CHAPTER 833: LOST

I gripped Luke’s hand as we approached the massive cathedral at the city’s heart. Its seamless, pure-white walls were flecked with gold, and several graceful spires rose from its roof, flying the banner of fate high over the city. Beautiful as it was, the vast structure felt cold and empty, sending a shiver down my tail.

Luke pushed the doors open, and we stepped inside. The interior was simple yet elegant. The ceiling was midnight-dark, splattered with pulsing stars arranged in constellations alien to Enusia’s skies. Many doors and hallways branched from the main entrance, but we moved into the building’s depths, coming to a spacious hall. A thirty-foot-tall statue of Fate dominated the room, sculpted of translucent crystal that glimmered with an inner light. Floating behind it, some five feet off the ground, was a glowing shard. The light refracting within its depths was pure white, a strange contrast to the colorful sparkles that adorned a typical shard. Even in my memories, it hadn’t been like that.

A woman who was the mirror image of the statue stood alone in the room, facing it. Her hands were clasped in front of her, and a hazy golden aura extended from her chest to the shard. She had her head bowed, her hair falling in waves to her lower back.

Our tentative footsteps echoed in the hall, causing her to turn. Her eyes were as endless as the night sky, and with just as many stars. She smiled at us, and I felt a surge of emotion. Tears sprang to my eyes. I let go of Luke and ran toward her. She opened her arms, embracing me as I threw my hands around her neck and broke into a sob. My feet left the ground as she twirled with the force of my hug, spinning a full circle before slowing.

"Fate," I cried. "I...I remember. I missed you so much."

"I know, child. I know," she murmured, stroking my back. "That was a very foolish thing for you to do, but I’m glad you’ve returned. And I see you’ve brought company."

"Goddess," Luke said, inclining his head.

"Thank you for bringing my oracle back to me," Fate said. "I was worried she wouldn’t have the strength to return here on her own."

Her hand rested on my head, holding me to her bosom. I closed my eyes, breathing in the fresh, astral scent that filled my mind with peace.

Luke’s eyes widened slightly, and he shifted, folding his arms. Fate chuckled, a light, musical sound.

"Surprised?" she asked.

He frowned. "Of course not. It’s just that I’ve never heard a goddess express gratitude for something so mundane."

Fate’s smile grew sad. "We were not all so proud, once. There was a time when our lives were spent shoulder to shoulder with mortals."

"I can’t even imagine how long ago that must have been," Luke said flatly.

"Perhaps not. Even the elder gods have a hard time remembering it. But no matter, that is a discussion for another day." Fate’s hand slid to my neck, tracing my cheek and raising my face. "I’d rather speak about you, little one. It’s only been a few days since we last met, yet you’ve changed."

I quivered, biting my lower lip. "I-I just forgot things. I’m still the same...I think."

She smiled in amusement. "We are defined by the path we have taken, child, by the feelings and experiences carved into our memories. To lose them is to lose a part of yourself."

My face fell. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way. But after we were knocked out of the teleportation circle, I didn’t have a choice. I wouldn’t let myself go back to them. I couldn’t."

"And I won’t fault you for that. Rather, I think this time you’ve spent in the moment, without regard for the you of the past, is the true reason you’ve changed. I can see it in your eyes and your thoughts. Even the way you walk."

"I don’t feel any different," I mumbled, my tail twitching. "But I don’t even understand what happened. How did things go so wrong?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Did you think inventing a teleportation spell was easy? There’s a reason mages have used the same spell to move through shards across the ages, though there are certainly ways it could be improved upon. Were you anyone else, I might have assumed divine intervention. Stitching together two separate spatial magics like that..." she shook her head. "Frankly, it’s amazing you ended up alive, much less in the right place."

"But I didn’t. I tried to go to Luke, but I ended up at Gayron’s ring."

"A simple error in the sequence dictating location," she said. "If you were to study your formation for a few hours, with proper oversight of course, I’m certain you could fix that on your own."

Her words came as a gentle warning. I bowed my head, nodding.

"I won’t mess around with it anymore." I shivered. "I think I’ve had enough spatial magic for a lifetime."

"Good. It’s the most dangerous magic, right alongside magic of the soul. As useful and powerful as it is, it’s not worth risking all that we have right now. Later, when this war is over, maybe, but not before."

"Why did she lose her memories?" Luke asked.

"Hurt by that, were we?" Fate mused. "Xiviyah’s spell was crude and flawed. Your Wayfinder rings work by breaking the body apart, encoding it into mana, and sending it along a predefined route to its other half. Teleporting through a shard rips a hole in the fabric of existence itself, connecting two shards like opposite sides of a door. Open one, and walk through to the other. While the effect is similar, the methods are entirely different."

I groaned, my tail lying flat. "And I fused them together. No wonder things went wrong."

"Fused is far too elegant to describe what you did," Fate said with a chuckle. "Half of your spell was trying to tear you apart and put you together again, while the other half was trying to suck all those pieces through a doorway and deposit you on the other side. It’s not unexpected that parts of you were a little...jumbled afterward. You were fortunate that the part of the spell that directs the handling of your physical body was all of one method of teleportation; otherwise, you might have ended up with fewer fingers than you began with. Fixing damage caused by a spatial spell like that is far harder than recovering a few misplaced memories."

I hugged Fate tighter, subconsciously searching for fingers and toes. Ten and...ten. I breathed a sigh of relief. I hadn’t even considered that a possibility.

"Will there be any other adverse effects?" Luke asked.

Fate hesitated, her hand coming to rest on my back. "Perhaps, but only if she attempts to teleport again. I can’t say I remember a case quite like this one, where two opposite methods were employed at the same time, but there very well might be side effects should she attempt to teleport again. Teleportation spells are very strict and orderly. They treat your body like a puzzle, breaking it up into neat, defined pieces and then putting them back together again. Xiviyah took a good portion of her puzzle and scrambled it together, mashing pieces where they didn’t belong and losing some entirely. Most spatial magics will attempt to take her apart and put her back together just as she is now, but that doesn’t change that the pieces still don’t fit."

"I’ll lose my memories again?" I asked, a tremor in my voice.

She shrugged. "It’s possible. But I doubt it would be as severe as this time. In fact, as you have new experiences and make memories, the impact will fade, though never disappear entirely. If you ever have to teleport again—and I would encourage you not to—expect to feel confused and disoriented for quite some time. You may forget who you are or those you care about. You may forget magic again, or about Haven. And every time, there will be a risk that those memories will be gone forever. Just like your memories of souls."

"Souls?" I tilted my head, gazing at her in confusion. "Like soul casting? I remembered that already."

She smiled sadly. "I’m afraid you’ve lost more than you can understand right now. Fortunately, the Oracle of Eternity seems undamaged, so you can relearn how to use it properly."

I looked at Luke, my tail growing more agitated. Souls...what was she talking about? I knew all about souls! There was soul magic, which did...um, soul stuff. And souls were...they were...

Cold dread seeped into my heart, constricting my chest. Souls. Only now that she mentioned it did I realize I didn’t know what a soul was. Every time I looked at someone, I got the feeling I was missing something, but only now that she mentioned it did I know what that was. The demonkin and bearkin who had threatened to rape me were stronger than I was, but weaker than Luke. But how much stronger? I couldn’t tell, other than Luke’s aura squeezed me like a grape, while theirs just made my skin prickle.

"You can’t see souls anymore?" Luke gasped.

Tears blurred my vision, though I wasn’t sure why I was crying. I couldn’t even remember what I had lost, only that I knew something was gone, something precious and integral to my very core. And if what Fate said was true, it wasn’t coming back on its own.