Lysandra and Kendala were waiting for me at the edge of the orc crowd. Kendala had her bike with her. A moment later Xyla joined us, and immediately gave Lysandra and Kendala a replay of what had happened while put on my top.

“Wow, hot!” Kendala said. “Sounds like you fucked her good!”

Lysandra smiled at me. “I feel like I should feel jealousy, but thanks to your enchantments, I’m not. Although I do hope you’ve saved a little for me. And the rest of us, of course.”

“I kept watching the flames, but they were pretty careful,” Xyla said. “Of course, it only takes one accident.”

“I passed down orders earlier, and I think Zargaza and Gavabar have been enforcing them. But the danger is past, and they don’t need to see so much. It isn’t worth the risk. Kendala, could you go and convey to Zargaza that it’s time for lights out? In the morning, when the sun is up, they can all go back to the village.”

“Absolutely. May I return to your side after?”

“Yes.”

She grinned, and ran off, leaving her bike where it was.

You didn’t even notice it, did you?

“Notice what?” I asked.

“Notice what what?” Lysandra asked, puzzled.

“Enash again.”

“I can’t notice Enash,” Lysandra said.

I explained, and then wondered if I had an opportunity. “I just got some new spells,” I said.

“Really? Awesome.”

“Including one which works like you think the ‘enchantment’ on you works. It’s called Love Slave.”

“Well, I should know, I’m the one enchanted.”

“But it breaks, you see, if you go a week without an orgasm from me. Like on your trip. So even if I had cast it on you, you’d be completely free of my control once it had been a week. See, you’re not under a spell.”

Lysandra thought about that as we walked back to the battlefield. “Ah. But getting an orgasm from Gren counts, because she’s your wife. Which is amazing, when you think about it. You can control lots of people, using surrogates.”

I took a deep breath, and shook my head. “No.”

“You know who you should make your love slave?” she said.

Did I want to know? “Who?”

“Queen Maeve. Then you’d have both the demons and the elves at your command. No one has ever united us and them before. And you have to admit, she’s pretty hot, even if she is old.”

“But her power relies on her being in Avonia. There’s no way I could make sure she came every week.”

“That’s where you send one of your wives to take care of her,” Lysandra said.

I tried again with logic. “Ah, but I couldn’t do that if I had Love Slave cast on you, because I can only have it on one person at a time.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Why she would believe me about that, when she didn’t believe that I didn’t control her mind her no matter how many times I told her, I didn’t know.

“Wow,” she said after a few minutes. “Now I feel really special. I’m the only one, huh?”

“You’re one of a kind alright,” I said. “Look, when we get back to Valeria, we’ll have her and Talos cast lie detection spells on me, and I’ll tell you that you’re not mind controlled.”

She smirked. “Nice try, but you already told us those don’t work on you if the lie concerns your sexual escapades or seductress powers.”

Ah, right. Logic was a two-edged sword. If only I could mind-control her into believing she wasn’t mind-controlled.

But that would be wrong.

She reached out and took my hand, and we walked back together that way.

Gren had asked one of my new vampires to order some of my zombies to line the corpses Valeria had marked in order by the number of red ribbons they had.

“Wow,” I said. “Nice work.”

“Collated Corpses,” she said. “Nothing is too good for my Abby.”

“And thank you, too, Valeria. I know it’s not your favorite thing in the world.”

Val stuck out her tongue in distaste. “We could just give them a proper burial.”

“That would be wasteful,” Lysandra said.

“Nice work to you, too,” I told the vampire.

“Thank you Master. I serve only you, but I felt her suggestion was in your interest.” He was a tall thin demon with a long barbed tail and spiky little horns, his red skin turned pale pink by becoming undead.

“Do you, um, have a name?”

“I’m aware of my previous identity as Varnecalicide, but I’m not the person he was. Call me what you will.”

“Ah. Varney, then. Varney the Vampire. That has a ring to it for some reason.” I paused, a thought hitting me. “How much blood do you guys need to drink, anyway?”

