13 - Happy Firework

“Hey, I’ll tell you one thing, alright? Why do you think people host firework shows, hm? It’s because they make others happy. Little children watch them, and they’re happy. They laugh and do whatever the fuck they do afterwards. And you’re like that.”

“So uhh...what was your name...Ausra, right? Yeah, listen to what I’m gonna say, Ausra.”

“You’re only worth as much as the people you make happy.”

...

“Mom? Where are you?” Ausra asked, looking around the house. After looking around, she found her on a bed, half clothed and half asleep.

“Mom?” She approached the woman, who didn’t react at all. In fact, she didn’t even acknowledge her presence. “Mom, dad hasn’t been home for the last few days, do you know where he is?”

“Ugh...” The woman slowly opened her eyes. “I shouldn’t be here...”

“Mom, where are you going?” Ausra asked. She tried to grab onto her arm, but her hands phased through her body. “Why can’t I grab you?”

“Do you think you deserve it?” Her mother asked, getting up and phasing through her daughter. “If you really loved me, you would’ve poured me my morning wine and made some breakfast for me too.”

“Where’s dad?!”

“If you really loved your dad, you would’ve prepared a hangover meal for him.” Her mother said. “If you really loved your dad, you would’ve cleaned up the couch and helped him go to sleep.”

“I’m...I’m sorry, I’ll make something now.” Ausra said, sounding pretty damn sad. She rushed to the kitchen and found herself lost and confused. She opened the fridge, and aside from the multitude of empty beer bottles, couldn’t find much food.

“If you loved us, you would’ve gone to the grocery store and bought us something.” Her mother said, walking into the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine. She sipped on it, and a few sips later, chugged it altogether. “Now tell me, Ausra, was it difficult to just pour it? Hm?”

“No, I just-”

“You’re supposed to help people.” Her mother said in a very aggressive tone. She approached Ausra who already felt intimidated. “What do daughters do?”

“...”

“Why did I teach you to cook? Just so you can laze around and do nothing all day?!” Her mother slapped Ausra across the face, but the latter didn’t feel any pain. “Do your damn job! Ugh, my sister is a genius, and my daughter has none of it!”

“I’m sorry...” Ausra said. She attempted to get closer to her mother and embrace her, and she did, tightly so. But it never happened. She was chopping vegetables, drizzling them with oil and sprinkling salt and pepper on them. She tossed everything in a bowl and brought it to her mother.

“What is this?” Her mother asked. She was in the bedroom again, half-asleep, half-naked and with a blue eye.

“This is for you, mom.”

“There you go, you’re finally useful.” The mother said, chugging down the salad like it was her favorite wine. “Did you make some for your father as well?”

“No, I didn’t have enough-”

Ausra was slapped again. Hard enough to be in the kitchen again. She cut some vegetables, drizzled them with oil and sprinkled salt and pepper on them. She tossed everything in a large bowl and brought it to her father.

“There ya go, now that’s a good kid.” He said, chugging down the salad. “Why didn’t you bring any meat with it?”

“I didn’t-”

“And there you are with the excuses again.” The father said. “It’s because you hate us, right? You hate your own parents, don’t you? Is that how ungrateful you are?!”

“No-”

“You’re supposed to make us happy!” The father yelled. “The entire reason you were born into this family is because people said that having a kid will make me and your annoying mother happy!”

“Is that true?”

“Is that my life purpose?”

“Hey, if I keep taking care of you, you won’t leave me, right? Right?!”

“Why would they ever leave?”

“Well it’s obviously because you didn’t take care of them, right?” Ausra said, slapping Ausra across the face. “You know that they loved you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did they love you?”

“Because I was their kid. Parents love their children.”

“You’re wrong.” Ausra slapped her again. “Why did they love you?”

“Because I...took care of them, I helped them, I did what they wanted and needed...”

“You’re wrong.” Ausra slapped her again. “You didn’t. That’s why they left you.”

“Our family had a lot of attention. One person in it, that is. My aunt was a prodigy. But the rest of us, we were the ‘failed’ branch. We had little to no value in our lives. I don’t know what mom and dad did to make money, but somehow, we always had beer in the fridge.”

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t take care of her.” Ausra thought, lost deep in thought. “I’m sorry. Please, just give me someone else. Give me someone who I will take care of, and that someone will love me for it, and I’ll love myself for it. That’s how love works, right?”

