12 - Open Soul

[SEPT 23. CALIFORNIA, 7:00PM]

[d4]

[Nf6]

“What’s this?” Oskar asked, looking at the chessboard. While it was raining outside, and the political situation was headed towards complete turmoil, Oskar and Sakuto shared a friendly game of chess. There’s nothing much they could do while waiting for another briefing or breaking news. Sakuto played with black, and Oskar played with white. [Nf3]

“It’s one of the few openings I know. I use it every time I play with black.” Sakuto replied. [g6]

“You know chess openings?” Oskar jokingly asked. “I just play what feels right. I never had the time to study openings.” [Nc3]

“It’s not like I study them either.” Sakuto said, instantly playing his next move. “I just watch random chess videos sometimes. There’s this one guy who commentates and breaks down beginner games and it’s the funniest shit ever.” [Bg7]

“I guess...” [e3]

“...” [O-O]

“I wonder how everyone is...” Oskar sighed. “Especially Hayk.” [Ne5]

“I was just talking to him.” Sakuto quickly replied. [d6]

“Oh?” [Nd3]

“Yeah.” Sakuto said. “Just clarified a few things. Nothing too crazy.” [e5]

“Kind of surprised that being in his good books was one of your concerns.” Oskar said. [dxe5]

“That sounds stupid.” Sakuto sighed. “The thing I’m the most concerned about is how Ichika’s doing.” [dxe5]

“Oh? And how is she doing?” Oskar asked. [Nxe5]

“Fine, I think. Ausra’s teaching her how to cook, she’s thinking of coloring one of her bangs, and she’s also trying to fix her sleep schedule...despite ruining it every day...” [Qxd1+]

“I shouldn’t even be surprised. I mean, you two talk pretty much every night. That’s why your permanent residence at night is the couch and not your bed.” Oskar said. [Kxd1]

“Can you blame me though? She’s fun as hell to talk to, and she’s pretty smart and interesting too. We’re on the same wavelength.” [Bg4+]

“No one’s blaming you.” Oskar said, scratching his head. “You know, you’re probably the person she’s the closest to right now. Outside of Ausra, but that’s different.” [Nxg4]

“Different?” [Nxg4]

“Well...Ausra is her friend. You, on the other hand...” [f3]

“You think I haven’t thought about it yet?” Sakuto asked, his expression shifting. “Also, you just got forked.” [Nf2+]

“Yeah, I didn’t notice.” Oskar said. “If you realized it, what are you gonna do about it?” [Ke1]

“What do you think I’ll do?” Sakuto sighed. The soothing sound of raindrops hitting the thick glass outside caught his attention with its comforting nature. “You really think that I’m capable of a relationship? Does she even feel the same way? Hell, even I don’t know what I feel towards her.” [Kxh1]

“From what I’ve seen, and from what Ausra told me, you both look at each other a certain way. Maybe it’s because of your experiences, or your outlooks on life, or, y’know, the fact that you actually like each other. In my opinion, it’s all three. You’re good for each other.” [e4]

“And what do you think I should do about it?” Sakuto said. “I still haven’t figured out what kind of person she really is. I can’t find her.” [Bxc3+]

“Then try to find her.” Oskar said. “You’re good at understanding people.” [bxc3]

“Is that so?” [Nc6]

“You managed to cheer up Kouta...or Ichika, to some extent...and you managed to be there for me back then.” Oskar replied. [Ba3]

“That’s nice to hear.” Sakuto said. “Looks like my life wasn’t a waste after all.” [Rfd8]

“You shouldn’t be saying that too much.” Oskar chuckled. “You won’t be saying things like that now that you have someone like Ichika in your life.” [c4]

“Oh really?” Sakuto said. “Oskar, I’m someone who chose to reject human connections. You can probably guess why. I thought you were the same, but now you’re trying to sell that shit to me.” [Nd4]

“I just want what’s best for you. It makes me happy seeing you happy. And the way you talk to her, you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel nice even a little bit.” [Be2]

“So you’re stalking our conversations?!” Sakuto said, startled. “There, congratulations dickface, you got forked again.” [Nxc2+]

“God damn it...” [Kf1]

“I still don’t know, though...” [Nxa1]

“Hm?” [Bc5]

“It’s gonna be really awkward when this dynamic shifts from just friendship...to a relationship...” Sakuto said. “It’s not like I’ve had any relationship experience either.” [Rd1+]

“Don’t worry, she’s just like you in that regard too.” Oskar said. [Bxd1]

“Damn, you’re discussing me with Ausra quite a lot. It looks like we’re all you gossip about.” [Rd1]

“For real.” Oskar said. “She’s just as awesome too. It’s fun working with her.” [Kg1]

“Working? Wait a minute...are you two trying to set us up?” Sakuto asked, playing the final move of the game and checkmating Oskar. [Rxd1#]

“Ah, would you look at that! You won...” Oskar said with an awkward laugh.

“Look man, maybe it’s a good thing, but you know how I feel when people plan shit behind my back.” Sakuto said, getting up. “Just talk to me directly if you need to say something. Also, you’re sleeping on the couch today, I’m taking the bedroom and staying up late talking to Ichika. Without anybody listening in.”

