CHAPTER 829: THE TRUTH

The swarm of flying demons’ screeches tore across the landscape, drawing the gaze of the demonkin and beastkin scattered beneath the hillside. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, staring up as the lead dark-winged monster filled my view, claws extended like a bird of prey.

A figure appeared in front of me, a black cloak fluttering in the wind from the demon’s approach. There was a flash of violet and steel. A sword appeared in his grip, already extended at the end of a slash. A black arc of pure shadow leaped upward, cutting through the air. It struck the demon in the chest and didn’t slow, passing seamlessly through it.

The demon continued its dive, but its shriek died in its throat. One wing beat later, it broke into two halves, neatly bisected. The glow in its eyes faded as it plummeted, slowly disintegrating into shadows. The pieces hit the ground on either side of the hillside and broke entirely, vanishing from sight. The other demons behind it scattered, veering away and returning to the rest of the horde.

The figure turned, and our eyes met. My breath caught as I recognized Luke. His violet eyes glowed, filled with worry, drawing me in. Fragmented memories came together; not so much scenes or events but feelings. Warmth, safety, trust. Tears filled my eyes, and my lip trembled on the edge of a sob.

"Xiviyah," he said, kneeling by my side. He gently pried my hand apart, holding it in his. His hands were giant compared to mine, rough, calloused, and warm. His thumb brushed the back of my hand, sending tingles through my body.

"Luke," I whispered.

"What are you doing up here?" His voice was gentle but stern.

"Luke," I said again, squeezing his hand tighter. My entire body trembled as the adrenaline wore off. I swayed, a wave of dizziness rushing over me. He looked so strong and secure, his grip comforting. The fear I’d felt directed at him before was gone, tempered by an inexplicable need welling up inside me. He was dangerous, my memories proved that, but to me, he was...

His tone grew sharper, scattering my thoughts before I could fully understand the surge of emotion. "Why did you leave my tent? It was shielded to hide your aura. It was supposed to keep you safe!"

The words stung, and I sniffled, biting my lip. "I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. She just said–"

Luke took a deep breath, his grip on my hand loosening. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset. It’s just, when you disappeared, and I felt your aura here, I... ugh, maybe he was right."

He stood, gently pulling me to my feet. My legs shook, and I leaned against his chest, fingers curling into his tunic. He coughed, shifting awkwardly, but I ignored his discomfort, my cheek against his chest. His scent filled my nostrils, bringing another wave of warmth.

"Er, Xiviyah," he said, hands resting on my shoulders. He gently pried me away, putting a few inches of cold air between us.

"Luke..." I bit my lip, looking up with wavering eyes.

"I...I’m not like that," he said, refusing to meet my gaze. "You don’t know me. You don’t remember me. You’re scared and hurt, and I only saved you, so...it isn’t right. You shouldn’t trust so easily."

A jolt ran through me. Not a jolt of fear, but of a new, cold feeling. A flash of a face I couldn’t place: a young man with golden hair, a warm smile, and earnest eyes. He was a ghost, a taste of bitterness. The warmth Luke had given me vanished, replaced by a cold emptiness. The tears I’d been holding back finally burst, and a memory of Aurle pierced through me. My heart ached for her sacrifice. How could I have forgotten her?

"Xiviyah?" Luke’s eyes widened with worry, but he still didn’t pull me close. He took a single step back, as if the tears were fire.

"I’m sorry," I repeated, the words escaping my lips in a choked whisper.

The golden light around me reacted to the anguish swelling in my chest, swirling faster and faster, forming a whirlpool of stars. A strange energy arose within me, surrounding a bundle of feelings that weren’t my own. Tingles ran across my skin, driving back the exhaustion and filling me with light. It was like the infernal mana Jessia showed me, only warm and pure and...mine.

The mana, for that was what it had to be, continued to grow. It went from a river to a sea to an ocean, swelling until it seemed that I would burst. My tears dried as the sensation became overwhelming, and goosebumps broke out across my entire body. The golden light spread to cover the hillside and spilled into the demonkin camp, moving between the tents like floodwater. The currents encircled the beastkin and demonkin in a storm of stars, and many began to collapse, falling to their knees or staggering against tent posts.

"I remember," I whispered.

