Bai Yutang massages his temples. His head is still throbbing hard. He could still taste iron in his tongue. Bitter and acidic. This is the first time he experiences what it feels to have a hangover.

    Last night he was so mad with Tang Yuxuan, and also with himself. He wanted to shout and punch Tang Yuxuan. How could Tang Yuxuan say those things to Jian Kang Lu? But he can''t release his anger to him. Because no matter what, it was all his own fault not telling them in the first place. So he just left.

    Yu Dong was running after him, and brought his phone which he left in Liu Xiang and Tang Yuxuan''s room. Yu Dong also escorts his drunken self to his room. Yu Dong texted him that night, ask him to have lunch with him today.. That''s why now he waited for Yu Dong in the small restaurant near the studio.

    While waiting, Bai Yutang just stared at his phone, looking at Jian Kang Lu''s number. He felt awful. He already felt so many unpleasant emotions when he heard Tang Yuxuan''s confession, how does it feel for Jian Kang Lu when he heard that?

    "Hey, how''s your head?"

    Bai Yutang looked at Yu Dong who casually talked to him like last night''s event never happened at all.

    "It''s awful."

    "Serves you right. Who told you to drink that many yesterday? I''m starving, let''s order first."

    They both order their lunch. Bai Yutang knows Yu Dong want to talk with him about last night. So he just waited for Yu Dong''s questions.

    "You know, I almost got a heart attack last night."

    Bai Yutang smiled, he could imagine what Yu Dong felt. "So, what do you want to ask?"

    Yu Dong took a deep breath. "A lot. But for a start, I just want you to forgive Tang Yuxuan. He really feels miserable right now, afraid you won''t forgive him. We all know he was like that, but he never meant you any harm."

    Bai Yutang nodded, "I know. I will be a liar if I say I wasn''t mad. But I know this is not entirely his fault. This is my own fault. If I should blame someone, it should be me."

    "No. This is no one''s fault. Don''t blame yourself too. Tang Yuxuan wants to call Jian Ge and apologise, but we prevent him. I think we should ask you first. What do you want to do?"

    Bai Yutang pondered, Yu Dong was right. What did he want to do? Last night he just wanted to run to Jian Kang Lu''s apartment, but he was too drunk to walk straight.

    "I''m thinking about that myself. All I want to do is just go back to the time when all of this never happened. When I was still together with him."

    Yu Dong waited, but Bai Yutang didn''t speak anymore. That eyes of his skinny friend back to the empty stares. The emptiness he saw in the last few months. Only last night he saw emotions back into that pair of eyes.

    Yu Dong sighed, "Have you contacted Jian Ge?"

    Bai Yutang shook his head. Then Yu Dong said again, "Why?"

    "I''m afraid…"

    The waiter came to deliver their order. Yu Dong looked at his friend who only ordered one bowl of wonton soup. He sighed again.

    "TangTang, do you know why I always apologise first to Xiaoya?"

    Bai Yutang smiled, "Because you''re a henpecked boyfriend?"

    Yu Dong laughed, "Yes, and i''m proud of it. But there''s another reason. It was because Jian Ge."

    Yu Dong could see a fickle of emotion flickered in the pair of his friend''s eyes. He continued.

    "You know that I always ask Jian Ge about girl''s problems, right? He''s like a big brother I never had. That one time I was lamenting on Jian Ge, why should i apologise first? Jian Ge asked me, is it hard to apologise when I didn''t even feel guilty. I said yes. Then Jian Ge said, now imagine Xiaoya''s feeling. Lovers are two different individuals. Naturally each one of us will think that we''re the right one, and demand our partner to understand us. But it won''t work that way. Jian Ge said, if it is already hard for me, then it should be harder for Xiaoya. Moreover, i''m a man and Xiaoya is my woman."

    Yu Dong sipped his ice coffee. "Jian Ge told me, if I truly like Xiaoya, can I bear for her to endure the hardship just to satisfy my ego? I can''t. So that''s why I didn''t mind being called a henpecked boyfriend. Xiaoya is worth it."

