When I got to college, I thought, this will be the time to experiment.

    I don''t really know anyone here yet. I can be who I want to be (to an

    extent). No one will be able to catch me if I''m careful enough. At this

    point it was 2011 and I didn''t know how to go about looking to meet

    someone. We didn''t have internet at my parents'' house so I wasn''t sure of

    any ways online to get in touch with someone like me. I had just recently,

    at this time, gotten a smartphone but had a data limit. So I wasn''t even

    able to look up p.o.r.n too much. We had dial up internet (we lived out in the

    country so only had dial up) for a short period of time while I was growing

    up. It didn''t take long for me to find my way to p.o.r.n, but I had to be very

    sneaky about it. The dial up connection had to be plugged into a phone

    outlet and we had three options -- the kitchen, my sisters'' room, and my

    parents'' room. All places that had no privacy and had high traffic from

    Anyways, I knew this would be my time to get to experiment with

    guys, even though I didn''t know how. I just had to be patient. I eventually

    made a friend in the show choir that I had joined at the college. I loved

    singing and needed scholarship money, so I auditioned, made it, and we were

    having rehearsals for weeks, every night. We got to be good friends. He was

    different, he had kind of an emo vibe, which was different than any of my

    friends that I had in high school. But he was nice and wanted to be my

    friend, which I didn''t have any of yet in college, so I was very excited.

    He had longer hair in an emo kind of way, he wore torn jeans with a chain,

    -- jeans, sneakers, and a short sleeve polo or plain t shirt, short hair.

    We became fast friends and started hanging out all the time. He commuted to

    class because he lived not too far away and I was in the dorm. So he often

    came to my dorm to hang out after rehearsals or in between classes. We

    watched TV, listened to music, had inside jokes, went on fast food runs all

    the time, did late night drives listening to loud music, and even went to a

    few parties together. Just good friends, but me having all this pent up

    attraction to guys, I have a little crush on the guy (Zack) but I have no

    reason to think he''s gay or anything like that. So I suppress all that and

    just assume that I like him as a friend and I''m just happy that I have a

    friend in college.

    One day we''re in the car with another friend of ours, I''m in the backseat,

    and he lifts his phone up and puts in the lock code and replies to a text

    message. I notice the code and think it''s a weird pattern (android). That

    night (my assigned roommate had dropped out of school already so I had the

    whole dorm room to myself) he decided to sleep over, he brought a pillow

    and blanket and some video games for us to play and we would stay up and

    basically have a sleepover. He gets up at one point to shower and leaves

    his phone on the charger. While he was in the shower, I logged into his

    funny because I had seen his passcode. Before I got a chance to do that I

    saw something interesting. He had left his messages open, so when I

    unlocked his phone it immediately opened his texts. I found a message with

    another guy and it was kind of in a s.e.x.u.a.l manner. This is when I realized

    that Zack was in fact gay after all. I quickly exited out of his phone and

    got back on my bed. He never knew, supposedly.

    My mind was racing because not only had I finally met someone

    who was gay, but he was my friend. I thought maybe I could open up to him

    or something, but was very nervous. We had lots of fun that night, playing

    and we both got in our separate beds. Both of us facing different walls in

    the dorm room. The lights are off and it''s almost pitch black inside the

    room, just a little light sweeping in between the blinds on the windows.

    I''m still not sure whose idea it was, but one of us suggested to play truth

    or dare, but instead -- we would play truth or truth. Basically just an

    excuse to get to know each other better and ask each other whatever we

    wanted and you had to answer truthfully. We asked each other all kinds of

    questions way into the middle of the night. Zack asked me questions about

    if I had been in love, my first kiss (which hadn''t happened yet, yeah I was

    a complete v.i.r.g.i.n at this point) etc. etc. And every time I''d answer I

    would always be kind of cryptic, never mentioning a gender, to kind of give

    the hint that I was attracted to guys. This kept going for hours.

