CHAPTER 57: DAMN CHOICES

Chapter 57

JULIAN POLE

When I walked into the apartment the place felt too quiet for a Sunday. I could hear the TV on in the living room but it was low like my dad was pretending he was not waiting for me. I tossed my keys into the bowl by the door and tried to act casual even though my heart was beating crazy. I kept thinking about tomorrow morning. About getting out of Brooklyn. About leaving before anything else goes wrong.

I stepped into the living room and my dad muted the TV right away. He looked tired. He always looks tired after a week of night shifts and paperwork. My mom was at the hospital on a holiday rotation. So it was just the two of us tonight. Of course it had to be tonight.

He looked at me like he already knew something was up. Maybe he could feel it. I walked in front of the TV and cleared my throat.

"Dad, I need to tell you something."

He sat up straighter. "What happened? Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing like that." I rubbed my palms on my jeans. "I’m going to be spending the holidays somewhere else. I’m leaving tomorrow morning."

For a second he said nothing. Just stared at me like I said some kind of joke. Then he shook his head.

"No. Julian. Absolutely not."

"I’m not asking for permission." My voice came out sharper than I planned. "I’m telling you where I’ll be."

His eyebrows pulled together. "You think that’s how this works. You live under my roof. You follow my rules."

I felt my throat tighten but I held my ground. "I can move out. Rico and Luka and I already talked about getting an apartment together after the new year. So if you want to play that card I can move out right now."

"Don’t start with that," he said. He stood up and I could see how stressed he was. "Where are you even planning to go?"

I hesitated for a second. I did not want to say the name because I already knew how he would react. But there was no point hiding it.

"To Jace’s place. Upstate."

The second I said it I watched his whole face change. His jaw tightened. His hands curled like he was holding back everything.

"No." He said it in a lower voice. "No you are not going anywhere near them."

"Dad, come on."

"No." He walked closer like he was trying to tower over me. "I said no."

"I’m still going," I said. I stepped back so I was not looking up at him. "I’m leaving tomorrow. First thing in the morning."

"Julian," he snapped, "you are not going to that house."

I felt my chest burn. "Why not. His brother invited me. Rico and Luka already told their parents. We’re all going."

"That is exactly why you are not." His voice cracked like he was reaching his limit. "Those boys are trouble. That whole family is trouble. I have told you this countless times.

I shook my head. I felt something in me start to break. "They are my friends."

"They are criminals."

"You don’t know them."

"I know enough," he said.

"No you don’t," I shot back. "You just think you do."

I turned like I was done and that was when he said it. The thing he should not have said.

"That boy is a fucking hothead," he snapped. "I already told him to stay away from you."

I stopped moving. The room got too quiet. I turned back slowly because it felt like I did not hear him right.

"What did you say?"

He looked like he regretted it but he didn’t take it back. "Jace. That boy. I told him to stay away from you."

My chest felt hollow. "You did what?"

"I told him to back off. He is not good for you. None of them are."

I felt something sting my eyes but it was not tears yet. It was the kind of hurt that goes straight through your ribs.

"Why do you always do this," I whispered. "Every good thing that happens in my life you just grind it down. You never trust me. You never think I know what I’m doing. You never even try."

"Julian, I’m trying to protect you."

"You are trying to cage me."

He stepped closer. "I am your father. It is my job to keep you safe."

"No," I said. "It’s your job to see me. To listen to me. To not treat me like I’m one bad decision away from breaking."

"Julian you don’t understand," he said. "There are things you don’t see. There are people out there who will hurt you without thinking twice."

I laughed but it came out broken. "I know that. I’m not stupid. You think I don’t know what danger looks like. I grew up here. I know more than you think."

"That is not the point."

"It is the point." My voice cracked. "You don’t want me to live my life. You want me to live the one you think is safe."

He opened his mouth to argue but I was done. My head felt hot and my throat felt too tight. I backed away toward the stairs.

"I’m going to my room," I said. "Please don’t follow me."

"Julian," he tried again.

I went up the stairs and he came after me but I got to my room first. I shut the door and locked it. I could hear him still talking on the other side but it sounded far away. I leaned against the door and slid down till I was sitting on the floor. I didn’t cry. I was too angry to cry.

My phone buzzed in my hoodie. I pulled it out and called Rico first. He picked up fast like he was waiting.

"Dude," he said. "My dad almost broke a vein shouting. He does not want me to go."

"Same here," I said. My voice sounded tired. "He freaked out the second I said I was leaving."

"I swear this house feels colder every day," Rico said. "My dad being a cop and then my involvement with the whole Marino shit is like a curse. He keeps acting like I’m gonna get dragged into something."

"I get it," I said. "My dad said some insane things too."

"Are you still going," Rico asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I’m leaving tomorrow."

"Good," he said. "Me too."

We hung up so I could call Luka. He answered while laughing like he was losing his mind a little.

"Bro," Luka said. "My mom said I’m being influenced. Influenced. Like I’m joining a cult. And my dad? Pfft."

I could not help but snort. "Yeah okay, same energy here."

"She said if I walk out tomorrow I better not come back crying. Like what does that even mean."

"Are you still going," I asked him.

"Hell yeah," he said. "I packed already. I’m not staying in this house one more day. Everyone is acting weird. Christmas is gonna suck here."

"Yeah," I said. "We deserve one good Christmas."

"Then we’re going," Luka said. "Even if we have to sneak out."

We hung up after that. My room got quiet again. I sat on my bed and stared at the window but I wasn’t looking at anything. My head kept drifting. I thought about everything that led to this week. The nights I left the house without telling anyone. Enzo showing up out of nowhere on Friday. Jace calling me early in the morning because he wanted to hear my voice. Him telling me he misses me like it’s normal.

I still hadn’t told him I was coming. He probably thought I’d be stuck here all break dealing with family drama. Part of me liked the idea of surprising him. Seeing his face when he realizes I actually came. I wondered if he would smile. I hoped he would.

Marco promised to pick us up from the station. I trusted Marco. He never let me down since his brother introduced us.

I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My chest still hurts from what my dad said about Jace and about telling him to stay away from me. I tried not to think about how Jace probably reacted hearing that. Maybe he got mad. Maybe he got sad. Maybe he didn’t show anything because he’s good at hiding everything.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I didn’t want to think about my dad yelling or the look on his face when he realized he couldn’t stop me. I didn’t want to think about the way my hands were shaking when I walked upstairs. I just wanted tomorrow to come fast.

I’m leaving. I kept saying it in my head like a promise. I’m leaving. I’m going to see them. I’m going to see him.

And no one is stopping me. Not even my dad.