CHAPTER 92: EXPLODE

Chapter 91

Nolan

God, how embarrassing.

Now that he’s brought it up, the memory of me under that tree—sweaty, sunburnt, hopelessly lovesick—is flashing in my head like an old movie reel.

"You’ve liked me that long?" he asks softly, almost disbelieving.

"Unfortunately," I say, and then let a small grin break through, "and simultaneously fortunately."

His mouth falls open a little. He doesn’t quite know what to do with the information, and I can see it in the way his fingers twitch against my shirt.

"I’m sorry," he blurts out. "Throughout the years I’ve probably unintentionally hurt you and your feelings and—"

I don’t let him finish.

"Seriously, Ciel. Again with the apologies?" I shake my head, brushing my thumb across his jaw.

"As agonizing as it was being in love with you, I loved it too. I loved loving you. Seeing you smile because of me, keeping you safe, just being around you... it fits, you know? What I said back then about the sun."

I cup his cheek gently. His lashes flutter, and to my horror and absolute undoing—his eyes get glassy.

"I don’t deserve it," he whispers.

I huff out a laugh. "What are you, the deservingpolice now? Why should love be something that’s earned?" I pinch his nose lightly, and he yelps.

"Ahhh! Okay, okay, I give up!"

He’s ridiculous. He’s perfect.

"This is not how you should treat your loved ones," he grumbles, puffing his cheeks out.

So cute.

I want to bite them.

Bite them?!

I should keep some distance away from Jack.

"So what now?" Ciel asks, his tone shifting—serious again.

I tighten my hold around him, grounding myself in the weight of him against me. "I think... we should take one step at a time."

"One step, huh?"

"Yeah. And for the first step, I’d like to get rid of that godawful awkwardness between us."

He lets out the softest giggle. "First step taken."

I let out a shaky breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

"And for the second step," he says suddenly, turning to face me, "this."

He leans in and kisses me. Just like that. Soft. Warm. Real. My heart somersaults straight out of my chest.

"Wh–wh–what was that for?!" I stammer, heat crawling up my neck.

Ciel laughs and I slap a hand over his face to hide his eyes that are looking a little too bright, I can’t let them meet mine.

"Seriously? We’ve done way more than this, how can you possibly be shy?" he teases.

"I’m not shy," I mutter defensively.

"Right."

"You just caught me off guard!"

He tugs my hand down, his eyes locking onto mine. "The second step is... we go with the flow for the rest. I can’t say to you that I feel the same way—."

And just like that, my heart clenches painfully in my chest.

"Don’t frown, I’m not finished," he adds, pressing a finger to my forehead.

"I’m saying let’s take it slow. I’m not unattracted to you. In fact, I am attracted to you. And that’s something to start with, isn’t it?"

I stare at him, trying to breathe through the storm in my chest. He’s right. It’s fair. I can’t expect him to match feelings I’ve spent years nurturing.

"So..." My throat is dry. "Am I, uh... allowed to touch you? Maybe... kiss you the way Jack does?"

His lips quirk. "I don’t see why not."

My heart races. Palms clammy. Breath shaky. I feel like I’ve stepped into a dream I’ve had a thousand times.

"Just—just give me a second," I choke out.

I gently lift him off my lap, stand, and begin pacing the length of the deck. I want to yell, run, explode. My body doesn’t know what to do with this kind of joy and panic all at once.

Eventually, I drop into a squat, burying my face in my hands.

Haaa.

I didn’t think this day would ever come. Ever.

I gulp.

Hard.

My palms are sweating like I just ran a marathon, so I wipe them down on my pants—once, twice—then force myself to stand and face Ciel.

And of course, because the universe is cruel, he decides to look like the most breathtaking creature I’ve ever seen in my entire existence.

His hair catches the fading sunlight like spun scarlet fibres, the ocean breeze lifts the loose strands just right, and his skin practically glows. I swear I can see a literal halo behind him.

Sparkles.

Flower petals.

Angel choir.

The whole damn package.

I wipe my palms again.

"Ciel Rosengarde," I start, voice already cracking a little. "I really, really like you."

No.

What am I fucking teenager?

I shake my head. "No. I’m in love with you."

And before I can chicken out, I blurt out, "Will you do me the honor of being your lover? I promise—I’ll do my best to make you happy for as long as I live!"

Then I squeeze my fists tight, close my eyes, and brace for impact. My heart’s slamming so hard against my ribcage it’s almost painful. My legs feel like jelly. I’m a fucking mess.

"Okay."

The softest, most amused voice says that single word, and I crack my eyes open, just a sliver, to make sure I’m not hallucinating.

Ciel is looking at me. Amused. At me.

For a moment, my brain short-circuits.

Then my knees give out. I squat again, covering my face with both hands. "Thank you," I breathe out, voice breaking into a shaky laugh.

This is real. This is real.

I shoot back up before I can second-guess anything and launch myself at him. It’s less of a hug and more of a desperate, crushing, "holy shit I can’t believe this" squeeze.

He lets out a small laugh against my shoulder, arms wrapping around me too, and the warmth of him hits me like a tidal wave. His scent, his heartbeat, his everything.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck and squeeze tighter.

Ciel Rosengarde just said okay.

To me.

I think I might actually explode.