ARC 8-46

My clan rarely argues.

Considering the personalities involved, it’s impressive. Or maybe not? Our grouping isn’t a convenient arrangement of political parties whose compatibility was never a concern. We’re together, the four of us, because we fit. We knew each other’s faults going in and we’re all generous enough to give each other leeway. It’s not that we don’t disagree, we do. It’s that we don’t let hurt feelings linger. Saints know I can’t stand it when they’re mad. Thankfully, it seems they feel the same. The one major argument we did have, it took less than a day for us to come crawling back to each other, equally as desperate.

Is it bad how much we want it each other? How much we need each other? I don’t think about it. And when the thought crosses my mind, I can only be thankful. Maybe there’s a better way. Saints know I’ve questioned my relationship with my lovely savage more than once. But, if this is what we have, at least to start with, I rather we be desperate to stay with each other than desperate to get away.

It means we all want to ride together, despite the awkward tension in the air. I offered Yulia the protection of my clan and they made good on my word. The snow bunny is riding in a separate carriage behind us, accompanied by Gajin and Earl. Alana, Kierra, and Talia ride with me, the flower draped over my wife on the opposite bench while Alana sits ramrod straight beside me.

I sigh as the silence drags on, having gone uninterrupted since we departed. The problem is, I’m not sure of the source. Alana says she’s not mad about me giving Yulia the day to arrange her affairs. She claims I’ve been manipulated but I don’t feel like it. She leaves tonight, as Alana wants. She isn’t allowed to speak to the people of the Hall, which alleviates any worries of her stirring up trouble. Aside from that, giving her the chance to settle her affairs is just the decent thing to do. Which, apparently, is the problem. According to my knight, Yulia preys on decency.

Does she think Yulia is preying on me? On the clan? Ugh! Saints give me patience with these sisters.

“Are we going to talk about it?” I ask without looking at my stoic knight. Kierra and Talia don’t look up from their cuddle but I can feel them paying attention.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Alana replies. I don’t know if my concerns give the words a harsh filter or not.

“Really? Well, I want to say a few things. Don’t feel like you have to respond, just going to rattle on about some nonsense. It’s about our little trip. Why we’re going on this trip. It’s definitely not because a bunny batted her eyes at me or something inane like that.”

I chance a glance to the side. She doesn’t react so I keep going. “I’ve got several reasons why I decided to take a jaunt outside the city. And yes, chief among them is out of consideration, both for my future sister-in-law and for the people of the city. However, just as important is that I want to see the people for myself. I…” I suppose if I’m going to share my burgeoning realizations with anyone, it's the women in this carriage. I swallow heavily. Why am I even nervous about this? It’s not like I’m about to confess a heinous crime.

“You all know I have a soft spot for the downtrodden and pathetic. Recently, I’ve…realized that it goes beyond sympathy. I want to do something for them. What, I’m not sure. I think, I hope, that seeing the camp, seeing them, will give me a direction for this uncomfortably vague feeling. Yulia’s situation is an excuse, not a justification.”

I clear my throat as the silence persists after my small speech. Alana still isn’t looking at me. I turn pleading eyes to Kierra. She flashes me a sympathetic smile before burying her nose in Talia’s neck, the flower welcoming her with open arms. I can’t blame her. In her position, I’d probably do the same thing. Sigh.

“Oh, for the ancestors,” Alana eventually growls after minutes of their flirting being the only sounds in the carriage. Finally, blessedly, she turns to me. Relief soothes my tension once I see her eyes. I breathe in deeply to confirm it but I don’t need my enhanced senses to know her.

We’re okay.

“I’m not angry.”

“Prove it.”

I don’t mean to deliver the words as a challenge but that’s how she takes it. I can see it in her frown a moment before she surges forward. I could have dodged the sudden movement, but there are few things I wouldn’t accept from my knight. All I do is mark how far she’s come since I’ve met her. Seeing as she hasn’t completely redesigned her body, it’s damn impressive.

I’m expecting her to grab me, maybe try one of her ineffective blows. The kiss is wholly unexpected…though no less violent. Her lips crash against mine as she pushes me against the carriage wall and her tongue practically pummels my mouth. Not that I don't enjoy it. The assault lacks any technique but the raw enthusiasm does a lot to compensate.

She pulls away with a look of subdued satisfaction that is adorable. “Alright?”

I may not be the studious type but I’m not an idiot. Pointing out the aggressiveness of her affection doesn’t seem smart. Instead, I nod.

“I said earlier, I agree with you. I’ve never disagreed with Yulia’s dreams. My problems are with her methods and her ego. She’s right to point out problems but she’s convinced she has the best solutions and anyone that says different is an obstacle.”

Alana sighs. “It was good enough if you were just trying to keep peace in the family. I’m glad this will do something for you. Glad, well, you know. You’re not being so hard on yourself. You could…you get in your own way a lot.”

“Oh, really? And you’re just mentioning this now?”

“I figure you’ll grow out of it. You’ve got enough women stroking your ego. And more.” The last part is mumbled softer than a whisper but I hear it anyway.

“Hm. Since when did you become an expert on people?” It’s hilarious that Alana of all people is cautioning against holding oneself back. This is the woman who waffled on our burgeoning love because she thought she wasn’t good enough to be with Kierra and I. But…I suppose outside of romance, she’s focused. I can’t imagine the will it took to chuck her entire childhood into a fire just for the chance to prove herself. Especially when that chance involved marching in an unwinnable war.

For some reason, my comment makes her flush.

“I’m not, but I’m an expert on you, aren’t I?”

“Aww,” Kierra voices, mirroring the warmth in my chest. I give her a look and she turns away with a chuckle. Way to ruin a moment.

As expected, Alana quickly quashes her reaction, once more straight-faced as she continues. “Anyway, I’m annoyed because this is how it starts with her. It’s bringing up memories. I don’t think you’re going to be her next victim, if only because I’d punch her stupid face if there was any sign. Then yours. If that one doesn’t do it first.”

She waves toward our elf, who accepts the accusation with a distracted grunt.

“So stop worrying? We’re fine. I’m actually curious about what’s going on myself.”

I search her face and it tells the same story. My lips curl into a smile as I let my worries fall away. I sidle up to her, Alana watching me with furrowed brows as I drape myself over her much like Kierra is doing to Talia.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m really impressed with you.” She huffs in disbelief. “I mean it. I know how hard your relationship with your sister is on you but you’ve been trying.” I poke her chest, right in the center. Don’t want the gesture taken the wrong way. “You’re trying.”

“...yeah. Allen’s a big part of it. There was a time I thought her marriage to the Northern Devil was a strategy. I’d seen her flirting with so many men, I thought her love was just another tool to make people do her bidding. She could have anyone she wanted and she chooses a spiky head radical obsessed with her? Felt like something motivated more by ego than any affection. But that boy is a different story. She adores him. No schemes, no agendas, no manipulations. He’s too good to be a part of something sinister.”

“Makes you think she’s not that bad?”

“More annoying than bad.” She sighs. “If we’re being honest, I…I think a lot of my irritation with her was rooted in some kind of envy. I was working myself to the bone everyday for something she was born to, something she didn’t have to lift a delicate finger for. She wasn’t a proper James and everyone still loved her. I…wanted a lot of what she had. But now, um.”

“Now you have plenty,” Kierra purrs, face turned where she rests in Talia’s bust to watch us with one amused eye. “You are the one to be envied, hm?”

“Something like that,” my embarrassed knight mumbles while turning her face away. “Makes it a lot easier to forgive. Or at least ignore.”

“Think the two of you might get along one day?”

“...let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”