CHAPTER 51: CHAPTER 48: HOW TO PULL A GIRL?

As they were sitting on the tree, Jin leaned his body back and closed his eyes against the trunk.

But Joseph’s weird voice interrupted his calm.

“Ah... ah! That’s good! That’s satisfying. You’ve got talent in massaging, Jihun. But I only rate it eight out of ten,” Joseph said.

“Why this unfair rating?” Jin asked.

“It’s because he isn’t a beautiful baddie woman. If he were a beautiful baddie, I’d give ten out of ten even if she couldn’t massage me. She could use her watermelons or even her peach to massage my back.”

“Why ‘she’? It should be ‘they’!”

Jin clenched his fist and threw a punch at Joseph’s face, but Joseph dodged it.

“Hey, calm down, Jin! I was talking about fruits. Don’t misunderstand me!”

“You’re a walking cucumber, Joseph. I’m sure you must have been a womanizer in your past life.”

“Past life! Do you think I was a cultivator or something? One of those guys with a bunch of jade beauties who got betrayed by his wife and friend, reincarnated into a normal guy, and now he’s seeking revenge using his past life’s techniques to collect more women? Sorry, but I’m not an MC from some urban cultivation manhua. I’m Joseph. Just a normal guy searching for someone to warm his heart.”

“Someone? I think you mean ‘they,’ not ‘someone.’”

“Cut the crap, bro! I’m an innocent man here. It’s not like I married your sister or anything. The game is the game. If there’s a hole, there’s a goal. And Joseph is the sniper who will penetrate that hole.”

“I’m seriously thinking of standing up and beating you up, Joe.”

“Calm down, Jin. I’ll stop with my cringe quotes.”

Joseph took a deep breath.

“Okay, Jihun, open your notebook and grab your pen. You’re about to receive coaching experience now. I’m your coach. And coaches don’t play. Focus, Jihun and Jin. You might need my experience.”

“When did you even get experience?” Jin asked sarcastically. “You’re only seven years old.”

“Ahem! Don’t crush my aura, Jin. Is that how you support your bro in front of people? You should be hyping me up!”

“Alright, enough spinning. Let’s finish this lecture. Write this as the title: ‘How to Get a Girl.’

“First thing before searching for a woman is to know your advantages. For example, me and Jin are handsome, we’re ten out of ten. For you, Jihun, I’d rate you seven out of ten. So you should know you’re mid.”

“Hey, don’t hurt my pride! I’m asking how to pull a girl, not roast me, Joseph!”

“Calm down, Jihun. I’m not criticizing you, I’m telling you the truth. Don’t forget that even Porto won the UCL in 2004, you should have some faith.”

“Anyway, looks aren’t the most important thing in a relationship, but they are one of the front three attackers.”

“So what are the other two attackers?” Jin and Jihun asked together.

“Be patient, you two. The second attacker is money, and the third is the big long thing.”

“Ahhh, I understand!” Jihun said.

Jin paused. “What’s that ‘big long thing’ you mean?”

Joseph and Jihun looked at him at the same time.

“I’ll tell you when we leave school, Jin. It’s not that important,” Joseph said.

“Wait a second. You mean the peanuts or the cucumber?”

“You understood, Jin! Stop before you make me forget the important part.”

Joseph put his hand over Jin’s mouth and continued talking.

“After you both know your advantages, you should know the league you’ll play in.

Is it a big league like the Premier League, Spanish League, Italian League, or Saudi League? Or is it a small league like the Romanian, Polish, or Egyptian League?”

“Wait a second, why is the Saudi League a big league?” Jin asked, removing Joseph’s hand from his mouth.

“Because they’ve got money, my boy! You’ll compete with rich guys. Getting a girl is like signing a football player. You need the budget to sign her or be like Florentino Pérez and get her as a free signing with no budget. But you’re not him. You’re not famous, Jihun. You’re not a ten out of ten with money and trophies.”

“Look at Florentino Pérez; he signed many free players for my club. That’s how a shark works in the ocean, he eats everything. That’s why they call him the King of Deals in Spain.”

“Okay, after you know your advantages and the league you’re competing in, you should check the transfer history. Okay, Jihun, what’s the name of the girl you’re interested in?”

Jihun blushed and said softly, “I think it’s Zoe.”

“Damn, Jihun!” Joseph gave him a weird look and shook his head in disappointment.

Joseph gave him a weird look and shook his head in disappointment.

“That girl has a dirty transfer history, worse than Morata and João Félix. She isn’t loyal. She has played for seven clubs at this young age. She has the potential to be a bitch if she isn’t one already.

You should sign a girl like Totti, Marco Reus, or Maldini. That’s a good transfer to sign, but it may be a little above the budget.”

“Damn!” Jihun said sarcastically. “I’m broke currently. Should I be single for my whole school life? Even my ugly best friend dated twice before me.”

“Relax, because I know your solution. You shouldn’t be a signing dealer. You should turn into a coach.”

“What do you mean, Joseph?” Jin and Jihun said at the same time.

“What I mean is you have two roads. The first is to go for an academy player. You can train them and enjoy your time, but you should choose a loyal academy player. If she becomes too ambitious, you have two options: promote yourself to be her agent or leave her. You won’t raise your player for others.”

“What’s the second road?” Jin asked.

“The second is to have an investment from the past.”

“What does that mean?” Jihun asked, puzzled.

“That means search for a fat, shy, beautiful girl and train her to turn from a solid five or six into a solid nine or ten. This type is loyal and the most successful way.

“But you both should remember, no player is bigger than the club, and we don’t sign Figo or gold digger types, especially the Onana type. You don’t want your future kids to have multiple dads. You should have future foresight to know when to cut your contract or renew it.”

“That’s what makes you different, to be a top tier coach like Guardiola and Mourinho, or the inverse, be like Ten Hag.”

“If you fail in all that, you should know you aren’t talented. Just focus on making money or retire and leave football before it leaves you. Find a 2/10 face with a 10/10 body and go for the Roberto Firmino method, the no look pass.”

That’s the only advice for now. I’ll stop because I’m bored.”

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