“Who are you?” Ausra asked, approaching a sad girl. She was sitting on the ground, hugging her knees, leaning against the pale walls of a building she recognized very well. She had black hair, and hidden behind her arms was a pair of beautiful emerald eyes.

“Hey, who are you? Why are you sad?” Ausra said, extending her hand towards her. “Let me help you, okay? I need to help you. I have to help you.” But as soon as she touched her, parts of her hand turned into ice.

“So cold...”

She turned around. She saw someone else, it was a boy, and he was standing, facing the other direction a few steps away from her.

“Hey, is everything alright? Why are you this tense? I need to help you, okay? If I don’t, I feel like I’ll explode.” Ausra said, reaching for him with her hands. But as soon as she got closer, she felt a repulsive force push her back.

“It’s so hard to reach them...”

“You thought you’d just get them to love you if you wiped their asses?” Ausra asked, slapping her again. “You know that love is a more complex emotion, right? You know that people aren’t indebted to love you if you take care of them, right?”

This tale has been pilfered from NovelBin. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Shut up.”

“Ichika loves you, right? You’re her best friend. You’re her lifeline. You’re the one who's always there for her. Then tell me, why do you still get into arguments? Why does she say mean things to you sometimes? Why does she hate you? She’s definitely felt that way about you, right? She hates you. And you can’t convince me there’s a zero chance she hates you now.”

“Shut up!”

“What if the ice restrains her from running away from you?” Ausra asked. “What if as soon as you warm her up and make it melt, she’ll run away? Just like mom and dad did.”

“Shut the fuck up!!!” Ausra yelled, slapping Ausra with zero force. She couldn’t physically deal any damage to her, she didn’t even feel what the physical realm was at that instant. The only thing she felt was weakness, and loneliness. Ausra wasn’t there anymore.

“He’s a good guy, isn’t he?” Ichika asked her, pointing at Oskar. “He cares about you too. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t raid that corporate building, would he? But does that mean he loves you?”

“I don’t know.” Ausra said. As she turned around, she saw Ausra again. It infuriated her, but she felt sad at the moment.

“You’re like a leech.” Ausra said. “You latch onto people, except instead of draining their energy, you obsess over them and constantly try to keep them safe.”

“We didn’t become friends because we liked each other.” Ichika said. “We didn’t become friends because you wanted to save me. We became friends because you wanted to save yourself.”

“Quite a predatory tactic, isn’t it?” Ausra asked.

“No, y-you got it wrong!” Ausra yelled in response.

“You see someone like me and your first thought is that if you help me, I’ll love you.” Ichika said, slapping her. “You’re a predator.”

“Quite unfortunate that this is the only way of love that you know.” Ausra said, slapping her. “Have you ever considered that sometimes you need the other person to take care of you? Have you ever asked for help?”

“Yes, I have...”

“Have you ever thought that they’re all going to leave you?” Her mother asked, slapping her. “Or do you intend to make them so addicted to your care that they won’t be able to function without you?”

“No, that’s not what I did to Ichika, right? Fuck...no no no, she can be fine without me, right? Fuck, did I help her too much?”

“Hey, do you think I’ll stay alive if you disappeared?” Ichika asked, slapping her. “I’ll probably kill myself. I would’ve probably killed myself if you left me. That’s how much you helped me.”

“Look at you, causing pain to people.” Her father said, slapping her. “Didn't I tell you what your purpose was? So fucking useless...”

“No, I didn’t want you to suffer! I just wanted to help you!”

“She’s an addict now, and she won’t ever recover.” Ausra said, punching her in the face. “Are you happy?”

“Why do you hate me? Here, I’ll...I’ll help you! Just love me, okay?”

She cut some vegetables, drizzled them with oil and sprinkled salt and pepper on them. She tossed everything in an even larger bowl and offered it to the crowd surrounding her.

“Who do you want to give it to?” Ausra asked, knocking the bowl out of her hands, and kicking her in the stomach.

“You become dependent on people because you think helping them will make them love you.” Ausra said, pushing her further back. “And you never considered that they become dependent on you too.”

“Why are you saying this?”

“Just stop it! Shut up, shut up and don’t speak! I can’t handle listening to you anymore!”

“Make me shut up then.” Ausra said. “I’m you. You’re me. Get me to shut up.”

Ausra slapped herself.

“No, that won’t do.” Ausra laughed. “Hey, what about doing that with a knife? Does your life even have any meaning, considering you’re just some disgusting parasite? Or are you too scared because if you die, the people who depend on you will also die?”

