CHAPTER 179: COWARD

Jax tried to focus on making breakfast and he made a deliberate effort not to look Mari’s way since he didn’t want her to dare him into doing something he might regret.

He thought about what she said about asking Chad to be her fuck buddy and he wondered if she meant it or if she was just messing with him.

What if she meant it?

He knew without a doubt that Chad would never give in to her, but it bothered him that she would even want to ask Chad that.

Was it that she just wanted to have sex with anyone and it wasn’t about being attracted to him?

Mari’s lips were curved in a smile as she watched him, while kicking her legs slowly beneath the island.

She could tell he was mad. It wasn’t the loud, yelling kind of mad. It was the quiet, brooding, dangerous kind. And for some twisted reason, she liked it. It made her heart race. It made her wonder how much passion he had buried in there.

"Giving me the silent treatment?" Mari asked after a while. Her tone was light, but her eyes never left him. She wanted to see if he was still stewing.

Jax didn’t respond. He cracked some eggs into a bowl, added pepper and salt with practiced ease, and whisked them like he’d done it a thousand times. Probably had. Mari tilted her head, studying him.

"Did you cook growing up? How did you learn to cook so well?" she asked, wondering why it seemed like he liked to cook.

Jax said nothing. He just poured the eggs into the pan and reached for a slice of bread. His silence only made her want to talk more.

"Does Chad always pretend to be you?" she continued, eyes dancing. "Has he kissed any of your girlfriends in the past while pretending to be you?"

Still, Jax didn’t speak. He flipped the eggs and placed the bread in the toaster. His jaw was tight at the mention of Chad and the harmless innocent kiss.

Mari leaned forward on the counter, resting her chin on her hand as she stared at him. "How well do you two get along? Who’s older?"

"Can you stop talking?" he muttered, still not looking at her.

Mari smiled wider, undeterred. "Nope. I can’t."

Jax picked up a plate and slid the eggs onto it. He added toast and reached into the fridge for butter and jam.

Mari licked her lips playfully as he approached her with the plate. "You know what happens in movies or novels where the guy asks the lady to shut up and she refuses?" Mari asked, and Jax looked at her.

"He seals her mouth with a duct tape," he deadpanned as he placed the plate in front of her.

Mari laughed, her nose scrunching up. "What kind of movies have you been watching, Jax? Don’t tell me you are into such practices."

Without another word, he poured her a glass of water and returned to the stove to make his own plate.

Mari took a bite, humming softly. "Mmm. This is really good as usual."

Jax said nothing as he fixed his breakfast. When he was done to went to sit down opposite Mari.

Mari rose from her seat and moved to sit beside him with her plate. Their arms brushed as she sat down. Though his breath hitched, he didn’t move away. Neither did she.

She glanced sideways at him. "So... is Chad very close to Diva?"

Jax’s fork paused mid-air, but he didn’t look at her. "Are you trying to get on my nerves?"

"Why will I want that? I’m only trying to satisfy my curiosity," she said easily.

"Eat."

"I am eating," she said sweetly. "But I can eat and talk. Multitasking."

Jax didn’t answer. He took a slow bite, chewing like he hadn’t heard her.

"Have you always been like this? You know, emotionally constipated?" she asked, half amused, half frustrated.

Jax finally turned his head to her. He gave her a look. "Don’t push it, Mari."

She raised her brows, not backing down. "Why? Scared I’ll find out something about you?"

"I’m not scared of anything," he said flatly, returning to his food.

Mari sipped her water, trying to hide the smile forming on her lips. "You’re not? Why do I doubt that? I actually think you’re scared of falling for me."

Jax scoffed at that. "You don’t know what you’re talking about."

Mari stared at him, trying to read his mind. He was sitting so close, the heat from his skin was almost touching her. Her heart fluttered as her eyes trailed to his lips and she wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.

"You’re really bad at small talk," she whispered as she looked away from his face.

"Yes, I am."

"I could teach you. All you have to do is answer my questions," Mari suggested.

"I don’t want to talk to you right now," Jax said, and Mari raised a brow.

"Really? What would you like to do to me, then?" She asked with a flirty smile.

"Do you like artworks? Paintings?" He asked, changing the subject. He wanted to know what she had done with the paintings he sent her.

"Hm. Why? Want to take me to an art gallery or something?" She asked with a curious smile.

When Jax stared at her without responding, she shrugged, "I think I do. I don’t know much about artists and the likes though, but paintings fascinate me."

"What kind of paintings fascinate you?"

"Paintings of myself mostly. You see, I’m a very fascinating creature," she said with a giggle.

"Of course you are," Jax muttered dryly even though he really did agree with her.

She fascinated him.

"Want to hear something interesting?" She asked, and Jax raised a brow.

"What?"

