CHAPTER 40: WANTS A CHILD

"I want my child, David," she began, and that caught him off guard. "I want to be a mother."

Her voice didn’t crack, didn’t falter. But her eyes...they were cold, too cold, as if she was scared to break down if she didn’t hold on to that cold facade.

David stood frozen, halfway between irritation and helplessness.

"We’ve talked about this," he said carefully. "There are options. We can adopt, we can—"

"Just... stop it!" she shouted and he flinched, light crossed his eyes for fleeting seconds before the storm in her calmed down just enough for her to breathe again. She sat up slowly, hugging the sheets around her like armor. Her shoulders trembled, not from weakness, but restraint.

Restraint from having to talk to this man in this manner. Restraint from not piercing a dagger into his chest right now. Restraint from playing this long, tiring game.

"Don’t mention adoption to me, David," she said, quieter now. "I want my child. Not someone else’s. Not a stranger’s. Mine. Ours."

David clenched his jaw, his fingers curling into fists by his sides. He didn’t like where she was going with this.

"We’ve tried," he said, voice lower too, defensive even. "You think this is easy for me too? Do you know how many times I wanted to give you a child? You think I don’t feel like a failure every time it doesn’t happen?"

Anita looked at him with something akin to disgust. "You didn’t feel like a failure when you called me ’barren’ out loud," she said. "Or when you pour your sperm out."

David’s breath caught. "That. That was a slip of tongue, Nita. I didn’t mean it. You know that. It slipped because you riled me up."

Anita gave a bitter smile that didn’t reach her eyes. "Right. So it’s my fault. I riled you up, and that gave you permission to spit venom and throw my pain in my face?"

David sat at the edge of the bed, reaching for her hands. "I was angry. We were fighting. People say things in the heat of the moment."

Anita didn’t pull back. She just watched him — her gaze steady, cold, unwavering. A silence fell between them, thick with years of unspoken truth, too many wounds dressed in silence.

Every day, she saw the version of the man she married and realized how blind she’d always been.

He wasn’t kind. Not really. He wasn’t sorry. Not ever. And just like he didn’t address the issue that had torn them apart, he never addressed others in the past; he just wanted her to forget. To move on. To pretend it never happened.

David never truly apologized for the things he’d done. He didn’t take the hurtful things he said back. He never really admitted anything unless it benefited him.

He was a pathological liar. A gaslighting, manipulative, narcissistic maniac dressed in tailored suit and perfect smiles.

And the saddest part?

She used to love him anyway.

Anita finally pulled her hands back, slowly, as though freeing herself from invisible shackles. "You were angry," she echoed, her voice like glass — sharp, beautiful, ready to cut. "And I was human too. Angry and stunned by your brave remarks. Yet I didn’t spill venom, didn’t call you a disappointment, a coward, or a waste of sperm," she finished.

David’s face twitched. He didn’t like her choice of words. But he said nothing.

Anita took a slow breath, her eyes never leaving his. "You don’t get to hurt me and blame it on your anger, David. I’ve been angry too. I’ve been broken, humiliated, and exhausted. But I still chose kindness. I still protected your dignity while you dragged mine through the mud."

He ran a hand down his face, anger and frustration mounting. "So what now? You want to leave me? Over one fight? Over words?"

Anita blinked. Stunned.

This man was shameless to the last letter.

How could someone be so clueless?

Or... was he?

Her fingers twitched against her thigh beneath the sheet. She schooled her expression before he could read too deeply. No, David wasn’t clueless. He wasn’t confused. He just pretended to be.

This man wasn’t naive.

The email from that anonymous sender flickered past her mind: "No one’s on your side now, Anita White. Your husband made sure of it. And you’d be saving yourself from trouble if you’d shit up about what you know and not bring trouble upon yourself."

And also, Lord Ravenswood innuendo: "And your husband... well, he’s a little too clean and unusual."

Anita hadn’t known what to make of the warnings and strange words. Even now, she didn’t. But thanks to these fights and stretching distance between them, Anita was starting to stitch together something far uglier than infertility;

Her husband wasn’t who he made himself out to be. He was either living a double life, or hiding a side of himself so dark, so calculating, that even she, who prided herself of being a kin observer, had never been allowed to catch a glimpse of...until she stopped loving him.

The realization sent a chill down her spine. Her fist under the blanket clenched so tightly that she could feel her nails drawing blood on her palm.

"Why is it taking you forever to reply to such a simple question, Anita? Do you want a divorce? Is that why you’ve been so distant? Is that why you won’t let me touch you? Is that why you let others cook my food? Is that why you keep bringing up what has passed? Anita, are you—"

She met his eyes evenly, her voice soft but steady, "I’m not sure what you’re talking about, David."

He paused, confused by her calm. "I’m asking you something simple. Why are you pushing me away?"

She straightened her spine, the sheet still clutched around her like armor, and looked him dead in the eyes. "Who is pushing who away, David?"

She turned the tables on him. Anita would be stupid to let him know she was on to something. "We were just talking about how you no longer desire me. How you humiliated me and you’re accusing me of pushing you away? Don’t you think I should rather be asking you if you’re tired of this marriage and want out?"

He swallowed, his raging heart finally calming down. "You know I want to fix this, Nita. We’ve been through worse."

She leaned forward, eyes locked on his. "Then, get us a child."

"W– what? You want me to impregnate another woman?!"