Intermission – Shiku – Heartbreaking Realization – Part Three

    It was still dark when I woke up in a haze of exhaustion.

    That’s right. We did it last night. Did... Did we fall asleep like this? I was on my back in the middle, right? I didn’t have my face buried in Laika’s chest.

    “Good morning, Lord Shiku.”

    My heart stopped. I looked up and saw Laika’s gentle face. Her glistening eyes looked down, and she had the prettiest smile. It wasn’t just her... I was also being hugged from behind, and I met Leika’s soft gaze when I glanced over my shoulder.

    “Good morning, my lord,” she whispered.

    “I... Laika! Leika!” I immediately sat up and wrapped my arms around them. The tears wouldn’t stop.

    It’s a miracle... It’s really a miracle!!!

    “We’re sorry... We’re so sorry...”

    “Stop that! You’ve done nothing to apologize for! I’m just happy you’re here! It’s been so long...since I’ve heard you say my name... Thank you... Thank you...”

    I didn’t want to let them go. I just didn’t. Not when they had returned to me. It had been so long since I saw those fluffy ears twitch. Or those furry tails wag with anything less than euphoric glee.

    “We must, Lord Shiku. We... We were trapped. After learning the fate of our family, we closed ourselves off. We didn’t want to think anymore,” said Laika. “Father’s tried for so long to get our family back into Lord Meruria’s good graces. We were elated when we were told to serve a Soul Warrior. However... The Barkwoods are no more.”

    “Reality’s scary. It’s uncomfortable and uneasy. My sister and I wanted to...stop thinking. Why should we embrace what’s trying to hurt us when we could just...stop?” asked Leika.

    That’s just like what Renata said. It’s almost eerily similar, yet it doesn’t matter. They’re back.

    “The darkness was comfortable. I had my sister. And we had each other. We could live without pain, and our bodies would act on our unconscious desires. It sounds odd, Lord Shiku, but it made sense to us,” argued Laika.

    “Until we felt something warmth. It was like a beacon or lighthouse that cast a glimmering shadow on our desired darkness. However... We couldn’t remain there. It wasn’t fair to you. And I’m sorry...”

    “We didn’t care because we were afraid of getting hurt. Leika and I are the last of our names. And we’re...not exemplary models of what a Barkwood should be. We don’t think like that anymore. Not when we have someone like you, Lord Shiku. You never gave up on us. You never abandoned us. You’ve always been there...when we needed you the most. When you had all the right to sell us and get someone more worthy to attend to you. You stood by us. And... And...”

    “Please, let us remain with you, Lord Shiku. Please... We... We love you so much.”

    Love, huh? I... That’s what I’ve been feeling. Love for them and love for my team.

    “We’ll never be apart,” I whispered. “I never, ever thought about getting rid of you. You two have my heart, so let me have yours. I love you.”

    “Lord Shiku...” Laika sniffled. Leika whimpered. They jumped towards me, knocking us to the ground. They cried into my chest as I rubbed their trembling backs. We shared our happy tears until the morning sun shone warmly through the window.

    And even then...

    I never wanted to let them go.

    There’s only one thing to do, right? It’s what a man must do to take responsibility. I... Even if I feel this happiness is beyond someone like me, I’ll make them happy.

    “Eh? Lord Shiku, what...” The sisters were stunned as I stepped back and kneeled.

    “I don’t have a ring,” I said, taking their hands. “And the environment isn’t right. I don’t want to delay it. Laika, Leika? I wasn’t happy in my world. I hated it. It’s an ugly, horrible place that denied me the right to be who I wanted. And I thought the same was here. No, I still think it. There’s a difference, though. And that’s you. You’re in my life. I... I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone.” My voice quivered like an uneven ramp. And you two make this world worth living in. So... Will you... Will you two marry me? And allow me to be your husband? I promise... I swear... I’ll do everything to make you two the happiest in the world.”

    Benedict, Renata, and Sir Salim were waiting downstairs. They sat around a table and discussed business, only turning their heads when they heard footsteps. The water-loving girl’s jaw dropped upon seeing Laika and Leika. She ran over, almost falling, and scrambled as she hugged the two. “I knew it,” she said, crying with a smile. “I know you’d come back!”

