CHAPTER 191: THE PAST THAT SHOULDN’T BE REMEMBERED

Few Minutes Before The Lake

Lydia lay curled on her bed, sobbing quietly into her pillow. Her whole body shook, but she tried to silence the sound of her cries, as if hiding them from herself would make them less real.

Her lips whispered again and again, "It’s not my business... it’s not my business... I don’t care."

She tried to convince herself that Ivan’s reckless decision to dive into the lake for that necklace meant nothing to her. She told herself over and over that she never sent him there. It was his choice. If he wanted to waste his strength, let him. That’s what she tried to believe.

But her heart betrayed her. The sharp ache in her chest only grew stronger the more she repeated those words. She pressed her palm against her heart as if she could quiet it, but the pounding would not stop.

"What if..." the thought came to her like a whisper she could not silence.

"What if something happened to him there? What if he hurt himself... all because of that necklace he made for me? What if... what if he drowned... and I never see him again?"

The image was so strong in her mind that it almost drove her mad. She pressed her hands to her temples, shaking her head violently. "No... no, don’t think of that... you don’t care... you don’t care, Lydia..."

But the thought would not leave her. The pain of it nearly broke her in half.

And then suddenly, she couldn’t bear it anymore.

She sat up in bed, wiping her tears with trembling hands. Her breath came fast, almost like she had been running already. She threw off her blanket and ran out of her chamber like a woman possessed.

Her steps were hurried, frantic. Her gown swished around her legs as she rushed down the corridor, her hair falling loose from its pins. She passed Anna, who was just entering the hallway. Anna bowed slightly, saying softly, "Your highness..."

But Lydia did not stop. She didn’t even hear. Her mind was fixed only on one thought: Please, let him be safe. Please...

Anna’s eyes followed her, confused. She could see the distress on Lydia’s face, the tears in her eyes, the way she ran with no grace or composure. Something was wrong. Without thinking twice, Anna hurried after her.

Lydia’s legs carried her faster and faster, her heart racing in fear. Her lips moved without her realizing, whispering, "Please be okay... please..."

And then she reached the trees near the lake.

Her body froze.

The sight before her rooted her to the ground.

Ivan was alive. He was safe. He sat at the shore of the lake, his body trembling from cold, his face wet not only from the water but from tears. He was crying.

Lydia’s lips parted. A wave of relief hit her so strong that her knees nearly gave out. For a brief, dangerous moment, she wanted to run to him. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and tell him she didn’t care about that necklace. That she never needed it. That she only needed him alive.

Her feet even moved slightly forward.

But then her mind betrayed her.

The sight of Ivan crying pulled her into a memory she wished she could bury forever.

She saw herself standing by a riverbank three years ago. Her dress heavy and soaked from the water. Her hair plastered to her skin. Her whole body shivering uncontrollably. She remembered her lips muttering brokenly, "I can’t do this anymore... I can’t..."

She had tried to drown herself that day. To escape the unbearable pain.

And why? Because of Ivan. Because of what he had done. Because of the wound he had carved into her heart so deep it almost destroyed her.

That memory struck her like lightning. It was too much.

Her chest heaved. Her tears returned. She stepped back slowly, her whole body trembling.

No... she couldn’t go to him. Not now. Not when her heart still bled from what he had done.

Behind her, she heard footsteps. She turned slightly and saw Katherine coming closer, her expression heavy with worry. Lydia quickly wiped her face, not wanting to be seen so raw, so exposed.

And now she turned. She walked away.

Her steps were slow at first, then steadier. Her back straightened, her chin lifted. She walked gracefully, as if nothing had broken inside her.

But her eyes were bright with tears she refused to let fall.

In her heart she told herself the truth she had decided on long ago: their love was gone. Whatever had once bound them together was dead.

All that was left inside her was hate. Hate, and anger, and grief so heavy it sometimes made her feel she could not breathe. Bitterness. Resentment. A thirst for revenge. For everything he had done. For everything he had taken from her. For her son.

She would never forgive him.

Her steps carried her back to the palace. She moved with calmness, with grace, though inside her heart was chaos.

She entered her chamber, closing the door behind her softly. Her body sagged as soon as she was alone. She sat on the edge of her bed, trying to force her breathing to slow. Her hands trembled as she placed them on her lap.

She told herself her body needed rest. She told herself she was weary. That the fever which still lingered demanded she sleep.

Her heart still pounded hard in her chest, but she chose to ignore it. She lay back slowly, closing her eyes.

At first her mind raced. His image by the lake would not leave her. But eventually, her exhaustion overcame her. Her tears dried on her cheeks as sleep pulled her into its arms.

After some time, a knock came gently at her door. Katherine entered quietly. She walked to the bedside and looked down at Lydia, who was sleeping at last. Her face was peaceful, though her eyelashes were still damp with tears.

Katherine’s heart ached. She wanted to reach out, to brush the hair from Lydia’s forehead, but she did not dare. Instead, she stepped back and left the chamber quietly, closing the door without a sound.

---

At the lake, Ivan remained by the shore. His body trembled violently, not only from the cold water still clinging to his clothes, but from something deeper inside. His grief. His despair.

Tatiana bent toward him, her face streaked with tears. Her voice broke as she whispered, "I’m really sorry, your highness. For what I did. Please forgive me. I promise I will have another necklace made for you. Exactly the same."

Ivan turned his head toward her, his eyes bloodshot, his expression empty. His voice came out cold, stripped of warmth.

"Don’t bother. I don’t need it anymore."

Tatiana’s lips parted, her heart twisting. "But—"

Ivan shook his head faintly. His gaze turned away, fixed on the dark surface of the lake.

"It’s not like I can fix what I did to her. It’s pointless."

Tatiana reached out, trying to hold his hands in hers, but he pulled them away sharply.

"Don’t touch me," he said flatly.

Her breath caught. Tears filled her eyes again.

"Leave me," he said, his voice low but firm. "I wish to be alone."

She wanted to protest, to argue, but the look in his eyes froze her. It was not anger—it was something worse. It was despair so deep it scared her.

Boris stepped forward, his voice steady but filled with worry. "Please, your highness. Don’t ever attempt this again. You nearly lost your life. Do not do this again."

Ivan did not answer. His silence was heavy, almost suffocating.

Boris stood there for a moment longer, hoping he would say something, but Ivan kept staring at the lake, his body hunched, his face buried in his hands. Finally, Boris sighed deeply and walked away, leaving him.

Tatiana lingered. Her tears fell freely as she looked at him. But slowly, she too rose to her feet.

She hesitated, her hands tightening into fists at her side. Then she turned sharply and walked away, her steps quick and heavy.

In her mind, she thought bitterly, You don’t have to worry. In a few days, she will be gone from your life. I will make sure of it. I will make her suffer for every bit of pain she made you feel.

But Ivan did not hear her thoughts. He sat alone by the lake, trembling, broken, drowning in his grief.