“Huh?!”

“You lost the game.” Sakuto smirked.

...

“What was he on about?”

“I mean, I guess it makes sense...”

“Still...”

“I’m scared of trusting her...or...do I already trust her?”

“Oh fuck off... my thoughts are derailing again.”

Sakuto’s train of thought was derailed by the sound of his phone. He laid in bed, covered by the cozy hotel bed sheets, while Oskar in the other room was dealing with the consequences of being bad at chess. He picked it up. It was from none other than...

“Hey, Ichika.”

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!!! I called you twice today and you didn’t pick up!!!”

“Hey, it’s fine. I was busy humiliating Oskar at chess.”

“Sounds like something fun to do. Anyways, I actually managed to cook something that doesn’t taste like burnt garbage!”

“Yeah, I saw it.”

“And you replied to that picture too. You said it looks ‘really good’. What kind of a dry comment is that?”

“Hey, would you rather me say that it looks like a deformed cement block?!”

“No...”

“I mean, really, it does look good. You did a great job. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks...”

“...”

“Sakuto?”

“Hm?”

“You sound kinda...tired.”

“Oh...d-do I?” Sakuto said. He froze for a few seconds, surprised at Ichika’s assumption. “I guess I am, yeah. It’s pretty stressful, constantly waiting on updates or new missions...especially with everything going on now with the vo-”

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“Is she...?”

“Hey, Ichika? Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah...”

“What happened? You sound like you’re crying...”

“Sorry...”

“Why...are you apologizing? Just...” Sakuto quickly said, before stopping.

“No, that’s not the right approach here.”

“Ichika, it’s okay. I’m not gonna judge you if you wanna cry, alright?”

“I’m sorry...I just got caught off guard. When you said that you were proud of me...I don’t know what got into me, it just...”

“Did it remind you of something?”

“Yeah...I...I really don’t wanna burden you with all my shit...I’m just wasting your time anyways...”

“You’re not wasting my time, okay? I want to hear what you have to say. Because I care. I want to be there for you, remember?”

“Y-yeah...”

“Just take a few deep breaths and tell me what’s on your mind.”

“It just...reminded me of my old life. I guess that’s what we call our lives before becoming soulfuls, right? Yeah, it sounds about right...but yeah, it just...it reminded me of my family.”

“I see...”

“It wasn’t even anything bad or good in particular. Everything was still difficult with them, but when I awakened my powers, everything went to shit. They just tried to shove me into the elemental union because of course it made sense. Like, let’s just, shove this girl who already has enough shit in her life and force her to become a global celebrity...someone who is gonna be stared at and judged by the whole world...”

“But you didn’t become one, right?”

“Hell no, of course I didn’t! I ran off from the meeting which was supposed to seal my fate, and then I ended up fighting some of them and causing trouble...”

“...”

“Ausra was my only friend. We have been together since middle school and we did pretty much everything together. She awakened her soul before I did, and somehow stumbled upon Hayk...she introduced me to him.”

“Wasn’t it scary? Abandoning everything and just going with her...”

“Well, life would be pretty shit without her. She’s obsessed with the idea of helping me out. I had a pretty rough time in school and constantly got in fights with the other girls. God I hated them, those stupid ugly sluts...I either had to or chose to hurt a lot of people, but at least Ausra was always there with me. Once my problems started with my family...she basically kept me together. You’ve probably noticed, right?”

“Noticed what exactly?”

“The things I wear on my wrists. I think you can figure out the rest.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry it came to that...I’m glad that you at least had Ausra with you.”

“She always took care of me, especially when I was at my lowest. She made me food, looked after me at night, talked to me whenever I felt like crying...I try to act cool now, but I was quite miserable...”

“...”

“It’s just that...my mom was constantly upset with me, telling me how I’m gonna grow up to be a failure of a wife, how I’m a total mess, how I should be locked up in a psych ward or a hospital...I didn’t even know what to feel. I loved her, I had to love her because she was my parent, but it’s just...we could never get along. And my dad was like an extension of my mom, but he wasn’t trying to lock me up anywhere and just tried to convince me to join the degenerate elementals.”

“You really didn’t deserve such a family life.”

“But one of them...he was my little brother. He’s around ten now. He looked up to me and whenever me and mom would argue, he would stand in front of me and pretend that he's saving my life.”

“That’s adorable...”

“And he...this one time, I remember, I helped him fix one of his toy trucks...he was really into them...I think it was his favorite one, red and yellow...and he told me that he was proud of having a sister like me...I’m...I’m sorry...”

“Hey, it’s alright. You can cry as much as you need to, okay?” Sakuto said. It was difficult for him to digest the sounds of Ichika almost hysterically crying.

“He doesn’t know where I am now or what I’m doing...” Ichika continued through the tears. Ausra couldn’t hear her, but she knew that if something were to happen to her mental state, she’d have someone to be there for her. “What if he...what if he thinks I’m dead...”

“I’m sure that’s not the case. He knows that you’re fine because he knows how strong you are.”

“I...I can’t even do anything. I don’t know if he’s a soulful or not or if he can handle the p-pressure...It’s all because of me...”

