4 - Bad Life

“Despite it being a dream, it was the most gut-wrenchingly accurate description of the world I’ve ever seen.”

“A system where souls are enchained with fear and obligations, getting extinguished. A prison, where a man’s fate is decided by the whim of those above him. Hell, where life begins to resemble an equation rather than a journey.”

“I found that to be utterly disgusting and unacceptable in my presence.”

“I chose to reject that world. I will live just as my soul commands me to. The oath I took to destroy everything that challenges my freedom, and my desire to fulfil my heart and dismantle those chains...”

“It’s no longer the time for daydreaming.”

“It’s time for action.”

Jackal gazed forward. The dreamspace, so inexplicable and dark, had one figure in it only beside himself - a figure so dark it appeared light and visible. It was a human being, a creature of flesh and blood just like himself, but it looked to be young.

It was a young and disappointed kid with a trench coat and a knife in his hands. The kid turned away from the light that he deemed impossible to live within and submerged himself in the comforting dark.

And he wanted Jackal to do something. Jackal tried to reach towards him, he was getting separated more and more from him but the kid didn’t move an inch. They both felt lonely.

Jackal tried to reach for him again.

“Hey...I’ll make you happy, alright?”

“Just stay with me.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“Jackal...” A voice said.

“I just don’t know where else to go. In fact, I don’t think we can even go anywhere.”

“Hey, Jackal! Wake up, ya mad dog!” The older dark-skinned man said, shaking Jackal’s slumbering body. The single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling had its white light reflected by the man’s bald head.

“Huh?” Jackal asked, slowly waking up. His bed was barely holding itself together, especially if we consider that it isn’t even his own bed. In this part of town, the police make sure to wield as many loaded weapons as possible. A criminal haven.

“How you been? I thought you was dead!” The man said.

“Nah, I’m alive and kicking Terry.” Jackal replied. This area was his home, in a way. It was where he grew up, and the people here are the ones who raised him, be it for the better or the worse. It was also where Q was from.

He took a look at his right hand. He tried his hardest to regenerate the injury while escaping, but some parts of it weren’t possible to heal with his skills. His hand was just an extension of his shadow now, but perhaps it was for the better.

“Well, you better get your ass on your feet. They be out here asking for you.” Terry said, helping Jackal up. “Are you still half dead?”

“Nah, I’m good now. Thanks, Big T.” Jackal said. “Had plenty of time to patch myself up.”

“A drop of black ink...”

“Falling on a crystal white painting.”

“I see the pure black, I see it reveal and terminate the painting’s deceitful purity.”

“The way you were breathing, man, I thought this was gonna be your end. Don’t go scaring me or aunt Jas like that ever again, I’ll whoop your ass!”

“Was it aunt Jas asking about me?” Jackal said, following Terry out of the room.

“Something changed. I feel my shadows start to evolve.”

“It was some other fella, dunno if he’s here now.” Terry replied. They went into the living room, where a group of men was relaxing to their hearts’ content. The air was full of smoke, there was loud music, the sounds of the noisy streets outside accompanied their conversations.

“Q!” Jackal exclaimed, rushing to his friend. “Did ya miss me too much, buddy?”

“What the hell even happened to you?!” Q said. “You went out...you came back looking like a zombie.”

“Just a bunch of Heisei clowns on my tail, that’s all.” Jackal chuckled.

“Q, did ya tell the crew to cancel duty?” Terry asked.

“Yeah. I also told them to get their iron ready.”

“Huh? Cancel what?” Jackal asked. “Oi, I can still fight, ya’know? If you need me for an odd job or anything...”

“It’s you that needs us, fool.” Terry said. “You got folk after you, they’re soulfuls, you’re the only one who can kick their ass. But the folk that we can kill, we’ll kill them!”

“You are not tryna get involved with what I’m doing.” Jackal said. “I mean, shit, what if the Heisei’s dogs are waiting for ya outside? You never know what those fools are up to.”

“Man, don’t you ever say that garbage in my face again!” Terry said, loudly this time. “You’re one of us. You know how we are, we ride or die. After all you’ve done for us, we are not letting you go die in a ditch somewhere.”

“Exactly! You’re my people!” Jackal said. “I love every single one of you, but you don’t know the scale of what you’re getting into.”

“Be quiet, Jackal.” Finally, the eldest member of the crew, Jas herself, spoke up. She rested in an old armchair reading a small green book. “The entire area is grateful to you, and so are all these boys.”

“Aunt Jas, it’s not about gratefulness.” Jackal said. “You genuinely don’t know what I’m about to get involved in soon.”

“She’s the closest I have to a maternal figure...I know for sure she won’t be able to keep up, though.”

