There were still patches of devastation from Baradzem’s fire months ago, and they were an opportunity of sorts.

“You want to plant fruit trees, and have people tromping into my forest to gather fruit on a regular basis?” Xyla asked me.

It was a week after Naughty and Delilah came to town. We were outside the crypt, and I was moving more stuff out. On Earth I would never be tempted to reuse drywall, but it was in short supply here, and with the crypt depopulated and without electricity, there was no reason to leave it. Kathy and Talos were ready to go, too, their stuff in boxes for the zombies to carry. Roxy and Rover were frolicking on the table that had been the site of so many meals and conferences. I was moving that, too.

“Well,” I said. “It doesn’t have to be people. It can be mostly zombies. And as we move the center of operations from the crypt to Blowhaven, there will be net less tromping.”

“And good riddance,” Xyla said, looking at Kathy.

“Uh, is there something I should know?”

“Those little miniature wolves caught a squirrel the other day,” Xyla said. “I’ve been trying to get them to stop chasing them, but it wasn’t a problem back on Earth, and the poor dears don’t understand why the rules have changed.”

I paled. “Not Nutty.”

“Nutty got away. But it was a close thing.”

It was hard to see the noisy little terriers as vicious attack dogs, but I suppose from a squirrel’s perspective they were giant monsters, and harder to evade than a bear.

“Anyway, yes, fruit trees. And nuts, nuts are really nutritious.”

She frowned. “Forests and orchards are not the same thing, Abby.”

“Sure. Just little pockets of orchard.” I had some qualms about invasive species and all that, but I’d never heard of hazelnut trees taking over anything. And we had to take some risks. Not only would the trees provide nutrition and food variety for the people of Abbyland, they might become exports down the line. The plants that needed shade would be a challenge to grow in the open plains outside the forest.

Xyla was still pouting.

“We’ll plant most of the trees outside the forest, although I dunno. If they are close to the forest with just a little gap, would an orchard become part of your forest by default, thus expanding your reach?”

Xyla’s eyes lit up for a moment, and then she resumed her tough negotiator’s scowl. “Outside and close is fine,” Xyla said.

I nodded. “So it’s just a few plants really. Currants, cherries, hazelnuts, coffee beans, chocolate…”

“What, chocolate?”

“Well, the plant is called cocoa, but it’s what chocolate comes from.”

“That’s allowed. Chocolate,” she informed Kathy and Talos, “Used to be better than sex, even with Abby.”

“What happened?” Kathy asked.

I sighed. “I leveled up. Chocolate, while innately good, has failed to defeat trolls, rampaging orcs, dragons, demons, or armies of paladins, so it’s lagging behind.” Tʜe source of this ᴄontent ɪs Novᴇl_Fire(.)net

“It could, though,” Xyla said. “If you gave it a chance. I don’t understand why you go fighting things when you could just offer them chocolate.”

“If you want the cocoa beans, Xyla, you’re going to have to help us out with the rest.”

I knew from her look I had her. Kathy did, too, because she turned away and went back to loading up the zombies.

“Because I love you,” Xyla said at last. “I will permit it.”

“I love you, too.”

“I want to fuck under a chocolate tree.”

“It’ll take a while for them to get tall enough, but it’s a deal.” I knew she was concerned about not seeing me as often, but I also knew she was looking forward to having her forest back. “We can plant trees right here in this clearing,” I said, gesturing around to the space in front of the crypt.

“Mmm, yes. Chocolate,” Xyla said, and pressed her body up against me. “I think that’s how I want to become pregnant.”

“Hmm?”  I remembered her telling me that at two hundred years old, her biological clock was ticking, although she hadn’t put it quite that way.

“Under a chocolate tree. But we’ll need to practice more.”

Practice. I thought we had it down, but I didn’t really object. One thing led to another, and by the time I was dressed again and ready to go, Kathy and Talos had already left.

I got back to Blowhaven, and saw Gren with her friend Janeen. Janeen had a bandeau fur top, a short fur skirt, and her violet hair was in a braid. Gren let hers go free, but otherwise was dressed similarly, and they looked a bit like sisters. They might be half-sisters, for all I or they knew. “Hey! Look who came to visit. Wanna have a threesome?” Gren asked.

I smiled. The trolls and orcs were so free about sex, even if they had their own peccadillos. I didn’t think Jill had to worry about polynormativity. “Um, busy, but thanks. You’re looking lovely, Janeen.”

“I’d have to pass, anyway,” Janeen said.

She’d been pretty into the idea a few months ago.

“Hornung sent one of his men, Alger, into the troll village for supplies, and he ended up meeting Janeen. So Janeen’s really here to visit him. She’s putting on a whole prim and proper act for the prudish paladin.”

Given that her top revealed portions of her large boobs both above and below the strip of fur, and that her asymmetric skirt was more like an after-swim wrap than a real skirt and I really doubted she had a bathing suit under it, I wasn’t sure prim and proper was what Janeen was going for.

“Right. How was the orgy last night?”

Gren rolled her eyes. “I left early. We’ve got orcs and demons coming now. Mostly guys. A wrong ratio. There were maybe two orc women, and Naughty and Delilah, and I dunno… fifty non-troll guys? It was crowded and loud.”

I remembered that swinger clubs often had rules that banned single guys, or charged them extra. Single women sometimes got in free. I’d always considered those rules to be sexist, even if my swinger friends insisted they were necessary. They turned women into the commodity that the guys paid for. Well, I’d let the trolls sort it out.

