Chapter 45

[So until that’s fixed, I can’t contact that friend. Because it’s that kind of abnormal condition.]

“What is it…?”

Lude spoke in confusion, but Jeong Suho shook his head. It seemed he meant it was information that was too difficult to share with an outsider like Lude.

Jeong Suho seemed to know for himself that he was different from others, but Lude couldn’t figure it out. Even if he searched through all the memories of living as Nari, he couldn’t find an answer.

“No, but what does that have to do with clearing a gate? That condition isn’t something caused by the gate.”

At Lude’s words, Jeong Suho touched the back of his neck. After hesitating for a moment, he typed into his device again.

[It was something I only learned after undergoing a detailed examination at Wargod, so now I’m receiving treatment inside Wargod.]

When Jeong Suho explained that only by clearing all abnormal conditions could even those that had existed before be treated quickly, Lude’s voice trembled a little as he spoke.

“So you’re saying once you’re completely fine, you’ll go back to that friend? Stand by her side again? You’ll explain only when you get there? Do you think she’ll really be glad to see you?”

Lude hid his faintly trembling hands behind his back as he spoke. It was because of herself. Because of what she said last time, Jeong Suho had never been able to return.

He knew perfectly well that friend’s honest and obedient nature, how he would nod at every word. He also knew that the one who suffered wasn’t only himself, but Jeong Suho too, who had lived with Nari’s family.

‘What did I even say…’

Lude bowed his head deeply and squeezed his eyes shut beneath his sunglasses. Waves of regret, sorrow, self-reproach, and every other emotion rushed in. His anger toward Jeong Suho had long since died away.

She knew that she was young back then and not in a sound state of mind. But even so, the fact remained that she had wounded another person.

Worse, she had erased that memory completely and convinced herself she was the spotless victim.

It could be heard as, “She hated you so much, if you go back, would she even like it?” but the meaning of Lude’s words was different.

It was the exact feeling Nari was having right now.

She was asking herself if he would really want to meet her again after what she did to him. He’d likely be drowned in guilt.

After a long silence, he turned his gaze beyond the barbed wire and into the empty air.

[Even if I go back down, I don’t think mending the relationship with that friend will be possible.]

“Then why go back at all? You heard what she said last time. Why return to someone who went that far? You don’t need to. Isn’t it better to just live your own life? She treated you that way.”

That was always how she was. Pretending she was the victim, acting like the world mistreated her, pretending to be completely innocent, yet deep inside she was always haunted by a nameless guilt.

Like when her friends drifted away, she accepted it as her own fault. Like how she was ready to accept it as inevitable if Kang Ihyun left her someday too.

Lude raised his head slightly and looked forward. Jeong Suho was staring at his device and smiling faintly. From his device came the words Lude himself had always said to Kang Ihyun.

[I know very well I’m hard to deal with. I realize now that my friend must have had a terribly hard time taking care of me.]

“…”

[So I’ll try to deal with myself first. And after I really fix all those flaws, I’ll go find her again. If I apologize, maybe, just maybe, she’ll understand. We were seventeen then, and now we’re twenty-five.]

“…Why are you so kind? If it were me, I’d never go back. I’d let her live her whole life never knowing what she did wrong. And I’d flaunt how well I was living. Make her suffer over and over. You could take the easier path, so why…”

Just a few hours ago Lude had thought, “I’ll forget that bastard Jeong Suho!” But now he was urging Jeong Suho to forget her and live. No, it was nearly a plea.

He didn’t want to look back at what he had done to such a good and gentle person. He didn’t want to face his mistake again, nor did he want to admit that the one who ruined everything was in truth Shin Bitnari, herself.

And he hated himself even more for feeling selfish to the end. The device in Jeong Suho’s hands sounded again.

[It’s always the one who longs more that loses. And I’m far too used to losing by now.]

“…”

Suppressing the frustration inside, Lude sighed deeply and pressed his forehead with his fingers.

He really was a maddeningly stubborn person. This unchanging core was the difficult part.

Because he thought himself full of mistakes, he was forgiving of others’ mistakes, always considerate, always kind….

[You seem to be in a bad mood suddenly, did my story burden you? I’m sorry.]

“No, it’s not that. It’s just I don’t really understand why you’re telling me this. So don’t worry about it.”

At the sudden excuse, Jeong Suho blinked. Then maybe realizing that made sense, he touched his chin once. With an embarrassed, maybe even bashful expression, he quickly typed on his device.

[No, it’s nothing. It’s just, listening to you reminded me of the past. What you said sounded like what that friend used to say. That’s all. Sorry.]

“No, it’s fine. I’m going to bed, so you should too. You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”

Hearing that, Lude waved his hand dismissively and left his seat. Jeong Suho widened his eyes at him, then gave a sheepish smile.

[Yes, thank you for today. Good night.]

Lude waved a couple of times and left the rooftop. He didn’t feel good. He really felt like he was going to vomit. As soon as he opened the rooftop door and stepped inside, he saw Kang Ihyun sitting on the stairs.

