Void. Not even abyss. Void. Simple void. Boring. Everything is boring.

Raphael hit me. I have hairline fractures on my lower ribs. It hurts while puking.

Shivers, tremors, vomiting, eating mush, vomiting, sweat...

How long I have been in this place? I do not recall.

I told stories about that sadistic monster, my grandfather to Male Nurse A, he enjoyed it. I let out the gruesome details. He hit on my back. It made my ribs hurt. Endorphins.

Male Nurse A gave me a small candy.

Yes. Sugar. But not good enough. Rush of blood is not high enough. I need more data.

Vomiting, puking, tremors, shivers…

It has been some time. My skin started to feel clearer. Paleness is going away. My head is clearer. No… I don’t want a clear head. I need fog.

I can see everything. I can hear everything. No. No. No. I need fog. It is overwhelming. No. No. No.

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Light is burning my eyes. Food is burning my mouth. My limbs ache. My ribs hurt. I coughed accidentally. It hurts so much. Yes. Endorphins.

Female Bug A and Male Bug A are on a date in the garden.

I miss Raphael. His hair were so soft. Raphael does not make any logical sense. I warned him about how I am incapable of loving, multiple times. I could have lie to him. But I didn’t. It does not make any sense that he loves me. He didn’t send divorce papers. Good enough.

I told him that I would use his love as a way to manipulate him. He didn’t care. He was mostly aware of my tendencies. Because of his persistent, relentless empathy. He could easily differentiate between a manipulation and genuine emotion. That is why I did not lie to him about love.

Why would he love me? It is an impossible thing to understand. It is just because he is capable of that sentiment? No. He would take my offer on another lover if he could love someone else.

He is so emotional. He even felt pity for that monster, the Conqueror. Even for my mother. How can anyone feel anything towards them other than resentment, or grudge?

Another night is crawling. No. No. No. The silence is coming. It is so boring. I need noise.

Female Nurse A and B are discussing their families. Female Nurse A succumbed to her instincts. Breeder. How disgusting. Female Nurse B is a lesbian but she is considering adoption.

I offered Raphael adoption. He refused. Smart. I can barely tolerate adults. I can not imagine myself with an uncommunicative little bug. Instead he offered to adopt a dog. It would be… nice…

I wish I could talk to him. Talk about my day. But he would refuse to answer. They want me call a family member or a friend to this boring place. No. I can not let people see me like this. Shivering, trembling, puking like an animal.