“I’ll be going with you then.” Q spoke up, although the hesitation on his face was clear as day. “We ride all the time, right? I know how he moves. I’ve survived encounters with soulfuls too.”

“Quinton?” Jas said, confused. She smiled. “To hell with it. You’ll go with him.”

“And we’ll go with Q.” Terry insisted. “Whenever Jackal is not-”

“Everyone, be quiet.” Jackal said, instantly tensing up. His next steps were followed by a shadowy trail, as he conjured a pair of weapons in his hands. “Stay where you are.”

He slowly approached the door. The soulful outside chose to not conceal his presence. Jackal kicked the door open, just to see...

“Yuta?” Jackal asked, confused.

“Huh? Jackal?” Yuta asked. He was utterly shocked. “You’re...alive?”

“Oi, that’s the guy that was asking for you, Jackal.” Terry said. “He asked us if you were around, I told him no.”

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“You’re...surprised that I’m alive?” Jackal asked. “Hold on, what’s this surprise for?”

“I...I think we should talk another time.” Yuta said, trying to walk away. He felt his movements were restricted by something creeping at his legs. “Jackal, please.”

“Q, come here.” Jackal said. Q quickly grabbed his gun and walked up to him, closing the door behind him.

“Jackal, there’s a lot of things you don’t understand.” Yuta said, freeing himself from the shadowy tentacles.

“What...did you do?” Jackal asked, infuriated. “Whose side are you on, damn it?!”

“I’m on the side of the soulfuls.” Yuta said. “I have been on that side ever since I saw my best friend’s name get tarnished by the soulless who knew nothing of his pain. You, Jackal, you are not on that side.”

“Oh, how come? What do you think I’m doing then?!”

“You’re on your own side.” Yuta said. “That’s your whole shtick, isn’t it? Instead of working with the other soulfuls, trying to assist Dyeman or the Heisei or whoever else, you just run around by yourself, destroying everything you don’t like.”

“That’s how a life should be lived in the first place.” Jackal said.

“Really? That’s what you think? And what if a fish much bigger than you ends up hunting and killing you?”

“Then so be it, damn it!” Jackal yelled. “Explain yourself right fucking now, it was you, wasn’t it? You set me up! You let the Heisei get the drop on me!”

“If Sheller wins, you’ll never live. If Dyeman wins, you’ll get a chance at a normal life.” Yuta said. “And the second option, which is the best outcome for soulfuls, relies on you dying. Since you refused to understand that, you refused to stop being a terrorist, I guess I had to use a bit more force to persuade you.”

“You’re telling me I need to sacrifice myself?” Jackal asked. “That’s never gonna happen.”

“Does the idea of doing something selfless seem that repulsive to you?”

“No, I’m just not a coward. Who are you, or who is anyone, to say that my life is worth less than theirs? Why are my ambitions null simply because of who I am?”

“Yuta.” Q suddenly said, aiming his handgun at him. “Did you rat on us?”

“Define to me what ratting means.” Yuta replied, almost ignoring the threat.

“You were just another one of Kaito’s dogs.” Jackal sighed. “Do you really think Kouta Touriki would have wanted to see you do all of this?”

“Huh?!”

“I admire him for what he did. He did what he thought was right, without any fear or hesitation. He, and Sakuto Hitori who decided to murder the only person keeping the world stable. It’s a real shame that he died...but I know for sure that if he were alive, Yuta, he would spit on your ugly face and maybe slap your head off your shoulders.”

“Don’t you dare speak of Kouta.”

“Then don’t you dare slander what he stood for.” Jackal said. “For so long, I thought I could trust you, I even treated you like a brother. I was ready to go to war for you.”

“I’m sorry, Jackal. All of this is for the greater good. I’m sorry that you can’t see the bigger image.”

“There is no bigger image!” Jackal lashed out. “There is only you, your own self and your own soul! So what if the “bigger image” gets worse? This is your own life, not somebody else’s! You live how you want to!”

“We’re done here.” Yuta said, turning around and walking away.

Jackal, almost miraculously, controlled his anger. More specifically, his amalgamation of anger, hatred and disbelief stopped him from acting at all. By the time he came back to his senses, Yuta was already gone, likely off the radar...

“Jackal, we’ll get him sooner or later.” Q said, trying to be comforting.

“It’s not about that.” Jackal said.

“I thought I’d convinced myself that I don’t need to trust anyone.”

“That’s what I was always told. Growing up in this environment, amongst people who risk getting shot every day, there was no trust to be found. They taught me that trust is a horrible thing, that it doesn’t even exist.”

“So why...did I commit to it?!”

“Q, get the crew on the road. You’ll meet me at D.C.” Jackal said. Instantly, a pair of large shadowy wings emerged on his back. He propelled himself upwards, flying into the cloudy sky...

