CHAPTER 39: NOT HOLDING BACK.

The restaurant was quiet, dimly lit, with soft jazz humming in the background. A corner booth gave them privacy, and for the first time since she went to work that morning, Ruby let herself relax.

After work, because of how tired they were, Stefan had suggested they grabbed dinner out and Ruby had agreed without argument.

In the restaurant, Stefan sat across from her, his fingers wrapped around a warm glass of tea. She watched him as he listened to the waiter, nodding, his presence so composed it was easy to forget how much he carried on his shoulders.

She stirred her drink, stealing glances at him. "So, what’s there to talk about tonight? We can’t sit here all night and not talk about anything," she said after the waiter left.

His head tilted toward her slightly, a smile playing on his lips. "What is it you have in mind to talk about? You can ask me anything."

She hesitated, then met his gaze. "Did you ever feel... lonely growing up? I mean, being an only child?"

Stefan’s fingers paused against his glass.

"To be honest? Yes," he said after a beat. "More than I admitted to anyone. My parents loved me, don’t get me wrong. But they were both... busy. Always building something, always away. The house was quiet most days. Just tutors, staff, and the usual silence."

Ruby’s heart clenched. "That sounds... hard," she said, considering that she had a sibling even though Ivy had been quite troublesome to her, always getting her in trouble with their parents.

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"It was," he admitted softly. "But the worst part came after my father died. I was sixteen. My mom had to work twice as hard to keep everything afloat. She buried her grief in the business, and I... I buried mine in responsibility."

He smiled faintly, a bitter edge to it. "I took over three years ago. Just before I... met you."

Ruby swallowed hard. He still thinks I’m Ivy.

She thought but Stefan didn’t notice her sudden stillness. He was looking at his tea now, his voice soft.

"I thought maybe having someone would fix the loneliness. I thought that’s what love was supposed to do. Fill all the quiet places, but it didn’t exactly do that. Not until after our wedding."

Ruby didn’t answer right away. Her throat felt tight. She reached across the table, her fingers brushing his.

"You’ll no longer be alone. Not now atleast," she said quietly.

He turned his hand and linked his fingers with hers. "No. I’m not."

They talked through dinner, losing track of time. She asked about his childhood memories, and he told her about sneaking cookies with the old housekeeper, about learning to ride a bike in the estate’s garden.

They laughed, they lingered, and by the time they got home, the air between them felt charged—gentle, but undeniable.

Ruby led Stefan inside, unlocking the door and stepping in first, as she always did. She helped him with his coat, hanging it up with care before slipping off her shoes.

"I’m going to freshen up," she said, trying to steady the rush in her chest.

"Me too," Stefan murmured.

"Yeah but after me," she said with a grin before going in to freshen up.

But when she stepped out, barefoot and in soft cotton loungewear, Stefan was already in the living room, a quiet calm surrounding him.

He’d changed too—dark lounge pants, a fitted shirt that hugged his frame. The sight of him made her breath catch. He was so unaware of how he looked. So effortless.

He heard her approach. "Feel better?"

She nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. "Yeah. You went to bath somewhere else?" she asked, her heart skipping a beat.

"Yeah, Martin helped me. I used the guest room, wanted to be done same time as you," he said simply.

Her chest squeezed again. Don’t fall harder, she warned herself. Don’t.

But the ache in her chest told her it was already too late.

"Do you want a nightcap?" she asked, her voice slightly breathless.

He hesitated. "With you, of course."

She smiled softly. "Where? In the room?"

He nodded, and something in his voice dropped an octave. "It’s better, that way we can go to bed when we’re done and sleep in since tomorrow is Saturday."

"Alright. I’ll go get the drinks," she said and left after Stefan gave her a nod.

Before going down stairs, Ruby decided to check on Rayna and see if she’d had anything to eat so that she could bring something from the kitchen.

She tiptoed to her room and slowly knocked on the door, before unlocking it.

Her brows drew together when she got in but couldn’t find Rayna. Thinking she’d was probably hiding out in the bathroom or bathing or even using the toilet, Ruby went to check.

Her heart skipped a beat when she didn’t see Rayna. Where could she be? Had she left despite their agreement? Why? What happened? Was she okay? She mused and then hurried to her wardrobe to check if Rayna’s clothes were still there instead of making assumptions.

A short wave of relief washed over her and she sighed. Now that she knew she hadn’t left without a word, she decided to try calling her so Rayna could tell her where she was.

Though she was a bit relieved, she hoped nothing had happened to Rayna.

Thinking that, Ruby immediately left the room and hurried downstairs to get the drink so that she could get into the room, take her phone and try reaching Rayna.

She couldn’t have just left to no where without informing her. Where had she even gone to without her clothes? Perhaps, she was discovered when she went to steal food and had been thrown out? She thought and almost giggled at the thought.

She definitely couldn’t put that past Rayna. She thought as she picked the wine and two glasses and headed back to the room.

"You’re back," he said when the door clicked open and she nodded while she headed straight for her phone.

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"I’ll pour the drinks and bring them over," she said as she quickly texted Rayna asking her where she was.

After that, she poured them both a small glass of wine, settling onto the couch at the edge of the bed. She helped him join her; they sat very close—so close their knees touched.

They sipped in silence at first, but the air buzzed with the weight of unsaid things.

Though Ruby was glancing at her phone, wanting to see if Rayna had texted, she made sure her attention wasn’t entirely taken away from Stefan.

"Thank you," he said suddenly, making Ruby frown.

"For what?"

"For making the silence feel safe," he replied.

Ruby turned toward him, her gaze catching his profile. "You’ve made it feel like I belong here."

"You do, of course," he said, without hesitation.

Her heart flipped. She knew what she meant but obviously, he doesn’t. She wasn’t meant to be here, with him, so dangerously close, and her heart fluttering for a man that was never hers.

She leaned in just slightly, watching him.

He turned his face, as if sensing her nearness. "Babe?"

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"Yeah?"

His voice was a breath. "I know I shouldn’t want to kiss you because you said—"

"But you do want to kiss me," she whispered.

Stefan swallowed and after a short pause, he choked out a "Yes."

Ruby forgot all their boundaries and all that was keeping them apart and leaned in closer, their lips almost touching. "Then don’t think. Just feel."

Stefan let out a soft chuckle before leaning in closer, their lips touching. When he kissed her, it was slow, searching, full of restraint—but underneath it, there was fire.

She kissed him back, her hands reaching up to cup his face, her thumbs brushing along his jaw. He tasted like warmth and longing. And when they finally pulled apart, their foreheads resting together, their breaths mingling, nothing needed to be said.

Stefan’s breath hitched as Ruby’s lips hovered over his. Even after that kiss—slow and reverent—he looked stunned, as though he hadn’t expected her to respond with equal fervor. And maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he was still holding back, afraid it was all in his head and that the next minute, she’d return to being the Ivy he used to know.

But Ruby wasn’t holding back anymore. She kissed him again, softer this time. Slower. Her fingers threaded gently through the short strands of his hair, and when she felt his hands come to rest at her waist, hesitant but sure, her entire body responded with a quiet shiver.

He pulled back just a fraction, voice husky. "If you keep kissing me like that... I don’t know what I might do to you....."

"Then don’t stop me so we can find out," she whispered against his lips.

She wasn’t going to hold back anymore. She was going to enjoy every bit of moment she had with Stefan and do so well so that by the time all this were over, she’d leave without regrets.