I explained what I meant. “We could send someone to tell the paladins that the demons were our reinforcements, and then, well, have our enemies fight.”

Valeria smiled. “Sometimes you are positively brilliant, Abby.”

“But they’d just do their lie detection thing on them and it would be all over.”

Valeria shook her head. “And then, sometimes, you’re a near miss. Let’s get back to the crypt. I would never have come up with that idea, Abby – but I think we can make it work.”

She explained the little twist as we rode back to the crypt, which took us a few hours. Once there, I gathered up the demon guard, Meta, and Tysiel.

“Hi. I thought you all should know. I’ve just heard there’s an army from the Ritual Faction on its way.”

There were gasps. “Don’t worry, though,” I said. “Not only do I have my forces, including the undead, but I have an army of L’Shan on its way. Once we hook up together, we’ll be invincible. They don’t stand a chance fighting us together, and they can’t possibly get here before the knights, paladins, and priests do. The two armies are running a parallel course, and the army of L’Shan is closer.”

As expected, the guard had very mixed reactions to the idea that an army of L’Shan was good news.

“I’ll protect you from them, don’t worry. But I do have to ask a question of each of you. Do any of you sympathize with the Ritual Faction? I’ll ask you one at a time.”

It wasn’t subtle, of course, with Valeria standing there. I asked, and they had to answer, and they knew she was detecting lies. But she kept shaking her head after each answer.

When all that was finished, we let the guard do as it liked, but Bapho wanted a word with me, and I really wanted to talk to Val. Well, it couldn’t be helped. I went off a distance with Bapho.

“What is it?”

“I hate to say it, Uber Archfiend, but Lasciviadentata was a close confidant of Garazazeltarrasque. I suspect she might betray you to the enemy. I saw Valeria shaking her head at you, but I still think she was lying.”

I nodded. It could mean all sorts of things, since I didn’t know for sure if Bapho was playing straight with me, either. “Just a second, Bapho,” I said. “Stay right here.”

I went over and talked to Valeria. I hadn’t had this many secret negotiations since the time I played Diplomacy in high school, a thing I had resolved never to do again. I valued my friendships too highly.

“Lascivia lied,” Val told me. “Bapho told the truth.”

“Perfect,” I said, and went back to talk to Bapho.

Charm Person. I wasn’t going to take chances, and just because Bapho didn’t hold with the Ritual Faction didn’t mean he wouldn’t side with them if it was them or paladins. “Bapho, make sure Lascivia has a chance to make a break for it. She won’t get far, and it’s better to know.”

It took an hour before Lascivia ran off. But as for not getting far, quite the contrary. Xyla opened a path for her and sped her on her way.

After that, we had to wait.

Twelve hours later, Kathy radioed. “They’ve veered off. They’re taking the bait. But Abby?”

“Yes?”

“It’s only partly demons. In fact, I think there are just a hundred or so of those. There are hell of a lot of zombies, too, and some other things I don’t recognize.”

“How many zombies?”

“Maybe a thousand.”

I nodded. That meant it would look that much more like the army came from me. Well, that was mixed news, too, actually, because it wouldn’t make negotiating any easier if the time ever came for that. But it was good for the current stage.

“Okay, Talos,” I said. “You’re good to go.”

Talos’s mission had been Valeria’s idea, and she had wanted to do it, but in the end they’d agreed that Talos would be better. Talos wasn’t “stained” with forbidden lesbian love, and he was a new face. Of course we knew lying wouldn’t work. But telling the Paladins that I’d “sent” an undead and demon army after them wasn’t a lie. The implication that it was my army didn’t have to be spoken. Neither was it a lie that Talos didn’t want the army of L’shan to be crushed by such an army. He really did want to warn them before the fight. On anything else he would simply refuse to talk.

So off he went.

“Should I work with Gren to pick off some of the demons when they enter the forest?” Xyla asked me.

I shook my head. “No, if anything, speed them on their way. I want them to get to the enemy, after all, and not be distracted.”

“They are a worthy enemy for the army of L’shan,” Valeria said.

Gren would be proud of her personal growth in rationalizing that one, I thought. On the other hand, I could see her point. A paladin’s job was to fight people like the Ritual Faction. Win or lose, we were giving them what they wanted, sort of.

“You know that a battle in the forest is going to cause all sorts of damage, don’t you?” Xyla asked me.

“Yes. But there’s no better solution. There were going to be battles here almost no matter what we did.”

She nodded. “You’ll work to help it grow again?”

“You know I will. Everyone will. All of Abbyland works together.”

“Then I will go and watch them.”

Armies were slow. Armies in forests were slower. Xyla could open a path for one or two people abreast, but anything else would look suspicious.

Slowly, my people assembled. We didn’t have to hurry. Gren and Lysandra came with a crew of thirty trained with compound bows, trolls and orcs working together. A few hundred orcs, and slightly fewer trolls, brought their native weapons: axes and spears mostly, and a few swords. I had downladed information on how to build better swords, but there wasn’t time for that right now. The eight demon guards who had passed the loyalty tests Val and I had given them, were ready to fight. And I had a couple hundred zombies.

I wore a black leather bra, and leather pants. The fabric provided a little protection where it covered, but gave me a lot of freedom of motion.

Numerically, we were the smallest force, but not by a lot. We waited. Kathy could only intermittently get intel, because the treetops blocked her view, but even so it was impossible to disguise the movement of large armies crashing through the woods. The two forces were on a collision course. Our forces were gathered at the edge of the forest, just south of Zargaza’s settlement, because it was easier to keep us all together there.