    Eventually he asked something to the effect of suggesting that I was gay. I

    started tearing up and he could tell, I asked why he thought that and he

    said because of my answers always being cryptic. I admitted that I was and

    he asked to give me a hug. That was the most sincere and tightest hug I had

    ever had. Finally, I had told someone! We continued the game so more, me

    feeling better that I had finally come clean, at least sort of, to

    someone. He hesitated with a question to ask me. I told him to ask whatever

    he wanted, he still hesitated.

    "Just spit it out," I joked.

    "It might sound weird. I don''t want to say it out loud."

    "So text it to me," I said.

    I laid in bed, waiting, my heart quickening, wondering what he would

    ask. DING. My phone went off, and I quickly unlocked it to see what he was

    so hesitant to ask.

    "Do you want to come lay in my bed with me?"

    My heart immediately jumped and quickened it''s pace.

    I text back, "Sure."

    I didn''t want to seem to eager, but I definitely wanted to. I get out of my

    bed, grab my comforter and headed to his bed. Now these are twin dorm room

    size beds, barely enough room for one person, let alone two, which meant

    there would have to be some cuddling going on. I lay my pillow down and he

    scoots over closer to the wall so that there''s some place for me to lie

    down. I lay down on my back and cover myself with my comforter, just kind

    of staring at the ceiling.

    "Can I have another hug," he asked.

    I''m sure this was just a way for him to initiate the cuddling in a way

    that wouldn''t be uncomfortable like `Hey want to cuddle now?'' I agree and

    turn to face him and hug him, he hugs me, and the hug lasts for what seems

    like forever. It''s nice and warm and genuine. The first time of me being in

    another guy''s bed, even if nothing happens, I''m happy with this

    development. He looks at me, the light peeking through onto my face,

    "You have really pretty eyes."

    My heart is hasn''t slowed and shows no promise of doing so any time soon. I

    thank him and lay me head down on the pillow. We talk for what seems like

    another hour, never breaking the hug, and he falls asleep. I don''t think I

    slept at all that night. I was too excited to be against someone else,

    someone I was attracted to even if I didn''t fully realize it yet. In the

    morning, I got up for class and so did he, as if nothing had happened. We

    didn''t really talk about anything that happened. But we did have a few more

    cuddle sessions interspersed throughout the next few months.

    Many months later, our show choir got asked to perform at an

    amus.e.m.e.nt park. We got to go, perform, and then spend 2-3 days in the

    parks, stay in hotel rooms, and we knew it was going to be a blast. Our

    director tried to save money so he had a lot of staying in rooms together.

    So in my room, there were 6 people including myself and Zack. There''s only

    2 beds and guys being guys - didn''t want to share a bed with another

    guy. Well me and Zack didn''t mind, we had already done that so we decide to

    share a bed -- no worries. We get back to the hotel one night after

    spending a whole day in the park. Everyone is exhausted. We''re in the bed

    in the middle of the room, another guy alone in the bed next to us. A guy

    on the floor by that bed because he didn''t want to chance touching another

    guy while he was asleep, another on the pullout couch, and another on the

    floor next to him. Everyone is sleeping in shirts and shorts because no one

    wanted to show too much, everyone taking turns in the shower, and getting

    into bed. We lay there silent while everyone gets settled. People start

    snoring and it''s completely silent except for the running a/c unit near the

    window. After what seemed like forever, Zack leans close to me and says

    he''s having trouble sleeping.

    "Will you rub my back for a minute?" he asked.

    I feel a lump in my throat. Guys don''t usually ask other guys for stuff

    like this. We''re close -- sure. But this seems like a strange request,

    especially since there are 4 other guys in very close proximity to us. But

    my thumping heart and slowly growing d.i.c.k don''t give me an option. I nod

    and he turns back over so that he''s facing away from me. I rub his back

    over his shirt. Back and forth, back and forth. His shirt keeps bunching

    whenever I make a pass over his back. I try unsuccessfully to straighten it

    out numerous times before I make the move -- I lightly tug his shirt up

    just enough for me to slip my hand up underneath onto his back. I watch for

    any signs that I''m done something unacceptable, any quick movements;

    nothing. He doesn''t move. That must mean this is okay? I keep going,

    rubbing his back, back and forth, circles up and down. I do this for a

    while, and I move from just his back to his back and his sides. I do it

    slowly and interspersed with regular scratching. And every once in a while

    I move to his side, under his arm down to his waist, and then return to his

    back. Again, I''m watching for any quick movements; he''s still. My heart is

    still pounding, my d.i.c.k''s getting harder, and I''m getting gutsier.

