CHAPTER 65: I MESSED UP AGAIN

"Get in," Luca said again. "Don’t make me say it for the this time or I will throw you over my shoulder." He muttered and I nodded.

I walked into the car and I could feel how his tone changed and he didn’t look any happier, Luca didn’t say. Single word to me, I guess I made a huge mistake, I talked about how we should be honest with each other, how we should never lie to each other and I guess I made a mistake.

"Luca- not now." He stated.

We just got back together, I didn’t want us to fight anymore, and this time it’s not even his fault, I am the one to caused all of this.

I glanced at Luca, still unable to speak. I felt horrible as bad because if he had done the same, I would have acted the same wat or I would have stayed away form him, I would have told him he fucked up and he should learn to stay away from me, yet now he would not behave the way I would have, I guess no mater how much I want to deny it.

I am the toxic one.

I should be better.

——

We walked into his apartment, he made sure it lock the door before he pointed to the couch where I settled on, his eyes were on mine.

"Do you have any idea that you could have gotten seriously hurt, you could have died and I would not even fucking know about it, because you lied to me," Luca spoke, he didn’t yell, his tone and behavior were quite calm and his eyes yelled even more, that’s ere filled with a type of anger that I have seen before.

"Luca I- no don’t, allow me to speak," he said cutting me off and I nodded.

I didn’t have the right to speak anymore.

"You lied Olivia; why? You said we should be honest and you lied, I was a fool for thinking you would go to work this morning, maybe I am bigger fool for heading to your work place and trying to take you lunch as form of surprise and I did get surprised when I found out you were never there in the first place and you can imagine how I felt when I found you there beside the car." He said and my breath hitches. "If I did the same, what would you have done?"

"Think that you have been lying all these time and our promises meant nothing to you and all you ever want to do is hurt me and I would tell you to stay away from me and never have any conversation with me, I would yell and I would cry and I would not let you explain and at the end I would regret it because at the end. I am the one who needs help and therapy in this relationship." I admitted.

"But I didn’t behave that way because I know you, when you love someone, you love them despite the things they do, sometimes they hurt you, yes but you need to know the reason why, I can’t express how mad and upset at you I am right now." He said.

"Then yell Luca, don’t speak to me calmly, I want you to yell, I want you to tell me that I fucked up, I want you to tell me that you didn’t expect this from me, I want you to tell me that you hate what I am doing and how could I have done this."

"Why? Why did you do this?" Luca asked and I turned to look at him, that’s all he wanted to know. "If you lie, I will know Olivia." He added.

"I won’t." I breathed out.

I started to explain what happened last evening, and how this morning, this happened too and I told him about my first day here, and the man I saw staring at me, and how we started talking to each other, and how I became stupid enough to even move in with someone I had just met.

"You trusted her," Luca whispered.

I always trust every one and it’s not their fault anymore, it’s starting to look a lot like mine, I should have done better, I should have moved into a tiny apartment only for me, I should have tried to stay away from Natalie or keep her as a friend from afar yet I didn’t.

"I am not asking you to feel sad for me because I am the reason it all happened."

"Did you write about Conrad or about me?" He asked

"I don’t believe in that, I don’t believe in writing to make me feel better because, it doesn’t matter make me feel better, and I know I didn’t, not even on my phone, not even on paper and I didn’t tell, God I have been so careful to keep my past away, I just told her that I has a rough break up because we realized we are not the same anymore and that was it."

"Yesterday, did Sebastien look shocked at you when my real identity came into light, did he stare at you differently, when you asked me to leave, did he tell you that you should have told him, did he seem scared?" Luca asked and I shook my head, I didn’t think he did, he never did.

All he was bothered about was the fact that I am letting him control me and I should not do that and he didn’t mention how sacred or worried he is, unlike how everyone else in the room behaved.

"Do you realize what this means?"

"From the moment you walked into the building, he knew who you were, he didn’t care, he still challenged you, he still spoke to you and he never cared that it could lead to his death."

"He knew yet he waited and pretended like he didn’t, and you know what that means, it means your friend Sebastian is not who he really is and Natalie knows that, she had to because she is the one who introduced him to you, so many fucking reasons to kill him."

"If you kill him, we are never going to find out if he truly knows other things and what they are planning, who is to say their death would not just lead to their plan being executed faster, I am sure someone else is in on this," I whispered and he glanced at me.

I know he is thinking about the same thing too, there is someone working with them, someone we didn’t know about, or rather Sebastien told someone, because how can he be so confident that Luca would not kill him, to look straight into his eyes and not have a care for the world about what is happening.

"I am sorry." I finally whispered. "I should have told you about it and I could have been in grave danger, and I could have died, I didn’t think about any of that, I didn’t even realise that would happen." I breathed out. "I know I messed up and I am the one who broke your trust." I added.

"You didn’t break my trust, you just, you should not have done that, I don’t want to think about it."

"You should." I breathed out. "Because I know that I would, I want you to yell at me Luca, tell me how exactly you feel, and tell me what you need me to do, tell me you are never going to allow me to leave your side because I fucked up and that’s my punishment." I breathed out.

"I am not going to yell Olivia, if that’s what you want, it’s not young to happen but I promise you, you are never going to leave my side, you are never going to ever think of leaving me again and you are not staying with her anymore, I don’t care if it makes her suspicious, I don’t care if she turns out to start getting mad about it, I don’t care if she feels like we are on to her, you are saying with me, you will take every single thing that belonged to you and you will come with me, you will never leave me even to get grocery alone." He said and I smiled

That’s what I wanted to hear, that’s all I needed at the moment, I wanted this control, I wanted him to tell me what to do, I wanted him to tell me he is not going to calm down for me and he is going to punish me because that’s what I deserved, and as for Natalie.

I didn’t care what Natalie would feel, she would hate me, but I would leave.

"Good." I smiled.

"Don’t think it’s over because tonight you will get even more punished for giving me a heart attack." He said and I smiled again.