[Hello, my lady.]

The handwritten letter, written with firm pressure, tugged at Olivia's heart. Ricardo was not one to write letters.

[It feels awkward to write after such a long time. I'm not even sure if you'll be able to read it.]

Knowing that Ricardo, who was more aware of his own terrible handwriting than anyone else, disliked writing itself, Olivia caressed the firmly pressed words and read the first line of the letter over and over.

Because she was afraid of what stories this letter might hold.

"..."

She didn't want to know what kind of letter a person who wished for her happiness more than anyone else had written.

Because he was a man who expressed himself through words rather than long-winded texts.

It was likely to contain something unpleasant. Especially if the last page of the diary was before he started using black magic, she was even more afraid to look.

Because Ricardo had expressed his worries to her even with words.

-My lady.

-What.

-If by any chance you're thinking about black magic....

-Do you think I'm crazy enough to do that...? You must see me as a crazy woman too.

-No, that's not what I meant...

-What do you mean, no. You see me the same as all those other men and women.

Perhaps she had been terrified from the moment she saw the neatly folded letter. Because she was an undeniable coward.

[Still, I wrote it diligently, so I hope you'll read it without tearing it up. I worked hard on it, until blisters formed on my fingers.]

Olivia clenched her stiff hands and began to read the letter.

Her heart, which loved quiet peace, was shouting that it was better not to look, but her heart, which hated to turn away, was pounding.

An old story.

She had apologized many times, and had heard that it was okay countless times, but emotions are not so easily sorted out, so Olivia caressed the letters of the letter slowly, with an unerased sense of guilt.

[I read the diary well.

To think that the wild boar meat we ate when we were young was that delicious, I'll have to make it for you again sometime.]

-Grip...

[Oh, of course, I caught it back then, so this time, you have to catch it, my lady.]

Ricardo's words, which had started as a joke, left a faint smile on Olivia's lips and disappeared. It was as if she could hear Ricardo's sarcastic voice vividly.

-You have to catch the pig!!!

-Mhm!

-Not me, my lady.

-I'm not a pig!!!

"Eek..."

A cheeky and immature butler.

She didn't know what kind of person he seemed to others, but the Ricardo she knew was an immature butler, so she liked the informal writing.

The fact that he didn't call her a duchess.

The fact that he didn't treat her like a precious vase.

She didn't know why the words, which contained no content, were so funny, but Olivia kept laughing. Although her heart was pounding with fear.

[You wrote quite a lot in your diary. I thought you would write a line or two and throw it away, but to think you wrote three volumes, I think I underestimated you, my lady.]

"What is he saying... he's going to get a scolding."

Olivia, who snorted at the butler's disrespect for his master, clenched her fists and let out a faint smile. There was no other butler but Ricardo who would use the word 'underestimate' to the master he served.

Like a friend, but sometimes childish.

Like a fool, but smarter than anyone.

At the sarcasm of Ricardo, who knew what she liked better than any other butler in this world, Olivia smiled slightly and scratched her head. At that time, she had also forced herself to write a diary to crush Ricardo's arrogant nose.

[Your handwriting is always amazing to see, my lady. It's so neat that it doesn't seem like it was written by a 10-year-old kid who ran around trying to catch wild boars, not a 30-year-old noble.]

"Eek..."

[If you wrote this well, you should have done my homework for me. Do you know how embarrassed I was every time I had to submit an assignment?]

Olivia smiled as she recalled old memories. That fool used to ask her to write for him whenever he had the chance at the academy.

-My lady, can't you just write for me once.

-No. It's a hassle.

-I'll give you chocolate.

-I can buy it with my pocket money. I don't need Ricardo's permission anymore.

-This is butler abuse. Think of it as saving a poor person...

-I'm not pitiful. I don't want to do it!

-Really... the professor can't even recognize my name. He scolds me every time I submit an assignment, saying my name isn't there.

"Fool..."

Olivia, who recalled old memories, made a languid expression as she recalled Ricardo's foolish face. Ricardo was good at everything else, but he was really bad at writing.

"..."

But that Ricardo.

[Anyway, you were really mean back then.]

The fact that he had written the letter so that she could read it made her bite her meaningless lips over and over. The traces of countless efforts were left on the letter paper.

As she read the letter, a scent like spring seemed to spread. Ricardo's tone of voice, which was so cheeky that she wanted to hit him, but sometimes that cheekiness came back as a warm spring scent, remained on the letter paper despite his terrible handwriting and rang sweetly in her ears like a whisper.

The crumpled and stained letter paper....

