bChapter /bb187 /b

    Cassian

    The first thing that invades my body after hours of uncertainty, of imagining the worst possible scenarios, is relief. A relief that runs through every one of my limbs, evaporating all the tension that had built up in me until now. Then, when I see her eyes, that mix of emotions gives way to fear. A different fear.

    A fear that makes my legs fail me and bring me down to the ground.

    My hand is in contact with ra’s skin, I feel that small bump, something that we ced there between the two of us, something that grows each day. My mouth goes dry as my mind begins to form thousands of questions. The most important one, the one that repeats the most: what the hell am I going to do? How am I going to protect her? A note different from ra’s usual scent dances beneath my nose. It’s a fine scent, very subtle at first, until I focus, and then the aroma of daffodils explodes.

    The fear does not vanish, it remains, but more emotions join it, so many that I feel I might drown. I look at ra, my chest about to burst with the need to be with her, to kiss her, to caress her, to protect her, to tell her how special she is and how stupid I was to deny it from the start. Her hand squeezes mine tightly and another tear slips from her eyes and falls onto them.

    “What do you want to do?” I manage to ask, forcing the dryness from my throat.

    I don’t rise from the floor; I couldn’t even if I tried. I’ve lost thest trace of strength I had left after hours and hours of trying to get in. Slowly, ra crouches down and wraps me in an embrace that feels like constion. Shouldn’t I be the one to hold her andfort her? I reactte, enveloping her in my arms, inhaling the scent of her hair.

    “The most sensible option is not to have it,” she says almost in a whisper. “The war is knocking at our door,

    the shapeshifters want me, the Pure fear me–though it’s only a matter of time before they want to use me. When they find out I’ve managed to get pregnant, the countdown will begin.” She sighs. “I’ve spoken with Atarothz, Cassian. He told me things that made me think.”

    “We’ll do whatever you want, little beast.”

    My hand slides up and down her hair in soothing strokes. Her body softens against mine, letting what

    torments her evaporate–or at least disappear for a while.

    “It’s yours. It’s… ours. I’ve never wanted or desired anything because I thought it wasn’t within my reach. Why think of love if I would never have the time to live it enough? I believed I was condemned not to live, or to live only fleeting things, and now I have the chance to dream, to want, to desire. What I want most is to live, all the experiences within my reach. To love and be loved so much it hurts, and this baby is unexpected, too soon, but I want it. I was trying to lie to myself; however, I want it, and I haven’t even seen it. Maybe it’s because it’s yours and I want everything thates from you. The good, the bad, and the in–between. Or maybe it’s because, though tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for any of us, now I have the will to fight to reach it.”

    I brush her tears away with my thumbs and fix my gaze into her eyes.

    “I’ve never stopped to think what kind of father I would be. I had an exceptional family, though I always thought I wasn’t worthy of them. Before you, I wasn’t happy, I was an endless pit, never fully satisfied. Women, deaths, wealth–it didn’t matter. Everything was darkness until you came with your colors. I don’t know what kind of father I’ll be, sometimes I don’t even know if I am the man you deserve, but I am too selfish, too cruel, to give you up. What I do know is what kind of mother you’ll be. I’ve seen the pain in your eyes for your family, your strength, your determination, and if I have to bring a child into this world, I want it to be with you. Possibly it’s the only way for a viin like me to do something good.”

    Augh escapes between her sobs.

    “I know what you are, Cassian, and I choose you. Today and every day.”

    bI /bcannot hold back my urge to embrace her, so tight I almost feel her melting into my body. Her warmth is still greater than mine, but I want to strip off all my clothes to be closer and burn if I must. I grip her cheeks and draw her closer to my mouth to taste her lips and devour all doubts. Between kiss and kiss, ra lets out her fears, whispers all her thoughts, all the worries she had been facing alone. Now she isn’t anymore, and I won’t ever let go of her hand again. I sink my tongue into her mouth and dig one of my hands into her waist, pressing her tighter against me. Air bes secondary; our bodies are more concerned with consuming one another.

    “Ribs were made to cage hearts like yours, ra Voss,” I murmur against her. “So fierce, so untamable, so

    wild.”

    I hear her whimper against me and shiver in my hands. I’m about toy her down on the ground and do all the things I’ve imagined these past days. Instead, Evanora seems to have other ns. I hear the banshee clear her throat from behind the door, as if she could feel where my thoughts were heading. Reluctantly, I leave ra’s lips. She gives me a tender smile that warms the coldest parts of me.

    The door finally opens, letting in the cold.

    “I take it you’ve already made your choice, haven’t you, ra?”

    She smiles broadly and nods.

    “Well then?”

    She searches blindly for my hand and intertwines her fingers with mine.

    “Exin the whole process to us, please.”

    Evanora nods, hiding her smile, and gestures for us to follow her outside. Everyone watches us from inside their houses, too afraid of me to step outside. I’m aware of the feelings I inspire in these womenb, /bso none of this surprises me. The banshee leads us into a hutrger than the others. Inside, I hear the sound of beads shaken by the breeze and some restless animals in their cages. Darkness poses no problem for my senses; I

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    stride easily into the room where I perceive a different scent. We see a woman whose aura tells me she is much older than she looks. She lifts her gaze from whatever she was doing, and I see eyes with elongated pupils, like a reptile’s. Her lips stretch into a wolfish smile.

    “To what do I owe the honor of having the great Cassian Draven in my presence?”

    Evanora seems to have taken on the role of mediator and conciliator, as she steps between us and gives me

    a timid smile.

    *Naja is a witch,” she exins. “As you know, the only one known of in a long time. We banshees are used to assisting in the births of other women, but a pregnancy like ra’s is special.”

    “I know,” I say. “When my mother… well, when I was young, I heard several stories. I know it carries risks.”

    “In truth, all pregnancies carry risks, but that of a Pure especially so. The body has to adapt quickly, it almost goes against nature. We will have to take great care of ra, not subject her to stress, and make sure she has plenty of rest. It’s likely that in a few weeks, the changes in her body will cause her pain that forces her to spend much time in bed.”

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