CHAPTER 28: THE DEEP STRUGGLE WITHIN- THE UGLY TRUTH

"Fuck!"

A loud exclamation came sharply from my throat as I stopped for a few seconds to take a deep breath, seeing such a gruesome scene of someone being burnt alive, my legs started running automatically, I guess this is what they call the instinct to survive.

The night felt particularly cold, making me shiver subconsciously, yet my body still exuded a peculiar heat coming from within, as if I had just run a marathon.

"If she had discovered me, it was certain."

"I would definitely die."

Watching death from such a close angle made me realise that when someone struggles at their last breath, it is not at all peaceful, not at all a quiet kind of shit like we read in stories, it is harrowing.

The experience is definitely enough to make you nauseous the first time.

Luther’s screams still echoed in my head, his skin slowly frying, boiling, peeling and finally charring under Beatrix’s dangerous green flames. The scenario was enough to be etched deep into my mind, an experience I shall never forget throughout my life.

"Damn it, she was so cruel, even Luther’s ashes weren’t left, seriously burned that poor fellow into oblivion?"

My words conveyed my deep helplessness, they just came out of my mouth like something raw, something incoherently filled with panic.

I just hoped to reach home as fast as I could then occupy myself with the system’s reward after completing my date with Asuna, and then sleep early, hoping to drown this memory in the bliss of a leisurely sleep.

As I introspected, I realised I wasn’t angry at her killing of Luther, I was shaken by the cruelty behind her act, giving not even the slightest chance for Luther to fight back.

"Doesn’t it say in all the online web novels and melodramas that I read in my life back on Earth that the villain always talks big before killing someone?"

-According to my understanding Luther should have at least time to beg, to plead, to ask for one last chance, but Beatrix was so calm like someone nonchalantly stepping on an ant.

Did the ant feel the pain?

Of course, it did!

But how can the oppressor care about the ant’s feeling?...life has always been a struggle for self-interest.

I realised that I can’t treat this new world with the same casual perspective as I had back on Earth, the difference in the two-dimensional world that I read and watch was too much compared to personally experiencing all of this here.

But another thing plagued me.....

I, too...had just watched, like a spectator.

Silently.

Hiding in a corner, then ran away.

With this action of mine, what kind of person was I?

Maybe I had a big role in Luther’s death?

If I had not provoked Beatrix during Claire’s birthday party, perhaps he wouldn’t have died?

Even though I contemplated everything, when the gloominess completely engulfed me, an even uglier truth crept out.

Like a devil slowly whispering into my ears,

"Even if I had powers....the so-called strength, would I still have helped?

And I knew the uglier truth better than anyone else, after all, everyone knows their inner self better than others.

No, the answer was loud within.

Even if I were a powerful supernatural being like them or some human wielding big superpowers, I wouldn’t have helped Luther!

That was the type of person I am.

Selfish

Broken.....trying desperately to survive by grinding hard from 6 to 5.

My actions were ruled by fear, my body was ruled by intimidation, my heart and soul were ruled by the basic human instinct to survive and keep living another day.

"Is it because I am weak?"

"Is it because I am a human?....a weak race that is like livestock in the eyes of those supernatural entities!"

"I am only explaining all this to myself now because I don’t want the guilt of unintentionally killing Luther to make me stay awake tonight."

In the end, I admitted my narrow plight, each breath getting heavier than before.

People lie to themselves throughout their lives. They build a whole army of excuses just to avoid being labelled as a psychopath or some crazy guy.

The normal routine of playing the victim- we were helpless, powerless, taking action was impossible, there was no hope even if they tried!

And like them, I also became a part of such people who tell fabricated lies to their brains to keep their conscience clean.

Building a fake moral high-ground.

But I didn’t hate it, after understanding my inner struggle, I realised...getting stronger was the only way.

Only when you are powerful enough to overpower everything, only then can you truly override all these worldly beliefs.

It’s part of the grind that I am doing day and night.

My home was only a 10-minute walk away, just 10 minutes before I could feel more secure.

But fate had something else planned.

"Hey!"

"Elandor, stop!"

That voice,

That familiar vicious voice I was running away from.

My hair stood on my arm as I knew somehow, she had chased me all the way here.

But she shouldn’t be here. Beatrix, why do you have to make things more ugly?

At that instant, it felt like the world came to a standstill.

"Maybe, because of excess stress and panic, I am hallucinating!"

Mustering my courage, I ignored the shout from behind and took another step forward.

"Huh?"

"Still moving?"

This time her tone was icy, like the coldest winter winds, bringing an inevitable chill down my spine.

"It seems I need to send you to the afterlife."

"There you can ask Luther how he felt before he was burned alive by me."

Beatrix sneered with no intention of explaining her reason for chasing me down.

This bitch~

Her arrogance and disregard for us poor humans makes me irritated.

Throughout my entire life, I never wanted to curse someone so badly compared to her at this very second.