    Yu Dong was surprised to see the pair of his eyes''s friend filled with tears. "Hey, I didn''t talk about Jian Ge to make you cry."

    Bai Yutang accepted the tissue Yu Dong gave him. How could he do all of this to someone like Jian Kang Lu?

    "I.. I want to apologise to him many times before. But I was just too afraid he wouldn''t accept it. And after last night I heard from Yuxuan about what truly happened, i don''t think he will forgive me."

    Yu Dong sighed. "I never asked you what happened to you all these times, because i''m waiting for you to tell me yourself. I don''t want to poke on your private life if you don''t like it. But honestly, TangTang, I also deserve an apology from you. How come you never tell me about you and Jian Ge? You know I''m slow to catch things like this. How i suppose to know if you never say it?"

    "I know.. I''m sorry, DongDong. I was plan to told you guys when i graduate. I never thought all of these things would happen. I was afraid you guys will despise me, and it will be hard if we still meet often on campus."

    "So? You think I will judge you differently just because of that? I am your friend. And I thought I am your best friend. Because for me, you are my best buddy. You should trust me more."

    "I know, i''m sorry DongDong."

    Yu Dong smiled. "See? It''s not that hard to apologise. And i forgive you for doing these stupid things."

    Bai Yutang smiled, his tears still welled up in the corner of his eyes. "This humble slave is truly lucky to have a friend like you, young master."

    "Yes you are. And honestly TangTang, no matter if Jian Ge accepts your apologies or not, he deserves to hear it from you. So no need to be afraid. If he rejects your apologies, you still have us. And we won''t ditch you. Brothers for life, remember?"

    Bai Yutang nodded. "What do you think i should do? I was thinking it was not appropriate to apologise through calls or messages."

    Yu Dong starts to chew his chicken rice. He was famished. "Mmm.. Agreed. The best way is to meet him. That way, you could show your sincerity. Let Yuxuan apologise to Jian Ge separately. I think both you and Jian Ge need to settle your matters first."

    Bai Yutang also started to eat his soup. He had no appetite, his stomach still felt nauseous from alcohol last night. But he knows he needs to eat, he already skipped his breakfast.

    "By the way, TangTang. Like I told you, I have many questions. Why did you break up with Jian Ge in the first place? If you don''t want to tell me, that''s fine."

    Bai Yutang shook his head. "No, it''s fine."

    Yu Dong listened to Bai Yutang''s explanation. He took a deep breath after that long story. "TangTang, I might be your best friend, your brother. But I should say that you were wrong in this matter. Why don''t you listen to his explanation first? If I didn''t know Jian Ge, I would say that he was a bastard that cheated on you. But I know him, and I saw how he treated you all these times. Ah, I always thought that it was a little bit weird to see him treat you that well. Even our birthday presents were so different like heaven and earth."

    Bai Yutang laughed even though he felt bitter, for he hurt the one who treated him so kind, who loved him that much. "Yes, how could a birthday present for me and you be the same? I was his boyfriend."

    They finished their lunch. Then Yu Dong slowly asked him. "I also want to ask you, did you read that forum''s comments?"

    Bai Yutang nodded, "Yes. I read it. But I didn''t read them all. It was surprising to see them fight between themselves about me."

    Yu Dong sighed. It was awful to remember what was written on that forum.

    [A friend of mine sent this picture to me. A pair of cutsleeves dare to kiss in the dorm''s yard!]

    [Oh my God, it''s disgusting. Why do they do it in public places?]

    [They dare to do it on campus? Wow.]

    [Oh get a room please.]

    [What? This is gross! How dare they kiss in the dorm? Do they want to infect us with gay virus?]

    [This man is familiar. It looks like an architecture student.]

    [My friend told me his name is Bai Yutang. True, he is from architecture. Fifth year.]

    [What a disgrace for us, architecture students!!!]

    [Why does a man want to play with another stick and that dirty asshole? There are still a lot of beautiful girls out there. Gross!!!]

    [Maybe that is his sugar daddy, make money while selling his ass.]

    [Ewww, gross!]

