The next day we were invaded by demons.

Well, kinda. There were just a dozen of them. A few were the big bulky four armed types, some looked like succubi, and there were a couple of slimes, too. They came on the East road, and by the time they got to Blowhaven I was ready for them, as they’d had to pass through the Orc Village. Inka, naturally, had given me a heads up on the radio. I went out to greet them with Valeria and Lysandra at my side, and Gren concealed behind the house, just in case.

They saw me and went to their knees, bowing. I guess that meant they were friendly. But I could hear running behind me, so I turned to look.

Captain Hornung, with his people, most of them armed. And a fifty feet or so behind, Bapho, and his, ditto.

“Your Uberness,” said one of the bowing succubi

“Yeah,” I said. “What’s up?” All these guard types were going to get in the way of Gren’s shots, if it came to that, so I put up my hand for them to stop. “And you might as well stand.”

She stood. She was wearing more than Xyla usually did, barely: brass pasties held in place by some wires. Her hair was flaming red, her skin looked evenly sunburned, and her stomach was well-defined muscle. “I am Under-Captain Delilalavixen, here to protect you from the righteous paladins.”

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Captain Hornung drew up alongside of me, gesturing for his men to spread out. “We’re here, Queen Abby. We’ll protect you,” he said.

“Uber Archfiend!” Bapho said a moment later. “Don’t worry, we’re here.”

“Thank goodness,” I said drily. “What would I ever do without you. Under-Captain Delilah, Captain Bapho. Captain Hornung. Princess and Archfiendess Lysandra. Queen Consort Valeria.” If the wife of a King was a Queen, was the wife of a Queen a Queen? That seemed confusing. Princess? Duchess? We didn’t have that many people, and I didn’t see much need for titles until other people started waving them around. “Uber Archfiendess consort? Either way, she’s my wife.”

“Heh,” said one of the four-armed soldiers with the new group, staring at Valeria. Maybe he had some idea of rising to power by cucking the Uber Archfiend. I wasn’t worried.

“All evil,” said Valeria under her breath. “Every last one of them, except the succubi on the far right.”

Delilah bowed to Lysandra, and then gave Valeria a little nod that came with a shiver. “Your Uberness, the Archfiend heard about the paladins, and felt it was wise to send reinforcements. They outnumber us.”

“Bapho has eight guards left, and there are eight of the L’shan people.”

“We were told there were ten. And I can count nine, right now.” She smiled at me. “A lie worthy of an Uber Archfiend, but to what end? Not that you need a reason to enjoy a clever falsehood, of course!”

Ah. Because Bapho, of course, would count Valeria and Talos. And she was counting Valeria. And on the other side, they weren’t counting Lesseth, because they knew she wasn’t part of any guard.

I frowned. “We were attacked by demons recently. I know I can trust Bapho and his remaining soldiers, but we’re leery of letting more people join us who might be sympathetic to the ritual faction.” I did not trust Bapho and his people, but there was no harm in him thinking I did. Sometimes people rise or sink to whatever expectations you have of them.

Delilah nodded. “Regarding that, we have information that Prince Voragafenester has gone into hiding. The Archfiend has given orders that he be tarred and feathered, and then frozen solid, should he be found. Would you like a fragment of him as a keepsake, after the execution, Uber Archfiend?”

“Uh, no, I’m good. My, um, trophy case is kind of overloaded at the moment.”

Her eyes widened. “Really? You wouldn’t happen to have a Lamia finger, would you? I have a friend who –”

“No, sorry.”

“Ah. Also, we brought you some souls. There are merchants who want more of the delightful little toys you brought last time.” She reached behind her, and one of the four-arms handed her a bag that clanked.

“Uh, souls?” That sounded like ritual faction talk to me. She offered the bag to me.

“You mean the currency, right?” Lysandra said.

“Of course. What did you think I meant? Oh. We wouldn’t keep souls of that sort in a bag. They need to be kept in jars corked with brass stoppers.”

I took the bag. It was full of coins with the Archfiend’s leering face on them. “Thanks. I’ll get you some joy buzzers and whoopie cushions to take with you when you go back.”

“Oh, we’re here to stay,” Delilah said.

“Two of you only.”

“But that means there will only be the same number as the paladins.”

“Exactly.”

“Uber Archfiend, having an unfair advantage is an important value to our people.”

“Grr,” Captain Hornung said.

“She can stay,” I said, pointing to the non-evil succubus. I wasn’t sure I loved Valeria’s spell, but it was like jury selection. You went with the information you had. She probably wasn’t a member of the ritual faction at least.

“Oh, you’ve taken a fancy to her, hmm?” Delilah gestured her forward. “This is Naughtyhellatrix,” she said. “Her talents include tying, and she’s very good with a whip.”

Being into BDSM and being evil were not the same thing. The succubus had the tail of her whip resting on her shoulder as she walked forward, chest thrust forward, her built in tail swishing like a happy puppy’s. She was curvier than Delilah, I noticed, but still very fit. “I shall be happy to obey all your commands, Uber Archfiend,” she purred.

“You can pick one other,” I said. “But not him.” I pointed to the one who had leered at Val.