Because it was as beautiful as a place where flowers had bloomed and fallen, Olivia slowly took a deep breath and felt the spring scent contained in the paper.

Leaning on the paper that might contain a cold winter.

"..."

It's all okay.

It's just a happening that occurred because the immature butler didn't throw away the letter.

So....

"It'll be okay."

Olivia comforted her frightened eyes, believing that it would contain stories full of spring days.

[The weather is very hot, isn't it...]

"..."

[It rains a lot and it's humid, so I sweat often...]

Like a person who was beating around the bush, the period that was dotted several times at the end of the sentence seemed to make her anxious heart burn.

Although nothing was written yet, Ricardo's letter, which was taking on a heavy tone, unfortunately seemed to create a sense of distance.

[I read the diary well.]

"..."

[From when I was a child to now.... I've read it all, without missing a single thing.]

[It was fun and cute. We played like this back then.... I took you to all sorts of places.]

After writing about the memories, words filled with frustration followed. Words he would never have said normally.

[To be honest, I didn't want to read the diary you wrote after you became an adult.]

Ricardo began to slowly unravel. Ricardo had never said that things were hard, even as a joke.

"..."

Olivia lowered her head as she read Ricardo's story, which was filled with negativity.

[I was scared.]

[I was afraid of what was inside the box. I was worried about what I would do if you really hated me.]

"..."

[Because I didn't want to tear down the heart I had barely managed to hold together.]

Ricardo's writing was trembling.

She didn't know if it was because he was overwhelmed with emotion or if his concentration was wavering, but as the content of the letter shifted towards the academy, the tip of his pen was trembling.

[You may not know, my lady, but at the academy, I always believed in you.]

[Even if you talked behind my back.... I thought that your heart was warm, so no matter what you did, there must be a reason why you hated me.]

[Perhaps I even hoped for that.]

Ricardo, who was listing his unconditional trust, began to continue his warm words. To a person who didn't even deserve to hear them.

['You beggar from the slums,' when I heard that, I looked in the mirror and thought that I still hadn't shed my old ways.]

[When I saw the lunch box you hadn't even touched, I once went far away to buy the meat you like.]

-Grip...

[Because that's my job.]

-...

[Not as a repayment for your kindness... but.]

"Why..."

[Because I like you as a person, my lady.]

"Why are you so foolish?"

It felt like she was becoming a fool as she read the foolish letter. Because the mirror reflected her, who was mouthing foolish words, making an awkward expression, and trying to hold back her tears.

All I could do, who was endlessly holding onto Gomtang's fur, was to read the letter Ricardo had left behind without resistance. Because that was the only game I could play right now, and perhaps it was an atonement for the wrongs that time had made me forget.

[Oh, and you said you saw me secretly crying, but that wasn't crying, it was yawning.]

"..."

[...No.]

[To be honest, you were too much back then. I bought you chocolate, but you stomped on it on the floor.... Do you know how surprised I was then? I was so surprised, thinking that even chocolate wouldn't work anymore.]

-My lady. I brought chocolate. With your friends....

-I said no!!!

-...

-I told you not to bring me this kind of chocolate, it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing.. Do you know what the other kids say? They tell me to get rid of the stinky thing. They ask when I'm going to throw it away.... They said that there are plenty of good butlers, so why do they use someone like you...!!

-I... I'm sorry.

-What am I supposed to hear if I give them this kind of chocolate to share. I'm trying to make some friends... why do you keep getting in my way.

"..."

-Don't act like we're friends just because you're a beggar from the slums and we were close.

-...

-I'm a noble, and you're just a lucky beggar who was picked up.

-...Something urgent has come up, so I'll be leaving now.

Olivia, who recalled the image of Ricardo picking up the chocolate that had been trampled on the floor, squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip.

All she, who had left an unforgettable scar, could do now was to recall the memories of the past and give herself up to the memories.

"..."

That was the last.

No, it was the only atonement she, who could do nothing, could make. A crippled person who couldn't walk was a duchess with no power.

However.

Ricardo began to turn the arrow of guilt with strange words.

[Maybe...]

[It would have been better if I hadn't gone to the academy. Maybe then, I would have remained as a better memory for you.]

[I didn't want to become a shameful person, but it seems that my existence has caused you trouble.]

Winter is coming.

[I should have stolen the diary a little earlier.]

The winter that she wished would not come was contained in the letter paper, blowing a cold wind.

[If I had, would something have been a little different... would something painful have happened to you? No, maybe I could have prevented it....]

The wind that made me, who was more shabby than anyone, huge.