    “We’ve missed you, Lady Renata,” said Laika. Her voice shared a weakness with her sister. “It warms our hearts to see you again. And you as well, Lord Benedict and Sir Salim.”

    We walked to the table and sat. Leika’s ears and tail kept wagging.

    “You two seem to be in cheery spirits.”

    “Of course we are, Lord Benedict. How could we not be elated when our spouse''s love flows through us?”

    “Spouse?!” coughed Renata. “Leika, does that...”

    “Indeed! Our darling husband asked for our hand in marriage, and we agreed! And... Sister, should we start thinking of baby names?”

    “Baby?!” The steel-minded Sir Salim was caught off guard.

    “After last night...” Laika blushed. “It is still too soon to tell, but we may be nurturing Lord Shiku’s children.”

    “That’s amazing! I can’t even begin to say how happy I am for you!”

    “Thank you, Lady Renata! Umm... I know...we...perhaps didn’t treat you...the best. Please forgive us. We may have been short with our words. And we’re sorry. We really are.”

    “Hey, it’s water under the bridge.” She held their hands and couldn’t stop a few years from trailing her cheeks. “Oh, you must let me be a bridesmaid at the wedding!”

    “Bridesmaid?” Laika confusingly looked at her sister. “We’re unfamiliar with that.”

    “It’s from our world. When two people are married, they’re accompanied by a small group. For the groom, it’s the best man and the groomsman. For the bride, it’s the maid of honor and bridesmaid.”

    “I agree with my sister,” said Leika. “Don’t deny who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to open up to us about anything you want, Lord Shiku. If I may be bold... I think it might be fun to go shopping together for clothes and accessories and ribbons we can share.”

    “But he isn’t here.” The topic changed to him. Any confidence I felt... died. Weakness overtook me. “I... You didn’t see the look in his eyes.”

    “You had no choice. The order came from Lord Meruria. Refusal would’ve made her cast punishment upon you. Your feelings prove your kind nature.”

    “I wasn’t close to him. I didn’t know who Shuuta was... My mind always wanders and circles back to him. I have this baggage, Laika. Leika, I killed him. I can’t paint it any other way. I know it was orders. I know I had no choice.”

    That’s what I tell myself, right? I’m just following orders.

    “How... How can I get over it? Can I get over it? It’s been months. And... I’m... Just so afraid... That... I’ll...” It was hard to see. My voice was choked and sputtering.

    “You stood by us when we needed it the most. So, let us help you. Share your worries with us, Lord Shiku. Speak your mind, and we shall listen. Ask for assistance, and we shall provide it for the one we cherish above all else.”

    And...

    I did...

    This wouldn’t be the last time I let my thoughts about him overflow. But to get it off my chest...

    It felt good. I knew I had to get over it. One way or another... I couldn’t let Lord Meruria’s forced order taint me from the happiness I found.

    I didn’t know if it helped, though. I didn’t want the night to end on a sour note. And neither did my future wives. It wasn''t right. Why stain our new lives with the glimmering shade of regret when we should’ve been happy?

    Slowly, their hands went down my body, rubbing my chest, stomach, and thighs, and stopped at...that.

    “Let us enjoy another night together, Lord Shiku. Let us wish you a safe return since you have two very eager wives-to-be waiting on you. Leika?” Laika extended her hand. Leika took it, and...

    How many times have I been inside her? This feeling will never get old.

    I leaned up and hugged her. “I love you, Leika.”

    “I love you, Lord Shiku.”

    We displayed our adoration until midnight...and I swore...

    I swore... This happiness I felt? I’d learn from it. And I’d replicate it for the many years ahead of us.

    The morning of our departure reared its anticipatory head. Renata, Benedict, a few villagers, and my future wives wished us well as we left for the dungeon. We hopped across the river and jogged to the entrance. It was a decrepit building that seemed suitable for a horror house. Neglectful cracks lined the stone walls as flickering torches guided us down the stairs into the lobby. I was surprised... Information about the dungeon was scarce, but we knew it was aquatic. We didn''t expect it to go that deep underground. It held flowing rivers and sluice gates that needed to be opened and closed to progress.

