CHAPTER 283: SILENT NIGHT, HEAVY HEART

Tang Shuwen stood alone on the balcony, silently smoking. The Parisian night was dazzling, with a long river in the distance and a row of castles on the opposite bank, their lights glittering like pearls set along the riverbanks.

The night was also serene. Standing on the opposite bank, admiring the night view, offered a unique charm.

Smoke rings curled upwards from between his fingers. He had already smoked three cigars, his mood at rock bottom. Tang Shuwen wasn’t a heavy smoker; he would smoke one or two when work stress was high, and a few when he was out with Ye Ershao and the others. It wasn’t often, and like tonight, smoking several at once was almost unheard of. There was an inexpressible irritation in his heart.

He was experiencing for the first time what it meant to reap what you sow, to be beyond saving.

He thought he had handled these two relationships fairly well. However, he never accounted for Zhao Yuning getting pregnant and being so insistent on having the child. This child, once born, would surely be a source of conflict for both families, and no one would be happy.

His parents wouldn’t be, Xueru wouldn’t be, he wouldn’t be, and the Zhao family and the child certainly wouldn’t be.

How should he handle this to make Xueru happy?

Tang Shuwen clearly felt Chen Xueru’s rejection and resistance. As a mother, she struggled with the child in her heart, yet she was kind and tolerant, unwilling to harm Zhao Yuning and the child. She also attributed all the fault to herself. Tang Shuwen felt deeply pained and anxious.

If this continued, she would surely dwell on it, and it was possible she might break up with him if she couldn’t cope.

Moreover, Xiaonian was still foolish and unresponsive, adding to Xueru’s stress. Tang Shuwen truly feared losing them, mother and son. At that moment, he even wished Xueru could be a little selfish, to let him quickly deal with that child, to prevent that child from threatening their happiness and Xiaonian’s interests. But she had never even considered such a thought.

If she truly had, perhaps she wouldn’t be the Chen Xueru he loved.

He simply liked her kindness and tolerance.

But occasionally, he also wished she could fight a little for her own happiness.

Perhaps Chen Xueru didn’t love him, so she didn’t feel there was anything to fight for. This was what truly bothered Tang Shuwen, as if she could cast him aside at any moment and give him back to Zhao Yuning.

This made him feel very uncomfortable.

It was unrealistic to make her fall in love with him in such a short time, but at least there should be some basic affection, right?

There couldn’t be nothing, just the identity of Xiaonian’s father.

Tang Shuwen exhaled deeply, his heart extremely heavy.

What was Xueru truly thinking? She hadn’t said a word, leaving him to guess everything. A woman’s heart is a needle at the bottom of the sea; it’s one way now, but who knows what it will be like the next moment?

The evening breeze blew gently, cool. But the chill in the air couldn’t compare to the chill in his heart. Smoking no longer banished his worries. Tang Shuwen narrowed his eyes, stubbed out his cigar, and tossed it downstairs. Just as he was about to turn back into the room, he suddenly felt footsteps approaching from behind. A woman’s soft body pressed against his back, her fair hands wrapping around his chest. A warm fragrance drifted from behind, and his body seemed to be infused with the scent.

Tang Shuwen stood still, unable to suppress the joy in his heart. That tiny bit of joy spread outwards, his heart pounding like thunder. He looked down at her hands, wondering, she didn’t intend to leave him, did she?

Chen Xueru rested her head on his shoulder. He carried a faint scent of tobacco. She had been with him for some time and rarely saw him smoke. He must have smoked quite a bit tonight.

His heart was very troubled, and it was all because of him that he was unhappy.

"Shuwen, don’t be angry, okay?" Chen Xueru said softly. "I really miss Xiaonian. He’s sick, and we’ve been out for so long; it’s time to go back. As for future matters, we can talk about them later."

Joy filled Tang Shuwen’s heart, but his voice was slightly cold. "Do you care if I’m angry?"

He didn’t want Chen Xueru to know that he wasn’t angry with her; he was only angry with himself for not handling this problem well, which put Chen Xueru in such an awkward and difficult situation.

But if she thought he was angry, then let her think that. It didn’t matter.

"I... care," Chen Xueru said. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t have come out to find him. If she didn’t care, seeing him standing alone on the balcony, looking lonely and smoking, her heart wouldn’t ache.

She hadn’t been with a man for too long, and it felt somewhat strange. Or perhaps, having been hurt once, and having raised Xiaonian painstakingly all these years, she understood that everything depended on herself. Even after getting married, because of the past hurt, she didn’t dare to give her whole heart. This man married her for the sake of the child, and she was also afraid of getting deeper and deeper, eventually becoming unable to extricate herself and ending up battered and bruised.

