3 - Loss Of Words (And Memories)

[THREE DAYS AFTER OSKAR WEBER’S DISAPPEARANCE]

The day was still young, but Sakuto’s mind was in despair since what felt like ancient times. They were still at Rin’s place. Sakuto and Ichika were alone in the living room, Rin and the kids were outside. They asked Rin not to involve the kids in all of this.

Desolate beams of sunlight invaded the place, some of them falling into Sakuto’s eye, causing it to tear up a little. Maybe that was for the better, as holding all those powerful emotions inside of him would result in the creation of a dormant nuclear bomb. Just an hour ago they found out that Dima’s corpse was discovered - disposed of in a waste bin. And Oskar was completely off the grid for the third day in a row. Ausra didn’t see him, and no one from the Heisei could confirm his location.

The more the minutes that felt like centuries passed, the worse the theories in Sakuto’s head regarding Oskar’s disappearance got. The worst one was obviously death - no one would want their friend to die. But perhaps, in the claws of a soulful who can tamper directly with the mind, death becomes a form of salvation. Dima died and he got off easy. The more they thought, the more that option started to make sense. Oskar wasn’t killed. He was dead, but he was alive.

“I should’ve...” Sakuto began, his throat drying a little. Ichika turned her attention to him, but a second later, seeing his silence, she realized that whatever Sakuto wanted to say out loud was to be confined within his mindscape.

“I should’ve killed him during the meeting.”

“I should’ve acted and then apologized instead of...getting...to this...point...”

“Fuck...” Sakuto exhaled, his voice shaky. “Why...why is it always like this...”

“Hm?”

“Every single time.” Sakuto said. “Every time life gets a little better, it turns out even shittier than before.”

“I’m...sorry that it’s like that.” Ichika sympathized.

“Every time the people around me get better, or the...the situation gets better, or I get better, it just gets worse.” Sakuto explained. “I got happy after meeting Kouta, and he’s dead. I was in a good place operating in America, then Hayk was dead. I just finished my mission, and the war started. I met two decent soulfuls in Moscow, and they both died, right in front of my eyes. And now this...just as life was getting comfortable again...”

“It’s like I’m not allowed to be happy.”

“I didn’t even get to meet him.” Sakuto said, now sounding more and more angered by the second. “This is what happens when he doesn’t fucking listen to me. He did this to himself, he chose to walk around with that guy. He was compromised from the start.”

"There's no way. He's still out there. He's alive."

“Dima was probably manipulated to act the way he did.” Ichika suggested, wiping some tears off of her eyes. “If this...force that we’re dealing with can cause amnesias in people, then it’s not too far-fetched to guess it can also create memories.”

“Still, I...I told him not to trust him!” Sakuto yelled. He scared Ichika a little with that gesture. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his now pale hands.

“This is how you felt when I died, huh? This is...a new feeling unlocked. Your best friend pretty much dying...it went from parent, to big brother, to mentor, to...acquaintances, and just about anyone...”

“Everywhere I go there’s death. People die on me all the fucking time.”

“And how many did you kill?”

“I don’t know. I lost count.”

“Is it not fair for you to experience what you force others to experience!”

“That’s...not the case.”

“Then what is?”

“Just...shut up...he’s not dead, he’s alive...”

“This is the world’s way of reminding me who I really am. I’m someone who cannot be happy.”

“The abyss isn’t latching onto me. You lied. It’s trying to drown me constantly. It waits for me to take a deep breath and exhale in relaxation, and once there’s no more air in my lungs, it drags me to the deepest ends.”

“I’m someone who cannot be happy. Even if Ichika’s right next to me. I thought if I had her by my side, I would never be unhappy again. But I was so wrong. What’s gonna be next? She’s gonna die? Ausra is gonna die, Rin is gonna die, fucking, everyone is gonna die, right? Because that’s just how my life works, right?”

“It’s not even a life anymore. It’s a cycle of temporary coping and crippling despair.”

“Keep running.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to NovelBin for the genuine story.

“How can I keep running if this is the shit that keeps happening to me?!”

“How can I keep running if I know that the abyss is always there, trying to drown me whenever my guard is down? How am I supposed to enjoy life?!”

“Sakuto...” Ichika said, rubbing her palm on his back. Sakuto leaned his head on his elbows, breathing heavily as if he were about to scream.

“I had everything, Ichika.” Sakuto said. “I had my position, I had everyone around me, safe and secure, and I had you...nearly had fucking everything!” He yelled the last part especially loudly. “And then this shit happens to me, I swear, Ichika, I don’t even know what to do anymore...”

“F-follow my voice, okay?” Ichika asked, slowly embracing Sakuto. “Just do as I say.”

“I’m not in the mood for-”

“Take a deep breath, Sakuto.” Ichika said in a soothing yet a little shaky voice. Her ace card, being Sakuto's unyielding affection for her, started working.