    Now I move my hand to his stomach, my arm all the way around him, he''s

    still laying on his left side with my arm under the covers so as not to be

    seen. I''m no longer rubbing his back, just his side and his stomach but

    it''s a bit of a reach as we''re not super close. Then he starts to move.

    "Shit!" I thought. "I went to fast. This isn''t what he asked for. He''s

    going to ask me to stop and this is going to be awkward."

    But no. He turns over and lays on his back. His eyes closed. I stop until

    he gets situated and is still again. He doesn''t ask me to stop; do I keep

    going? I chance it and start rubbing just his stomach. He doesn''t stop me

    and I take that as a good sign. Okay, so where do I go from here? I have to

    keep this going, keep it moving forward. I rub in circles with my

    fingertips: his c.h.e.s.t, his stomach, back to his c.h.e.s.t, around this n.i.p.p.l.e,

    now that n.i.p.p.l.e, down his sides, back to his stomach, near his belly

    button. What''s my next move? As I''m circling around his belly button my

    hand bumps into his waistband. And that''s my next goal. I make big circles

    all the way around his stomach and then when I get near his waistband I

    slip the tip of my pinky just under his waistband. Just for a millisecond.

    Not too long -- almost to make it seem like an accident. He doesn''t fidget.

    I make another round and once I''m down there again, another slip of my

    pinky. Now, once is an accident. Twice -- a coincidence. But three times?

    That''s purposeful. I slip my pinky under his waistband and he breathes in

    deep through his nose. He knows what I''m doing now. Will he stop me? He

    breathes slowly out of his nose. Eyes stilled closed. I move my hand up to

    his c.h.e.s.t and his heart is thumping. He''s enjoying this. I''m not going to

    stop now. I make another pass and this time my knuckles bump into

    something. He''s hard. All it took was my pinky underneath the top of his

    waistband, and boom -- a rock. I want to tease him now. Make him too hard.

    I keep going. Bump -- that''s his d.i.c.k. Bump -- his d.i.c.k again. Bump --

    slide my pinky under the waistband. Bump -- now my pinky and ring fingers

    make a slide underneath the entirety of his waistband. Bump. Bump. Bump.

    He''s hard as a rock. His d.i.c.k has now made a tent in his shorts that has

    almost lifted the waistband off of his stomach, his bulge now above the top

    of his waistband. He''s still breathing deep. Now I just want to f.u.c.k with

    him. I stop making circles and just move my knuckles back and forth,

    bumping into the tip of his bulge. Suddenly, he grabs my hand. Shit. Too

    much. He squeezes my hand hard and brings it up to his c.h.e.s.t. Shit, he''s

    going to stop me. He''s still holding the deep breath he inhaled. He''s still

    squeezing my hand. He blows out, deep and slow, and just as quickly as he

    grabbed my hand, he shoves it into his pants, in his u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r and places

    my hand on his c.o.c.k.

    He''s as hard as a rock, throbbing in my hand now. I think my heart

    stopped. I couldn''t believe I was 1) Holding someone''s d.i.c.k. 2) The d.i.c.k I

    was holding was my friend''s. 3) I had a crush on this friend and his

    d.i.c.k. 4) I''m holding my friend''s d.i.c.k in a room with 4 other guys who are

