CHAPTER 194: THE HIDDEN LOVE

Lydia’s lips were on Ivan’s lips. They trembled as if she was afraid, as if her whole chest might stop breathing if she didn’t kiss him in that moment. It was shaky, desperate, and full of need.

And Ivan... he immediately lost every restraint left in his body. All the control, all the walls he had built inside himself collapsed the second he felt her mouth against his. He kissed her back. He kissed her like she was air itself. Like without her, he would choke. Maybe it was true. Maybe he could not breathe without her.

Their mouths clung together, desperate, almost painful, until suddenly they stopped.

Their eyes locked.

Neither of them could move. Neither of them could speak. They just stared, breathing hard, faces so close that every breath brushed against the other’s lips.

Ivan lifted his hand and touched her face gently. His fingers stroked her soft skin, moving slowly as if he was afraid she would disappear if he wasn’t careful. His thumb brushed her lips with such tenderness that Lydia’s heart quivered.

Her hands trembled as she lifted them. She wanted to touch him, needed to touch him. And so, slowly, her fingers brushed his face. His cheek felt warm under her skin, familiar, and for a moment she felt like the years had never passed.

Something inside her chest cracked open. His eyes — oh, his eyes — they looked soft, exactly the way they had looked back then, when everything was still whole. It was the same softness, the same love. He looked at her like she was still everything.

Her breath hitched, her tears blurred her vision, and without thinking, without stopping, their lips came together again.

This time it was not gentle.

This time it was everything.

The kiss burned with pain, with desperation, with hunger, with love that had been buried alive for too long. It was messy. It was raw. Their lips pressed too hard, their breaths collided, their mouths trembled as if both of them knew this could be the last time.

Ivan kissed her cheeks, her chin, her jaw, her nose, her eyelids wet with tears, and then came back to her lips. Each kiss was frantic, like he could not get enough.

But it was not enough.

It could never be enough, not after the years of longing, not after the scars between them.

Lydia kissed him back harder, clutching him, pressing her lips against his like she was losing herself, like she was losing control.

Ivan groaned softly, and his lips trailed down to her neck. He kissed the tender skin beneath her ear, then lower, behind her jaw.

Her body melted into his arms. She clung to him tightly, holding him as if letting go would kill her. A broken whisper escaped her lips. "Ivan..."

The sound of his name from her mouth drove him insane. His lips moved lower, to her shoulders, to her collarbone. He kissed her chest, then her breast, then back to her neck. His mouth trailed fire and her body shivered.

Her hands buried themselves in his hair, clutching tightly, desperate for him not to stop. His hands slid down her sides, trembling but sure. Slowly, he lifted the soft fabric of her dress. His palm touched her bare thigh.

Lydia gasped. Her whole body shook. His hand slipped higher, and she could feel his fingers pressing against the thin cloth of her underwear. Her breath grew ragged. Her heart pounded so loud she thought he might hear it.

Her lips found his again, kissing him with wild abandon, losing herself in the fire of his touch. For a moment she wanted to give in. For a moment she wanted to let the pain, the years, the anger all dissolve into this one desperate act.

But then her mind screamed.

Her head filled with the sound of her own painful memories. His absence. His betrayal. His silence. The letter. The endless nights of loneliness.

Her whole body froze.

And then, with all the strength she had left, she pulled away.

Her lips left his. Her hands pushed gently but firmly against his chest. She was trembling all over, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

Ivan’s lips parted, his eyes searching hers in confusion. His hands still lingered on her arms. "What is it?" he asked softly.

Lydia shook her head, her tears blurring again. "This was a terrible mistake," she whispered. Her voice broke on the words. "It shouldn’t have happened."

His chest ached. "Lydia—"

"I must have had too much to drink tonight," she said quickly, cutting him off. Her words shook, but she forced them out.

He wanted to say something, anything. He wanted to scream that she hadn’t drunk a drop, that she knew it as well as he did. He wanted to beg her not to pretend. But his throat closed. Words failed him.

"If you would excuse me, Your Highness," Lydia said, her voice cold though her body was still trembling.

And with that, she turned and walked away.

Her legs felt weak, but somehow she managed to keep walking. Her whole body trembled. Each step tore at her heart, but she did not stop. She forced herself to move, to leave him behind.

Ivan stood frozen. His eyes followed her until the door closed behind her.

He wanted to run to her, to pull her back, to hold her and say something — anything, anything at all to make her stay. But his voice was gone. His courage was gone.

So he just stood there, staring at the empty doorway.

Finally, his body gave way. He sank into the chaise. He leaned back, staring at the ceiling with hollow eyes. His chest rose and fell, heavy with what he could not say.

---

Lydia’s feet carried her through the corridors until at last she reached her chambers. She pushed open the doors and there stood Anna.

"Your Highness," Anna gasped. Her face was full of worry. "Where were you? I was looking everywhere for you."

Lydia pressed a weak smile onto her lips. "I’m tired," she whispered. "I’m going to take a rest now."

Anna looked at her face carefully, noticing the redness of her eyes, the way her hands still trembled. But she did not ask. Instead, she bowed her head. "Goodnight, Your Highness."

Lydia nodded and stepped inside. She closed the door behind her.

And the moment she was alone, she broke.

Tears poured down her face. She clutched her lips with her fingers as if trying to hold onto something that was slipping away. She could still feel him. She could still feel Ivan’s mouth on hers, the heat of his hands, the way he kissed her like she was his life.

Her voice broke as she whispered to herself, "Everything is just so confusing."

Her eyes wandered to her drawer. Something inside her stirred. Slowly, with trembling hands, she walked to it. She pulled it open and searched through until she found a tiny box.

Her fingers shook as she lifted it. She opened it carefully.

Inside was a necklace.

The frozen flower necklace. The one Ivan had been searching for.

Lydia’s chest squeezed painfully. She held it in her palm, staring at it as tears slid down her face.

Her voice was soft, broken, when she whispered, "I don’t know what to do anymore."

The necklace glimmered faintly in her shaking hand. The past and present tangled inside her heart, and she stood there, lost between love and pain.