“I remember, Ausra used to do this to me whenever I had a bad episode in school.”

“It felt like I was going to melt into her. It worked like black magic but in reality all it was was just some comforting words and a safe place for the other person to speak what they really think.”

“Take a deep breath, okay?” Ichika whispered. She could feel Sakuto’s body getting weaker and weaker by each passing moment, as if he was falling asleep in that embrace. “Take a deep breath, and tell me what you feel...”

“I hope I’m doing it right.”

Sakuto obeyed and took a few deep breaths. He now spoke with a much more stable voice.

“I just feel angry.” Sakuto said.

“Who are you angry at?”

“At everyone. At life.” Sakuto said. “This feels really nice, but it doesn’t make me feel any less angry.”

“I’m sorry if I’m not doing it right.” Ichika said with a light chuckle, and her voice quickly saddened. “But...there’s no way Oskar is just gone, right?”

“Well, he fucking disappeared.” Sakuto said. “Dead, zombified, whatever it is...he’s not here. He’s not with us right now and he can’t be with us.”

A brief pause later, Sakuto spoke up again.

“I feel hatred.” He said, gently escaping Ichika’s embrace despite its incredible comfort. He slowly stood up. “I want to hate something. I want to know what exactly happened so I know what to hate.”

“It’s bad enough that he’s gone, but it also hurts me to see you like this.” Ichika said. “These are probably the same assholes that kidnapped Yumichi too...”

“The Eura stronghold, was it?” Sakuto said, his presence starting to flare up. “It’s somewhere in Prague, right? Those fuckfaces. Hey, maybe I should just go there and wipe out everything that moves. How does that sound?”

“I’m coming with you in that case.” Ichika said. “Killing one of them wasn’t enough. I’m taking Ausra and we’re going there.”

“No you’re not.” Sakuto said. “Remember what that lady said? Only I can take it down.”

“You’re not going there alone.” Ichika said, standing up as well and roughly grabbing his hand. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“He’s my friend.” Sakuto said without looking back at her. “If anyone has to get the getback for him, it’s me.”

“And I’m your soulmate.” Ichika said. “And I’m strong enough to keep up with whatever will go down there. I’ll go there. And Ausra...”

“What about her? She’s the weakest out of the three of us.” Sakuto said.

“She has feelings for Oskar.” Ichika confessed. “She told me right before he disappeared.”

“She...holy shit...” Sakuto said, shocked. “Well, their pairing makes sense, but...did she manage to get her feelings across?”

“Yes.” Ichika said.

“That fucking asshole...” Sakuto said. “From now, if I ever have suspicions of someone, I’m chopping their fucking head off. This is what happens, Ichika. This is what happens! This is what happens when you trust the wrong person!”

A dull pause later, he continued.

“I’m going there right now. Come with me if you want.” Sakuto said. “As long as you’re willing to either survive together, or die together.”

And at that moment, Sakuto’s phone rang. He slowly walked over to pick it up from the table, it was his commander calling.

“We are hosting a meeting in Warsaw. We are aware of Oskar Weber’s disappearance.” Jian Fang’s confident and commanding voice instructed. “I have been contacted by Kaito Kamiki, we will discuss the details upon arrival.”

“I’m not willing to discuss anything.” Sakuto said. ”I’m going in there and I’m getting the job done-”

“Kaito Kamiki has instructed us to prepare for war.” Jian Fang said. “Please arrive as fast as possible.”

The call ended.

Sakuto looked around, a part of him was upset that he couldn’t go out there right at that instant and deal with everything by himself, but deep down, his rationality didn’t betray him just yet. He knew he’d need the Heisei’s help. He put the phone down, walked a little around the room, took a few deep breaths.

“Ichika, let’s go.” Sakuto said. “We’ll fly there.”

A pause later, he sharply exhaled.

"If there's even the slightest chance that he's not dead, it changes everything."

“Let’s go.” Sakuto said, grabbing onto Ichika’s arm and pulling her into a shadow. They emerged out of a tree’s shadow outside. The sun was shining brightly that day, but over there, in Warsaw, the weather was much gloomier. Sakuto focused for a second, and with his shadows he conjured a dragon-like creature, quickly jumping on its back and helping Ichika do so as well. Ichika held onto Sakuto as the two flew off.

The shadowy dragon soared above the city, and those beneath it, those who weren’t used to witnessing such phenomena, were amazed at it. They all knew it was a soulful, they were amazed by its capabilities while being completely unfamiliar with their motives or situations.

Kids yelled out, chanting, “Look! Look! A soulful!” and their parents smiled seeing the fascination in their eyes. The more wary were concerned, not every day is such an occurrence seen, perhaps something was looming, something that required soulfuls to be active, especially those capable of pulling off such stunts.

“Oskar, I don’t know what exactly your situation is.”

“But I’m willing to go to hell and back to get your dumbass back.”

“Because without you, the abyss is gonna try and devour me whole...”