CHAPTER 151: CHAPTER 149 CONFESSION

Xie Liangchen looked at Song Xian, who appeared very calm as he spoke.

It was as if he was waiting for her to inquire, and this time Song Xian didn’t continue speaking.

"That was in the ninth year of Yuanping," Xie Liangchen said. "A lot of things happened that year, including the news of my parents’ death being reported in June."

Song Xian didn’t turn his head to look at Xie Liangchen, but his voice was gentler than usual. "The steward of Patriarch Xie saw your father in September of the ninth year of Yuanping. Although his whereabouts are still unknown now, hope is always a good thing."

Song Xian’s words seemed to comfort her, though at that moment he seemed more in need of comfort.

Song Xian continued, "I was twelve years old that year."

Xie Liangchen’s thoughts stirred; Song Xian was five years older than her, and at the age of twelve, he was abducted in an ambush by his father’s deputy general. Even if he had frequented military camps before and witnessed life and death, he surely would have been frightened, hoping Song Qizheng would rescue him.

Song Xian said, "In the seventh year of Yuanping, Song Yu and Song Min were captured by the Liao people. Father was in Xiong State at the time and, upon hearing the news, mobilized half of the household generals within half a day to search everywhere. Following that incident, he stationed even more household generals around Mrs. Rong and her three children.

So when I was captured, I was secretly calculating that it wouldn’t take long for the household generals to pursue me. I was still hopeful towards Father at that time, even though I knew from the bottom of his heart he didn’t like me. When danger arose, there was still a dependency, believing he was the only one who could save me."

Song Xian’s gaze deepened as he thought about more past events, many stories between him and Song Qizheng. He once believed Song Qizheng liked him very much. When Song Qizheng came to see him, he would always sit in a chair and stare at him. Song Xian was filled with joy, even though Father had married Mrs. Rong, yet there was always a place for him in his heart. With such thoughts, despite being neglected by Mrs. Rong and her sons, he did not feel very sad.

He secretly demanded of himself to be more diligent, to become the legitimate eldest son of the Song Family that made his father proud.

As time passed, he gradually grew up, and the first lesson he learned about emotions was: not all attention is due to liking.

The reason why Song Qizheng stared at him wasn’t due to long-lost thoughts nor related affections, but simply to see clearly if his appearance resembled Song Qizheng.

Song Qizheng was always suspecting him, always doubting the purity of his mother.

When he was young, accompanying his father bore no fatherly kindness, only uncontrollable speculation and the resulting agitation and disgust.

Whenever he recalled those times when he eagerly lingered around Song Qizheng to enjoy familial bliss, he would feel indescribably uncomfortable. It was a misinterpretation, a misunderstanding, a self-deceptive imagination.

Xie Liangchen said, "Did General Song... the National Guardian General not come to rescue you?"

Song Xian took a long breath. "He brought people and came, even pursuing all the way to the Dingyuan Army. I was tied up and hidden in the mountains when I heard his voice, thinking I was about to be rescued. I was still calculating, in case those people used me to threaten him, what should I do?"

"Even if I died, I couldn’t let him be troubled."

This was his truest thought, yet he never got that opportunity.

Xie Liangchen said, "You very much hoped the National Guardian General would personally rescue you, right? Then all the past wrongs could be forgiven." People always try to retain hope for that one person and find all sorts of reasons to forgive, to get closer to them.

Xie Liangchen knew the result but wanted to know why Song Qizheng, despite being so close to Song Xian, couldn’t rescue him.

Xie Liangchen said, "Did the National Guardian General give up?"

Song Xian answered casually, "Yes, they caught an informant beside Mrs. Rong and her children. He feared it was a trap to lure him away.

Moreover, his confidants said that I secretly raised troops, secretly took his military supplies, and they caught a military leader who personally admitted to colluding with me. After listening to his confidants, he wanted to go back and interrogate the military leader and the household generals by my side himself."

Xie Liangchen said, "Just like that, the National Guardian General left?"

Song Xian said, "He only left a few people to continue the search, then took the others away."

Xie Liangchen could imagine Song Xian’s disappointment at the time, realizing his safety paled in comparison to a few unconfirmed rumors.

"I was calmer than I thought," Song Xian said, "and I guessed that those who captured me deliberately let me hear these things to disappoint me in Song Qizheng, thus confessing the secrets of the Daqi Army, secrets I must never reveal."

"At that moment, I wasn’t in pain anymore; I couldn’t feel discomfort. I remember being interrogated repeatedly, the worst time my right shoulder nearly split open from a knife, and sand filled my eyes.

I only remember seeing nothing, in pain, feeling like I was dying, completely splitting apart, muddling through countless agonizing moments, yet they still didn’t kill me.

They threw me into a wooden cage, carried me onto a ship.

During the endless jolts on the ship, I encountered a family, and the family’s daughter discovered me, risking danger daily to come see me, bringing food and talking to me.

I didn’t want to interact with her, nor did I want to bring her danger, so I threw away the food she brought and harshly chased her away with words.

But she continued to come and eventually told her parents about my presence."

Song Xian turned to look at Xie Liangchen.

Xie Liangchen wanted to say something but didn’t know how to start; she still hadn’t remembered anything and didn’t know what connection she had to those who rescued Song Xian.

Song Xian said, "I say that family saved my life."

Song Xian smiled, "They truly saved my life, not because they guided General Cheng or because they freed me from the ship’s cell,

but because they made me want to live again."

On the ocean, that ray of light was the child’s tight grip on his hand, the father’s eagerness to save his daughter, and the warmth that family made him feel again.

Because of this, he didn’t entirely give up on himself and waited for the Cheng Family.

Song Xian said, "The first thing I did when I regained consciousness was to look for them, but they were nowhere to be found."

The silence fell again.

Xie Liangchen also fell silent, not knowing what was in her mind, only feeling the Song Xian before her lacked the cold aloofness he usually had.

This was probably the biggest scar and secret buried in his heart!

Yet at this time, he told her.

Xie Liangchen said, "Was it Chang An and Chang Yue who found the Cheng Family to save you?"

Song Xian nodded, "General Cheng was very close to my deceased uncle. After I was kidnapped, Chang An thought of sending a message to the Cheng Family. Later, when they saw Song Qizheng didn’t continue searching for me but rather interrogated the people by my side, the brothers escaped the Song Family and followed the Cheng Family, searching for my whereabouts.

After rescuing me, General Cheng spoke on my behalf, helped clarify the whole story, and cleared my name. For over two years after, I stayed with the Cheng Family recuperating."

Xie Liangchen thought for a moment: "Your uncle..."

"He passed away long ago," Song Xian said, "killed by the Liao people, and General Cheng couldn’t lead troops because of old ailments, but he always wanted to drive the Liao people out of Juma River."

Xie Liangchen roughly understood; so more than two years later, Song Xian returned to the North, at sixteen or seventeen he was already a well-known Young General of the North.

Xie Liangchen could somewhat understand Song Xian’s feeling of helplessness and solitude.

Xie Liangchen said, "I can’t remember childhood things, forgot my parents and the Li Family couple who adopted me. What I remember most clearly is after marrying into the Su Family. Grandpa was gone, and my days weren’t good. Now everything starts anew, though I still haven’t recalled past events, there’s not much worry in my heart; it just seems that everything holds hope."

Song Xian looked at Xie Liangchen again, Xie Liangchen addressing Su Huaiqing as "Grandpa" sounding more familiar than when addressing him.

In his heart, he didn’t know what this feeling was.

But when this feeling arose, his mind was less orderly and clear.

Song Xian asked, "Now what do you think of the Su Family?"