CHAPTER 73: ENLIGHTENMENT

We have one week til we make our way to the battlefield of the Orcan war.

I aim to create my second circle today. I have held it off until now because I had to gather mana to fill up my first circle again because It was exhausted during my meeting with the Phoenix.

"Hooo."

I told K to standby and help me if things go awry. That I’m forming my fourth circle.

I’m sitting on the ground in the courtyard, under the hot morning sun. My legs are crossed in a lotus position, my eyes are closed, my breath is even, and my hands are on my thighs.

Now.

I release the mana swirling in my circle. Part flame mana, and part air mana.

In my chest— around my heart, my first circle, formed from the Flame of Eternity revolves.

All I have to do is let my first circle duplicate on its own. Nothing else.

But there is a risk of death if;

I’ve not gained enlightenment. And if I’ve not trained enough.

I’m pretty confident about the training part.

But what I’m not entirely sure about is the enlightenment. But if I follow what the Phoenix said to me, then I don’t need to worry about enlightenment.

"Now, release." I whisper.

I stop withholding it. And the first circle starts spinning around my heart— surging with flame and air mana.

It begins to divide slowly, like a cell dividing.

Huff...

Will I die after this?

Ha!

It’s not painful at all. Instead, it feels good. The way the mana wraps around my first circle, and the way the second circle peels from the first circle as it almost completely materializes in my chest.

"Fuck it." I whisper.

It isn’t yet time for me to die.

Just..

"Ascend!" I yell.

I’m pretty sure K’s looking at me like I’ve gone crazy or something right now. But, I don’t care.

I will ascend because I have a world to return to.

I will ascend because it’s the only way back.

So, I repeat, it isn’t time for me to die.

No, I will not die. I will..

"Ascend!!"

The two circles split, diverge, and they each revolve around my heart simultaneously.

The circles spin around my heart with intense, and immeasurable speed.

I flick my head up— looking at the sky with my mouth open wide.

And a bright unison of red and green hue shines from my mouth, toward the sky. My eyes shine with an untamed reddish green hue.

"Hmm, I see." I hear K hum to himself.

The light fades as I slowly close my mouth— drawing in a deep inhale, and breathing it out.

–Huff– –Huff–

I shake my head, holding my right knee as I slowly stand up with a low grunt.

I stand, the wind brushing against my bare chest, and the warmth of the sun causing a tingling feeling on my skin.

I clench my fist.

I understand it now.

I fucking understand it now!

I unclench my fist, and I look down on my two outstretched palms.

One cannot chase Enlightenment.

One cannot seek enlightenment.

Enlightenment finds you, on its own.

That’s the enlightenment. That’s the fucking enlightenment.

By disposing of your worry, fear, and anxiety of not finding enlightenment and actually taking that an unsure leap to form the second circle, that’s the first step.

I wonder how many people are still stuck in the first circle because they’re too scared to form their second circle and are still waiting for the so called enlightenment.

Is this why no mage above the first circle ever gives information on the ’Enlightenment’ needed to ascend to the second circle?

It’s no wonder..

My eyes trace the clouds floating on the sky.

The birds flying in the sky.

The wind keeps blowing on me, caressing my skin with its soothing touch.

I close my eyes.

I’ve been too narrow minded.

The world doesn’t revolve around me.

I’m just one of the many beings that live in the world.

I’ve been viewing the world, and life itself through my broken lens, and I failed to realize something important..

Others exist too.

Ah... Now, I wonder how Jennette is doing. It’s been a while. Four months and three weeks.

I wonder if she thinks I’m dead or something.

A small smile plays on my lips as I scratch the back of my head.

I can see it now. I can see the world in its entirety.

This is what the Phoenix meant, right?

It gave me hints. Telling me that I do not need enlightenment, but at the same time telling me to search within myself.

I alone can change my view.

"Haha.." I laugh out.

"The fourth circle mage has finally gone mad I see." K interrupts with his gruff, Kaferian accent.

He sounds like an old Russian guy trying to speak Mandarin.

"Hehe." I don’t reply. My smile flashing on his face as I stare at him.

His stern expression softens into a reluctant grin. "I know you insulted me in your head."

"No, I didn’t." I reply immediately.

He scoffs, "I know you more than you think I do, Blank."

...

"Sure, you do." I reply.

"We have one week until we leave for the Orcan war where you’ll practice all that I’ve trained you for." he speaks abruptly.

This came really fast.

"You know, I haven’t really thought of it before, but, how long are we gonna be in that war?" I ask.

"Hmm, even I can’t predict how a war will go. We could be there for days, years, who knows." He shrugs.

What if I stay for more than a year? Won’t Jennette be too worried? I haven’t spoken to her in about.. a few months.

I close my eyes, rubbing my eyelids with my fingers.

I let out a soft, resigned sigh.

Well, there’s nothing I can do about it.

I open my eyes.

K’s caressing his beard. Stroking it a bit too fast, "Hmmmm."

Huh.

"Wait a bit." He says as he rushes inside the house.

What is it now?

***

After a while, he walks out of the house.

He holds something gently in his arms like it’s a baby.

As he walks closer, I see it.

No way!

"My mask and robe!!" I yell in excitement— running toward him to yoink it.

"Hey, calm down now." He says— blocking me with his right leg from getting closer.

"Stand still." He says as he walks closer to me.

I stand still immediately, my eyes gleaming with excitement.

But where did he keep them though? I’ve been searching for them but I never found them.

He puts the red robe around me.

It smells fresh and new.

"I washed them, and fixed up the torn parts. Don’t thank me." He says as he brings the mask closer to my face.

"Okay.." he puts the mask on my face. "Now, go, blank." He says.

"Huh? Where?" I ask, tilting my head in confusion.

"To your family of course. I know you have one. I can see that look in your face. That look can only be carried by someone who has a lover, family, or a dog." His grin widens. "Go spend the one week left with them. And come to the mercenary guild on the day for our departure. You’ll find me there." He says.

A soft smile plays on my lips, "Thank you, K."

"I said don’t thank me! I just don’t want you to end up like me. I pushed away all my family, and everyone who loved me because I was too busy chasing power."

My lips part, "I–

"Go now, Blank." He says. His voice is low and calm.

I nod, then I turn to face the wooden gate that leads outside his home.

"Don’t take off the weight braces! And oh! I forgot to tell you they aren’t really four thousand tons! They’re individually two hundred and fifty tons each, so one thousand tons!" He yells behind me as I leave.

I just raise my hand up and wave, not turning back.

A small smile widens on my lips, "yeah, four thousand tons sounds like utter bullshit." I whisper as I make my way to Ludia.