Luke looked at me, holding me a touch closer, but still not close enough. The train of memories he’d begun hadn’t ceased, the intensity only growing as my mana awakened. Life Magic blossomed across my body as six magic circles appeared beneath my feet. The warmth was stunning, almost satisfying the itch for someone to embrace me.

My tail cracked, the bandage falling off as the bone submerged beneath the break. Soft, scaly flesh flowed over the wound, closing it without so much as a scar. My side knit together, letting me take my first full breath since teleporting. When the light faded, the pain was gone.

"Do you remember me?" Luke asked, his voice wavering.

"I...kind of." I pressed a hand to my horn. "There are so many holes, so many things I should know, but every time I see something, it brings back more."

"Thank the emperors," Luke said with a sigh. His hands slipped from my shoulder, and he turned, facing the camp below. "Do you recall what happened before you teleported?"

The question seemed harmless, but his chest wasn’t moving. He was holding his breath.

"Some of it," I answered carefully. "Enough to know we succeeded. I learned where the central formation of the World Barrier is."

Luke stiffened. "You did? Where is it?"

I started to answer, then hesitated, tail flicking anxiously. "I...is it enough?"

He frowned. "For what?"

"The shards."

Tears filled my eyes again, and I drew closer to him, looking up into his gaze. He flinched, but I was too close for him to look away.

"Xiviyah, it’s not that I–"

"Oh." My heart sank. I bowed my head. "But I tried so hard...and after everything...it wasn’t enough? I wasn’t?"

He turned away, a shadow crossing his face. "It’s not you, Xiviyah. It’s just...when you asked me if you could try, I couldn’t...I couldn’t say no." He took a long breath, staring at the horizon. "The emperors are...unhappy with the way things developed. Not all of them, but enough. Rash’alon has rallied his allies, and they’re pressuring the few in the demon realm that supported me. To leave shards behind, when our enemies are stronger than ever..."

"What are you saying?" I whispered, a tear dripping down my cheek.

He touched his forehead, fingertips sliding over the base of his horn. "I’m sorry."

"No, please..."

I took hold of his sleeve, gripping it so tight my knuckles turned white. He jerked it out of my grip, backing away slowly.

"People like us, Xiviyah...we don’t change. You’ll always be soft, sweet, and timid. No matter how many times you get hurt, you’re still...innocent. Even when you lost your memories, you were the same Xiviyah. But as for me? No matter how many chances I see, how many times I might change, the end is the same. It’s just an illusion."

"Then...why?" I whispered, taking a step toward him. My gaze dropped to his collar. "Why are you still wearing it?"

He flinched, his hand flying to the brooch. The air between us crackled with a new tension.

"I forgave you, Luke," I said, my voice breaking. "That day, when you protected me, I forgave you. You promised we could walk this path together. What did I do wrong? Why are you so cold now? What changed?"

"I told you already. It never could have worked out," he said, his voice raw. "I lied to you again, even after everything. Can’t you see? Every time I promised to protect you, I failed." His words were sharp, but his eyes pleaded with me.

He turned toward me, and I was startled to see his eyes glisten with moisture. He was standing on a precipice, as real as the ledge I clung to in the dungeons beneath Heartland. It had seemed so easy to let go then, to let myself disappear into the darkness. That memory was terrifying. What would I have lost if I had given up then?

As the memories flickered through my mind, some for the first time since I’d lost them, I took Luke’s hand with both of mine, holding it to my chest. My heartbeat quickened at the feel of his skin against mine, and I tightened my grip.

"I have changed. I never thought I could smile, or trust someone, or call another my friend. I never thought I could hold someone’s hand and be brave when they were scared."

"Scared?" Luke’s eyes flashed, his voice indignant. "I’ve killed demon lords and inquisitors. I stand against the gods themselves. What more could I do? What more is there to fear losing?"

But even as he said it, his voice was hollow, his eyes haunted. His hand twitched in my grip, nearly jerking free, but I held him close. I felt my face flush, keenly aware of how close we were. My heart trembled beneath his fingertips, confessing my vulnerability to him, but I couldn’t bear to pull away.

Looking into his violet eyes, I spoke the truth even as it burned on my tongue, making me want to wilt in embarrassment.

"Me."