CHAPTER 849: CHAPTER 849: RESURFACING MEMORIES

Ferdinand

Ferdinand thought he had gotten used to losing the people around him.

Everyone he had ever been acquainted with, all of them, died.

Yet, he remained alive.

Thus, after all these years, he thought he had already gotten used to losing everyone around him at some point.

After all, he already knew he had an abnormally long life than they did.

Thus, he once thought he would no longer be surprised or feel anything once one of his current comrades died.

Because he knew everyone would die before he did anyway, he thought he would no longer feel pain over it.

Yet, the instant he heard Alwin was injured and had collapsed, a suffocating and overwhelming sense of dread washed over him.

It was a different kind of fear from the one he felt when he was worried about Arabella.

It was like this when Alwin went missing last time, too.

He once thought he only feared Arabella’s death.

But he was wrong.

He thought he feared Arabella’s death since she was the only human he treasured so dearly.

And she was the only one among them with a short lifespan.

Thus, it was inevitable that he feared only her death.

But he was utterly wrong.

Ferdinand only realized some things recently.

The fact was, he never once thought any of his current comrades would die before him since he was set on dying after he was done with the task the Dragon God gave him.

Thus, he did not worry or fear his comrades’ deaths.

But when Alwin’s presence was suddenly gone, he was confronted by the inevitable truth that the people around him now could still die before he did.

Especially now that Ferdinand was set on living with Arabella until the end of his days.

He was once again faced with hearing about his comrades’ deaths.

The terrible sense of loss he had wanted to forget for so long.

And the possibility of losing Alwin was among the worst kinds he had never wanted to feel again.

As he searched for Alwin in Umbra, filled with dread and denial of what could have been the worst case scenario, a long-lost memory he wished to have forgotten but never truly could, resurfaced.

It was a long, long time ago...

When Ferdinand kept losing the people he knew, it was buried deep within his soul as if to force himself to forget all of his emotions and stop feeling grief over someone’s death.

But the memories resurfaced on their own, reminding him of a fear he never wanted to accept he had.

It reminded him of the two younglings the Dragon God made him raise.

They both died before Ferdinand did.

And it was one of the worst feelings in the world.

It was the first time he lost all his mana cores to revive people he treasured.

After feeling their presence vanish and learning of their death, he could not stand losing the two children he raised himself.

The sense of loss...

The helplessness...

The inability to save them...

He hated all of it.

In all the years he lived, he worked tirelessly to become strong in order to protect himself and survive.

Yet for the first time, all his efforts to survive and remain alive did not matter, and all he wished was to have been able to save them or to have perished in their stead.

He never wanted them to die.

Never wanted to see them pass away before he did.

Yet, they did anyway.

He could not accept it.

Thus, Ferdinand studied and chased over magic spells he had never once been interested in until he found what he needed.

He revived the two and succeeded after sacrificing all the mana cores he had worked hard to gather for eons.

They lived for a while only to pass away before he did once again.

Ferdinand resurrected them over and over again.

They lived.

They died.

He revived them.

They lived.

They died.

He revived them.

Yet, he remained the same.

It was almost a never-ending cycle until they told him the time had come for them to rest, and he did not need to revive them anymore.

He felt betrayed.

He was never giving up on them, but they did.

It was hard to accept, but what could he do when they were ready to accept their fate and leave this world?

Ferdinand could barely recall, but he was sure he did the same for other people, only to end up all alone again.

Until such time when Ferdinand refused to care about anything or anyone again.

After all, everyone would leave him alone eventually.

Just like him, who once was ready to die, the people around him could come to terms with their death and accept it willingly.

And Ferdinand would have no choice but to accept their death.

But not Alwin!

Ferdinand refused to accept that Alwin would die so young.

Alwin’s life was just beginning, and Ferdinand would not accept him dying so early when he could live much, much longer.

Alvis thought the same, so Ferdinand was glad that, as they searched for Alwin, he was not the only one trying to search his memories for various revival spells and rituals.

However, Ferdinand could no longer recall the successful revival spells and rituals he once used.

No matter how much he tried to meditate, they did not resurface.

He only got a throbbing headache in return and a sense that he had lost way, way, more memories than he thought in the death slumber the gods had once granted them.

To his dismay, all the recent revival rituals he and Alvis could find never once succeeded.

Still, no matter the risks and failures, they were determined to perform it if they ever found Alwin dead in Umbra.

Thankfully, Alwin was alive and well.

Yet, just a short amount of time had passed since Alwin returned, and Ferdinand received news of him collapsing.

It was there again.

That terrible dread and fear.

Ferdinand saved Alwin on a whim.

Who would not?

Alwin was a promising elf at a glance.