bChapter /bb182 /b

    ra

    I dig my nails repeatedly into the palms of my hands, hoping somehow to wake from this dream or is it a nightmare? No matter how hard tryb,/bmill here, sitting in this chair, tied up, with Naja and Evanora’s faces watching me expectantly. I open my mouth to speak, but the knot in my throat stops me I close my eyes and force myself to swallow, though my throat is dry. Only air passes through my esophagus,

    I dig my nails in again, hoping that the pain will wake me.

    Only one wordes to mind.

    “Ta…,” I take a deep breath. “Take it out.”

    I look at the clothes hiding my belly, horrified.

    “Take that thing out of me.”

    “ra?”

    Cassian’s voice rings in my head, and it’s all I need for the ss vessel holding all my emotions to finally shatter. A sob rises in my throat, but I suppress it by biting my lips.

    “You’re in shock; this isn’t the time to make such an important decision.”

    Naja caresses my sweaty face, and after looking at me for a few seconds, she begins undoing the bindings holding my limbs.

    When I am freed, my body doesn’t respond–I stay there seated, limp, as if my life had been drained.

    “This can’t be true,” I whisper. “No, no, no, take it out, Naja! You have to take it out!”

    “What do they have to take out, ra?”

    Without realizing it, I’ve projected my words through our connection. I go pale, not knowing what to say, what is appropriate to share. If this is real,! don’t want it.

    “Cassian…”

    “I’ll kill the banshee for taking you from me, and youb, /bra, will owe me many exnations.”

    “Don’t hurt her! She only wanted to help me… . I’m sick,” I lie.

    Naja brings me back to reality, holding my hand in hers and stroking the back with her thumb. From time to time, my body shudders with a kind of electric shock that makes me tremble from head to toe. My teeth chatter.

    “She’s going into shock,” Evanora points out. ollie. Vampires /li/ol

    “Listen to me, ra,” the witch asks. “iYou /ihave a few days to think about this, not too many, since a pregnancy like yours isn’t a hu grow quickly. Your body will start changing soon and at a rapid pace, but you still have a few days. Think carefully about your decision, and whatever bit /bbis/b, I’ll help you carry it out.”

    “This is impossible, Cas…” Istammer. “Cassian, take a tonic.”

    The banshee positions herself next to me and ces her hand on my arm in aforting gesture showing her support.

    “Are you sure about that, ra?” she asks. “Maybe he lied, maybe this was his intention from the start.”

    I shake my head over and over, knowing he would never do something like that to me. He would never toy with bmy /bbbody /bband /bbmy /bbchoices /bthis bway/b. bI /bbknow /b

    b14:33 /bbTue/bb, /bb19 /bbAug /b

    what everyone thinks of him, but I’ve seen parts that no one else knows.

    “No, he wouldn’t do that to me.”

    “Maybe he forgot to take a dose or the tonic isn’t entirely effective. Mistakes happen,” Naja adds.

    T

    It’s a possibility. I prefer to think that. I pull myself together as much as I can and stand with Evanora’s help. For a moment, the room spinesb, /bband /bbI /bhave to hold onto the banshee tightly. The witch disappears for a few moments and returns with a series of herbs and tonics.

    “Make sure she takes this,” she tells Evanora. “She’s weak from the magic, and the pregnancy will soon progress, requiring a lot of energy

    “The pregnancy won’t progress!” I scream.

    I can’t believe the word “pregnancy” came out of my mouth; it sounds unreal. Both of them stay silent, digesting my words. Naja steps back bwith /bba /bbsmall /bnod and leaves us alone. Evanora guides us out, and I feel deeply grateful to feel the night breeze on my skin. I try to take a deep breath, fill my lungs with air. I need to feel serene and whole again. My hands tremble persistently.

    “ra, talk to me.”

    The desperation in Cassian’s voice pierces me. He’s all I want and need right now; I’d love to tell him everything and hear him, to be calmedb. /bbYet/bb, /bI’m scared. What if he agrees with this and forces me to have it? It’s his child, and I don’t know if I’m ready, if I could love it.

    It’s also your child.

    My subconscious whispers it, as I can’t stop thinking of it as something foreign to me, as if I had nothing to do with its conception. I step away bfrom /bbmy /bfriend; I need to be alone, although in a camp it’s hard to find a ce where no one is watching me.

    “I’m fine, I started feeling ill this morning, and Evanora brought me with the banshees,” I lie.

    “Right now, I think her skin would look beautiful decorating the floors at the entrance.”

    “Don’t be mad at her, please. She did the right thing; I promise I’ll be back soon.”

    “No, I don’t like this at all, ra.”

    A small silence falls.

    “Keep talking to me; I n to be there as soon as possible.”

    “It’s not necessary, Cassian. I’ll be back sooner than

    you

    thinki./ii” /i

    I keep lying, knowing I’ll spend several days apart from him. I need to think about myself, my future, the consequences of all this. Unconsciously, I ce ba /bhand on my belly. I observe that spot, as if I could see through the skin to find what grows inside me. I draw a circle over the clothing and search for a sign, some bulge to confirm this is real because I still can’t believe Naja’s words. What would I do if I found proof? Would I try to take it out bwith /bmy own. hands or remain absorbed, watching it? Bile rises in my throat, and I cover my mouth with my hand to avoid vomiting. In the back of bmy /bmind, ba /bvoice whispers that I should feel differently; however, I’m terrified–not because my maternal instinct urges me to care for what grows inside bme/bb. /bOn bthe /bcontrary, those impulses, that dark side that takes ipossession /iof me just before iming a soul, urges me to get rid of this

    It puts us in danger; it will make us weak.

    I hear a noise behind me, and wrapping my body protectively, I turn around. There are several stacked bboxes/bb, /bblooking /blike bthey /bbhaven’t /bbbeen /bbtouched /bbin /bba /blong time, but what truly catches my attention is the small little head hiding behind them. The child’s eyes are like btwo /bbheadlights/bb, /bbbright /bband /bbgolden/b. bHe /blooks at me, fearful, thinking he did a great job hiding. I approach slowly and crouch down. I tilt my head and observe him bwith /bbthe /bbsame /bbcuriosity /bbwith /bwhich he watches me.

    b“/bI’m rab./bb” /b

    When the child bdoesn’t /bmake ba /bmove to be /boutb, /bbI /badd, “I’ve seen you.”

    He responds with silence.

    “It’s a little rude not to answer.” I purse my lips.

    The childes out of his hiding ce, though he still doesn’t speak. He drags his feet on the ground, looking down, as if he just got a serious scaling fear he’ll look at me with those golden eyes full of tears and throw a tantrum at any moment. I try to set aside all the stress and be pleasant, so I draw the best smile I have in my arsenal.

    “What’s your name?”

    I extend my hand, hoping he will take it and introduce himself. I treat him as if he were an adult, knowing children like that. They want to feel older bthan /bthey are, unaware they’re living one of the best stages of their lives.

    He looks at my hand as if it had a contagious disease.

    “My name is ra.”

    “You already said that.”

    I’m surprised to hear that his voice isn’t as high as I expected; it sounds more mature than he looks.

    “Khaos.”

    He slides his hand over mine and gives a quick squeeze before pulling it back to his side.

    “Is your name Khaos?”

    He nods.