CHAPTER 155: CHAPTER 154: THE CAKE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT

Velvet Academy – Student Council Room (Still Charred), Next Morning.

By all accounts, the council room should’ve been condemned weeks ago. The windows were gone, the chandelier was fused to the floorboards, and half the ceiling looked like a dragon had tried to roast marshmallows indoors.

To be fair, Drakana had it.

And yet, somehow, Rei found himself sitting at the very same cracked table, staring at a monstrosity placed right in the center like it was a peace offering from the gods themselves. A massive, six-tiered, cream-frosted, cherry-topped cake.

It sparkled with unnatural shimmer, smelled faintly of lavender and cinnamon, and had "PEACE SUMMIT 2.0" written across the side in disturbingly red icing that might’ve been blood.

Rei narrowed his eyes. "This feels... ominous."

Drakana leaned over, nostrils flaring, sparks dancing in her teeth. "Doesn’t smell right, mate. Like burnt roses and... gas."

"Gas?" Rei croaked.

Seraphina pressed a delicate hand to her chest, glaring at the confection. "Evil often cloaks itself in sweetness."

Rosette scribbled silently in her notebook: Potential trap. Probability: 97%.

Emilia twirled her parasol, voice honeyed. "Ara but if it is poisoned, wouldn’t that be fun?"

Lilia, however, was already on her feet, eyes sparkling. "Darling! A peace cake! Clearly the universe wishes us wed in sugary harmony!"

Rei shot up so fast his chair snapped another leg. "WAIT, DON’T—"

But it’s too late. Lilia plunged a knife into the cake with frightening precision. Frosting splattered like snow. She scooped out a hunk, humming happily, and shoved it straight into her mouth.

And then, the cake hissed, like a teapot, like a gas grenade disguised in buttercream. A thick purple fog erupted from the tiers, spilling across the room in a rush of sleeping gas so potent Rei felt his eyelids start to slam shut instantly.

"WH—WHAT THE—" Rei gagged, fumbling for his sleeve to cover his face.

Drakana snarled, flame bursting from her throat. She unleashed a fiery breath that carved a tunnel through the smoke, her dragon lungs easily clearing the air around her. "Pathetic trick!"

Seraphina chanted a barrier of light, keeping the gas at bay while muttering psalms about resisting temptation.

Rosette slapped sealing tags onto the walls, writing down each chemical component of the gas in terrifying detail.

Emilia just sat calmly, sipping tea. The smoke seemed to politely curl away from her like even toxic fumes knew better.

And Lilia? Lilia had eaten a whole slice before the fog hit.

She blinked and then her cheeks flushed pink as her pupils turned into spinning little hearts.

Rei froze. "...Oh no."

Lilia clasped her hands together, dreamy and swaying like she’d just drunk five bottles of truth serum mixed with champagne.

"My beloved Rei~" she slurred, smile stretched ear to ear. "I must... confess something important."

Rei coughed through the last of the fog. "N-now’s not really the time—"

"I... I broke all your toothbrushes!" she blurted out, voice shrill with giddy honesty.

The room froze.

"...What?" Rei croaked.

Lilia’s face glowed crimson as she giggled, rocking on her heels. "So only my divine germs would remain in your mouth. Every toothbrush you’ve owned in the last five years? Snapped. Crushed. Burned. And then... I replaced them all with ones I already used~"

The others stared.

Drakana gagged. "That’s—actually disgusting, mate!"

Seraphina slammed her hymnbook. "BLASPHEMY OF ORAL HYGIENE!"

Rosette wrote furiously: Note: Replace toothbrushes with sterilized blades. Track dental history.

Emilia just chuckled softly behind her hand. "Ara... how creative."

Rei was trembling. "W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL OF THEM?!"

Lilia beamed, her eyes glazed like candy. "It’s the purest way to share ourselves, darling. Our mouths... always connected."

Drakana kicked the table, snarling. "Oi! That’s not romance, that’s oral terrorism!"

Rei clutched his head. "I—I thought the bristles just wore down naturally!"

[System Notification: New Status Effect – "Toothpaste of Despair."]

[Warning: You have not actually brushed your teeth in years. You’ve only swapped saliva.]

Rei screamed, "THAT’S EVEN WORSE!"

Lilia giggled louder, spinning in circles. "And the time you thought you lost your comb? I replaced it with one I licked~"

Seraphina’s jaw dropped. "Heretic grooming rituals?!"

Rosette calmly added another note: Investigate hair strand theft.

Emilia sipped her tea again. "My, my. She’s finally speaking from the heart."

Drakana glared, nostrils steaming. "Wait, if she’s this unhinged truth-drunk... how many other nasty little secrets has she been hiding?"

Lilia slapped her cheeks, wobbling in delight. "Oh~ so many! Like the time I cut tiny holes in Rei’s socks so his toes would peek out, just for me to kiss while he slept~"

Rei collapsed onto the table, face buried in his arms. "KILL ME NOW."

[System Notification: Side Quest Activated – "Oral Terror: The Hygiene Horror."]

[Objective: Confront Lilia about toothbrush sabotage.]

[Reward: Emotional trauma.]

Drakana leaned in, smirking. "Oi, maid. Spill everything. Right now."

Lilia saluted dramatically, grinning ear to ear. "Gladly! I also—"

"NO, DON’T ENCOURAGE HER!" Rei howled, waving his arms desperately.

But it was too late, lilia began rattling off confessions like bullets from a gatling gun:

"I laced your pajamas with rose petals from my bathwater~!"

"I stole your laundry so I could sniff it fresh~!"

"I fed your pet falcon little bits of my hair so it would only land on me~!"

"I... tattooed your name under my ribs with invisible ink made from your candle wax~!"

