CHAPTER 534: VERY GOOD HUMAN FRIEND

Mason, the players of Nassau, and something like four hundred goblin children, walked through the demon-infested tunnels towards ‘Goblin City’. It immediately occurred to Mason that not only were the players at their most vulnerable, the children were totally at risk.

He sent half his players to the back of their marching train, and kept his finely tuned senses constantly probing for attack. Carl scouted ahead, reporting back frequently that he saw no sign of any demons.

After a stretch of peaceful silence except the shuffling of feet, Mason would have preferred an attack. At least that would have made sense. Where the hell had the demons gone?

“Perhaps destroying the champion frightened the rest, or caused some automatic clear from the system’s interference,” Phuong said.

“Pretty common in games,” Garet agreed with a nod. “Dungeons and raids—you kill a boss, it clears the closest trash.”

Mason hated video game comparisons, but he knew their synthetic overlord took some inspiration from them. Even if it made no God damn sense at all.

“I don’t care. Keep sharp,” he said. “And don’t assume they can’t come from the walls.” He turned to Becky. “You sealed us off when we left the hall, right?” She nodded. “Did you set a duration, or how long will it last? Do we need another way out?”

“I got two versions now. Sorta like a ‘short’ and a ‘long’. I set the short. So, it shoulda been gone after a few minutes.”

This was good news, except there weren’t any infernal soldier demons filling up the corridors. Nor were there any sign of the ‘living mud’ demons that had clogged things up on the way in. Mason didn’t know any other route except back through the fort, and he sure didn’t want to go exploring with hundreds of vulnerable goblin kids behind him.

How in the name of God did he get into these situations?

“What are you thinking?” Demi whispered beside him. It was still weird to look into those abnormally bright green eyes, but he couldn’t exactly complain. They were definitely beautiful.

Except being around Demi had already felt like she could see (and smell) through him—that she understood him in some intuitive way that didn’t let him hide. It only felt worse now. Better? He had no idea.

“I was thinking I want to find a bed and a room without demons or goblins in it.”

Demi grinned and Becky stiffened on the other side. He just about slapped a hand to his face. He really hadn’t meant any innuendo.

“Better the devil we know,” he said quickly, “no pun intended. We’ll go straight up through that fort and wipe out anything we have to. I didn’t see anything left up there to be a problem. I can go alone if I need to.”

“You don’t,” Phuong said. “Most of the melee are still ready.”

“And needed to guard.” Mason gestured with his head at the goblins, then sighed. “We’ll hope for the best.”

Everyone looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“What? I can be optimistic.” They said nothing, Demi at least giving him an indulgent smile. Even Streak, who definitely didn’t know what ‘optimistic’ meant, looked at him like he was a bullshitter. He rolled his eyes and walked ahead.

It was a long, tense walk. Mason twitched at every scrape, every drop of water, every scurrying animal that bolted away from the noise of their giant group. But they got all the way back to the entrance of the fort without any problems.

“Go ahead, Carl.”

The ‘glassassin’ vanished and went inside, another tense minute passing as they waited. He appeared with a shrug.

“Lots of goblins. No demons. Unless they’re invisible or something.”

“Well now I’m picturin’ a horde of invisible monsters, thanks Carl,” Becky muttered. Mason gave her hip a pat, then gestured for the players to get the goblins moving. Though at this point they were hard to hold back. The whole crowd was pushing and getting noisier as they realized where they were.

The group emerged and started gathering out in the goblin hall. Mason flinched at the first shriek when they were noticed. Then the crowd of little creatures were sprinting out, and goblins were dropping to their knees or running to meet them. They laughed or wept as they hugged them, and it was just like any scene of human parents reunited with lost children.

[Objective Complete: Infernal Jailor defeated. Goblin children rescued. New title earned: King of the Outer Razor Mountain Goblin tribe. Increased status with all goblins. Patron options increased.]

Mason watched his patron points tick, some building options change. He wasn’t sure if he should find ‘Ikit’ and pass the title or what. But he watched the goblins holding their children and put it from his mind, trying to enjoy the moment.

“You asked why it should be you leads us,” Phuong said quietly beside him. “Perhaps this is why.” He smiled and put a hand on Mason’s shoulder. “Would I have saved them? Would Carl?”

“You would have.” Mason said, then raised his voice for Carl. “You’d have whined like the old goats you are. But you’d have done it.”

“Don’t tell the goblins.” Carl folded his arms as he watched. “And let’s not make a habit of it.”

