CHAPTER 49: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

Alexander smoothly pushed the strand of hair on his forehead backward with his fingers, before looking back at me with no emotions on his face.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That is for everything... Everything you have done to my family..." I spatted, my voice trembling in rage. "This is all your fault!"

He raised a confused brow.

"What are you talking about?"

"My mother!" I almost screamed. "She is dead because of you. You destroyed my family. You took everything from us, and now... she is gone. Are you happy? Do you feel satisfied now?!"

He leaned back against the chair and made eye contact with the older man he was talking with before I came. Then, the man excused himself and left us alone.

Alexander’s expression didn’t change the whole time. It was as if none of my words mattered to him.

"I had nothing to do with your mother’s death," he said, after a moment of silence.

A bitter laugh crackled out of my throat. "Of course you didn’t. Just like how you had nothing to do with ruining my father. You pushed him to the edge, and now my mother is dead because of it. You can tell me to my face that it’s not your fault."

"It’s not," he breathed. "Your mother was poisoned. If you want to blame someone for her death, blame the people in your own family. Not me."

I shook my head, not wanting to believe him. How could I believe him when all he had ever wanted was to make us miserable?

"You are lying. You are trying to twist this around like you always do."

"I have no reason to lie. Not that I am afraid of you or anyone for me to lie," he said and I could hear the hint of mockery in his tone. It only made me despise him more.

I took a step closer. Now I was standing a breath away from him. "I hate you."

His gaze flickered.

"I hate you so much it hurts..." My voice broke, tears filling my eyes again. "I hate you so much that I can’t even breathe. I wish we never met. I wish you were dead."

For the first time since I knew him, something shifted in his expression. It was some kind of mixed emotions which I couldn’t tell what it was. His jaw tightened and his gaze darkened, but he never said a word.

The silence between us was thick and heavy, impossible for me to bear. So, I turned around and stormed back towards the house, tears rolling out of my eyes.

It was almost midnight now. I couldn’t see my way clearly because of the tears that blurry my vision.

But there was this heaviness in my chest, the heaviness that made me want to throw up, knowing fully well I couldn’t do anything to him. I couldn’t hurt him the way he hurt me.

My father did the same to him, but why wouldn’t he focus on my father? Why did it have to be the whole of us? Why did it have to be me when I had no idea what happened to him?

Yes... that was what I despised him for, for hurting me when I didn’t do anything to him. I hated him. I have never hated anything or anyone more than I did for him.

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand as I opened the door of my bedroom. And to my surprise, Victoria was sitting at the table with a tray of broth soup that filled the room with its delicious smell.

But what was she doing here at this time of the day?

"Ma’am, you are here?" She stood up to face me the moment she noticed my presence. "I have been waiting for you..." she trailed off and a frown settled on her face.

"Have you been crying, ma’am? Your face looks red and puffy... Did something happen?" She questioned as though she wanted to punish whoever hurt me.

"It’s nothing." I sniffed while crumpling onto the bed. "You can microwave that, I am not hungry," I said, gesturing to the tray on the table.

Victoria didn’t seem to believe me. In fact she looked even more concerned. Why, though? We barely even knew each other. Well, what did I expect from someone like her.

She approached me carefully, almost like she was afraid I might disappear.

Stopping right in front of me, she said, "You don’t look alright, ma’am. We haven’t known each other for a long time, but you can count on me. Trust me, ma’am."

I slowly shook my head in disagreement. I didn’t think I could ever trust anyone again, not after everything that just happened with someone I called a friend.

"Is it your husband?" She asked when I refused to say anything.

Yeah... partly him, but not all.

"No... I am just tired. I will go to bed now," I said dismissively, trying to lay on the bed. But Victoria grabbed my hand to prevent me from doing so.

I stared at her with my brows furrowed.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, clearly irritated.

She let go of my arm and looked at me apologetically. "I am sorry for doing that, ma’am. But it is not okay to go to bed with a heavy heart. It would only aggravate your burden."

Right. But I wasn’t ready to share my problem with her. What would she do about it anyway? She was just a house maid.

However, apart from her, who else would I talk to? Katie betrayed me and my mother was dead. Just who would I ever talk to?

I sat up straight and looked at Victoria. Her whole being was focused on me, ready to listen to whatever I have to say. But could I trust her?

Well, that didn’t matter, because at the end, I ended up pouring out my heart to her. I told her everything from the beginning of my life with Alexander, down to the present time. But I didn’t tell her the part where my father was responsible for the death of Alexander’s mother, because I still couldn’t believe it myself.

"Oh, dear..." Victoria whispered when I was done. And to my bewilderment, she opened her arms and wrapped them around my body in a tight embraced. "I am sorry you have to go through all that. No one deserves to be hurt the way you have been hurt."

My body was frozen, but soon began to slowly relaxed in her embraced. And before I knew it, I started crying again. Victoria didn’t say a word, she didn’t hush me or tried to tell me it would be okay. She just held me as I cried in her warm arms, as though she knew I needed to let it all out.

"I didn’t get to see her in her last days... I didn’t get to reunite with her..." I sobbed. "Now she is gone... I will never see her again."

Victoria hand moved to my back, rubbing slow and soothing circles on my back. "You are allowed to feel this way, ma’am. It is okay to cry. You loved her, and this pain is real."

I sniffled, her sweet smell of honey and rose engulfing my nostrils. "She wasn’t the best mother, but she meant so much to me... and I wish I had one more chance to tell her that..."

Victoria didn’t say anything to that and continued to rub my back. After some while, I began to feel better.

Pulling back slightly, I wiped my face as she released her arms around me. "Thank you..." I whispered. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to talk to until now. I was really glad that she pushed me to it and listened to me.

Victoria nodded with a reassuring smile. "No need to thank me, ma’am," she simply said.

I leaned back into the pillows, exhaustion finally catching up to me. My body felt heavy, but somehow... my heart felt lighter. Victoria stayed by the edge of the bed, adjusting the blanket over me like I was a child. I didn’t stop her. For once, I let someone take care of me.

"I will leave you alone now. Let me know if you need anything," she said once she was done.

I nodded weakly.

"Alright, good night, ma’am," was the last thing she said before shutting the door.

After she was gone, I tried to force myself to sleep but couldn’t. I kept thinking about the message my mother left for me. And I couldn’t help but think why she didn’t tell me the whole thing. What was she so afraid of? And Alexander... he said she was poisoned, by who?

Those thoughts kept going back and forth in my head, causing me to toss and turn around the bed, and after some time, I eventually fell asleep.