"I have a secret admirer. He sends me a painting of myself on my birthdays. He has been doing so for the past three years," she said and Jax watched her with interest.

"A secret admirer? Does that mean you don’t know anything about him?" Jax asked even though he knew the answer to that.

"Yeah. I know nothing about him other than the fact that he seems to have a major crush on me," she said with a grin.

Jax raised a brow. "You don’t know anything about him, so how do you know he has a major crush on you?" Jax asked and she grinned.

"It’s just a feeling I get from the painting. I know he likes me. The painting is like an expression of love. I just wish he’d stop being such a coward and meet me in person or just reach out," Mari said and Jax scowled.

"Coward?"

"Yup. Why else would he keep sending me that for three years without revealing himself to me? I think he feels inferior or something. Maybe he’s poor or he thinks I might look down on him," she said, and Jax snorted.

"Why do you accept gifts from someone you don’t know, anyway? What if it’s not just a crush? What if he is obsessed with you?" Jax asked, and Mari shuddered.

"I’m sure it’s not a case of obsession..."

"How can you be so sure? What if he has been stalking you for a really long time?" He asked, and she frowned.

"Are you trying to scare me?"

Jax shrugged, "Just saying."

"Well, don’t worry. I’m going to find him soon anyway. Shoot!" She exclaimed when she remembered her birthday was in a couple of days.

"What?" Jax asked, and she frowned.

"I can’t believe I’ll be stuck here on my birthday. I had plans for my birthday this year. And I was going to try to find him if he sends another painting this year."

"What will you do if you find him?" Jax asked while wondering about her plans for her birthday.

Mari shrugged. "I haven’t thought of that yet. But if he looks anything like you, I’m just going to marry him and live happily ever after. I hope he has a better personality than you, though."

Jax eyed her but said nothing. They fell into silence again, but this time it was charged.

Jax continued eating, but Mari was done with her food. She was watching the curve of his neck, the way his muscles moved under his black shirt.

She paused when she noticed a faint scar near his collarbone. Without thinking, she reached out and touched it.

Jax froze as his skin tingled.

"What happened here?" she asked softly, fingers brushing the scar.

Heat coursed his veins as he met her gaze. "Don’t touch me." His voice sounded more like he was pleading than commanding her.

"Why?" she asked, watching his Adam’s apple throb.

"Because I said so." His voice sounded huskier than he liked.

She didn’t move her hand. Her fingers lingered on his skin, light and warm. "I like you, Jax. I want to know you."

Jax’s breath hitched "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. I want to know what makes you really smile and what makes you tick," she said with a small smile. "I also want to know what turns you on," she added, rising from her seat to stand very close to him while maintaining contact.

Their eyes locked. The air between them thickened. His hand moved suddenly, gently closing around her wrist. He lowered her hand from his collarbone.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about," he murmured.

"I do," she whispered back.

He stared at her for a long moment. "Do you always push guys like this?" he asked finally.

"Only you," she said truthfully.

For a second, Jax just stared at her. Then his gaze dropped to her lips. She was standing too close.

Mari’s breath hitched softly, but she didn’t pull back. Her chest rose and fell with quiet anticipation, and she didn’t look away. Instead she wet her lips with her tongue.

Jax’s eyes followed the movement and then moved back to her eyes, as if searching for a signal of fear or hesitation to stop. But there was none.

"Only me, huh?" he said, his voice a little lower now, a little rougher and laced with longing.

She nodded slowly, her heart hammering behind her ribs.

A quiet pause stretched between them, and in that stillness, Jax rose and took a step closer. The grip on her wrist softened and his thumb brushed lightly over her skin.

He could feel her pulse racing beneath her skin. As if his own pulse was answering. Then he exhaled, the sound rough and low in his throat.

"You’re dangerous, Mari," he said as he dropped her hand.

Without another word, he picked up his plate, taking it to the sink. He needed some distance between them. He needed something to distract him.

Mari watched his back as he rinsed the dish. Her heart was still pounding, her breath shallow.

She knew he had wanted to kiss her. She had felt it. So why did he stop? Why was he so guarded around her. She knew he wasn’t that way with others, so why was he that way around her?

"Do you not like me?" she asked quietly.

Jax turned slowly to face her, water dripping from his fingers.

"We both know I do," he said simply.

"Then why do you act like you don’t? Why are you holding back?"

Jax looked at her for a long moment. "Because I don’t know how to be around you." His voice was lower now. Wearier too.

Mari blinked. "How to be what? What do you mean?"

Jax didn’t answer.

He set the plate aside, dried his hands and walked away without glancing at her again.

As Mari watched him go she knew without a doubt that he was running away as usual and she wouldn’t see him for a long time.

"Coward," she muttered under her breath, wondering where he always disappeared to.