“I didn’t go either,” Janeen said. “But I hear that the two demonesses did their best, taking on six guys at a time pretty much the whole night. Sextuple sex.”

“Six?” I asked, trying to figure that one out.

“Ass, mouth, pussy, two hands, and a tail,” Gren said. “I stayed later than I would have just to watch their amorous action.”

“Well,” I said, thinking it was better than seducing their very religious human neighbors. Not that one excluded the other, but hopefully it would sate the two succubi some.

I glanced over toward the demon barracks, and saw that Bapho was strapping on weapons, and telling his men to do the same. What would succubi do if they had four arms? I shook my head to clear the thought. “Let’s go see what’s up,” I said to Gren.

Gren stood and strapped her bow on. “Just in case.”

I walked over without waiting for her. I glanced over at Captain Hornung’s people, and they, too, were getting ready to march as a group. I got in between the two groups before there was trouble. If all else failed, I’d whip my top off and buy time.

“What’s going on?”

“Fallaciumbaphomet was on sentry duty with Garrolusmaximusm and he has reported a score of approaching warriors coming from the north,” Bapho told me, indicating Fall with one of his thumbs. He pointed to the humans with a finger from one of his other hands. “I don’t know what they are getting ready for.”

The demons had wanted sentries around town, but they also wanted to keep an eye on the humans. The humans had wanted sentries, and had wanted to keep their eye on the demons. I’d settled, for now, for having the demons post sentries to the north and west, and the humans in the east and south.

I suspected the only reason Captain Hornung was on the alert was because he saw the demons grabbing their weapons. The human guard, with the exception of Bronwyn, was pretty much always armed and armored when outside their barracks. The demons tended to be more lax about it, but then, most of them were bigger and had four arms.

“Alright,” I said. “Let’s go check it out.” I waved Captain Hornung over, and walked up the north road. It didn’t really lead to anything, at least not yet. There was a north road just because I thought two perpendicular roads crossing in the middle was a good way to start a town.

“Your Uberness, let us at least go in front of you,” Bapho said, hurrying after me.

I shrugged. That was probably the smart thing for a queen to do. But I could teleport behind them quickly, and if there was a chance to avoid a fight, I figured I was a better spokesmodel, as it were.

The approaching group numbered about twenty or so, and their clothes were, like those of the orcs and trolls, fashioned from animal skins. Most of them wore only loin cloths, really, and they carried spears and bows. But the bows were lowered, so they weren’t necessarily looking for a fight.

When I got closer, I saw that they weren’t human, although they almost were. Several had the ears of wolves, others of foxes, and a couple of cats. And one of them, toward the back, had the lower body of a very large, thick snake, and no legs at all. There was a male who was recognizable as a centaur, also near the rear. But what surprised me most is that I recognized one of them – a big woman who was the only one wearing a shirt of any kind, with the head of a cow.

“We need to see Queen Abby!” yelled one of the women, in front of the others. She had cat ears, I thought, and I noticed a tail swishing behind her. She had medium-length orangish hair that blended perfectly with the fur on her ears and tail, and small, perky bare breasts. When she spoke I could see that her teeth were sharp.

Before I could respond, Betsy spoke. “Hey. I know you, pardner! It’s my old drinking buddy! You’re a queen? I thought you were a painter!”

“I’m Queen Abby,” I said.

“Where’s Garrolusmaximus?” Bapho growled behind me.

Right. I’d been so surprised to be addressed by the appearance of Betsy and the catgirl, that I’d forgotten about the other demon sentry. I opened my mouth to ask about that. He was, after a fashion anyway, my people, and I felt responsible for him. But the catgirl spoke first.

“We come to ask for aid and protection,” she said.

Well, that wasn’t as bad as it could be. “We can talk about that,” I said. “But what did you do with the demon who was guarding the road?”

“Oh, him,” Betsy said. “We flanked him up and got him in a hooey. He ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

The catgirl hissed at Betsy. “We agreed I was to do the talking,” she said.

“Don’t get your knickers in a pinch,” Betsy said.

“I’m not wearing knickers,” the catgirl told her. She turned back to me. “Your majesty.”

“A friend of Betsy’s is a friend of mine,” I said. “Did I understand her to say you tied him up?”

“Yes, exactly. He’s unharmed. But he wouldn’t let us past. He’s right up the road.”

I turned to Bapho. “Send someone to check on him and untie him, would you?”

“Of course, your uberness.”

“So,” I said. “You have the advantage of me. What’s your name?”

“Shizuka,” she said, and then added, “We bow to no one.”

“Pleased to meet you, Shizuka. I’m Abby, and no bowing necessary. But what’s your problem, how can I help, and not to be too direct, what’s in it for me and my people? If a band of warriors such as yourself needs protection, it must be from a powerful and dangerous foe.”

“Plainly spoken,” Shizuka said. “We reside in the woods to the northeast. To the west lie another set of woods, inhabited by goblins.”

The woods to the northeast, where the trolls had sent scouts who had never returned. I wondered now if they’d just been ambushed. “The haunted woods?”

Shizuka shrugged. “If people thought that, it worked for us. Even the goblins stayed away until recently. A few weeks ago, they started entering our woods. We fought them off, of course, but they keep coming, and there really aren’t that many of us. We’ve had to start hiding, and retreating to a smaller and smaller space. Eventually, we’ll be forced out entirely.”