CHAPTER 418: CARRYING MORE DEATH THAN LIFE

ZINA

A hundred visceral emotions held Zina captive the moment she attempted to help lift her mother up from the floor. But the one emotion that stood out was how ’unalive’ her mother felt despite still breathing before her.

Her body underneath her sagging clothes were all bones, her light blue eyes not possessing the light Zina had always imagined it would one day, when she finally rescued her.

If anything, her demeanor seemed even grimmer for she turned to Ada harshly. "Rescuing me was not the plan!" She screamed although it came out more as a croak than actual anger.

Ada instantly bowed before her, the old woman’s body taut with tension while Zina looked confused between her and her mother.

Not that she was expecting a joyful reunion of some sorts, but at the very least, she didn’t expect such a terse response.

"Luna," Ada said to her mother, "you’re right. Rescuing you wasn’t part of the plan. However men merely propose while the gods dispose." She finished, staring at Zina strangely with eyes that misted over with tears.

Zina held onto her mother with one hand, and with the other, she held onto her staff. "Mother," she croaked in a voice clogged with emotions she didn’t know how to express, "we will talk about other things later. But for now, we must take you to safety. You won’t ever have to suffer again, nor would you ever have to be humiliated like this ag...."

"How ridiculous of you—" her mother interrupted with a scoff even as the sound of the world falling underneath their feet carried to them, "I heard that you were smart. Smart enough to rise to power, smart enough to marry the most powerful man in Vargra, smart enough to become Luna Queen. And yet I see nothing of your smartness."

A lone tear snaked its way down to Zina’s face, rolling all the way to her neck. "You appeared in my projection whilst they tortured me. Was it not so that I devise a plan to make everything fine? A plan to save everyone?"

Her mother chuckled. In a way that no mother would ever do to their child. In a way that said Zina was ridiculous, and stupid as well.

"How delusional you’re," she said in a bitter voice that grew hostile with every second that passed, "to think that you can save anyone when you can’t save yourself. Or your child."

Zina completely stilled, staring at her mother like a stranger. In place of a warm hug of reunion, all she got was her biting words. Words meant to hurt her. Words meant to pinch.

But she saw through her mother’s intentions. Just like the first time Zina met her in a projection, her mother was displaying tough love.

And it was quite unfortunate that it was the scariest kind of love. Because more often than not it required a sacrifice on the part of another, and that was a sacrifice Zina wasn’t willing to allow.

She held onto her mother tightly, while she held the staff in a death grip with the other hand.

"You’re right mother, I am incapable of saving anyone." she said in a voice that managed to hold all the emotions in the world yet there was no one emotion that was discernible.

Ada looked up at her, gaunt face displaying an aged tiredness that outlived decades in which she was trapped with her mother in this endless cave of torment. Seraph wept discreetly, wiping away her tears so that Zina wouldn’t see.

But she saw everything. To not see would have been a grave error on her part knowing how much had to be sacrificed to get there.

"I am incapable of saving you who have suffered for all the years I have existed in this world. Incapable of saving my daughter, Brynn, who was taken away from me before she could have a chance to live. Incapable of saving my husband who loved, cherished and forgave me even when I was unworthy of it all. Mother, I am wholly incapable."

Her mother stared at her, blinking repeatedly as though she never expected that response from her.

Zina sucked in a deep breath, her jaw ticking as she stared into space. Her entire life was flashing before her eyes, so she supposed that day would end up with her death.

From the very time she became a self-aware member of the WolfKnight’s, to the time she falsely accused Daemon, everything flashed through her eyes. As if reminding her to ingrain them deep in her memory for she would soon forget them.

She smiled at the woman who looked so much like her. The same woman whom she cursed all her life for abandoning her.

"But you know what, mother?" She sniffled, "even though I am incapable, I still wish to fight. What is there to lose? Once upon a time, I myself was so afraid of death. And yet when I died, I woke up as something more. No longer a wolfless abomination, I came to possess a wolf even though so weak. Now... I am unafraid of death."

"Zina—"

"Why did you name me Zina mother? It could have been anything, so why Zina?"

Her mother’s lips parted, but no sound came. Her frail chest rose and fell in shallow breaths, and for a fleeting moment, the bitter armor she wore cracked.

"Because...." She raised, eyes glinting with something Zina could not name—pain, perhaps, or even a long buried tenderness, "because Zina means to live. I have always wanted to name my daughter that because I hoped that even if I perished, even if the gods damned me, that you will live regardless. That my sins will not hold you down. And that something of me would walk the earth alive. But you..." her voice broke into a whisper, "...you have carried more death than life."

Zina’s breath hitched. Her hand tightened on her mother’s thin shoulders.

"Then let me change that," she whispered back to her, "let me finally carry more life than death."

Her mother shook her head vigorously as if she could see the future that awaited Zina more than she could ever do. But her objections nearly didn’t matter yet for Zelkov appeared just like Zina anticipated he would.

She stood to her full height, turning away from her mother and proving deaf to her repeated objections as Zelkov fell on his knees silently before them. It was like he was reverencing the woman who took him in, at the same it felt like he was paying his respects to his Luna Queen.

Her mother thrashed, pointing a finger at Zelkov. "If you still have any respect for me as your mother...! If you wish to repay my life saving grace. Then you won’t allow Zina to do this...."

Zina blinked back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as she gave the order while she gripped the staff with her two hands.

"What of Alpha WolfKnight?" She asked him.

"Modrich WolfKnight died under my hands. The WolfKnight Pack is now under the control of the NorthSteed."

Zina smiled through the glass of tears over her eyes. Something was going right after all. "Escort my mother to safety. It is an order, Delta Zelkov."

Zelkov bowed stoically. "As her royal majesty commands."

She smiled at her mother who still struggled even as Seraph and Ada helped her up. "Perhaps it’s about time to I discard this load of death that I’ve been carrying. For one last time, I promise you mother that I will make everything right. Curses and whatnot. Prophecies and visions. I shall put everything in their place."

She never heard her mother’s response for she had long been escorted out of the room by the time she said the last word. She tied back the blindfold over her eyes. And gripping the staff, she dashed for the room that housed the accursed oak tree.

Whether it was Rowan and his Master, she was more determined than ever to leave no stone unturned. Even if it would cost her her life.