CHAPTER 61: ...OR AM I SIMPLY A MISTAKE?

The kind of life I lived before becoming Arinya, Stephanie’s life was nothing grand. It was even less ordinary than needed.

I wasn’t ugly enough to be pitied, or pretty, enough to be remembered. I didn’t have a nice body shape to flaunt either. It was almost like I existed in the space people looked through, not at.

Although I was good with my studies and knew how to act, my boring appearance and lack of presence made it difficult for me to even get a supporting role in school plays.

Every time it felt like I was finally getting somewhere, when it felt like I would finally be able to reach my goal since I excelled in my field, it all went to nothing when the pretty and slightly talented girls stood in front.

I spoke up, spoke even louder than a megaphone, but they never heard me. They couldn’t hear me.

That’s why I empathize with Arinya’s situation so well.

I’d stare at the mirror, my shoulders dropped and my eyes devoid of happiness, and then I’d sigh. Tired.

Tired of never being picked.

Tired of my efforts never seen.

Tired of being less than a side character.

At least some side characters had screentime, even if just once, but I had none. I was a nobody despite my talent.

I found happiness nowhere in reality and dug my head into the fantasy cooking up in my head. A fantasy where I was the center of attention, beautiful, slender, adored...

But even that was a nightmare because the more I fell into the fantasy, the harder and heavier reality hit me.

I cried a few times, asking myself why I was born into such a life. I didn’t choose to be born with no presence. I didn’t choose to be ugly. I didn’t choose any of it, but then why did I have to suffer?

That was how I lived while trying to at least not die because a driver didn’t ’see’ me on the road.

And right now, that expression I got so sick of, that reminded me that I would never amount to anything, let alone be number one... Was on Damar’s face.

I pursed my lips, my heart thumping against my rib cage. It hurts.

Seeing him like that, knowing what he might be going through... It hurts so much.

But how do I comfort him?

As someone who had that expression on their face nearly every day, I should be able to help but... I don’t know how.

"Every time I try," Damar finally spoke up, murmuring flat voice, as if trying hard not to break, "...it feels like someone else does it better. Someone else understands better." His gaze flicked briefly to the pile of squirrels—Fenric’s perfect pile. "Someone else is... more fitting for you."

"Damar—"

His words made my insides ache.

Someone else is fitting... Someone else is better... It had always been like that.

He swallowed, jaw tightening as if he didn’t want his voice to shake.

"I’ve always been the beast that’s not good because I’m a snake man, but I don’t believe I lack anything. I am superior, I am strong... I am handsome... But even with all of that, nothing I do seems good enough. My presence alone is a taboo and so I already closed my mind off to finding a spouse."

I gulped, listening to his heavy words.

He was so certain of himself, but somehow that uncertainty was filled with so much regret and doubt.

"So I want to know, Ari," he whispered, "...is it that I always make a mistake... or am I simply the mistake?"

Something inside me snapped.

’Am I simply the mistake?’ Those words echoed inside my head, as it was a question I asked very often.

I clutched his arm tighter, my gaze slipping down in defeat.

How do I answer that?

Damar was a superior beast, one with sharp senses and a nimble body. He doesn’t fall short under any powerful beast in this world, and yet... He was never it.

He couldn’t get what he wanted. He was a beast that was hated.

He lived a lonely life.

So, all his life, he must feel that his decisions are wrong, given he’s never been right.

But Damar... I clutched his arm even tighter and finally raised his head... You’re not the one at fault.

You’re not a mistake and you shouldn’t be hated just because you’re a snake.

I wanted to say these words desperately to him, give him the hope he needed but for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out.

And instead, tears rolled down my cheeks.

I didn’t think I would cry so easily, but I guess this situation wasn’t a simple one.

As soon as he saw my tears, he froze, unable to understand why I was suddenly crying.

The void in his eyes disappeared, replaced by shock and worry, showing just how much he cared for me.

"Ari—" I didn’t let him speak and hugged him.

I wrapped my arms around his body, pressing my hand against his chest, and said,

"Damar, you’re not a mistake. Even if it’s like that to everyone else, I don’t care. Because to me..." I squeezed my arms a bit tighter, pressing deeper into his chest. "...you’re everything. So don’t have that expression on your face anymore. You... You’re my husband."

It took a lot out of me to say those words, but I felt them sincerely and hoped he would feel it as well.

I hoped he would no longer regard himself as a mistake.

"Ari," he called, his voice soft.

His boyfriend was rigid at first, as if he was having a hard time believing me, but slowly, he faltered and then raised his arms.

"If you understand, then hug me back," I mumbled. "I don’t like seeing you like that, Damar. It makes me sad."

"I... I understand." He said and finally wrapped his arms around me. "Your words make me happy, Ari."

"I’m glad they do." I snuggled into him a bit more. The warmth of his body and the beating of his heart were so tranquil.

I wanted to stay in this moment for a little longer but then I realized this wasn’t a ’the end’ situation.

Was this finally settled? I need to see the expression on his face and the look in his eyes to know that.

"Damar," I called, lifting my head and he lowered his gaze.

"Yes, Ari?" He asked and I looked into his eyes. His emerald eyes didn’t hold that void any longer.

It was softer and more certain. Seeing this, my heart finally fell at ease and I smiled.

"I’m so glad you’re my husband."