CHAPTER 188: CHAPTER 187: DOMESTIC DISASTERS & THE PEACE CULT

The Demon Castle was alive. Not in the "oh, it’s bustling with servants and soldiers" kind of way but it was literally alive. The stones whispered at night. The chandeliers wept waxy tears. The carpets... shifted when Rei wasn’t looking.

But Rei could have handled that. He could have pretended it was just normal Demon Castle ambience.

What he couldn’t handle was the furniture.

"Finally," Rei muttered, dragging his exhausted body into the throne room after surviving yet another morning of yandere politics. "One normal chair. That’s all I want."

He sat. The chair immediately vibrated beneath him then it sighed and whispered:

"Rei-sama... will you marry me?"

Rei shot to his feet so fast he nearly dislocated his spine. "WHAT?!"

The throne blushed—or at least, the dark runes carved into its arms pulsed red. "I’ve been waiting for you for centuries. You sit on me with such warmth... it must be fate."

[System Alert: New Proposal Detected. Source: Demon King’s Throne.]

Rei backed away. "Nope. No. Not marrying a chair. I have enough problems!"

He sprinted toward his bedchamber, desperate for safety.

The bed sheets rustled invitingly as he collapsed. "Ah... at least you’re normal."

The mattress trembled. Then—CHOMP!

"AAAGH!" Rei leapt into the air, clutching his butt. "Did my bed just BITE me?!"

The bed groaned sultrily. "If I can’t have your heart... I’ll have your flesh."

[System Update: New Threat Identified → "Carnivorous Bedding." Suggest sleeping on floor.]

Rei staggered into the washroom. The mirror loomed on the wall. He leaned over the basin, muttering, "Okay... deep breaths. I’m losing it. Maybe it’s just stress—"

His reflection winked at him.

"I’m your true wife," the mirror purred in his own voice. "The others can’t see into your soul the way I do. Only I reflect your truest self."

Rei screamed so loud the castle bats evacuated.

Minutes later, his wives stormed in, weapons drawn.

"What happened?!" Drakana snarled, flames licking from her jaws.

"Rei-sama, are you hurt?!" Lilia cried, holy staff glowing.

Lucivella narrowed her eyes at the furniture. "Ah... the castle’s curses have awakened."

"Curses?!" Rei shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the predatory mattress. "You knew about this?!"

"Of course," Lucivella said smoothly. "Every Demon King must tame the castle. It’s a rite of passage."

"I’m not a Demon King! I didn’t sign up for a chair marriage proposal! Or a man-eating bed! Or—" he jabbed a finger at the mirror, which was now blowing him kisses— "a narcissistic bathroom fixture!"

Seraphina pressed her palms together in prayer. "Then allow me to bless the castle with holy purification—"

"No!" the others roared.

Emilia quietly handed Rei a futon rolled up in plain cloth. "...I prepared a backup bed for you in the broom closet."

Rei’s eyes filled with tears. "You’re the only sane one here..."

[System Notification: New Survival Strategy → "Broom Closet Refuge." Comfort Level: -10. Safety Level: +50.]

By evening, Rei had almost convinced himself the cursed furniture was a one-off nightmare. He was wrong.

Dinner began innocently enough in the grand dining hall. A long table stretched across the chamber, covered with demon delicacies, human imports, and holy side-dishes no sane stomach should touch.

Rei sat down. Carefully. He checked the chair first—it didn’t whisper this time, thank goodness. Maybe things were calming down.

Then he saw the [System Mission] hovering in his vision.

[System Mission: Survive Dinner With All Wives.]

→ Success Condition: Finish meal without dying.

→ Failure Condition: Death (Face-first in soup).

Rei paled. "...That’s oddly specific."

The meal began.

Lilia poured him a glowing bowl of soup. "Rei-sama, please drink. It’s full of divine love."

Drakana shoved an entire roasted beast toward him. "Eat meat! More meat! You need to bulk up to wrestle gods!"

Seraphina set down angelic pastries that glowed with suspicious halos. "They’ll purify your soul while you chew."

Emilia silently cut his steak into bite-sized pieces, placing them neatly in front of him with military precision.

Lucivella simply raised her goblet. "Drink this, my love. It’s blood from the first demon king. Vintage."

Rei’s eye twitched. "...This is a trap."

[System Reminder: Survival Probability 0.01%.]

He tried to hedge his bets. One sip of soup—tongue went numb. One bite of steak—jaw nearly dislocated. One nibble of pastry—teeth buzzed like he’d chewed lightning. One sip of Lucivella’s wine—blood sugar crash incoming.

He finally lifted Emilia’s neatly cut steak. It tasted... normal, delicious, even.

The others noticed. The temperature of the room plummeted, auras flared and forks became weapons.

"You favor her cooking?!" Lilia shrieked.

"Fight me for it!" Drakana roared, flipping the table.

"Such favoritism cannot stand," Seraphina said serenely, drawing her holy sword.

Lucivella’s eyes glowed scarlet. "Disloyalty will be punished."

Rei panicked, waving his hands. "Wait, I didn’t—!"

But his body betrayed him. Exhaustion, stress, and the cursed food combined. His vision tunneled.

Face-first, he collapsed straight into Lilia’s glowing soup.

[System Alert: Mission Failed.]

[Death Condition: Triggered.]