“I’ll take matters into my own hands.”

“Oi! Where the hell do you think you’re-”

“Huh? What happened?!” Terry yelled, rushing outside with his glock in his hand. “Where’s Jackal?”

Q just sighed. At least he wanted to make sure Jackal’s trust wasn't broken.

...

“I’m lucky I got my ass outta there...”

Yuta took a deep breath, entering his modest yet well-equipped and tidy apartament. His place acted as a small temple of peace in an otherwise busy urban domain. He took off his shoes and instantly went devoted himself to his favorite activity - drinking coffee. To be fair, he needed all the energy possible in these challenging times. He was a soulful on which a lot of variables depended.

He took a few spoonfuls of coffee and chucked them into a cup, while simultaneously making sure the kettle was doing its duty. It was about time he needed to change it, maybe it was the reason for a rather strange smell lingering in the kitchen.

“I doubt I’ll be able to show my face ever again. I’ll probably need to ask for special protection from the Heisei...”

“I deserve a vacation.”

“After helping Dyeman manage his campaign, covering up whatever Sakuto was doing, and getting information from Jackal...I’m surprised I haven’t had an aneurysm or a stroke yet. Constantly managing all of this and trying to maintain personal relationships at the same time is pure hell.”

In the evening, the dark blue sky looked very pretty. A simplistic and beautiful shade of blue, decorated with a few stars here and there. Yuta took a moment to appreciate the beauty. Once the kettle made a distinct clicking noise, he carefully poured the water into the cup. Usually, he would use a much more refined and traditional process of making coffee - but now he just wanted something to refresh his soul.

He brought the cup to the living room, sitting down on the pearly white couch.

“Is the smell coming off of the coffee? It really shouldn’t be...”

He took a sip, taking a second to admire the taste of his favorite drink. He took his phone out, entering his late-night break of around an hour or so of doom scrolling before returning to managing whatever Dyeman and Kaito needed him to manage.

He put the cup down on the coffee table, almost having the liquid spill from the edges.

“I should be feeling bad for betraying Jackal. I’ve gotten close to his kin, I’ve talked to Quinton quite a lot. I’ve tried to convince him to knock some sense into the maniac, but it was all a fruitless effort.”

“If only Jackal would just...”

He stared at his phone, lightly coughing.

“I understand he wants to live, but at the same time, his own argument can be used against him. The lives of all the soulfuls that will be affected by Sheller’s reign are worth no less than Jackal’s. I guess he’s just selfish.”

“But who knows, maybe he’s right. After all, why should he think he’s just a pawn meant to be eaten? Maybe being selfish is the only sensible way to live after all.”

“It’s all for the greater good, I know, but still...do I really want to let the prime years of my life wither away because of this? Just being someone trapped in this web?”

“What would Kouta do?”

He took a deep breath, coughing again.

“Maybe Jackal had a point.”

“Maybe I could try being more selfish myself.”

He tried to pick up his coffee cup again, but as soon as he raised it, he quickly let go of it. The black liquid was spilled all over the dark wooden table, and Yuta’s cough became almost uncontrollable.

He quickly got up, rushing towards the window and trying to open it, but he stumbled on his way. On the floor, it was clear that his lungs were close to giving out. His eyes were red, and he grabbed his own throat out of pain. A loud bang was heard on his door.

It was a team of around five. They were all equipped with body armor, military uniforms and gas masks. Although, one of them had a different type of uniform. They rushed to Yuta and drew their weapons. Normally, Yuta would still be able to stand up and fight, despite the grueling circumstances. Soul determination was no joke, after all. But the man in the odd uniform nullified those chances. He summoned his sword and struck right at Yuta’s neck. After that, the troops unloaded their magazines at the unconscious and essentially dead soulful.

“SED-1 reporting. Target down.” The soulful soldier said, enabling his radio. “We’re gonna search the place and leave as soon as possible.”

“Good job.”

He signaled the other soldiers to turn the place upside down. Usually, Shellerist soldiers would hate to obey a soulful’s orders, but in this case they had no choice. This may not be true for dormant or even incomplete souls, but complete soulfuls can really only be stopped by other complete soulfuls. The difference in strength is just too much.

Yuta’s phone rang, and once the call was ignored, a message started playing. It was a female voice.

“Hey, uhm...I know you might be busy, so I don’t want to annoy you too much, but...what do you think of hanging out tomorrow? I mean, the last few times we never really got to properly do stuff...ugh, I wish all this political stuff would end so you can finally just focus on us. So, yeah, I’ll call you again tomorrow. Good night, lo-”

The phone was turned off by one of the soldiers and thrown into a plastic bag.