They watched as the people slept, moving to and fro and looking for interesting things to watch but there was so little happening at this time. Eventually all the people woke up and began walking around again. They followed the people, the crowds, watching and learning and seeing what everyone did. So many people, all doing different things, all of them using their senses so easily without any of the horrible terrible spinning pain.

It doesn’t hurt them because they’re not wrong. I hurt when I try to use my senses because

I’m wrong.

Time marched ever onwards, the people meeting in groups and talking and hugging and leaving. Not everyone cried when they left, in fact, very few people cried overall. The next interesting thing that happened was at a giant building filled with grass-that-wasn’t-grass. The safe friend and the other friend were here, walking through the strange powder on the ground as they made shapes and didn’t make shapes until they started to try something.

The safe friend made her extra pieces appear again, her tail and horns and wings and she ran forward. She jumped into the air, a look of determination on her face as her wings pushed her higher into the air.

Following them, curious, they watched as the cool safe friend winced and then fell. This, too, was an idea. The thought that not being on the ground was hard, and was something that only special cool safe friend could do. But she couldn’t? Thoughts crept in, ideas that this felt familiar for some reason; the idea that this friend could fly but also couldn’t fly and there were reasons but they were big and complicated.

But I can move everywhere I want. I can be near the ground and not near the ground and it all feels the same.

But I know why.

The world doesn’t affect me like it does them because

I’m wrong.

Ideas compounded and built and wove together and eventually the world made more sense. Being present still scared them, it always made the world harsh and painful, but at times the curiosity was too strong to ignore. Once, when everyone was sleeping and the world was quiet, they moved high above the buildings and the campus and were shocked at how much stuff they saw.

There was so much world!

A little too much, perhaps. The world was scary, the world came with ideas of strangers and judgement and fear and wouldn’t it be easier to just stay put? To stay where the friends were? The nice, safe friend and the other friend with the shorter lighter hair, yes, but they eventually discovered other friends.

One of them had the shortest hair of them all, but some of it was missing. This friend had drawn squiggly lines all over her head and, the coolest part of all, was that they glowed sometimes. The next time all the people came together, they actually decided to follow this person around, and that’s when they met the strange new people that were confusing and boring but also seemed to make the glowing friend sad. Not the crying lonely sad, but a different sad that made her not look at people and grow quiet and small.

These new people took the glowing friend and made her walk them around campus. They did so many cool things! They made circles appear from nothing and they made walls disappear! The coolest part was when they returned to the building that was next to the big field. They walked downstairs, made another wall vanish, and then talked near a big circle on the floor.

When the glowing friend walked onto the circle, she glowed again and then vanished completely! The idea got them so excited, they moved closer and stayed in the same place the glowing friend was.

Suddenly, the world changed. But it didn’t. It stayed the same, with the same shapes and lines and ideas, but now all the walls and people looked even more interesting. Seeing it now, for the first time, brought back memories of even more ideas, and they stared at the other people while they tried to figure out what they were seeing. The clothes these people wore, but also the people themselves, they were (bright vibrant fun interesting) colorful!

The entire world seemed to light up in this circle, there were colors and before they knew it, sounds were appearing as well, sounds that didn’t even make the world spin and shake and hurt.

The people spoke of gateways and bridges, but also of other circles that they seemed even more excited about. Would the other circles be like this one? Would they make the world more colorful and bring back the sound in a way that didn’t spin and hurt and confuse?

Following them was easy, as was following everyone. They needed to use stairs and hallways but they didn’t, they could freely float through the walls and the floors and go anywhere and see everything they wanted. The crowd of people, the mean ones that made the glowing friend sad, they got in an elevator

and traveled down, down, down until arriving in a large, scary space with stains on the floors and the walls. There was another circle down here, yes, but it wasn’t like the circle above. It did not make the world brighter, but now that they’d seen it, they wanted more of it. For the first time in ages they thought of purpose again, they focused on sound and hearing and tried to extend themselves to listen to what it was the group of people were saying.

“—and regarding the repairs? Can these seals be restored or will we need to fully rebuild them from the bottom up?”

“Hm…”

“Elijah? Speak up, please.”

“Did you know that people bathing in Ancient Rome used to have their clothes stolen on a regular basis? They found these tablets that curse the thieves, see, and they’re shockingly common for—”

“The circles, Elijah. Please stay on task.”

“Right, sorry, the circles. I think we’ll be able to restore them, but we’ll need to run quite a few tests to determine which changes we’ll need to make.”

“And what if we wanted to alter their function?”

“I’m sorry?”

“We want to secure this place, obviously, but if we’re going to be connected to every other plane in existence… I can’t help but wonder if we should take advantage of this opportunity.”

“I’m sorry, Headmistress, but ‘take advantage?’ What are you implying?”

“We have direct access to the entirety of existence, Palesa. Think of the good we could do if, instead of relying on standard runes, we took our magic from the planes themselves?”

“Surely you don’t mean—”

“We siphon the energy directly. Think of all the times we’ve been hamstrung by our lack of resources! The Headmistress simply wants us to reach our true potential, as she’s always wanted. No more half-measures, no more fighting with our hands tied behind our backs while the people with real power destroy this world piece by piece!”

