CHAPTER 158: CHAPTER 157: REI’S STOCKHOLM CONFESSION (FAKE?)

Dungeon of Forgotten Clubs – Sub-Level Seven.

Temperature: uncomfortably damp.

Atmosphere: 90% mold, with 10% regret.

Rei had been tied to a chair. Not just any chair. This thing was a monstrosity of thorns, petals, and suspiciously sharp cutlery welded together in a way that made him wonder if Rosette had an interior decorating hobby, or if this was just her idea of romance.

The roses bloomed crimson. The blades gleamed with faint enchantments. Every time Rei shifted, the chair creaked and released a faintly floral shing! sound, like a bouquet preparing to stab him at prom.

Rosette sat across from him on a broken marble step, forty-three knives arrayed around her in a neat fan like the world’s deadliest tea set.

She was calm, or I say too calm.

Her voice was soft enough to be mistaken for kindness. "You understand now, don’t you, Master Rei? This is the only way you’ll ever be safe."

Rei forced a smile that looked more like constipation. "Y-yeah, totally! I mean, obviously, being tied to a rose-thorn torture chair in a dungeon is the peak of safety. Really cutting-edge security."

Rosette tilted her head, pale hair brushing her cheek. "So... you admit it."

Rei swallowed. "Admit what?"

"That my love is clearer than the others."

Oh, no. Oh, no no no. This was it. Stockholm Syndrome speedrun.

[System Attempting Counsel...]

[Advice: Feign emotional breakthrough. Cry a little and pretend you understand her.]

[Warning: If sincerity detected below 30%, expect stabbing.]

[Survival Tip: Try "Stockholm Confession (Fake?)."]

Rei sighed dramatically, closing his eyes as if preparing for his Oscar speech. "Rosette... I see it now. Your love—it’s the truest of all. I was blind before but here, tied up, bruised, and vaguely perforated, now I finally... understand."

Rosette blinked. Her grip on the nearest dagger slackened. A faint pink spread across her cheeks, as if she hadn’t prepared for this exact possibility in her hundred contingency plans.

"...You mean that?"

Rei nodded gravely. "Of course. Look at me. I’m literally bound in roses and knives. If this isn’t true love, then what is?"

[System Warning: Sincerity Level at 12%. Stab Risk: Moderate.]

[Recalculating... Rosette’s Yandere Meter is temporarily confused.]

Rosette’s pale lips parted in the smallest smile. She lowered the dagger to her lap. Her posture softened. For a terrifying, fleeting second, she looked almost like a normal girl instead of a stealth assassin who moonlighted as a florist of doom.

"...You finally understand," she whispered.

Rei nearly sagged with relief. Holy crap, it’s working.

Of course, that was when the wall exploded.

A thunderous BOOOOM! shook the dungeon, dust falling from the ceiling. Chunks of ancient stone flew across the chamber. A blast wave flattened the roses clinging to Rei’s chair, briefly giving him hope that maybe, just maybe, divine intervention had arrived.

Then a metal behemoth roared through the rubble.

It was a tank. A full, enchanted, academy-modified, dragon-powered battle tank. Painted pink. With frilly lace around the turret barrel.

"WH—WHAT?!" Rei screeched.

The hatch on top popped open. Out leaned Lilia, wearing a bridal veil like a commander’s cap. She waved cheerfully. "Darling~! We came to rescue you!"

Behind her, Drakana crouched on the turret, her wings flared, fangs bared, laughing like a war goddess. "About TIME we brought this thing out of storage!"

Seraphina stood balanced on the barrel itself, hymn book in hand, singing a hymn that sounded suspiciously like: "Die, impure rival, die."

Emilia sipped tea in the back seat of the tank’s open hatch, completely unbothered.

Rei’s head thunked against the rose-blade chair. "...Of course. They brought a tank to the peace talks."

[System Alert: Hostage Situation Escalating]

[Probability of Survival: -2%. Yes, negative.]

[Recommendation: Begin Last Rites.]

Rosette’s moment of blushy hesitation evaporated. Her eyes narrowed, pupils sharpening like glass needles. She rose, knives shimmering around her like metallic petals.

"So they refuse to let us be," she murmured. "Then they all die here."

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT—no dying!" Rei flailed against his ropes. "This was supposed to be a peace summit! A marriage negotiation! A therapy session! Anything but—this!"

But the others weren’t listening. The tank’s turret rotated, aiming directly at Rosette.

Lilia raised her veil like a battle flag. "Target acquired. The rival maid is now going to be exterminated with holy matrimony fire."

"WHAT KIND OF WEAPON IS THAT?!" Rei screamed.

Drakana licked her lips, crouching low like a dragon about to pounce. "If she doesn’t surrender, I’ll just roast the whole dungeon."

Seraphina’s hymn intensified, glowing runes spilling across the walls. "Sacrament: Annihilation of Maid-Class Heretics."

Rosette flicked her wrist. Forty-three blades spun into formation, a shining death halo around her. Her voice was ice. "Come closer, and he bleeds first."

Rei groaned. "...Yep. Hostage situation officially begins. Why am I not surprised?"

From where he sat, the situation looked like:

A maid assassin ready to carve him like a wedding cake.

A tank full of overly-armed, overly-obsessed brides-to-be.

A dungeon structurally unsound enough to collapse at any second.

His inner monologue had collapsed into simple prayers.