Varney shrugged. “If we drain someone once a week, that should do. But don’t worry about us, we’ll find our own food and bring the corpses back to you to animate. Perhaps you could mark the people you don’t want us to kill, for whatever reason?”

I blanched.

“Surely you thought of this first?” Val asked me.

“I so didn’t. I just wanted overseers for the zombies, so they’d be able to work without me.”

“I understand they die when you put a stake in their hearts, or chop their heads off,” Val said helpfully.

I turned back to Varney. “Does it matter if the blood is fresh or not?”

Varney shrugged. “I suppose not.”

“Human, animal?”

“Has to be people blood. Doesn’t have to be humans.”

Right. I was still in the habit of using those words as if they were interchangeable, a habit I needed to watch and fix. “So, people, then. But if several people donated a little, that would solve the problem?”

“I guess, but it wouldn’t get you more zombies.”

I was glad I’d only made two vampires. Valeria was looking at me expectantly. “I think we can manage this. Varney, if you can eat now, take a little from the corpses. In the mean time, no killing anyone without permission. I’ll, um, arrange for your blood supply.”

He shrugged, and walked off to bite someone.

“Biter of Bodies,” Gren said.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You’ll arrange for their blood supply?” Valeria asked me in a challenging tone.

“A blood donation drive, or something. Strictly voluntary. Back on my world we do it just so that there’s enough blood for hospitals to give people blood who have lost too much.” Of course, we didn’t really have the gear to do it right, with bags and needles and such. Then again, Valeria and Talos could make sure people didn’t get infected, and probably even heal them from blood loss. I just had to convince them to be part of the process for feeding vampires.

That might not go over well. I decided to wait to bring it up. Valeria had, after all, just helped me raise zombies, which probably stretched her notions of good and evil enough for one day. But I decided not to make anymore vampires, which meant not using the better Animate spell, since the level of the body, and not the will of the necromancer, determined whether it made another vampire. I suppose I could have just raised it, and if I got a vamp let Val put it down, but Varney was a little too close to “people” for me to be willing to do that.

So, I stuck to Animate Lesser Undead. It was more mana efficient, anyway, and the wights, who looked pretty much like the zombies but stood up a little straighter, could command zombies, too. Two zombies and five wights would have to do for now.

Did the wights have needs, like the vampires? What about the ghouls? I’d acted in the moment, and I hadn’t thought about all the ramifications. There was only one person I knew who would have all the answers.

I wasn’t going to ask him. I took a shot in the dark. “Varney, do you know what wights eat, if anything? And ghouls?” Did ghouls eat corpses? I thought I remembered that somewhere.

“No, I don’t know,” Varney said.

“Could you go ask them for me and report back?”

“Of course.”

Heh. It’s fun to watch you try to figure things out for yourself, and make a mess of things.

I ignored him and raised some more zombies. I wanted to get that finished before the guard Varsho sent arrived.

The radio crackled, and I listened. “Abby here,” I said.

But I just got static. “Jill? You listening?”

More static back. I thought maybe there was a voice in there somewhere, but it wasn’t intelligible.

I didn’t think we should be out of range, unless something happened to the repeater station I’d set up.

“Where’s Kathy?” I asked, thinking she could fly back to the crypt.

“Last I saw her she was throwing up over that way,” Gren said. “When we were moving the bodies, she suddenly got ill. I think Talos went with her, so she’ll be fine.”

“She’s probably not sick, as such. Just a little green.” I thought it was pretty understandable.

“Like Zargaza?”

Lysandra giggled.

“What?” Gren asked.

“Well, I don’t think Abby meant it literally, but when last we saw Zargaza…” she trailed off in giggles again. “So if she was like Zargaza…” And more giggles.

“She probably doesn’t want to fly right now, in any case,” I said. “And I can’t get through to Jill. She’s probably fine, and Xyla would have warned us if some detachment went toward the crypt, but I’m a little worried.”

“Xyla can get back fast,” Gren pointed out.

“She can. But she’s also busy, because there was a lot of devastation caused by the battle.”