Looking a bit tired, he leaned his head against the corridor wall, dressed in a loose T-shirt and cardigan, dozing off.

“Hey, hey! What are you doing sleeping here!”

“…Ah.”

Startled, Lude shook him awake, and Kang Ihyun blinked blearily open and smiled at him.

“Sorry. I nodded off here….”

“Why were you here?”

“Well, I couldn’t sleep at night, so I thought I’d go up to the rooftop. Then I saw you and Jeong Suho talking seriously, so I thought I’d wait and go down together. Sorry, I startled you.”

Suddenly, chills crept down Lude’s back.

‘How much did he hear?’

If Kang Ihyun learned that he had spoken cruel words that drove Jeong Suho away, what would he think of him? The thought seized his mind.

Maybe he would leave, deciding he wasn’t such a good person after all. Maybe he’d be disappointed once he realized Lude wasn’t as strong as he believed, not worthy of following.

“M-Must have been noisy, right?”

But he couldn’t ask outright, so all he could do was test it. Kang Ihyun shook his head and answered with his usual face.

“No. I didn’t hear that much. I probably looked like a stalker though, sorry.”

“N-No, it’s fine! Anyway, let’s head down. It’s cold here.”

“Yes, you go first. I’ll just button my cardigan and follow.”

“Oh okay, it is cold.”

Relieved that he hadn’t heard much, Lude nodded and went down the stairs. About one floor down, Kang Ihyun’s gentle expression turned cold. A message from his constellation appeared.

“I know. I can’t let bad feelings show. But…”

He looked up. Beyond the closed iron door, Jeong Suho would be inside. Kang Ihyun clenched his fists.

His nails dug into his palms and left bloody marks, but the golden holy power soon healed them. He let out a faint murmur through his teeth.

“What am I supposed to do if I’m angry anyway?”

* * *

After barely sleeping, dawn broke with a cold blue light. Lude and Kang Ihyun came down from the main building. Lude, who had spent the night restless, yawned widely with a hoarse voice and an openly tired face.

“Calling us out at the crack of dawn…”

“Did you sleep late? This is almost a tradition here, so just take part.”

Lee Jisung and Jeong Suho were in the schoolyard, placing dried pollack and dried rice cakes that Kang Ihyun had brought on plastic plates.

It looked just like preparing a ritual table, and Lude raised one eyebrow.

“What are you doing?”

“A ritual. Before we clear a big gate, we always do this. So we can return safely.”

Lee Jisung explained that this time Kang Ihyun had been thoughtful enough to bring rare foods. He poured liquor into paper cups and propped up a tablet showing a picture of a pig’s head.

“What a silly superstition. Things will work out anyway.”

“Don’t say that, these things matter more than you think. If we fail to subdue a gate, it’s a disaster.”

Since people here cared less about what happened compared to the south, they had to put faith even in such superstitions. Lee Jisung spread out a mat. Lude and Kang Ihyun took off their shoes and stepped onto it. Jeong Suho followed and explained.

[And many people died here when the gate first appeared. If not us, no one remembers them. Everyone else just thinks of this place as a source of energy.]

“Right, right, you’re asking for their blessing. Sorry for using your land this way~ We’ll do our best to keep people safe~ Please look after us just this once~ That kind of thing.”

Even if it wasn’t their fault, it was Korean custom to pray for the souls who died here. Muttering this, Lee Jisung stepped onto the mat last.

They bowed twice on the spot, then gave a final half-bow. Lude and Ihyun placed the crumpled ten-thousand won notes that Lee Jisung had pressed into their hands before the tablet.

Finally, Lee Jisung put fifty thousand won in front of the tablet and spoke.

“Please, let our kids return safely and without injury this time. We don’t ask for anything else. Please.”

He poured out the liquor around, and when the brief ritual ended, Jeong Suho typed on his device.

[Then I’ll bring out the jeep now.]

“Hey Suho, your meds. Oh, that face, you forgot again.”

“Ah,” Jeong Suho widened his eyes. Clicking his tongue, Lee Jisung shook his head and pulled white prescription pills from his inventory, handing them over.

“Three days’ worth. Make sure to come back before you run out.”

Jeong Suho only nodded, tucked the medicine into his inventory, and headed toward the parking lot behind the school. Watching him, Lee Jisung turned to Lude.

“He has to take those once every morning. If the subjugation takes long, you guys watch out for him.”

“What kind of meds are they?”

“You don’t need to know. Just make sure he doesn’t forget since he does that a lot.”

He was curious and concerned, but had no excuse to press further, so he just grumbled. Meanwhile, Kang Ihyun, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since yesterday, smiled while checking his device.

“Ah, Suho says he’s ready. Let’s go, Lude.”

“Ah, yeah…”

Both Lude and Kang Ihyun held on to their troubled hearts as they walked toward the back of the school, believing that once the gate was subdued and they went back down, this gnawing frustration would finally be resolved.