"God, Goddess, anyone listening... if you get me out of this alive, I swear I’ll—well, okay, I won’t stop lying to them, but I’ll try to stop lying to them. Baby steps."

[System Note: Prayer is registered. And divine response is unlikely.]

"Darling!" Lilia shouted from the tank. "Don’t be afraid! We’ll save you!"

Rosette pressed a blade to his throat, eyes never leaving the others.

Rei wheezed. "Yeah, Lilia, I’m not afraid. I’m ecstatic! Just thrilled about being used as a meat shield!"

Emilia daintily sipped her tea again. "I must say, this is the worst peace conference I’ve ever attended. And I once attended one where the host was assassinated by a cheese platter."

Rei stared. "How—how is that even relevant?!"

"Everything is relevant when marriage is involved," Emilia replied serenely.

[System Notification: Incoming Catastrophe.]

[Title Unlocked: "Man Most Kidnapped."]

[Perk: You now instinctively know the ropes of hostage situations. Literally.]

Rei sagged against his bindings. His fake confession had bought him five minutes of breathing space. Now? Now he was back to square one, with death waiting on both sides.

"Okay, Rei," he muttered to himself. "New plan. Talk your way out. You’ve bullshitted gods, demons, and cafeteria ladies. You can bullshit through this."

He drew in a breath, and shouted dramatically:

"Rosette! I wasn’t lying when I said I saw your love clearly. But you have to understand—if you kill them, I’ll never forgive you!"

Rosette flinched. Her blade trembled. The faint blush returned.

For a split second, hope bloomed.

Then Drakana shouted: "THAT’S A FAKE CONFESSION, ISN’T IT?!"

The tank fired and the dungeon shook. Rei screamed louder than the cannon.

The cannon blast didn’t actually vaporize the dungeon—not yet. Instead, it spat out a swirling projectile of radiant pink light shaped like a giant engagement ring.

The ring whistled through the air, leaving glittering trails behind it, before exploding against Rosette’s blade halo with a deafening CLANG!

Shards of light scattered like deadly confetti.

Rei, tied to the chair, got smacked in the face by a glowing petal of pure matrimony. "OW! I didn’t consent to face confetti!"

Rosette’s daggers spiraled furiously, blocking the shrapnel. Her glare cut sharper than the knives. "Using wedding magic artillery against me? Pathetic."

"Pathetic?!" Lilia huffed, clutching her veil like a holy banner. "It’s divinely sanctioned! This weapon was blessed by five different archbishops!"

"Yeah!" Drakana bared her fangs. "I stole it from the royal armory myself!"

Rei twisted in his bindings. "Wait—you WHAT?!"

The dungeon ceiling cracked, dust raining down. Seraphina’s voice rose above the chaos, her hymn turning into an operatic scream that made even the walls vibrate.

"Hear me, stained-glass saints! Grant your judgment upon this blasphemous maid!"

The stained-glass mosaics embedded in the dungeon’s old chapel wall began to glow, forming giant translucent hands.

One slapped Rosette’s daggers. Another slapped Rei.

"AHHH—why me too?!" Rei howled, spinning in his chair as the glowing palm sent him twirling like a top.

[Collateral damage has been your only consistent skill.]

[Achievement Unlocked: "Slapped By God."]

Rosette caught him mid-spin, steadying his chair with eerie precision. Her cold hand rested briefly on his shoulder. Her voice, however, was warm with something disturbingly close to affection.

"Don’t worry, Master Rei. I’ll protect you from them all."

"Protect?!" Rei croaked. "Rosette, you literally kidnapped me and strapped me to a blender-chair!"

Before she could answer, Drakana leapt from the tank, wings snapping open. She landed with enough force to crater the floor. Flames licked her lips. "Hand him over, maid. Or I turn this place into ash."

"Try it," Rosette whispered, her knives clicking into a defensive pattern around Rei’s throat.

Rei tried to wedge himself lower into the chair. "No! Don’t try it! Nobody try anything! I’m allergic to ash and knives and explosions and—LILIA PUT DOWN THE HOLY ARTILLERY!"

Lilia ignored him, pressing glowing runes on the tank. The cannon hummed ominously. Emilia, sipping her tea, lazily reached out and pushed the barrel two inches upward.

"Don’t aim at the groom, dear," Emilia said softly. "That would defeat the point."

"Fine!" Lilia huffed. "Collateral sanctification, then!"

The cannon fired again. This time, the blast ricocheted off a stained-glass angel and blew another hole in the ceiling.

Chunks of stone collapsed, narrowly missing Rei’s chair.

Rei screamed into the raining dust. "This is it! This is how I die! Crushed by ceiling rocks while my yandere harem wages World War III over my corpse!"

[System Notification: Incoming Collapse.]

[New Passive Skill: "Hopeless Screaming."]

[Effect: +10% lung capacity during mortal panic.]

The room rumbled. Cracks spread like spiderwebs. Rosette braced herself, knives forming a dome above Rei. For the briefest second, he felt... almost safe.

Then Drakana roared. Seraphina’s hymn reached its climax. Lilia declared a holy crusade. Emilia muttered something about "a very poor use of diplomacy."

The dungeon shuddered as all hell broke loose.

Rei shut his eyes, whispering: "I knew I should’ve pretended to be dead when I woke up from the coma..."

And then the ceiling gave way.

To be continued...