“Then it’s me, on a bike,” Gren concluded. “Or Kendala, who probably rides faster than any of us.”

“We’ll all be going back soon anyway. There’s no reason to stay here. I was thinking we’d catch some sleep first, but this changes that calculation. Let’s just go home.”

But of course it wasn’t as easy as that.

Several humans walked in just as I was finishing raising the latest crop of undead. The looked around the scene with distaste. I couldn’t help but notice one of them, because she stood out. She wore no armor, so she was presumably a priestess rather than a paladin or warrior, and she was a pretty brunette whose robes hugged her figure. I had more than enough romance on my plate, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy feminine beauty.

A man stepped forward. “I’m Captain Hornung,” he said. “A paladin of L’Shan. General Varsho has assigned me to lead your guard.” His voice was tight; clearly he hadn’t volunteered for the assignment.

“Glad to meet you, Captain.” I stuck out a hand. He clasped it, without taking of the thick leather glove he wore.

“Queen,” he said, stiffly.

“Would you introduce me to everyone else?”

“Of course.”

There were four other male soldiers, and two women, and the woman who I’d correctly guessed was a priestess. “Bronwyn, our chaplain.” Her name was the only one that stuck with me. I’d had a busy day, and it wasn’t over.

I had to give the undead orders. I had to make sure everyone was accounted for.

Varney reported back. “Master, the wights tell me they don’t need to eat or drink anything.”

“A Vampire!” said one of the guards.

“It’s okay, “I said. He’s one of ours.” I was thinking it was unfortunate that the only way to ensure making a wight was to know that the corpse had been exactly third level in life. “And the ghouls?”

“I saw them feasting on corpses, but they don’t talk.”

“Lovely,” Valeria said.

I always put them in the front lines when I had them. Use ‘em and let him get destroyed by the enemy, before they chew up all the raw material.

“And when you weren’t at war?” I held up my hand and pointed at my head, hoping they’d get that I was talking to Enash. I really needed a formal symbol for that.

Why would I not be at war? You can’t make a bigger undead army by just sitting around watching futanari hentai, you know.

I passed over the oddly specific example. The ghouls didn’t seem worth it. “Valeria, would you like to kill some ghouls?”

“Of course.”

“Actually, Captain, would you like to help us put down some undead? Entirely optional, I can hardly say that I’m in danger from them.”

“We’d love to,” Captain Hornung said.

“Varney, do you think you can order them to stand still while these good folk kill them?”

Varney shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Alright, we’ll all do it together. Better get Talos in on this, too. Kendala, can you stay with Kathy until she feels better? I don’t think she wants to see this.” I turned back to Varney. “Take us to them, please.”

On the first group of three, I ordered them to stay still, and that didn’t really work. Once they realized Valeria and Talos were trying to chop their heads off, they had a sense of self preservation. But they didn’t really have a chance against us.

The next group, I tried stunning them by taking my top off. I succeeded at stunning my friends, and the ghouls were unaffected. But at least the ghouls didn’t yet know what we had planned, so it just slowed things down. Had it been a good idea to flash the L’Shan guard? Well, I’d done it.

The last two were Azzy and Lascivia. We quit trying to be cute. Valeria, Talos, and Captain Hornung just ran in and hacked away and even with all their bulk they couldn’t fend off three angry paladins. Gren and Lysandra could have put arrows in them, but the paladins felt righteous doing it, and I saw no reason to deprive them of their fun.

“You should let your people know that traitors and spies get killed twice,” Lysandra said.

“Double death,” Gren replied, grinning.

I wanted to rule through loyalty, not fear. But with Gren involved, the rumor would probably spread regardless. I was still anxious about Jill. At every step of the way I felt like we’d be ready to leave in a few minutes, even though it took us half an hour to get everything in order.

The radio crackled again. “Can anyone hear me?” Jill said.

“Jill? This is Abby.” It was good to hear her voice.

“I can hear you,” Kathy said on her radio.

“Thank God,” Jill said.