“Shut up shut up shut up!!! Get out of my head, just...get out!”

“Does it make it even better that I have your mother’s voice?” Ausra said. “Everyone used to say how you two were similar. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched to say that your voice would be similar.”

“And you failed.”

“Please, stop this...what have I done to have to listen to you?!”

“Your family collapsed, your friend is unsalvageable, and you’ll end up ruining your relationship with the only guy that will ever want to be next to you.” Ausra said, shoving her again.

“That’s not...” Ausra turned around, seeing Oskar stand in front of him.

“Is it true?” Oskar asked. “Is it true that you only support me because of some...sick mental mindfucks you have?”

“No, please...I support you because I want to see you happy...”

“You want to be a babysitter for me, just like you are for Ichika, right? Because that’s your only life purpose.”

“Yes...”

Ausra started crying.

“Because that's how you think love works, right?"

“Yes, just...please love me.”

“You’re fucking pathetic.” Oskar said. He swung his arm and slapped her...

“Hey, Ausra?!” Oskar called out. Ausra finally opened her eyes, and there was a red spot on her cheek. “Sorry, I uhh...I had to use a bit of force. You wouldn’t wake up even when I yelled. You were...shaking pretty badly.”

“Dude, what’s up? I’m trying to sleep. The big day’s coming up.” Dima said, walking into the room. “Hey, did I interrupt something?”

“Dima, get out of here.” Oskar said. He noticed the tears in Ausra’s eyes and it made his heart shrivel.

“Huh?”

“Just get the hell outta here!” He said, signaling his friend to go away with his hand. The latter grunted and left.

“Ausra, are you alright?” Oskar asked. It’s like he had forgotten about his claims that nothing got him excited in life. He leaned over her and looked at her with a gaze so gentle that was unexpected from him. Even he felt a little sad.

“I...” Ausra wanted to speak, but she couldn’t get any words out. She only remembered fragments of the dream, but just keeping those in mind disabled her social functions, especially while trying to converse with Oskar.

“You look like you saw some awful shit.” Oskar said. “I’ll get you some water-”

“Don’t go.” Ausra said, her eyes half-open.

“Uhh, I’m just-”

“No, don’t go.” Ausra said with a broken voice. “I help you, alright? Don’t go.”

“Okay, I uhh...I’m not going anywhere.” Oskar said, standing by the bed. “I’m right here.”

“What is up with her? I’ve never seen her like this...”

They both fell silent. Ausra wasn’t shaking anymore, but she still felt strange. She shrimped around in bed a little and eventually whispered in a quiet voice.

“Can you hold me?”

“I...me?” Oskar was confused and even shocked. “You want me to-”

“Please...hold me...” Ausra said again.

“Right...” Oskar said. He went around the bed and slowly got in. It felt strange, even strangely intimate, considering Ausra wasn’t clothed properly. He hesitantly climbed in and got a little closer to Ausra, to the point where her breath caressed his skin.

Ausra didn’t move at all, as if waiting for Oskar to get even closer, which he did. He gently wrapped his arm around her head, as if holding onto an exquisitely fragile piece of glassware, and held it against his chest. He, not having any such prior experience, tried to replicate what he saw in romance anime or sleep aid videos, so he slowly caressed her head and gradually tightened the embrace. And Ausra was quiet.

“Am I...doing it right?” Oskar asked.

“I ruined Ichika’s life.” Ausra said. “I just realized it. I ruined her life.”

“No, that’s...that’s absurd.” Oskar said. “You saved her life, if anything. You were always there for her, right?”

Ausra didn’t respond.

“I’m ruining yours too.”

“Well that’s not true.” Oskar said, awkwardly continuing to comfort her. “You haven’t done anything bad to me.”

“Why is my heart...beating so fast?!”

“That’s the thing...” Ausra said, her voice slowly fading away. It looked like she was starting to fall asleep again.

“I...”

“I need to be there for others because that is what makes people love you.”

“If I just stick with him enough, maybe...”

“Maybe you’ll love me.” Ausra whispered that part out loud. Oskar, completely stunned, couldn’t do anything but remain in the same position, comforting her.

“What the fuck, she...she thinks that way about me? And what is it with me wanting to stay like this with her? Is she...really fine with being here? In my arms?”

Oskar was close to her, very close. Closer than in the dream. But for some reason, now, he was fine with being that close.