CHAPTER 276: CHAPTER 250: BETRAYED MY YOUTH, BETRAYED MY LOVE (2)

Su Xiaomeng felt as if there was a fishbone stuck in her throat.

"For him?"

"I find it strange, when he slept with you back then, why didn’t you act as if the world was ending?"

"Su Xiaomeng, you are wholeheartedly devoted to him, what about me?"

Ren Yixuan felt bitterness in his heart. At a time like this, the questions he’s asking are only self-torturing...

To him? Just a mere stranger.

"Yi Xuan, many things... they are not up to me, many things, I can’t explain."

"It’s not that they aren’t up to you, it’s just that you are too ruthless... too cruel to me..."

Su Xiaomeng closed her eyes, "And you? Haven’t you been cruel to me? Deceiving me, deceiving Rong Qiao, deceiving Shixiu... You played everyone around, in the end, for what?"

"For what... maybe to make sure you always remember me."

Ren Yixuan shrugged again, "But I never expected that woman Rong Qiao would spill everything, knowing... doing so benefits no one."

"But... that woman is such a pampered lady, she can’t keep things to herself, her arrogance and temper are higher than anyone’s, and she acts recklessly, often so stupid that it’s contemptible."

"Indeed, she truly is an airhead."

"She is your fiancée!"

Su Xiaomeng naturally hated Rong Qiao to the extreme, but Rong Qiao liked Ren Yixuan, and Ren Yixuan knew well how much Rong Qiao liked him.

"So what if she’s my fiancée?"

"She loves you so much, shouldn’t you—"

"Shouldn’t I? I loved you so much, but what about you for me?"

Ren Yixuan furrowed his brows, an outburst of anger surged up to his head, down to his body, and limbs, pained and suppressed.

"I initially wanted you to carry the psychological burden of having been with me, always feeling guilty towards your current lover, your current family..."

"I wanted you to taste the price and pain a betrayer should endure..."

"I’ve already made up my mind, I hate you, you should hate me, that’s fair enough..."

"I had decided that I loved you so much, I wanted you so much... God knows how much I wanted you to succumb beneath me... God knows how jealous and hateful I was every time I saw you being intimate with Yin Shixiu..."

"Then why didn’t it happen in the end?!"

Su Xiaomeng’s heart ached faintly, she didn’t want to hear this...

She only wanted to know why, why the final truth was so far from what she imagined?

Ren Yixuan looked at her and smiled gently, "What do you think?"

Su Xiaomeng blinked, her eyes filled with tears, she didn’t answer, she wanted him to say it.

Ren Yixuan took a deep breath, holding back the flaring flames inside him, enduring the nearly explosive headache.

He slowly said, "You had a fever."

"I didn’t know if it was the few pills of Ecstasy causing it, or if you’d been unwell, but when I touched you, your body temperature scared me."

Ren Yixuan sat on the ground, one leg bent, his hand resting on it, fingers gently tapping on his knee...

"I thought at the time, what’s the big deal, a fever... it won’t kill you."

"Especially when you were writhing in discomfort, shaking your head painfully, and murmuring... Shixiu, Shixiu..."

Su Xiaomeng gripped the hem of her clothes tightly.

Not only did Su Xiaomeng feel a deep desolation, but even Ren Yixuan himself felt so pitiful at this moment...

He, truly was too pitiful.

The words she spoke were so venomous, her expression so cold, she was so ruthless to him...

Yet his determination, his reckless insanity, was easily shattered by her sickly and pitiful appearance.

Isn’t it ridiculous to say so?

Buying drugs from dealers, such a disgraceful, even self-contemptuous behavior, he did it, yet in the end, because of such a ridiculous reason, he slapped himself in the face.

"At the time, looking at you... it was like seeing so many years ago, when I used to call out ’chubby wife’ every day..."

Ren Yixuan laughed, not in self-mockery, not in contempt, but in remembrance.

"Back then, at the first sign of trouble, the first person you’d think of was me, if you did something wrong, you’d immediately hide behind me, if you got sick, you’d crawl into my bedroom, lay down on my bed..."

"Once, when Su’s father and Su’s mother went to the countryside, leaving you at my house, my parents went out for work, and early in the morning I found you had a fever, feeling your skin burned my heart with worry."

"Though you were a bit chubby, your body was especially weak, frequently in and out of the hospital..."

"You said... Brother Yi Xuan, I feel unwell... just saying that made my heart ache, calling my parents, finding the neighbors... terrified you might die."

"Then, perhaps, I just suddenly thought of the past, thought of... losing you since I was six years old."

"Su Xiaomeng, am I shameless? You are already married, you already have two children..."