[Auto-Revive Activated: -1 Life.]

Rei’s soul left his body for three seconds before slamming back in like a boomerang. He shot upright, coughing broth out of his lungs.

"BLURGH—WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?!"

The next day, Rei finally broke. He gathered everyone—wives, soldiers, maids, even the cursed chair—in the Demon Castle courtyard.

He stood on a crate, clutching a megaphone that had been cursed to amplify despair.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Rei shouted, voice echoing across the capital. "I... I just wanted peace!"

His wives tilted their heads in eerie unison. "Peace...?"

Rei waved his arms wildly. "Yes! Peace! No more fighting, no more curses, no more turning dinner into a gladiator match! If you all keep this up, I’ll—I’ll... I’ll die before the honeymoon!"

The crowd of demons, who had gathered out of curiosity, went silent.

Then someone in the back whispered: "He speaks of peace..."

Another demon gasped. "Our King rejects bloodshed?"

A third fell to their knees. "This is divine wisdom!"

And just like that—chaos began.

"ALL HAIL THE GOD OF LOVE!" one demon screamed.

"Peace through Rei-sama’s will!" shouted another.

Within minutes, half the capital was kneeling, chanting. Holy flowers spontaneously bloomed from cracks in the demonic stone.

Rei blinked. "...Wait. No. This isn’t what I meant."

Lucivella’s smile widened. "How marvelous. A new cult, born from your words."

Seraphina clasped her hands in prayer. "At last, the prophecy fulfilled."

Lilia sobbed tears of joy. "Rei-sama is founding a holy order!"

Emilia scribbled notes furiously. "...We can weaponize this."

Drakana just laughed. "Peace cult? Fine! As long as it’s YOUR cult, mate!"

[System Update: New Title Acquired → "God of Love (Against Your Will)."]

Rei buried his face in his hands. "I just... wanted everyone to stop fighting over soup..."

Of course, it didn’t end there. The cult spread fast. Demons began carrying little booklets quoting Rei’s "holy words" from the courtyard speech.

"Love, not war."

"Soup kills faster than swords."

"I just wanted peace."

Rei discovered, to his horror, that the booklets were authored by someone calling themselves "Saint Author Anonymous."

He cornered Emilia. "Why is the entire army carrying pamphlets with my face on them?!"

She blinked at him calmly. "...Because you wrote them."

"I DID NOT!" Rei shouted.

Emilia handed him a quill and parchment. "Then write a correction. Sign it ’Anonymous.’"

Rei, desperate to clear his name, scribbled out a disclaimer: "Please stop worshipping me. I am not a god. I’m just trying to eat dinner without dying."

The next day, the pamphlets read:

"Truly, how humble he is... Even gods deny their divinity. This proves he is the One."

Rei slammed his head into a wall.

[System Notification: Reputation with Demon Army +1000.]

[System Achievement: Accidentally Founded Major Religion.]

That night, Rei sat slumped on his broom closet futon, pamphlets piled around him. From the passages, his wives peeked in.

Lilia whispered, "Our god is so humble..."

Drakana grinned, "Our mate is worshipped by an army now!"

Seraphina’s halo glowed. "Our King fulfills prophecy after prophecy."

Emilia quietly stacked more pamphlets. "...We’ll need more ink."

Lucivella’s eyes gleamed. "How divine, to be adored by millions. You cannot escape us now, my love."

Rei groaned, muffled into his pillow. "I just wanted peace..."

[System Response: Peace Not Found. Religion Expansion Imminent.]

Rei woke the next morning to chanting.

Not normal chanting. Not "soldiers drilling at dawn." Not even "Drakana belching fire hymns."

It was... organized. Harmonized. Terrifyingly enthusiastic.

He cracked open the broom closet door. The courtyard below overflowed with demons in matching robes stitched overnight—robes that bore his face.

"PEACE THROUGH LOVE!" they roared in unison.

"PEACE THROUGH REI-SAMA!"

Rei slammed the door shut. "Nope. No. Back to sleep."

[System Alert: Denial Detected. World Events Will Proceed Regardless.]

"Shut up," Rei hissed, curling into the futon.

The door creaked open without warning. Lucivella leaned in, her smile sharp. "Beloved... the Peace Cult requests your divine blessing for their first crusade."

Rei shot up. "WHAT CRUSADE?! Peace doesn’t need a crusade! That’s the opposite of peace!"

Lucivella tilted her head. "They intend to ’lovingly conquer’ hostile kingdoms until everyone follows your teachings."

"...By conquer, you mean—"

"Burn, pillage, and sing hymns in your honor."

Rei buried his face in his hands. "I’m going to die. No, worse—I’m going to be canonized."

[System Notification: Global Event Triggered → "Holy War of Hugs."]

[Warning: Hug casualties estimated in the thousands.]

Drakana kicked the door open next. "Oi, mate! They want me to lead the cavalry! Said my fire will ’warm the cold hearts of unbelievers’!"

"NO!" Rei screamed. "You’re not allowed within fifty feet of a crusade! Or a torch! Or a pamphlet!"

Too late. The pamphlets were already fluttering down from the rafters like cursed snowflakes, each one stamped with his smiling face.

Rei clutched his chest. "I just wanted peace..."

[System Response: Peace Progress: -200%. Congratulations, Cult Leader.]

To be continued...