CHAPTER 144: THE DEVIL’S REGRET

Ivan sat on the chaise in the lounge, his body heavy with exhaustion. He could still hear the distant music coming from the ballroom, the sound of laughter and dancing. But what echoed loudly in his ears was still Lydia’s laugh. It kept replaying in his head like a broken record. The way she giggled, so free and genuine. He felt so helpless, like a man drowning.

He sighed deeply and then laid back but his eyes drifted to the piano. The same piano where she used to play beautiful melodies for him in happier times.

Immediately the door opened softly. It was Tatiana. She had a calm appearance, though her face was pale. Still in her sky blue dress that now felt heavy on her shoulders. She said quietly "I knew you’d be here."

She walked to the chaise slowly and sat down calmly beside him. The silence stretched between them. Then she said gently "Are you okay? You just disappeared from the ball. I was worried."

He said nothing. He just kept staring at the ceiling.

She said reaching out to touch his arm "You can talk to me. I’m here for you. Always."

He removed her hands firmly saying "I want to be alone. Leave Tatiana" and relaxed back into the chaise, closing his eyes. He knew Tatiana came to comfort him, but her presence didn’t feel comforting. It made his pain worse.

Tatiana got up angrily, her calm mask finally breaking. "Why can’t you just move on? It’s very clear that she has moved on. So why can’t you?" She took a deep breath and eased her anger. Then continued in a worried tone. "Do you know what people are saying about you?" Her voice rose with frustration and sadness. "They are saying you are a coward. A coward... That you are a coward desperate for a woman’s affection."

She murmured bitterly "It’s all because of that witch."

Ivan cut her off sharply "She’s not a witch. She’s my wife."

The words hit Tatiana like a slap. A very hard slap.

Ivan continued, his voice breaking "And they are right. I am a coward and I am more than desperate for her affection despite what I did to her."

Tatiana scoffed bitterly, tears forming in her eyes "You did nothing to her. You did it for her own sake. It’s not your fault. "

Ivan shook his head "But I hurt her. I hurt her so much. I abandoned her when she needed me most." His voice cracked completely. "And the worst part is I still love her and I know she hates me more than anything in the world and I deserve it. But I still want her. And I would do anything just to get her to look at me but then again I don’t even deserve her. I never did."

His eyes were glassy with unshed tears threatening to spill.

He stood up quickly and walked away toward the window. Tatiana’s hands were clenched into fists. Tears fell from her eyes, hot and bitter. She felt so bitter watching the man she loved break apart for another woman.

In the ballroom the ball was still alive and spinning. It was past midnight now. Lydia stood in the center of it all, surrounded by music and dancing couples, but it didn’t feel like a beautiful ball. She just felt empty inside, like something had been carved out of her chest.

Damir stood by her side, watching her carefully. He noticed the distant look in her eyes. He asked with concern "Are you okay?"

She blinked, coming back to reality "Yes I’m a little tired."

He said gently "Maybe you should get some rest. It’s been a long night."

She nodded gratefully.

Both of them left the ballroom quietly, walking past the other guests. They walked side by side down the hallway, their footsteps soft on the marble floor. Damir said warmly "It’s good to see you after all these years."

Lydia said softly "You too."

She asked, trying to make conversation "How were your travels?"

He said with enthusiasm "It was interesting really. I went to many kingdoms, saw so many places. You would have loved it Lydia. I know how much you wanted to travel the world when we were young."

Lydia smiled but she didn’t feel happy. The smile felt forced. She just felt empty, hollow.

He said, his voice becoming worried "What about you? Are you okay?" he said in a concerned tone, studying her face.

She looked at him confused "What?"

He stopped walking and looked at her seriously "I heard what happened. Your divorce, your... everything. Are you really okay? And you returning back here. Lydia I’m worried about you." He reached toward her "You were already hurt gravely by him before. You may still get hurt this time. I’m really worried."

Lydia pulled away from his reach sharply "I’m not a child Damir. I do not need your worry. I can take care of myself."

He said quickly "Lydia I know you can take care of yourself it’s just..."

Lydia cut him off, her voice turning cold "It’s just what?" She said coldly, her eyes hardening "I understand your concern but I’m not the same girl you knew." She said firmly "I’m exhausted and I’m going to get some rest. The servants will show you to a room." She added with finality "It was nice seeing you again. Goodnight."

She turned and walked straight to her quarters without looking back, leaving Damir standing alone in the hallway.

She entered her room and closed the door behind her. The silence felt suffocating. Immediately she felt it. Her heart stung sharply. Her eyes began to water as tears she had held back finally came. Then everything turned to rage, hot and consuming.

She said coldly to the empty room "I’ll make sure to make him pay for the pain I suffered."

She wiped her tears coldly, her expression hardening into something dangerous.