"...But twenty years of bits and pieces have piled into my entire world. Asking me to take you away from it, my world would be empty..."

"I know, some things are indeed not up to you, whatever happened between us is hard to say, but... I just feel that you let me down."

"You owe me my time, you owe me my love, I want to collect it from you."

Tears climbed onto Ren Yixuan’s cheeks. In his beautiful pupils, there was his passionate obsession, love and hatred, his sadness and helplessness, his inevitable resignation...

"Su Xiaomeng, tell me, how can I be content..."

He looked at her calmly, Su Xiaomeng’s lips trembled lightly...not a single sound came out.

The gaze between Su Xiaomeng and Ren Yixuan collided in the air, between them, countless words were waiting to be spoken—bits and pieces of their long shared memories.

She remembered and had never forgotten the years she spent together with Ren Yixuan.

Those were probably the purest, most worry-free, least pondering times.

It was precisely because those twenty years of the past were so weighty, and also occupied her life, that reaching this point was even more difficult for her.

She never expected it to become this severe...

She thought if they weren’t together, then they weren’t together; she thought if they missed, they missed.

What happened unexpectedly with another man, how could she have foreseen...

Did she...owe him...?

Yin Shixiu’s back against the wall had already gone stiff.

Ever since the beginning, ever since that night, when he, in a confused state, tangled endlessly with Su Xiaomeng, he knew this moment would come.

Jealousy born from another’s past presence over her every memory, indignation rising.

Everyone understands the reasoning; in life’s long trajectory, you really can’t hope she knows only you, sees only you.

A girl like Su Xiaomeng, for no apparent reason, just attracts men’s liking.

She is so wonderful; Yin Shixiu, did you truly believe only you in this world could understand her goodness, could see her beauty?

In the past, in the future, continuously there will be people discovering her strengths, her goodness...

Continuously there will be people trying to earn her attention and favor...

Clearly this is nothing but normal...

Passing beyond Ren Yixuan’s age, whatever the matter, reason takes precedence over emotion.

Yet in his heart, this possessive somewhat childish voice emerged: don’t gaze at others, don’t fancy others, have no stories with anyone else...

Perhaps this is the natural possessiveness of men at play.

Su Xiaomeng looked at Ren Yixuan, just looking like that, for a long long time, she said, "What you’ve given me, I’ve endured all, if you’re still not satisfied, you can continue to find various ways to torment me, you can torment me until you’re content."

Ren Yixuan’s eyes twitched slightly.

"If doing this can make you feel a bit more balanced."

Ren Yixuan gently pulled at the corners of his mouth, "I originally thought that by tormenting you, I’d feel more balanced, but in fact, it just tightened the shackles on my heart more."

"Su Xiaomeng, you will always owe me."

He looked at her intently.

Su Xiaomeng pressed her lips together, the tears that glistened in her eyes were slowly pulled back.

"Ren Yixuan, I truly hate you."

Ren Yixuan’s heart skipped a beat; at this very moment, how tough must her heart be to continue saying she ’hates’ him?

What right does she have to hate him?

Su Xiaomeng’s words also made Yin Shixiu flinch...

"I hate you very much, hate how you deceived me, though nothing happened, I’ve suffered through all the torment I should have, that bone-deep pain and the urge to end my life, you probably can’t understand."

"I hate you for tormenting me, I also hate you...for always reminiscing about the past, hate you for taking me too seriously..."

"Su Xiaomeng might owe you, but what she owes, at most, is two decades of companionship and care, not love."

After finishing, Su Xiaomeng turned around, "Ren Yixuan, in the future, let’s not meet again. Even if we meet on the road, let’s not greet, not speak..."

She opened the door and walked straight out; the door closed and she leaned against the wall, feeling herself like a butcher.

Back then, back then, if she understood love, maybe everything would have been different.

Ironically, when she understood, she fell in love with another.

No, perhaps...it was exactly another person, who made her understand love.

"Madam, wait downstairs, I’ll have someone brew tea for you."

Su Xiaomeng took a deep breath and then nodded; she wanted to drink something, her throat dry to the bone.

After Su Xiaomeng left, only Yin Shixiu and Ren Yixuan remained in the room.

Ren Yixuan leaned against the iron bars, eyes moist.

Yin Shixiu kept his eyes steady, his expression drifted far away, and only after reaching distant places did it slowly return.

He walked slowly to Ren Yixuan’s side, "You shouldn’t blame her, I had told you long ago, when our affair happened, she was unaware, the pregnancy was an accident..."

"You should place all responsibility on me, should exact revenge, should attack, should demand debt—all should be directed at me. You shouldn’t harm her..."

"Directed at you? Yin Shixiu, what right do you have to take what she must go through?"