Rei slammed his head into the table. "WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?!"

[System Notification: New Trait Acquired – "Secondhand Hygiene Trauma."]

[Warning: You will never trust personal belongings again.]

The others exchanged horrified, disgusted, or disturbingly intrigued looks.

Seraphina crossed herself three times. "She requires cleansing!"

Drakana’s claws dug into the wood. "She’s worse than me."

Rosette tapped her pen thoughtfully. "Efficient methods. Noted."

Emilia simply hummed, smiling at Rei’s breakdown. "Ara, ara. So that’s what was happening behind the curtains. How adorable."

The gas slowly cleared. The cake sat in ruins, frosting oozing down the walls. And Lilia? Lilia swayed happily, eyes still spiraling.

"Darling~ now you know just how much I’ve loved you all along!"

Rei groaned into the table. "I wish the cake had just killed me."

[System Notification: Peace Summit Attempt #2 = Failure.]

[Reason: Exploding Dessert.]

[New Mission: Survive Truth-Drunk Confessions.]

[Reward: Dental bills.]

And so, the assassination attempt hadn’t killed Rei.

But it had revealed something far more horrifying: The truth.

Rei’s fingers dug into his scalp as if he could physically tear the trauma out. "Toothbrush sabotage! Sock mutilation! Falcon brainwashing! Invisible tattoo ink—WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"

Lilia clapped like a schoolgirl reciting poetry. "It means we’re already married under the skin, darling~"

[System Warning: Definition of "married" does not, in fact, include dermal vandalism.]

[System Suggestion: Seek annulment with fire.]

Rei groaned. "System, shut up before I dunk myself in bleach."

Drakana leaned back, arms crossed, smirking like she’d just won something. "Hah! Finally, the priestess has shown her true filth. And you lot call me obsessive? At least when I mark Rei’s skin, it’s with claws and passion, not toothpaste sabotage."

Seraphina slammed her hands against the ruined table, her golden aura flaring like a divine bonfire. "No—NO. This cannot stand! Toothbrush sanctity is sacred. The mouth is the temple of the soul!"

Rei raised his head just enough to glare. "You—you people are NOT normal!"

Emilia tilted her head, sipping the last of her tea. She delicately set her cup down on the edge of the cake corpse, utterly serene. "Ara... I think it’s romantic. After all, Rei, doesn’t it make you feel... cherished?"

Rei screamed. "NO, IT MAKES ME FEEL UNSANITARY!"

Rosette scribbled calmly, her quill scratching like a knife. "Observation: Priestess engages in microbiological warfare. Hypothesis: Long-term exposure to her saliva may induce partial resistance. Potential weaponization."

Rei’s jaw dropped. "You’re taking notes?!"

Rosette didn’t look up. "Survival requires documentation."

[System Notification: Note Added – "Priestess Germ Cult Strategy."]

[Warning: System recommends mandatory mouthwash—EXORCISM GRADE.]

Lilia staggered forward, her truth-drunk haze making her sway like a drunken ballerina. She pressed both palms against Rei’s cheeks, her face inches from his. "Darling... don’t you see? You’ll never need to fear loneliness. Even your germs are mine. Ohh sorry it’s ours and together"

Rei flailed, grabbing her wrists in panic. "STOP MAKING THIS SOUND LIKE A LOVE POEM ABOUT BACTERIA!"

Drakana gagged so hard a puff of smoke escaped her nose. "Oi! Priestess, you’ve officially ruined kisses for everyone!"

Seraphina nodded furiously, still glowing like a sanctified lantern. "Yes! Purity demands purification!"

Lilia pouted, puffing her cheeks. "Tch... you’re all just jealous of our intimate microbial bond!"

Emilia smiled faintly, voice dripping honey. "Jealous? Not quite. I simply admire your... creativity."

Rosette’s pen scratched faster. "Experiment log entry: ’Toothbrush Truth Bomb.’ Possible countermeasure: steal toothbrushes before Lilia does. Or burn them."

Rei’s whole body sagged, eyes hollow. "I can never brush my teeth again, can I? Every time... I’ll just imagine... HER."

[System Notification: Congratulations! You have unlocked "Dental PTSD."]

[Debuff Effect: Every toothbrush now whispers ’Lilia’ in your ear.]

"AAAAAARGHHHHHHH!" Rei slammed his forehead into the table again, cracking it further.

The ruined cake oozed frosting down the walls like sugary blood. The gas had cleared, but the atmosphere was more poisonous than ever.

Drakana folded her arms, tail swishing in irritation. "Well, peace summit’s trashed again. Anyone surprised?"

Seraphina raised her hymnbook, glaring daggers at Lilia. "I vote we cast her into holy quarantine."

Rosette calmly tore another page from her notebook and held it up. In perfectly neat letters it read: Alternative Plan: Remove priestess’ tongue.

Rei shrieked. "CAN WE NOT DISCUSS TONGUE REMOVAL IN FRONT OF ME?!"

Emilia hummed like a lullaby, her voice soft and cruel. "Ara, ara~ but if tongues are on the table, perhaps we should discuss his as well. Fairness, after all."

Rei practically leapt onto the chandelier. "NO. NO. NOBODY’S TONGUE IS ON THE TABLE!"

Lilia giggled, still drunk on truth, eyes swirling. "Darling, if tongues are on the table, mine would only want to taste yours forever~"

[System Notification: New Mission – "Save Your Tongue."]

[Failure Consequence: Oral divorce.]

Rei dangled from the chandelier, eyes wide with primal terror. "I. HATE. SUMMITS."

The others bickered, schemes already forming, while the student council room descended into chaos yet again.

And Rei realized, grimly, that the cake wasn’t even the assassination attempt.

It was the appetizer.

To be continued...