    presumably (& hopefully) deep asleep. I must have been in such shock that I

    wasn''t doing anything because he grabbed my hand again and started moving

    it up and down. I realize and start gently stroking his c.o.c.k, slowly, up

    and down, just like I had to my own d.i.c.k night after night after night. My

    stomach is doing flips and my heart is fluttering so fast I can''t feel it

    anymore. Is this really happening? I notice that I''m as hard as I''ve ever

    been, throbbing intently as I work my hand over his d.i.c.k. He was big. And

    not just because it was the only d.i.c.k other than mine that I had held. I

    could just tell, he was big. It curved upward which was different than

    mine, so it was a different stroke than I was used to, but that wouldn''t

    stop me from giving it everything I had. His breathing was rhythmic almost

    in tempo with my hand. My own d.i.c.k pulsing to my heartbeat, quick but

    steady, when something bumps into my boner. Then I feel his hand on my

    leg. My balls do that little raise like when you get a burst of cool air on

    your junk. I don''t mean to, but I do a little gasp to try to catch my

    breath and steady myself as he works his hand up my leg through the leg of

    my shorts into my boxers and grabs hold of my d.i.c.k. Firm. He has an

    underhanded grip on my d.i.c.k and starts to mimic my motions. Up and down.

    Slow and steady. Of course this is all so much fun, and feels `wrong'', and

    not supposed to happen, that it makes in even more fun -- but then there''s

    the risk of getting caught by one of the 4 other guys in the same room. Are

    we making too much noise? Am I breathing too loud? Is he? Are our hand

    movements rustling the covers too much? What was that noise? Was that

    someone snoring? Or did they wake up because they heard us? All of these

    thoughts going through my mind all in an instant, which made it even more

    fun, even more heightened, even more pleasurable.

    We haven''t stopped stroking each other''s c.o.c.ks. We''re still going. He lets

    out a little grunt. I look him in the eyes and he smiles and keeps

    stroking. His hand working my hard d.i.c.k like he''s done this before.

    Definitely to his own member, but maybe to someone else''s? He then removes

    his hand and I worry that it''s all over as he pulls my hand out of his own

    pants. I''m not ready for this to be over; I want this to last forever. But

    he then pulls me close to him so that we''re face to face. He reaches around

    and grabs my a.s.s and pulls me to him so that our d.i.c.ks are touching through

    our shorts. He starts pulling my a.s.s making my d.i.c.k rub against his, only

    our silky shorts between us, making each d.i.c.k slide smoothly and quickly

    against the other. He''s thrusting his h.i.p.s forward with each tug of my a.s.s

    so that they bump and rub together at the perfect time. I catch the rhythm

    and start doing the same to him, now both of us thrusting and pulling the

    other''s a.s.s toward him. We''re in sync. We have this down. We''re getting

    noisier but everyone''s exhausted and still sleeping. He leans close to me,

    his mouth near my ear, but still hasn''t stopped dry humping my d.i.c.k with

    his.

    He whispers, "Do you think we''re being too loud?"

    "I don''t know," I reply in a hushed whisper.

    He does three more thrusts of his h.i.p.s into mine, the last one lingered and

    then he stopped. And held my hand. He grabbed my face and pulled it close

    to his.

    He whispered again, "I think we should probably stop before we get

    caught. Okay?"

    I don''t / I can''t say anything other than, "Okay."

    He looks me in the eyes and smiles, hugs me, and rolls over on his side.

    And just like that, we''re done. Neither one of us got to finish that

    night. Neither one got to shoot a load into the other''s hand. Was he

    worried that I would make too much noise the first time he made me c.u.m? Or

    did he know that he couldn''t keep quiet when he o.r.g.a.s.ms? I laid there in

    bed, looking at the ceiling, my d.i.c.k still hard and pulsing, wanting a hand

    around himself, thinking about all of those questions and more, about what

    had happened. Something that I had secretly wanted to happen for so long.

    Something I wanted since I was younger. Since high school; maybe even

    before. It had finally happened. And even though I didn''t get the ending

    that I wanted so desperately in thick of it all, I still smiled. I turned

    on my side and waited for my heart to slow, and for my d.i.c.k to realize that

    there was no ending in sight. I fell asleep knowing that this night had

    been amazing, and hoping & knowing that that wouldn''t be the last time I

    touched his d.i.c.k, or him mine.