    [Hey, why are you guys so sickening? Can''t believe i read this in the university forum. This is a violation of human rights.]

    [Oh shut up, are you a cutsleeve also?]

    [Gay are not human. They are pigs.]

    [People so nasty like you guys must be single and ugly.]

    [People who wrote nasty comments like this must be flung their grade. Idiots.]

    [Ah, they all deserve to be single for their whole life. I just felt sorry for their future girlfriend to have a partner with this kind of attitude.]

    [Yeah, at least this man has a partner that wants to kiss him. Unlike all the unpleasant posters here who didn''t even have someone who wanted to kiss them.]

    [Who wants to kiss a mouth who utters this kind of vile words?]

    [Shut up, you fags are not allowed in this earth. Just be gone.]

    Bai Yutang smiled when Yu Dong looked at him with concern. "I''m okay. Really. I thought I was going to be sad or angry if this kind of thing happened to me. And I used to be afraid my scholarship would be cancelled because of this. But nothing happened, and no one said anything to my face. Honestly, I can''t feel anything since I broke up with Jian Ge. All I want is just to come back to him, if he allows me. Those nasty comments mean nothing to me compared to the pain of losing him."

    Yu Dong pat Bai Yutang''s shoulder. "Yeah. Just ignore them. And just punch anyone who dared to insult you directly."

    Bai Yutang decided to meet Jian Kang Lu after he finished his class. He told his friends that he could not have dinner with them not because he was angry, but because he wanted to apologise first.

    [TangTang, can i come with you? I need to apologise too.]

    [No need, i''m the one who should apologise first. Later, I''ll tell you later whether Jian Ge wants to forgive us or not.]

    Bai Yutang rode the bus he used to ride everyday when he was still living with Jian Kang Lu. His heart beat so fast. This is the first time after many months his heart seems to come back to life. Fear, anticipation, hope, yearn. All of those thousands of feelings swirl inside him. His hand sweating.

    He doesn''t want to imagine what will happen. Yu Dong was right, even if Jian Kang Lu doesn''t want to forgive him, but he deserves a thousand apologies from him. He always thought he was an adult, and he thought he always treated Jian Kang Lu as best as he could.

    But he was wrong. He''s still a little boy repeating his mistakes again and again. Hide himself because he was afraid of getting hurt, didn''t realise that he was hurting people who care about him in that way.

    He needs to learn the consequences of his act. He needs to learn how to be a proper adult. Learn how to apologise and not make the same mistakes again. Learn and grow up.

    Bai Yutang was glad he didn''t throw the apartment card Jian Kang Lu gave him. He wanted to throw it away, but he was afraid it could be used by someone else for crime, so he kept it in his wallet.

    The sun had not yet gone down when he opened the apartment door. The passcode is still the same. He didn''t know whether it was wise to wait for an ex-boyfriend like this. But he can''t bring himself to call Jian Kang Lu and get refused.

    At least, he still could see Jian Kang Lu for the last time this way.

    Bai Yutang couldn''t help himself to be numbed and cold when he saw the apartment. It was so empty. Many things were gone. And he even more astounded when he saw the empty kitchen. Nothing was there. Not even a kitchen knife.

    All was shut down, the refrigerator, the stove, everything. He felt uneasy, why it feels like an abandoned apartment to him. He didn''t dare to come inside the bedroom, but he came inside the room that used to be his studio. All the stuff was there, piled inside the boxes.

    It hurts him more to see this. What has he done? Bai Yutang wait, and wait. Until the sun goes down. Until the lights from the city bustling outside could be seen from those glass doors he liked so much.

    He waits, and waits, until the clock shows him it was already 10 o''clock. He decided to wait for another 30 minutes. But Jian Kang Lu didn''t show up. Did something bad happen to him?

    Bai Yutang finally walked out from the apartment. His mind is chaotic. He couldn''t bring himself to call Jian Kang Lu, so he called the hospital. The operator told him that Doctor Jian''s schedule is like usual, nothing changed. Thus Bai Yutang registered himself as a patient.

    This is the last way he could think of letting him meet Jian Kang Lu one more time.