“Hey, it’s-”

“It’s all because I’m a fucking failure.” Ichika said through the tears. “If I just knew my fucking place and lived a happy life, nothing would be in shit like it is now...but I had to ruin everything, didn’t I?! I had to be a broken piece of garbage and ruin fucking everything...I just...why...why am I like this?!”

Sakuto couldn’t find any words to say. After a brief pause, he finally spoke up.

“I think you’re perfect as you are, Ichika.”

“W-what?”

“You were just in the wrong environment. It doesn’t even need to be a bad one, it’s just...if you don’t belong there, it’ll be miserable for you.”

“I guess...”

“You were lonely...”

“Hah, you actually concluded that...? Damn...I’m impressed, but at the same time, it sounds like you haven’t had it nice either...but what about Yumichi?”

“Your brother, right?”

“Yeah...”

“I’m sure that eventually, when you tell him about this, he’ll understand. You’re his idol, after all.”

“Idol, huh...I just ran away like a coward.”

“It takes bravery to run away sometimes.”

“I guess so. I hope school isn’t too rough on him. I don’t wanna be the reason he gets picked on.”

“School is a shitty place. But I’m sure he’ll get by. He learnt a lot from his idol...hopefully.”

“Pretty quick response, wow. I take it you hate that place as much as me, if not more.”

“I thought you’d know the extent of my hatred from my endless ramblings during breakfast.”

“Were you lonely?”

“Yeah...but also no. I had some...friends, I guess that’s the correct term. But at the same time I felt like they weren’t even there. As if they were completely different people and I was just being dragged along.”

“Well, being alone and being lonely are different things. You can be surrounded by people but still feel like you’re the only person on earth.”

“That’s...really well said. It’s not just that either.”

“Hm?”

“Nevermind...”

“Haha, come on, you’re really gonna hold back after listening to me cry like an idiot and trauma dump? We gotta be even...”

“Ah, fuck it. Those same friends weren’t always my friends. Yeah...that’s pretty much it.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. At some point, it was just my dumbass against the entire place. I don’t even know why it happened but it really wasn’t pretty. It taught me to be careful while trusting people though, so I can’t really complain.”

“Makes sense. Trust is a pretty dangerous thing.”

“I think it just doesn’t exist...or maybe it does, I don’t know. Maybe with the right person it does.”

“Yeah...”

“I guess...I could’ve still climbed back up from everything and lived a happy life, but then my dad just...passed away.”

“Right...”

“Sudden multiple organ failure. He had some type of grim underlying disease all along. I still remember that day, coming home from school, seeing his colleagues in the house, and they told me everything.”

“That’s...horrible...”

“And so I was left alone. All of the bullshit that was bottled up before that exploded in my face. I just started spiraling downward and couldn’t see the end of it...I moved houses, I quit training, and I just...I don’t know. I realized that I’m a bad person.”

“...huh?”

“Ichika, I’m honestly surprised how you could put up with someone like me.”

“Do you want me to tell you not to say that? Or do you want me to say how I could say the same about you tolerating me?”

“Whatever you think is best.”

“I think it’s best you realize that there’s no such thing as a good or bad person in your case.”

“Huh?”

“I mean...sorry, I’m trying not to tear up right now, but...how can I say that you’re a bad person for me, if all you’ve done is just save me over and over again? You should be the one calling me a piece of trash for getting you killed and-”

“Ichika...”

“Hm?”

“I don’t care if you got me killed or whatever else. I’m just thankful that I met you.”

“I...”

“Thank you for giving at least some meaning to my life, Ichika. You were the one who really saved me.”

“...”

“Hey Sakuto...”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad that we’re sticking together.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Ausra said it best, she said that we’re good for each other...”

“I guess. I mean, the best type of help is received from someone who can really understand you.”

“Thank you for hearing me out.”

“No problem...I’ll stay true to my promise, remember? I’ll be by your side.”

“Yeah...it really means a lot coming from you, hehe. I’m probably gonna try and sleep now, I know we usually have stupid and meaningless conversations, but I’m glad we had this one.”

“Same, thanks for putting up with me as well.”

“Alright...well, I guess I’ll hang up now. Good night.”

“Good night, Ichika. I’m proud of you and I’m happy I have someone like you by my side.”

“Thanks. I know it was a difficult journey, but...I’m happy I met you too.”

The call ended.

Sakuto slowly sank into the bedsheets, but something quickly woke him up. His breath felt rapid and uncontrolled.

“What the fuck...”

“Did I just say?!”

“No, what did she say? What did I do that made her say that?!”

He held his hand by his mouth. Slowly, he laid down. His eyes, which were submerged in fear, started to close.

“It feels so dizzy...my head feels like it’s about to explode.”

“When was the last time I felt like this?!”

“No...”

“Why does this feel so weird...”

“I’m...I’m not falling asleep, I'm losing consciousness...”

“Ichika...can you hold me awake?”

...

Oskar was wide awake early the following morning. He was the first one who saw the mission briefing for that day, which was a simple sentence written by Kaito, attached to a set of coordinates.

“Destroy Sheller’s anti-soulful combat unit. Be prepared to engage in soulful combat.”