

Hermes rubbed his face. "You nearly forgot."

"In Void terms, that means I’m responsible and thoughtful." Magni grinned, then turned and bellowed.

"COUSIN PHLARTHAX!"

A spindly creature with six legs, a crown of smoke, and glowing blue eyes slithered from a nearby tunnel.

"Yes, Cousin Magni?"

"Got any idea where that nasty Trivia and her goons were last spotted?"

Phlarthax bowed his head respectfully. "Latest whispers claim she was seen near the spiral marshes past the Upside-Down Plateau, through the Tunnel of Screaming Mirrors, third blood moon to the left of the Floating Ziggurat, just below the Clockfields of Evernever."

Hermes blinked. "I’m sorry. The what of the what now?"

"Don’t worry," Magni waved him off. "I got all of that."

"You do?"

"Yes! Those are pretty easy instructions anyway. Come! Let’s be off!"

They waved goodbye to the lava birthing chamber. Aunt Chlorrha gave them a baby imp in a jar as a snack for the road, which Hermes politely declined.

And with a final step through a screaming whirlpool mirror, they emerged once again into the nonsensical sprawl of the Void.

Traveling through the Void was like taking a road trip through a fever dream. Paths curled like noodles, gravity changed depending on mood, and time moved forward only when you weren’t looking at it.

One moment, Hermes was upside-down and singing with a choir of levitating frogs, and the next, he was being scolded by a sentient cloud for stepping on its tail.

Somewhere in the blur of hours... or was it minutes? Days?

Either way, a structure emerged.

A towering fortress loomed in the distance, dark against the fluctuating sky. It was crooked, like it had grown from the ground by accident. It had three turrets, each shaped like a different animal skull. The path leading to it forked into three spiraling roads, each one flickering between materials—wood, stone, glass, bones, and... snakes?

"There it is!" Magni pointed, nearly bouncing. "Trivia’s den! Or at least her current hidey-hole!"

Hermes was about to reply when the ground trembled.

A low, guttural growl echoed across the paths.

From the center road rose a shadow, big and hulking, with three massive heads.

A three-headed dog.

Its fur shimmered like oil slick, rainbow-black and steaming. Each head had different colored eyes—one red, one gold, one green. The left head had spikes running down its snout. The right one had a scar over its eye. The middle one had smoke puffing out of its nose.

All three heads growled.

"Ah," Magni said. "Right. Grrberus. Forgot he was stationed here."

"Grrberus?" Hermes blinked. "You mean Cerberus?"

"No! Who’s that?" Magni gave him a confused look. "That’s a stupid name for a hound. This one was named after the sound he makes."

"Grrrruff!" one head barked.

"See?" Magni grinned.

The beast paced, circling the forked paths. He was enormous, easily taller than a house. Every step left scorch marks. Drool sizzled on the ground. All three heads were staring directly at them.

"So, uh," Hermes said. "Any chance he’s friendly?"

Magni tapped his chin. "Hmm. That depends. Do you have any enchanted bone marrows, a riddle of ancient sorrow, and a promise made in blood to fulfill?"

"No?"

"Then no. Not friendly."

Grrberus snarled. The heads began arguing with each other, barking in different tones.

"We could try sneaking around," Hermes suggested.

"We could." Magni agreed.

"Or distract him."

"Also valid."

"Or you could do the thing where you transform into a giant beast and punch something." Hermes said when this rockhead was still not getting the point.

"Tempting," Magni said. "But he’s family-adjacent. My cousin’s ex’s brother’s pet’s son. Might be rude."

Hermes sighed. "Of course he is."

Grrberus let out a triple bark that shook the entire fork.

The middle head growled. "Who seeks to pass through the riftward gate?"

Hermes stepped forward cautiously. "Uh, we do."

"By what right?" The right head asked, narrowing his eyes at him.

Hermes glanced at Magni, then said, "The right of... quest? And also vengeance?"

Grrberus narrowed his eyes. All three of them.

"Then prove your worth..." The left head said.

Magni clapped. "Oho! A challenge! This is going to be fun!"

"You must find out the road that is best to travel." Grrberus’ heads all spoke at the same time. "We will provide you with everything you may find in each of these three roads. If you manage to find the right answer, we shall let you pass. If you do not..."

They bared their teeth. "Your journey ends here."

Hermes thought: ’So I have to outsmart them? I thought that I just needed to fight my way through this but... This is fine too. Using my smarts is all I relied on before I learned the true potential of my powers.’

"I accept." Hermes said. "What is your riddle?"