I gaze upon the Tower Gauntlet on the morning of the first day of August, nearly a dozen miles away from my vantage point upon the roof of our house.  It’s standing there, so smug and triumphant, looming over us like a giant middle finger rising out of the earth, flipping me off for my weakness and inability to actually carry out the goals I’ve set for myself.  A reminder of the System’s might, despite the newfound clarity of my purpose.  Despite the resonance of my new bond with Filia sharpening our now shared desire to bring about an eventual end to the System before it brings an end to us, it persists, taunting me.

I still don’t know how I feel about wielding Filia as a weapon.  Even though they don’t seem to mind, and have never once complained about the bond that I have with my weapon— one which doesn’t eat a Skill slot, thankfully— I feel as though I’ve subsumed their will with my own.  And yet, I know I will need the power that they are offering me to move forward.  I…  I feel as though bonding with a sentient being, however willingly it might have been by both parties, in order to fight for an unachievable freedom, is paradoxical.

When they wake up in a few days, I would like to ask them more about their own perspective on the matter.  I shouldn’t assume that their psychology is like a human, as much as talking with me has convinced me of that point.

Unfortunately, that means that I’m stuck here, on the outside, waiting for Filia to recuperate the [Ether] they used during the bonding ritual.  I can use the weapon they are bonded to just fine, but going in now means being without the Skills they can use.  Or, far more importantly, the knowledge they have about the System from their own continuity.

And beyond the purely utilitarian perspective, it’s also the case that, for the indefinite future, Filia is going to be nearly as bonded to me as Chloe is.  In other words, we’re a team, and that alone means that we’re going to be exploring the last twenty floors of the Tower as a team, together.

Which is not to say that I’ve been idle.  Every day, I’ve been training with my swordstaff out here in the open.  Not against monsters, at least not yet.  Just going through the motions, repeating them hundreds and thousands of times each day, making sure that every flourish, every swing and thrust, comes as easily and naturally as moving my own body.  I’ve also been experimenting with channeling [Ether] through it in different ways, trying to gain a new Skill or two of my own to amplify my prowess with the weapon.  However, I have been unsuccessful in that regard.  Even a basic [Swordstaff Proficiency] Skill has thus far been beyond my grasp.

It doesn’t concern me too much.  The best way to gain Skills and Skill ranks is to cultivate them in the heat of battle.  The next best is to try to create their effects directly through clever manipulation of [Ether] until one of them coalesces and clicks with the System, allowing us to more easily draw that effect together. 

But right now, I’m not at the point of needing to focus on gaining Skills.  Simply knowing the basic techniques, and how I can move and fight with this new weapon most effectively, is my first priority.  And it truly is a flexible weapon, easy to use, and yet so versatile and difficult to master.  When to parry, when to slash or thrust, or even poke with the butt end of the weapon. Proper positioning is paramount; too far away, and enemies will evade outside of my reach.  Too close, and they won’t get hit by the edges upon my weapon’s tip.

And so I drop back down off the roof and into the backyard, going through another round of martial meditation.  This time, I’m reliving the fight against Filia as my doppelganger, feeling their movements and how I think we both would have responded, had we been using this weapon instead of my arm cannon.  Ultimately, though, the real and most important test won’t be until we’re in the Tower, fighting for our lives, all for the chance for more strength to better repel the calamities that the System has to offer.

“Hey, Sera,” Chloe says, her entrancing voice breaking me out of my meditative stances.  “I’ve got somewhere to take you this morning.”

“Oh?  Where’s that?”  I strap Filia into a special harness at my back.  Normally, I’d stow them in my [Inventory], but, due to the time dilation effect within the pocket dimension, it’s best to keep them out for the time being.

Chloe lowers her head.  “I think it’s somewhere best shown, rather than told.  But I promise, it’s nowhere bad.”

I sense her hesitancy, mixed with a bit of sorrow in her words.  But more than that, I trust her.  And if she believes that it’s best left unsaid until we get there, then I believe her too.

“Do I need to get changed?  We’re not going anywhere that requires formal attire?”

“I think we’re fine as we are,” Chloe says.  “Are you ready?”

I draw a bottle of water from my [Inventory] and take a swig before nodding in approval.  And then we’re off, flying over the city.  The warm sun to the east is already burning off the small bits of morning dew that had accumulated over the previous night, while the nearly-full moon is finishing its descent to the west.

Each morning, it seems that the skies are just a bit more crowded than they are the previous day.  Nothing like the congestion on the city streets, especially during rush hour, but enough that we’ll soon need rules of the sky alongside rules of the road to make sure that there aren’t any collisions.  And not just collisions between those of us flying under our own power.

Commercial and recreational aviation has diminished significantly over the past few months as our global society has become less interconnected.  Now, it’s more based on what might be seen as rudimentary city-states operating in a loose federation of our world’s former nation-states, System-granted Skills and nascent Ethertech enabling us to continue to live our daily lives without too much interruption.  But aviation does still exist, at least a few flights a day to neighboring cities, and a person flying into a commercial jet turns out about as well as one running directly into an SUV.  I’ve seen at least one such report, and the pictures weren’t pretty.