“Even though we have turned to peace,” Zargaza said. “The lust for battle fills me with excitement. It arouses me. Would you like to take me in front of my troops? It might be good for morale.”

“Tell them it will be a reward for after our victory,” I said.

She went and did so, and Lysandra snickered.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“I love how you have her controlled, Abby,” Lysandra said. “I know that’s just because of what you’ve done to me, but I still love it.”

If I ever convinced Lysandra that she had her free will, she was going to have to confront the reality of her kinks.

“You know,” Gren said. “If we pull this off, everyone’s going to want a piece of you.”

“I think she’s used to that,” Kendala said. “But of course, we are at your command.”

We waited some more.

“I think it’s starting,” Kathy said on the radio. “But I can’t see how it’s going.”

I gave the order, and our army moved into the forest. We wanted to be close, but we didn’t want either side to know we were there, which involved some guesswork. But Xyla opened broad paths for us, which meant our travel was much easier than that of the other armies, and we took it at a relaxed pace. If we were getting too close, we’d find those paths closed up, as a signal to wait.

I hated that this battle would damage Xyla’s forest, but there was nowhere we’d have a larger tactical advantage.

I also didn’t like not knowing what was going on. Xyla kept sending squirrels to us with berries in their teeth. A red berry was supposed to mean the demons were winning, and a blue berry meant the army of L’Shan was.

The first two squirrels ate the berries, but their teeth were red.

“We’ve got to go,” Valeria said. “We’ve got to stop the demons from winning.”

I shook my head. “I know how you feel,” I said. “But Xyla knows more than we do.” Xyla had taken a radio and strapped it to her waist with vines, but she preferred the squirrels for some reason.

There were healers on one side, and at least one necromancer on the other, but I bet that a lot of the value of that was negated by the forest. Healers would have hard time finding the wounded, and necromancers couldn’t stay back and still hope to find the dead. And I knew the skill-set well. It came with some combat ability, for sure, but not much defense aside from having a wall of zombies between you and the enemy.

“I found a necromancer, Abby,” Xyla said suddenly over the radio. “Opening a path for you.”

I turned to Gren. “Let’s go.”

“Uber Archfiend, you should stay behind where we can protect you,” Bapho said.

I started to object, but Gren spoke first. “He’s actually right. I know you can teleport, but with the bikes that’s not the fastest way to flee.” She turned to Lysandra. “Let’s go.”

They’d planned this between the two of them, clearly. Dammit. I wanted to do something. If I’d wanted to be a supervisor, I’d had plenty of opportunities on Earth.

But I knew, deep down, that my people needed a queen more than they needed a teleporting necromancer/seductress.

“Let them go,” Lesseth said to me, putting a gelatinous hand on my bare shoulder. “Our time will come.”

I nodded. And anyway, they were already gone.

A few minutes later, Gren used the radio. “Target eliminated,” Gren said. “We’re on our way back.”

Valeria pumped her fist.

The next squirrel came back with blue teeth, and Valeria’s smile widened.

“Time to move,” I said, giving the order to the zombies first, and then to Zargaza, Gavabar, and Bapho before coordinating with Gren.

“You waited to attack until the armies of L’shan were already on top?” Valeria said, with a trace of anger in her voice.

“I want Varsho to win,” I said. “But I don’t want him to think they did it without help. And I had to weaken him. Sorry.”

We fell upon the rear of the demonic forces with a mass of zombies. Sensibly, they were using their undead in front, letting them absorb the losses, just like I was doing. But they weren’t expecting us to come from behind.

It was a slaughter.

Then the orcs and trolls moved forward, led by their chiefs, of course, but physically led by Valeria. I kept the demon guard in reserve, and I held the zombies mostly back, too. Gren and Lysandra and their archers provided flanking fire, and were ready in case the army of L’Shan turned on us.

Based on the number of human armored bodies we found, I doubted they would. They had been hit hard. I was sorry about that, but I didn’t have any actual regret. They had decided to come here seeking a fight. They got one.

I had tasks to perform that only I could do. I found the necromancer Gren and Lysandra had taken out. He was a relatively human looking demon, with elf-like ears, a tail, and red skin.

Animate Dead.

The red skin paled to a salmon pink, and he opened his eyes. “Master,” he said. “The light! It burns!”

For the first use of the Animate Dead spell, you received 1 experience point. You need 2226 to reach sixth level.

For raising a vampire, you received 40 experience points. You need 2225 to reach sixth level.

Oh, right. It was still daylight, although there was only an hour of it left and it was pretty dark in the forest. I whipped the cloak I’d used earlier out of my bag and tossed it to him. “Put this on.”

“Yes, Master!” he said. “Ah, that’s better.” He pulled it low over his face, so that all I could really see were some glowing red eyes and his fangs.

I thought of asking him for his name, but I didn’t have time for that now. “I need you to take command of the zombies and move them around in a flanking maneuver. Don’t try to make contact with the enemy, just keep them ready, and if they attack me and mine, then and only then do you attack. If they attack the zombies, well, they can defend themselves, and you.”

“I hear and obey,” said the new vampire. “Master.”

Then he walked over to one of the dead bodies, and sunk his fangs into it. I was about to object, but it really only took him a minute, and then he was on his way to follow my orders. I guess he was hungry.

I walked around the battlefield, animating what seemed likely to be the highest level dead, human or demon. I collected eight ghouls, two vampires, and five wights. Two of the ghouls were familiar to me as the traitor guards, Azzy and Lascivia.

The best part of necromancy. Making your enemies serve you.