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    I smile to myself and continue until we reach a secluded area where no one will disturb us or be frightened by what they see. I sit in a small chair while the god chooses to cross his arms and lean against a rock ledge.

    “Today I want to try something different,” he informs me.

    He snaps his fingers and before us appears an animal. My first thought is that it’s dead; however, after looking more closely, I notice a faint movement in its body. Almost imperceptible. If I focus on the sound of its heart, I hear its beat is weak.

    “Close your eyes and tell me what you see.”

    At first, I frown, not quite understanding what he wants, but I obey and iclose /imy eyes. I focus on quickly searching for that web of threads that connect its soul to its body. With much more speed and ease, I avoid the little traps the soul sets to keep from being found. When I find the glowing thread, I see that it’s frayed,

    unlike the others I’ve seen, whose bonds were strong and steady.

    “Unlike other times, this living being is at death’s door, its soul slowly leaving its bodyi,/ii” /ihe points out. “Most

    of the souls you’ve taken so far were well tied to their owner–you cut them without issue. Now I want to

    see if you’re capable of the opposite action.”

    “You want me to bind the soul to its body?” I ask, eyes still closed.

    “That’s right.”

    “How?”

    “Let your instinct speak.”

    1 squeeze my eyelids tighter, making a superhuman effort to find a way to do what he asks. I visualize the web again, locate the frayed thread, and hold it in my hands. I feel the warmth fading little by little, the cold creeping in, and the constant, steady detachment of the animal’s soul. I imagine cradling life in my hands, protecting it. Then, I realize I have no idea what to do with it.

    Atarothz senses my nervousness and confusion and ces a hand on my shoulder to instill a bit of confidence.

    I try something different, conjuring different threads from my fingers and, though I don’t know how to weave, I imagine myself doing so, reinforcing the fading glowing thread. I grow desperate, tugging at those imaginary strands, trying to do what seems utterly impossible. The glow keeps dimming, each second more, like an hourss shedding itsst grains toward its end. Until it happens–it goes out, and without opening my eyes, I know the subtle movements of the animal have ceased.

    Air escapes my lungs slowly; the disappointment, however, stays rooted within me.

    10:43 Sat, 23 Augu.

    “It was a good attempt,” Atarothz consoles me.

    “Not good enough.” I turn to him, but on his face I find no disappointment–only an encouraging smile. “Could you have saved it?”

    “Perhaps it was already toote.”

    “I want to keep trying.”

    Atarothz shakes his head.

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    “When you are focused on your power, sometimes you lose track of time.” He gestures with his chin. “It’ster than you think, and you’ve spent more time than advisable probing your power. In your state, it’s not

    safe to overdo it. Besides…”

    He presses his lips together, seeming unsure if it’s wise to say whatever he was about to say. I raise an

    eyebrow.

    “Besides?”

    “I didn’t intend for you to seed. I wanted you to experience the difficulty of preserving a lifepared to the ease of ending one. Perhaps the ability isn’t even in you, and if that’s the case… you mustn’t interfere

    with destiny. We must let life run its course, for better or worse.”

    Iarch a brow and cross my arms.

    “Saving a life is interfering with destiny, but stealing a soul isn’t?”

    “I am teaching you to protect yourself. Interfering with a life that is destined to end does not protect you in any way–in fact, it’s the opposite. It would exhaust you, and sometimes there is a price to pay.”

    “Being able to master that side of my powers could help us against what’sing.” Rage boils in my chest. “You spent eighteen years of my life not caring about me, don’t try to y the hero now. If you truly care, help me with this.”

    fall silent as I study the emotions crossing his face. My words are low blows I can’t hold back. I suppose I’ve been bottling up too many grievances. His showing closeness now and offering me his help doesn’t erase the past, all the years when I could have felt more understood, less alone. Perhaps the betrayal I feel toward the Voss family would be lighter, perhaps Abigail’s death wouldn’t hurt so much. I might have fled in time, never formed bonds It’s a selfish thought, I know, but I want to avoid pain. I’d rather feel emptiness in my chest than drown in grief.

    “ra, it’s not your duty to bring anyone back if the worstes to pass.”

    “Are you suggesting that if Cassian died, I should simply ept it?” I snap. “Are you capable of epting that my mother chooses to return to the arms of her torturer again and bagain /binstead of standing by your

    10:43 Sat, 23 Aug

    side and fighting?”

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    I can’t stop my sharp words. For a god who ims not to feel many emotions, pain is easy to read on his face. His throat works as he swallows, his fists clench tightly as he absorbs the truth in my words.

    “You’re linking twopletely different things,” he finally says.

    I can’t believe the calmness with which he speaks.

    “That doesn’t make them any less true. For the people we love, we are capable of doing whatever it takes. Waiting eternally for them to choose us and remain by our side, or giving ourst drop of life trying to bring them back.” I square my shoulders, determined not to let him intimidate me. “I intend to keep trying, Atarothz. Whether you like it or not. If bringing someone I love back is even a possibility, I will not let it go. You can help me or let me do it alone. That’s your decision. I’ve already made mine.”

    He shakes his head, and despite my harsh words, a small smile curves his lips.

    “You’re stubborn.”