[I regret it.]

[I regret it.]

The short phrase created a small ripple in Olivia's heart.

"Why..."

Why do you blame yourself for everything?

I was the one who did everything wrong.

The 'me' that Ricardo thinks of is neither kind nor smart, yet I couldn't understand why he would wrap me up in warm words.

If it were me, I would have written curses even in a letter.

"Aren't you a fool..."

I didn't listen to Ricardo's words.

No matter what he said.

Even if he kindly recited the answer, not just giving it, I closed one ear and focused on my own world.

-Young Lady... let's stop now.

-It's your fault! If you hadn't interfered, by now I would have...

Even when I lost my leg due to black magic, I denied Ricardo's existence and lived lost in my own world.

-It's all your fault...

Because that was easier for my heart.

Because that made my heart feel better.

Because I wanted to turn away from the fact that the result of a forsaken choice had led to the fault of a brat who could only throw tantrums, I had aimed my blame in the wrong direction.

Even though I knew everything...

-It's not that they're looking at you strangely, Young Lady... I'm saying let's stop here. Before we inflict greater wounds on each other... I'm saying let's leave it as a good memory.

-Shut up...! What do you know to say that...

-Please!!

-Don't shout. Be quiet if you don't want to get kicked out.

-Please, Young Lady...

I accepted it because it was Ricardo.

Not anyone else, but because it was Ricardo that I accepted his unreasonable demands, yet I, without knowing, had forced bitter pain upon Ricardo.

Even though I knew it would hurt.

Even though I knew he would lose everything.

The things I had seen in the archives.

The things I had seen in the archives that shouldn't have been there. The things that had to end in a bitter death.

I.

-Haha!! Just trust me.

I had pushed it all onto a fool who could only smile.

The words 'I'm sorry.'

The regret of 'I won't do it again.'

The promise of 'I'll change.'

I thought I had comforted his pain with many words, but perhaps that fool didn't even care about my mistakes in the first place, and that fact was sinking painfully into Olivia's heart.

The letter continued.

Not a reprimand for her mistakes.

But with phrases that rebuked his own incompetence.

[I thought I did my best, but it seems I was very lacking.]

"Don't say that..."

[If only I had stopped you a little more strongly...]

"What did you do wrong?"

[No, if I hadn't done anything at the academy in the first place, maybe something like this wouldn't have happened.]

"No, if you weren't there... I wouldn't be in this world."

I, who was foolishly having a conversation while looking at the letter, denied Ricardo's words. The words I hadn't said, even though I could have said them sooner, I was saying them lonely in a room where no one was listening.

If Ricardo were here, I would have cried.

*

3 years ago.

The second day since Olivia had collapsed.

"..."

I, with hollow eyes in the messy mansion, bit my lip.

-Search every inch!!

-Search all materials related to black magic!! If you think something is even slightly suspicious, put it in a box!!

-First, investigate Lady Olivia's room and then move to the Desmunt mansion.

It's a mess.

The thing I tried so hard to protect.

It all crumbled in a single moment.

-Crash!!!

The broken heart, like a picture frame containing happy memories that had fallen to the floor and shattered into pieces, did not seem to be easily put back together.

The question of 'why' did not arise.

Because I knew it would be like this from the beginning.

Maybe it was something I had expected from the moment I held the young lady's hand.

"...Haa."

I had resolved.

I had resolved not to create the same future as the novel, but sadly, it seems inevitable that my heart hurts over the things that have flowed in the same way.

Still, since I protected the young lady, I was able to endure without breaking down, but.

-Photos. Notes. Books. Take everything that is suspicious. Go!

It seems I can't help my heart from hurting.

-Bang...! Crash...!

The imperial soldiers were raiding the mansion and destroying everything. Photos. Bookshelves. Memories, all of it...

'...'

The memories with the young lady were not nutritious to them. It seemed the guys called public officials didn't know the meaning of consideration. So heartlessly.

In my flustered ears, a 'thud' sound rang and my body staggered greatly. And my eyes met with a certain imperial soldier who was looking at me with hostile eyes.

"..."

In his hand was a familiar picture.

A picture of a smiling little girl and a red-haired boy in a headlock.

-Squeeze...

The soldier who had bumped into me looked at me and said in a voice full of annoyance. How dare an imperial criminal bump into a sacred imperial soldier.

"Move."

I unclenched my fists, which were clenched countless times, and squeezed my eyes shut. It was not something that could be solved by getting 'angry', so I had no choice but to endure it.

'I can't make things worse.'

'Endure it.'

'I have to endure it.'