“Well, then I choose me. But your Uberness, surely having one more –”

I walked up to her, and whispered. “I have a slime demon in reserve. And besides, I’m a demon, too. Don’t worry, we outnumber the humans.”

A saw her suppress a smile. She had a pretty good poker face, but not quite perfect. “As you command, of course, your Uberness. I have no desire to be vivisected for questioning your orders. I’ll take the rest back as far as the orc village, and then see them on their way, if that’s okay? Would you like them to take a shipment of novelties with them?”

“Sure.” I got on the radio and asked Kathy to send some zombies with them, as they were warehoused at the crypt still, like so many things. “We don’t have everything here in Breezehaven yet.”

“I thought it was called Blowhaven?” Delilah asked.

“As in, you know,” Naughty said, taking her fingers and pushing them in and out of her mouth.

“It is,” Lysandra said. “Abby is very busy, and has a lot on her mind.”

“And it’s about the wind blowing, anyway,” Captain Hornung said. “Not about that.”

You go on believing that, I thought. And keep telling other people.

Lysandra said something quietly to Naughty I didn’t catch, and probably didn’t want to.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

“She has a job?” I heard Naughty ask Lysandra. “I thought she was more of a receiver of jobs, if you catch my drift.”

I got on my bike, and started my rounds. I wanted to check in on the windmill building, and make sure it was going well. I also wanted to get a crew organized to start on Jill’s schoolhouse, as soon as bricks started arriving. Those came from the orcs, although I’d supplemented their handful of brickmasons with about a hundred zombies, because right now that was the most important task in Abbyland.

By the time I got back to Blowhaven, Delilah was back. She and Naughty were helping the others with the construction of the demon barracks, but they sauntered over to me as soon as I came to a stop, with their hips swinging. Even some of the human warriors stared.

“Would you us to fellate you?” Delilah asked me.

“Or any hole you like, actually,” Naughty added.

“Um, no. You ladies are very attractive, but my dance card is rather full.”

“Yes, your Uberness,” said Delilah.

But Naughty looked crestfallen.

Should I give her hope? No, that was just stringing it out. The only reason she was so hot-to-trot about me, anyway, was probably the magical aura I had as a seductress, and that affected pretty much everyone. Still, I had a soft spot for her, probably for no better reason that Valeria said she was a non-evil demon. I didn’t know what to say, though.

“I should inform you,” Delilah said, “that succubi need to have sex regularly or we will start to languish.”

“What counts as sex?” I asked. I could imagine Valeria would enjoy Naughty’s skill set, and maybe one of my other girls would be interested in either of the attractive demons. Gren wouldn’t make the same distinctions about good and evil as Valeria would – for better or worse.

“We need regular infusions of semen,” Delilah said.

“Uh.” So much for that. “Well, there are plenty of men around here. The rest of the guard, presumably.”

“Yes,” Delilah said. “I outrank them. I’ll order them to perform. Thank you.”

“So not my type,” said Naughty.

I shrugged. I sympathized, because they were so not my type, either. “Well. There are orcs, of course, and trolls. I don’t think you’ll have any problems getting dates, looking like you do.”

“You like the way I look?” Naughty said, brightening and posing with her chest out, and one foot against her shin. She managed, while standing on one leg in hooker stance without a wall to support her, to twist so I could see both her breasts and her ass at the same time. I guess having a tail for balance helped.

“Sure.” She was practically naked, and she had a Marilyn Monroe body but with a bigger bust. And red skin, jet black hair, horns, and a tail, but all of those looked good on her. Her hooves gave her the same shapely calves women suffered high heels for.

“I’m very good with my mouth, you know,” she said, licking her lips.

“Me too,” I said, even if I didn’t mean precisely the same activity. Sixty percent better, I thought to myself.

“Abby!” said a familiar voice. I turned and saw Valeria rushing to me. Was she worried about me and the demons? Regardless, it was a welcome interruption. Not that I wasn’t tempted to take Naughty up on her offer, but really, I was overloaded as it was. Maybe, someday, I’d have space in my life for casual sex again, but right now, I felt there wasn’t enough of me to go around as it was.

When would I feel relaxed again? When we had a source of wood? When we could make a copper pipe section? I don’t know. But someday, that time would come.

I took Valeria’s arm. “I won’t wish you good luck, ladies,” I told the two succubi. “Because you won’t need luck. But I hope you enjoy yourselves.” We walked away toward the house.

“I’ve never done a paladin before,” Naughty told Delilah just before I was out of earshot.

Valeria heard it too. “Drama ahead?”

I sighed. “Seems likely. But I’m not going to tell people who they can and cannot flirt with.”

“I’m not interested in flirting with anyone but you,” Valeria said.

I smiled, thinking about her and Lesseth being so friendly lately, and her date with Xyla.

“And my fellow sister-wives,” she added.

“Right,” I said.

“I know you haven’t married them, or anything, but Lysandra and Jill feel like family also.”

I chuckled. “Let’s eat some food, and then I’ll take you to bed with me.”

She giggled. “When you could have a hot and eager succubus?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes,” Valeria said, “You’re very romantic.”

She didn’t sound like she was trying to be ironic, so I took it at face value, and kissed her.