Especially Zhao Yuning’s pregnancy gave her a greater sense of crisis and made her close off her heart even more. Only in this way could she protect herself. She was also afraid that Tang Shuwen would waver, not wanting her and Xiaonian, choosing Zhao Yuning and her child instead.

He didn’t know how to handle their relationship at the moment; everything was based on instinct.

She didn’t want Tang Shuwen to be unhappy.

The soft "care" scattered all the gloom from Tang Shuwen’s heart, and all his irritation. His mood became very bright, and the corners of his lips curved slightly. He almost grasped her hand, holding her tightly in return.

But he held back.

"Xueru, do you really care?" Tang Shuwen’s voice was gentle, tinged with a hint of sorrow and faint pain. Chen Xueru’s heart ached. Had she truly hurt his heart?

Did he think she didn’t care about him?

Chen Xueru, slightly afraid, hugged him tighter and said in a low voice, "Shuwen, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have come out with you. Please don’t be angry, okay? I admit, perhaps I was a bit out of line, but that’s because I was scared. I’ve been alone with Xiaonian for too long. I finally have a home. I really like your parents, Mandong; they’ve given me a sense of family. I’m also afraid you’ll waver, and I’ll lose this home. I’m just afraid of losing."

Tang Shuwen frowned, giving a self-deprecating smile. "So you just saw me as driftwood back then? And if it were someone else, you wouldn’t care, would you? As long as he could give you a home, you’d devotedly follow him. Is that what you mean?"

"No!" Chen Xueru quickly denied. How could he say such a thing?

She was anxious to explain but found herself unable to speak. Instead, Tang Shuwen grew anxious, turning his body. His handsome face was grim, with a darkness that seemed to want to swallow her. Chen Xueru was somewhat afraid of his gaze.

"Xueru, you just said you like my parents, and you like Mandong. But what about me? I’m your husband. Where do you put me?" Tang Shuwen asked in a deep voice, his hands involuntarily gripping her shoulders. He feared most that Xueru didn’t like him and still harbored resentment about the past. Coupled with Zhao Yuning’s pregnancy, her impression of him might have worsened.

Chen Xueru froze, lowering her head, not knowing what to say. Did she like him?

Her face flushed. This was beyond doubt.

How could she not like him?

If she didn’t like him, this honeymoon trip wouldn’t have felt so happy.

"I understand," Tang Shuwen slowly released his hands, his gaze dim. He curled his lips in a self-deprecating smile. "So, you don’t like me..."

"No!" Chen Xueru hurriedly reached for his hand. Tang Shuwen looked at her. Chen Xueru’s cheeks were flushed. As an actress, she had said "I love you," "I like you," and similar words countless times on screen.

To say "like" shouldn’t have been difficult, but at this moment, it felt impossible to utter, her heart pounding like thunder.

It turned out that acting and life were different. They said drama was like life, and life was like drama, but sometimes, words that could be said uninhibitedly in a play felt shy and unsettling when directed at him.

"Tang Shuwen, don’t make things difficult for me," Chen Xueru said softly, her beautiful face filled with helplessness. She wasn’t foolish; she knew he was doing this on purpose, demanding her affection, but it wasn’t fair.

What about him?

Did he also like her?

Tang Shuwen suddenly embraced her, holding her tightly in his arms as if she were fragile glass. Chen Xueru carried a faint, warm scent of bath products, which made him feel very comfortable and serene.

It was an indescribable serenity.

"I won’t make things difficult for you, but don’t make things difficult for me either, Xueru. Promise me, no matter what happens, whatever reservations you have, you must tell me. Don’t make any decisions privately, and don’t try to guess my thoughts, understand? Always listen to what I have to say. Can you do that?" Tang Shuwen asked seriously. He wasn’t forcing her to fall in love with him immediately, but trust was essential.

"Everything you said you’d do, I’ve done. The child’s matter was before we got married, and I was unaware, so you can’t blame me," Tang Shuwen continued.

Chen Xueru smiled faintly. "I’m not blaming you, truly not."

"Then don’t blame yourself either. Neither of us is at fault."

Chen Xueru gave a bitter smile. If neither of them was at fault, then whose fault was it? Was it fate’s fault? Was it too cruel an arrangement?

"Promise me, okay?" This was the second time he had asked Chen Xueru for her trust.

"Okay," Chen Xueru said, a faint smile gracing her beautiful face, her eyes like water, shimmering with light, as if seen through a thin mist, radiating a gentle affection.

Tang Shuwen’s heart stirred. He leaned down and kissed her lips.

Chen Xueru clung to his shoulders, returning his kiss. They embraced and kissed on the balcony, as if no one else existed.

The castle behind them, brightly lit, became their static background.