I, suppressing the anger boiling up from my chest, said to him in a choked voice.

To protect the memories.

"Could you not return it to me?"

"...Ha?"

"That picture... would you not return it to me? It's a really precious picture to me."

The little pride I had left. No, it was a pride that was fine to have or not, so I politely asked him to exchange a picture for my pride.

"Please."

"...You"

"It's a picture with precious memories. It's the first picture I took with the young lady when I lived in the slums."

"It's an imperial order."

"The picture is not a crime, is it?"

"If you interfere any further, I will arrest you."

"..."

-Squeeze.

"...Haven't you already taken enough materials that could be a weakness to the family?"

"How dare...!"

The knight, who was about to say a word to the insolent criminal's question, stopped talking when he saw the red blood falling to the floor.

-Drip...

Because he was spitting out a large amount of blood, too much to be called coughing up blood.

"You..."

I, who had covered the blood flowing from my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut and asked him once more.

"Please."

·

·

·

After some time had passed, I quietly entered the messy room and checked the complexion of the sleeping princess.

"It must have been very noisy."

Because the sleepy princess was sensitive to sound.

"I asked them to be quiet, but they were such eccentric guests, haha..."

The sleepy princess, as if generously forgiving the commotion that had happened during the night, said nothing.

"..."

I wanted to hear even a word of resentment.

I held the princess's hand and, placing my forehead against it, muttered lowly. I was sorry for showing a weak side.

"...Haa."

I don't know what will happen.

If I can do well in the future.

If the young lady will go to prison.

It wasn't in the novel, so I was scared.

One line.

If only one line was written about my time as the young lady's butler, that would have been great... but unfortunately, there was no such thing. So I was even more scared and afraid.

The scariest thing was.

"It hurts..."

The fear that the young lady might not wake up from her sleep.

It's okay if it hurts. It's okay if the days after she opens her eyes are as difficult as hell for me. I just hoped she would open her eyes. Then I felt like I could at least breathe.

"..."

I carefully stroked the sleeping young lady's hair, fixed her pillow, and made a grim face.

-Get the young lady out of the way.

-No.

-We need to investigate under the bed. The inside of the blanket, of course...

-...Investigator!

Because so many things had happened, I was worried that the young lady might have heard things she shouldn't have. I didn't want to let her hear bad things.

If the young lady was planning to wake up late...

"Ricardo, it hurts..."

I hope she wakes up after this hell is over.

"It will be alright."

Looking at the sleeping young lady, I carefully began to write a letter. I was worried that the young lady might be surprised if I were to be absent.

If I couldn't overcome the aftereffects of black magic, I wouldn't be able to stay in this place. I started to fill the letter paper with a bitter smile.

I didn't want to write bad things.

I wanted to fill it with only good stories and make a smile bloom on the young lady's lips.

[Hello, Young Lady.]

With an arm that had no strength, I carefully began to write the letter.

·

·

·

[It must hurt a lot.]

[You must have been very surprised, and I think you were flustered because the room was a mess. I was quite flustered too.]

"..."

[I thought about running away, but seeing the young lady's pained face, I couldn't lift my head. Why did I make you hurt? I was sorry that I couldn't take your pain for you.]

"..."

[If only you had asked me to take your place instead...]

[No. I don't think I can do that because my heart won't allow it. I have at least a minimum of conscience. No, the young lady might not understand, but it's not my taste to have things taken away by others.]

[I don't know what kind of expression the young lady will make.]

[You might resent me, or maybe you won't want to see my face.]

[Still, Young Lady.]

[I will be by your side.]

[If the young lady has seen this letter...]

[Maybe Lord Darvav's anger has subsided and you've formed a good relationship, or maybe... the young lady who misses our memories has come to find it.]

[If you opened the letter because you wanted to see our memories... that in itself would be heartbreaking.]

[I hope it's the former. If it's the latter, I'm worried that the young lady might be crying. Seeing a beautiful woman's tears is not my taste.]

[Every moment was good." The moments we were together. The moments we looked at each other and smiled. Sometimes, it was good even when we were playing like silly fools, catching orcs.]

-Drip...

[If... if I have gone far away to a place you can't reach.]

[If so...]

[If I couldn't overcome this illness and disappeared into memory...]

-Drip drip.

[I want to remain as a good star to the young lady.]

[Please forget me.]

"Why am I like this..."

[Me.. no, your butler.]

I wiped away my flowing tears and gave my final farewell.

[Then I think I can leave with a happy heart.]

-Your one and only...

No.

-Olivia's eternal butler.