Mason snorted and walked further in, hoping to ask that goblin king for somewhere safe to rest. He held Streak back because he didn’t mean any harm, and a negotiation was always a little different with a giant wolf beside you.

He found the other ‘king’ by his throne, embracing two small children. He looked up at Mason with wide, wet eyes, straightening as if the display were embarrassing.

“You will want payment,” he said, gesturing for some nearby servants or court members. “Not rich, but not poor. We pay, yes? Happy to pay.”

“No need for that.” Mason sighed and glanced around the hall. There were plenty of rooms and floors for those demons to be hiding in. “Is it safe now? Are the demons gone?”

“Yes.” The king nodded. “Portals open. They go in, kicking and screaming.” It gestured and made a sucking sound. “All gone. Just like this.”

Mason found something about the gesture hilarious, and couldn’t help but think of the very satisfying scenes of closing abyssal portals. He laughed, and the goblin king laughed too, which made all his servants and court members laugh. Pretty soon even the players were going just because a lot of cackling goblins was pretty damn funny.

When the king stopped he looked skeptical again.

“What does Hunter want, then? Throne, yes?” The goblin shriveled. “Big lord of goblins, hmm?”

“Keep your throne. What this big, tired, Hunter Lord of Goblins would like is a nice place to rest. Maybe some food and drink. Then we’ll go finish these bastard demons off and be on our way. And you and your kin can go back to doing whatever it is you do. We’re happy to have a few friends.”

The king blinked like he didn’t understand. He looked at his servants and lords, then smiled and laughed again.

“‘Finish off’. Very good, human hunter friends.” He said this as if it was some tremendously funny joke. Mason wasn’t sure what to make of the tone. He was a bit worried until the goblin knelt and took his hand, planting little kisses on the back of it before Mason could react. “Human friend,” the goblin said again, eyes watery. “Very good human friend. Very good.”

Mason had no idea what to say. He was half transformed, his clawed hand half rock when it came back from being lava-burned. The goblin didn’t seem to care. It hopped up with a shit-eating grin, looking at the many staring goblins.

“Friends,” he said. “Good and mighty friends.”

They all shrieked and cheered, and the king grinned and shook Mason’s hand like a small town politician. Mostly Mason hoped they didn’t expect a speech.

His players were giving amused grins and thumbs up, and he sighed and tried to smile without showing too much fang. When all the literal glad-handing was over, and Mason and his people had been introduced to about a hundred goblin nobles, they got around to talking again about the rooms.

“Don’t worry,” said the king with a dismissive wave. “Servants ready. Everything friend human asks and more. Much more.”

“Oh, and some bathtubs, if you have those,” Mason said as he was eventually led up to the second level. “Do you have…you know, plumbing? Is that a thing?”

The goblin leader just smiled and said ‘yes, yes’ to every possible question, so Mason expected very little. But as the little king opened some doors to a series of bedrooms, the players all stopped and stared.

What looked like a steam-punk writer’s drug-addled dream was spread before them. Not only were there bathtubs, there were showers, with fancy metallic walls covered in artistry, plush furniture and beds fit for kings.

Copper tubes ran everywhere, built into the stone walls, connecting a dozen devices. A boiler with a lava bottom seemed to power everything, and the things all hissed and clacked and turned with mechanical parts.

“Many rooms,” said the goblin king, gesturing with a smile. “Rest. Eat. Kill demons tomorrow, yes? Or day after. No rush for friends.” Here he frowned and clapped his hands, and servants scrambled from a dozen doorways. “Hot towels! Hot food! Quick-like!”

Mason couldn’t help but notice the servants were all young, upsettingly attractive, female goblins. He did his best to stop noticing. Then he took a deep breath and gestured for his players to start finding rooms, grinning at the growing excitement.

He paused when he noticed Becky wasn’t moving at all, and that Demi stood similarly still. He maybe hadn’t thought this problem all the way through.

“Well?” Becky said, green eyes quirked and locked on, just in case said problem wasn’t clear. “Which room we headin’ to, then?”

“Best room for special friend big lord hunter human,” the goblin king said, like the question was ridiculous. He clicked open some locked doors, and tried to push Mason on before the effort became clearly ridiculous. “Go, go!” he said instead. “Enjoy, yes? Servants stay. We speak later. Tomorrow.”

Mason was never less happy to see a goblin leave. The king scampered off, the players all went their own ways, and Mason was left with the two, awkward/annoyed/waiting women. He cleared his throat, and really wished he had Haley.

“Well,” he said. “I’m taking a shower.”

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