“But, that much power—”

“Is what we are owed, Miss Tsopnang. We’ve been sidelined for too long. Need I remind you of your status when you took your position? You would be wise to remember your place.”

“I-I’m sorry, Headmistress. I did not mean to speak out of line.”

“Elijah. We need your expertise here, more than ever. Now that you’ve seen the circles, is this possible?”

“I mean, the scope of what you’re proposing… it’s never been attempted before. It’s a fascinating idea, but I’d need to do considerable research before I can say for sure if—” Follow current novels on NovᴇlFire(.)nᴇt

“Certainly something we can discuss at another time, Mr. Jun. In the meantime, let’s take a look at Miss Blackwood’s notes on the matter.”

At that point, the glowing friend had finished her own trip down the elevator, and the conversation changed directions rather suddenly. Was glowing friend not supposed to hea—

Tired       spinning       pain       ache       dizzy

Ugh.

That was so much hearing… how do they manage it? That’s a bad question, I know that; it’s easy for them but hard for me because

I’m wrong.

The world was fuzzy and painful and tiring and when they finally regained their eyes the people had left. Their absence, however, didn’t change the fact that the conversation had seemed weird. Those people did not talk like they were friends, they talked like… not-friends? They talked like (bad evil mean) enemies that were forced to talk against their wishes.

They’re nothing like the friends I normally follow. I like them. I wonder what the nice safe friend is doing?

This trip across campus proved much easier. Not only did they recognize the different buildings, but they had started assigning feelings to them in an effort to keep them distinct. They didn’t know where the feelings came from, sometimes they just appeared, but they felt right so they kept it up.

When they found the safe cool friend again, she was frantically pacing back and forth in her home, holding pieces of food in her hands and occasionally eating them.

She seems upset. I don’t like that. The last time I was here she was sad, along with the other person that looked like her.

The friend eventually moved to her (cold box) fridge, moved everything around, then grumbled and closed the door without getting any more food. Instead, she walked back to her bedroom, seemingly with a new idea. Once inside, her clothes vanished in a flash of dancing sparkling fire, leading to all sorts of new, confusing ideas.

She’s not wearing clothes! This… this is… there are ideas tied to this, but I don’t know if they’re good or bad. Both? There’s excitement and nervousness and shame and part of me

(the higher part, the head part with the eyes)

it feels warm? Why is it warm? Is the safe friend doing something to me?

She did not lay on her side, she did not pull the covers over her. Instead, she sat up with her back against the wall and closed her eyes, as if willing herself to be as close to sleep as possible without actually sleeping.

And then nothing

(not nothing but nothing)

happened. She stayed perfectly still, her body slowly rising and falling and (that was another idea, that was) breathing.

Safe friend stayed like that for a very long time. The fact that it was sleep-but-not-quite-sleep made them very interested and they decided they wanted to stay and watch. Something about this person made them feel safe, that much they knew, but new emotions began to swirl and dance and think and influence. Looking at this person, with her horns and wings and her tail that was so cool; it inspired. It encouraged purpose and wanting, but then the wanting emotion inspired sadness. Was that the gulf between emotions? The ability to want meant the ability to not have, and thus to be sad?

I want to want. Wanting feels good, it feels purposeful and this person makes me want to

BE

BE like them BE cool BE important BE special and unique and not nothing and just

BE

Why can’t I? She makes it look so easy.

She makes me want to try.

The first step was to mimic her. Maybe they had different bodies, but couldn’t they both rest on a surface? She didn’t float and hover, she had something holding her to the ground and even though it seemed to make her angry sometimes it also was part of what made her her.

They floated down to the ground in front of the bed, pretending like they had a body just like the other people on campus, and they thought. They thought of all the senses they’d experienced ever since existing; the sight, the sound, the touch, all of it. Maybe the secret was combining these things together, putting them all inside

and pushing them together and adding in the special thing that held people to the ground.

Maybe then I could be.

Purpose and idea floated through their head, and when they looked down they saw what could only be described as a body but it was theirs?! It had arms and legs and they felt and smelled and heard but it took so much effort to get here. Being here, having a body, it made them want to buckle and spin and let go but they wanted so badly to be like her to be special and alive like she was.

Something new, a feeling, a grabbing feeling reached for their body and pulled them down. They landed on the ground, they felt the soft carpet and heard the rumbling air conditioning but then all of those feelings were eclipsed by the pain.

horrible terrible spinning piercing agonizing PAIN

It was awful, it hurt beyond anything she’d imagined and she screamed because it hurt so bad and she had no way to make it stop

except I do I just have to stop

stop

stop

STOP

All their feelings, the carpet, the air conditioning, the gravity holding them down, everything vanished when their body vanished.

Why did it hurt?! Why am I wrong?!! I just want to BE but even though it’s so easy for her trying to BE makes me hurt and scream and cry and I hate it but I want it so badly!

WHY AM I WRONG?!

Even though their body had vanished they still felt the pain the spinning the horrible terrible awful shaking

it wants

the Void would stop this it would make everything quiet again

But there’s so much I don’t know, I still don’t know what or who I am and I don’t know why everyone is sad

I need to know because what if knowing helps?

no

no

NO NOT NOW