I’m left to wonder exactly why we’re headed where we are as Chloe begins descending over one of the cemeteries along the western side of midtown.  A grandparent or aunt, perhaps?  Or maybe one of our friends from school…  Goodness, I am the worst, aren’t I?  I’ve been so busy with… well, everything, and I’ve completely neglected everyone else.  I–  I hope we’re not going to go visit their graves.

I suppose it’s only fitting, if that’s where we’re going.  Time to own up and pay for the many mistakes I’ve made.

Chloe doesn’t say a word as we walk among the graves.  Some of them are from the before times.  Most of them are.  But there are so, so many from the last four months.  People who died in the days after the System first arrived.  Some by the weak creatures that appeared— imps and rats and spiders and probably slimes as well, though I only ever saw and fought the giant kind.

And it’s here that I see what Chloe came to show me.  A small headstone with a bouquet of white flowers upon it.  And the name ‘Lily Mortensen’ engraved upon its obverse.

I walk up to it, dropping to my knees.  I thought I’d grieved properly.  I thought I’d cried everything I needed to cry and moved past her death.  But seeing this physical reminder that Mom— my birth mother, not Alicia— is well and truly gone.  It seems I’ve still got tears left to cry.  And cry I do, all the way until I’ve no more tears left to shed.

Chloe follows behind me once my crying has finished, placing a hand on my still-whimpering shoulder.  “I’m sorry, Sera.  By the time things had settled enough for Mom and I to do anything, Lily’s body had already been claimed by the state and cremated.  So there wasn’t anything we could bury.  But, she still deserves to be remembered.  Still deserves a place for you to mourn her.  And so, over these past few days, Mom helped me arrange the small plot of land for a headstone for her.  I–  I didn’t want to tell you about it, because I was worried you’d tell me not to worry or that there are other, more important matters we should be focusing on.”

“But–”

“But this is important, too.  I’m your girlfriend and your healer.  Which means it’s my responsibility to look after you.  Especially given how reckless you are!”

“Hey!”  I cover my mouth, realizing that there are other families here as well, mourning their own lost kin.

Chloe purses her lips.  “That means your emotional well-being as well as patching up all your wounds.”

I extend a hand to her, inviting her to kneel next to me, which she does.  I wrap an arm around her shoulders, and her arm wraps around my waist, and the two of us together kneel in silence for a few seconds while I figure out what to say.

“Hey, Mom,” I mumble.  “It’s… been awhile.  I’m not sure if you’re able to listen…  Heavens above, six months ago, I would have said that death is death and there’s nothing beyond that.  But now, with the arrival of the System, I know that gods and monsters and even other worlds and timelines are real.  And so, who’s to say that there’s not some heaven high above where you can watch down on me.  If…  If there is, I hope you can hear me.

“Chloe and I did get together.  I guess you were right that she had some feelings for me.  Still, I never would have thought things would have turned out the way they have.  I’ve been living with her and Alicia these past few months.  We’re…  getting along, for the most part.  And don’t worry, Chloe’s been taking care of me.”

I cover my mouth with my hands.  “Uh, um, I didn’t mean it in that way.”  I turn to Chloe, who’s suppressing a giggle.  “Even though she is taking good care of me that way too.” I silently message to her.

“So yeah, she and I are doing what we can to make it through this world.  It’s been tough.  A lot has changed.  But, I trust Chloe.  I believe in the bond we share.  It’s…  Yeah, I think that together, we’ll get through every challenge we face.”

“It’s like she says,” Chloe adds.  “You’ve got a reckless daughter.  She loves to act before thinking.  And she makes her share of mistakes, too.  Sometimes big ones.  But so do all of us.  And there’s no one I’d rather share my life with, wherever that life might one day lead us.  So I hope that, wherever you are, you will smile down upon us and grant us your blessing.”

She reaches across my hips and grabs my mechanical left hand, gripping it tightly.  “And, I hope that you will welcome me as a part of your family just as Mom and I have welcomed Sera into ours.”

We stay like this for a while longer.  Neither of us says anything more.  There’s no need.  Instead, we just silently hug each other, heads lowered, paying our respects.  And after a few minutes, we walk around the cemetery, toward no one’s grave in particular, but just to take in the weight of the burdens that we have upon us.  The consequences of our failures.  The grieving families whose kin died because of me.

I am… ashamed.  Ashamed of my weakness of body, yes.  But more ashamed of the weakness of my heart, unable to accept the fact that, had I been stronger, wiser, more knowledgeable, better prepared, some of these people wouldn’t need to be here today.  They would be laughing and enjoying life with loved ones who might still be alive if not for my failures.  And I am too weak to do anything but watch in silence and look upon the grief I have brought about.

This too hardens my resolve.  I have to keep moving forward.  A little more each day.  Or the funerals will continue.  The System will continue to kill us in its crucible.  And the grief and loss will never stop.

I take Chloe’s hand in my own, afraid of the day I might lose her as well.  I pull her into a hug, and we stand like that, together, alone, surrounded by so much death.