    Raising and lowering the water level was vital for progression. Multiple parties were allowed within the dungeon, so communication had to be prioritized to prevent a friendly face from being swept away by the powerful currents.

    The place reminded me of a sewer-filled aqueduct. It was cramped and narrow, soggy and moist. Water constantly rained from above, and the monsters were in a frenzy. They weren’t anything problematic to Sir Salim and me. We carved our way through without issues until my mentor sensed my heart’s worries.

    “You still cannot accept your happiness?” he asked after we rested for a break in a hidden room on the third basement. Water leaked from the crusty pipes and noisily dripped like an irritating itch.

    “Yes. It’s something I’ve debated against myself. I talked with Laika and Leika about it last night. It’s not fair to them. I know I must get over it.” I was sure Sir Salim knew the details about Tokko and Shuuta, so I told him my past. “I watched the rigged trial. And I helped throw him into the void. I know I had no choice. Lord Meruria’s...presence was overbearing. It felt like I’d have done anything she asked. Sir Salim... How do I rid myself of cowardice? I can still feel it. It’s Tokko. The inadequacy prevented me from standing up to him. He used to see me for me. Or that’s what I thought since that’s not true anymore. I showed him what I thought society needed to see me. I... I don’t like...being like this. I was so afraid of being who I wanted that I didn’t want Tokko to leave me. So, I clung to him.”

    “Your life has been hard,” Sir Salim said. “Forced to kill criminals... Suffering abuse while hiding who you wish to be...” Then my stomach churned. “The path ahead does not illuminate with what you seek. This world isn’t one to showcase kindness. It does not freely hand it out. Instead, you must grasp and fight for it. You must use this world’s rule of might is right and carve your place. You have two lovely ladies awaiting your safe return, my friend. I need not say anymore, so I’ll end it here. Never underestimate the value of a woman’s wisdom. You have allies and help wherever you look. Others aren’t lucky to have as many blessings as you do.”

    “Blessings?”

    “Is that not the right word?”

    “No—it might be. You’re right. I do have things to be thankful for. You know... Before this... When I confronted Tokko in his office... I thought I was going to die. He’s the type to remove a diseased arm before allowing it to heal. So, I was afraid for Renata. In our world... You had to be useful. You had to bring something to the table. In theory, there weren’t any free rides. You were solely judged on your merit and nothing else. So... Finishing Renata’s missions went against that. He summoned his weapons, you know.”

    “...”

    “I was...this close to dying Sir Salim.” I made a pinching motion with my thumb and index. “But he spared me. And if I’m honest? I...don’t know why. I really don’t. I’m glad I’m alive. It’s like you said. I have something to fight for. I never had that before.”

    “Then the fear you sense is normal. Everyone is afraid of losing what they hold dear to their heart. For someone who had nothing and obtained something? The new feeling can be difficult to understand.” Sir Salim looked at the campfire and rested a hand on his spear. He came from a different culture. His concerns differed from mine. There were over 500 years between us, yet he empathized with me. That kindness was severely lacking in this world.

    I’m glad he was chosen to be our mentor.

    I’d kept my true self hidden for so long that this...mess of a man I was felt like the one buried beneath the skin and muscle.

    “You don’t...think it’s strange for a man to want to wear a dress? Or put on make-up?”

    “Rephrase it. Why should someone be hysterical when they see an individual partaking in a hobby that does not interfere with their life? I wish I could say I have always felt that way, but that would be a lie. And I don’t want to lie to my comrades. Had we met when I was younger, I would’ve turned my nose and judged you. I’ve grown during my time here. I’ve matured after enduring more hardships than a man from our world would ever experience. I see things for what they are, not what I thought my bias should see them as. Do what makes you happy, my friend. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

    “That makes me feel better. Thank you, Sir Salim.”

    Sir Salim nodded, and we ended the night in silence.

    Morning arrived, and we broke bread and had water before continuing. Breakfast felt more refreshing than usual. My worries were there—but I wasn’t letting them chain me. That wasn’t to say I was...accepting of my sins. I’d probably never get over them. I believed I had heard a saying.

    What happened to me wasn’t my fault, yet it’s my responsibility to heal it. That’s what I must do. And I won’t do it alone.