CHAPTER 139: PROVING MY WORTH (2)

Even though actors only have to sit during script readings, the stress of using the right tone can be surprisingly exhausting, especially because the director, Brian Smith, was nearly impossible to impress.

"Mia, your voice is a bit too sharp. You need to soften it."

Since I was the lead actress, he kept commenting on my tone again and again. Honestly, it felt like he corrected almost every single line I read, until I started thinking, Am I really this bad?

No, no, no.

I couldn’t let myself think that way. It had been a long time since I last acted properly after my scandal, so of course I needed to fine-tune my skills again.

Besides, there was nothing wrong with receiving criticism from someone more professional. The problem was... sometimes, I could hear a few people giggling behind my back, like they were waiting for the moment the director scolded me.

"Helcia, you did great earlier, but why is your voice quieter now?" Brian asked.

After being called "Mia" for almost two hours straight, I barely recognized my own name anymore.

"Ah, I’m fine!" I quickly grabbed a bottle of water beside me. "My throat is just a little dry, that’s all."

Or maybe it was because I was starting to feel nervous after being criticized nonstop and quietly laughed at.

But how could something like that affect me? This wasn’t my first script reading. I should have been more professional, right?

[It’s probably because of your traumatic past, Host.]

[This may not be your first script reading, but it’s your first one after being hated for a whole year.]

Oh... Penny actually had a point.

For an entire year, people talked badly about me in online, offline, and even when I worked part-time.

Everywhere I went, I heard too much hatred, and little by little... maybe it really did crush something inside me.

I always received praise during auditions and worked in supportive environments while filming ads for Roselle Beauty. But that made me forget that this industry wouldn’t always be kind.

But still, I didn’t expect a few giggles to make my heart shake like this. I looked down and realized I’d been rubbing my nails against my fingers since earlier.

"Maybe we can take a break for a while," Eric said. "It’s almost lunchtime."

Brian checked his watch. "Ah, you’re right, Mr. Donnelly." He closed his script and faced the actors. "Let’s take a one-hour break, then continue after that."

All the actors immediately let out relieved sighs and slumped in their chairs. I closed my script as well and lowered my head for a moment, taking a long breath.

"Helcia."

I lifted my head when I heard my name. "Yes?" I said, looking at Tommy’s bright face.

"Do you want to practice together for about five minutes?" he asked.

I almost said yes... but then I remembered how badly I needed a moment to breathe.

"Maybe later," I said with a small smile. "I need to go to the restroom first."

Tommy looked a little disappointed, but he didn’t push me. "Okay. How about five minutes before the break ends?"

I thought about it before nodding. "That sounds good." I gave his shoulder a light pat. "You were doing great earlier, by the way."

Before Tommy could reply, I had already walked out of the room along with the others.

I honestly didn’t want to go to the restroom, I just needed some rest.

So instead of heading to the cafeteria, I went to sit on the emergency stairs and decided to call someone.

I waited for a bit, starting to think he wouldn’t answer. But just as I was about to hang up, the other side finally picked up.

"Helcia?" The moment I heard Lando’s voice, I finally let out a long breath I’d been holding in. But my shaky exhale must have worried him, because his tone instantly changed. "What’s wrong? Did something happen there?"

"I’m fine! Really, I’m fine!" I reassured him quickly. "I just... wanted to call you. Is that okay? Are you busy?"

"I just stepped out of a meeting, that’s why I took a bit to answer," Lando said. "But it’s lunch time now, so I’m free. How’s the script reading going?"

I sat on the stairs and said, "It was going well at first..."

"At first?" Lando repeated gently.

I bit my lower lip before admitting, "Then I got nervous. Actually... really nervous." I finally decided to be honest. "Do you think the director and producer regret choosing me?"

"Why would you think that?" Lando asked softly.

"I don’t know," I said quietly. "Maybe I was too confident when I took the lead role. I should’ve stuck with supporting roles."

I never imagined I’d have this kind of anxiety, so intense that it made me feel like I couldn’t even do my job properly.

No... the truth was, I knew it was there all along. I just kept ignoring it.

I should’ve taken a supporting role instead of a lead one, and more than that, I was too confident and took two jobs at the same time.

Marissa was right. Maybe I really shouldn’t rush everything.

If I continued like this, how was I supposed to finish my mission? What if—

"Helcia," Lando said before my thoughts could spiral any further. "If you weren’t talented, you wouldn’t have gotten the lead role in the first place."

I went silent for a moment, and even though his words were simple, they were enough to bring me back down to earth.

"Actually... people keep saying I only got this role because of your brother," I confessed without meaning to. "I know I shouldn’t listen to them, but... getting hate really sucks. I don’t like it."

Honestly, who in the world likes getting hate? I kept trying to endure it again and again, pretending it didn’t bother me... but now I just can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t pretend to be okay.

"Helcia, do you trust me?" Lando suddenly asked.