CHAPTER 52: ON THE EDGE OF THE ABYSS

The dull tapping of Miori’s heels echoes faintly along the uphill dirt path that runs through the hilly area behind Zenkō-ji Temple, in the center of Nagano. Although it’s only about a twenty-minute walk from the busy avenue where the American fast-food joint and Cordesol Meat are located, this place feels completely isolated from the world — silent, evocative, barely lit by the small shrines scattered along the path.

«In the end, that Wagyu Tataki Fusion wasn’t anything special. What a disappointment...» Miori remarks aloud, as if talking to someone beside her, even though she’s walking alone — as if raising her voice on purpose keeps her from hearing her own thoughts.

She briefly glances back, her glossy sapphire eyes drifting toward the brightly lit center of Nagano, still buzzing with nightlife. She lets out a deep sigh, then turns forward again, toward the steep slope where the path ends — each step growing shorter and slower the further she goes.

She takes a few more steps, then stops once more and looks around, searching for something — anything — that might catch her attention, an excuse to waste a few precious seconds. But nothing in that overwhelming darkness draws her gaze, so she resumes walking, waiting desperately for even the smallest reason to stall.

She turns around more and more often as she climbs, and each time her distraction lasts a little longer, convincing herself she might have heard a noise or shouting from the bottom of the hill.

«Yeah, without a doubt those were the worst-spent yen of my entire life. So much for the restaurant’s pride and joy — I probably would’ve eaten better meat at that fast-food place across the street...» she adds, raising her voice even more — in this absolute silence, even her deepest thoughts, the ones she’s trying so hard to suppress, echo inside her head like they’re blaring from a loudspeaker.

One last hairpin turn separates her from the end of the dirt path she has walked up and down so many times over the years — after every meal at Cordesol Meat, this is where she would always come to take a walk, to digest and relax, even though it’s the first time she’s doing it in such suffocating darkness.

What had always discouraged her from coming here this late were the countless rumors — backed by a few news reports — about shady people lurking around this deserted hillside after sunset.

But whether those rumors are true or not... she no longer cares.

«I-I’m sure... I’m sure the world would’ve been a better place if I had never been born — I’ve already ruined too many lives, far too many... but I’m still in time to keep others from suffering because of me. R-Renji... Aoshi... pff... and even that poor puppy in the industrial area of Chikuma... please, forgive me...» Miori sobs — her voice now barely more than a faint whisper, easily swallowed by the light, cool breeze making her jet-black ponytail sway against the night sky.

«You didn’t deserve to be treated in such a petty and cruel way, nor to suffer as I unjustly made you suffer... I took advantage of your weaknesses just to vent my anger, just to feel less weak myself — and that’s truly disgraceful and unforgivable. If I lashed out at you, it was only because I never had the courage to take it out on the one who truly deserved all my hatred...»

Accompanied by the crunch of twigs breaking under her slow, heavy steps, and with her legs trembling uncontrollably, Miori walks around the final tight bend — the one after which the path ends abruptly at a tall, steep cliff about forty meters high, with nothing but bare rock hidden under a faint sea of mist below.

«K-Kagura...» Miori growls through clenched teeth, facing the void with conviction — as if that woman could truly hear her words right now. She grinds her teeth so hard they screech, and tears burst from her narrowed eyes, twisted with pure rage.

«T-This... this is all your fault... IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!» she screams with every bit of strength she has, and the echo of her voice rebounds from the chasm less than a meter from the tips of her heeled boots.

«I-I... I didn’t choose to come into this world like this — I never wanted any of it! I-If only... if only you had accepted that I could never be the perfect, flawless daughter you always demanded me to be... if you had accepted me for who I truly am and loved me the way a mother is supposed to love her daughter... If you hadn’t pretended that my problem didn’t exist, thinking it was just a passing phase that would fix itself with time, m-maybe... maybe by now we... The only thing I ever wanted was for you, Dad, Shin, and me to be a family! A united family that, despite the difficulties life placed on your shoulders by making me different from other children, would stay by my side — would help me live with that disorder... A-And yet the only thing you were capable of doing was labeling me as violent... the crazy one in the family... just because you were too scared and ashamed to face the truth. I-It’s not fair...»

Miori’s heavy tears crash like raindrops against the tips of her black heeled boots — which, with every passing second, scrape dangerously closer to the edge of the cliff.

«...I-It’s not fair... it’s not fair that only I have to pay the consequences for becoming the vile and cruel person I’ve turned into... it’s not fair! You never cared about me — just like I’m sure you don’t care about Shin either! The only thing that’s ever mattered to you is making sure your children don’t tarnish the surname you stole for yourself when you married Dad... nothing else. But that’s enough now! I’m done taking out my anger and hatred on those who have nothing to do with it...»

Another tiny step forward brings her even closer to the drop. From below rises the damp smell of mist, mixing with the sharp scent of incense carried by the wind from the surrounding shrines.

Now, the tips of her boots no longer even touch the ground — only the heels, still dug into the soil, keep her precariously balanced. Miori sways slightly back and forth, cradled by the wind that, in such an open place, blows even stronger than along the path.

Miori lowers her gaze slightly, then snaps it back up toward the night sky — covered by such a thick blanket of clouds that not even the faintest trace of moonlight can break through. A sudden vertigo hits her, making her stagger for a moment before she quickly regains her balance — terrified by the black abyss beneath her, so dark she can’t even see the bottom.

The ground under her feet crackles lightly, crumbling at the edge as small chunks of dirt and rock fall into the void below.

«Mom, if the honor of the Yukinaga name matters more to you than your own children, then I guess I’ll just take away everything you hold most precious in this world! Believe me, Kagura — the humiliation and disgrace you felt when I let myself get fucked like a slut by your friends’ sons, when people called me "the whore of Kyoto"... that’s nothing compared to the shame you’ll drown in tomorrow morning, when every newspaper reports the suicide of the Yukinaga family’s firstborn.»

A mad, sadistic, merciless grin stretches across Miori’s face — her lips framed by the tears streaking down her flushed cheeks — before her mouth suddenly opens wide, unleashing the most chilling, hysterical laughter a human ear could ever hear. It’s so sharp she feels her vocal cords burn like they’re catching fire.

She clenches her fists — or tries to — but her shaking fingers remain only half-curled, completely overwhelmed by despair. Her spirit and sanity are shattered into a thousand pieces, like a mirror smashed after falling from the top of a skyscraper.

Now, not even the faintest glimmer of reason remains within her.

She screams, curses, blasphemes at the sea of fog and darkness separating her from oblivion — only to burst, a heartbeat later, into another fit of delirious, genuine laughter.

Anyone who has ever known her would be terrified — horrified — by what the most admired idol of the university has become. The girl every boy dreamed of having and every girl dreamed of being...

Now nothing more than an empty shell, pale and hollow — a mere shadow of what she once was.

«Yes, I’m sure it’ll be absolutely hilarious, Kagura...» she adds, her voice now flat and icy. «The only regret will be not being able to witness the exact moment you find out. But I can already picture it — I can already see you sitting on the couch, your trembling fingers flipping through the pages of the Shinano Mainichi Shimbun, drowning in shame while your phone starts ringing nonstop, bombarded with calls from your friends. Yes, it’s going to be quite a show...»

Miori spreads her arms and leans forward again — this time on purpose — letting the wind sway her more and more dangerously.

«See you in hell, bitch!»