bChapter /bb194 /b

    April POV

    I wake up for the first time since Rnd without that feeling inside me. Without the burn of his mark, and without the pulse of bmagic /bdragging me into the Hollow. Now, the magic is calmer, too calm.

    It bdoesn’t /bfeel right, notpared to what I went through. Opening my eyes, Eryx isid beside me, staring at the ceiling,

    “Somethings changed,” I whisper.

    “How do you mean?” he asks without even looking at me.

    I reach out my hand, turning it over again and again trying to get a sense of the magic. b“/bIt’s like the magic has shifted, like it’s calmed down now. I don’t understand, is that it getting ready to do something now?”

    He turns finally and looks at me. His eyes are tired, dark circles under them. He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips. “My mother suggested that when I imed you maybe it would change the hold that the Hollowed Witch had on you.”

    What? That makes no sense, why would Eryx iming me change that, it wouldn’t. I don’t think anyway. “You will leave today,bi” /i/bhe says.

    I stare at him. “No.” I’m not leaving, I’m not going anywhere. “Eryx, I’m staying here, beside you.”

    “Listen to me, April. You’re leaving, today.” With that he gets out of bed and walks out of the room. I don’t understand, what did I do? bWhat /bbis /bthe reason for him being so cruel right now? Wiping my eyes, I sit up and look around the room. I don’t understand what changed bfrom /bst night, from us iming each other. From him being so sweet to now saying I have to stay away.

    It’s not right, none of this is right, at all. I spot clothes folded on a chair and walk over to them. I don’t even realise what I’m putting onb. /bbI /bbjust /bget ready almost motionless, without putting any thought into it.

    As I walk out the room a maid smiles at me. “Breakfast is this way,” she says as she begins to walk and I follow her.

    “Where did Eryx go?” I ask, needing to see him, I need to find out why I’m leaving, and without him. He promised we would stay together and now he’s having me leave alone as if I’m not important in his world anymore.

    When I step into therge dinning hall, his mother and father/are seated close together. Eryx is at one side of the table, and my seat, it’s away from him. So I can’t even whisper and ask him what changed, and why he’s doing this.

    After everything, why is he now sending me away? He saved me, he cared, so what now?

    I take my seat, and look at the food. They are talking about general things, nothing about the Hollowed Queen, nothing about what Rnd had done. It’s like nothing bad is waiting around the corner to hurt me, or them. How can they so casually eat like the world isn’t in shambles right now and about to be destroyed?

    The clink of silverware and the low murmur of Eryx’s parents talking about the pack fills in the dining hall. I sit here in silence band /bbpush /bba /bbbi /bof food around my te without really tasting it. The room falls colder somehow, even through sunlight pours through tall bwindows /band warms up the space. I

    This entire thing feels normal, painfully normal, and I want to scream at them for it. For the fact that after everything, after the bblood /bband /bterror, after the burning agony of the im that wasn’t my choice… I’m supposed to sit here and eat as though I’m just another guest bin /bbtheir /bhouse.

    bEryx /bnces my way but only once, it’s a quick flick of his gaze that is unreadable, and almost nk. He looks like bhe’s /bill. I bwant /bbto /bbgo /bbto /bbhim/bb, /bto reach across the distance and ask him to exin. I want him to tell me why he’s pushing me away after beverything /bbthat /bbwe /bbwent /bbthrough /btogether, but the gulf between us at this table is as wide as the one I feel within my chest.

    b1/3 /b

    bChapter /b194

    bHis /bmother is always soposed and elegant. I watch as she finally sets down her fork and looks directly bat /bbme/bb. /bbHer /bgaze en uhriend.. bbut /bI bcan /bsense the tension beneath her calm. “April how are you feeling this morning? You’re looking much better and seem calmer

    I force myself to meet her eyes and swallow down the knot that is building in my throat. “I feel… better,” I say bquietly/b, bwhich /bis bthe /bbinvin/b, I do feel better, but that doesn’t touch the real answer. I know what she wants to know. “I feel like something heavy was listed boff /bbme/b. The magic is quieter now, I’m just… tired and sore. It’s strange not to feel the Hollowed Queen calling me anymore.” I look to Eryx but he bdoesn’t /beven look up at me. He just cuts his food into smaller and smaller pieces as if he’s got nothing left to say to me. All I can think is what did I bdo /bwrong? Was it that I hesitated to im him? Maybe it’s because I begged him to im me?

    His father is watching me as well, concern pinched around his eyes. “You’ve been through hell, April.” He says. “It’ll take some btime /bbefore things begin to feel normal again.” He gives a small smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “If you need anything, anything bat /bball/b, you bcan /b

    ask. You’re safe here.”

    Safe… the word feels empty, and sweet at the same time. Safe, but only for now? Safe, but not enough for Eryx to even try and sit beside me, to talk to me, to tell me what I did wrong.

    “I appreciate that,” I reply. My voice is quieter than I meant for it to be. I look down at my hands, at the pale against the white linen tableclothes and I rub my thumb along my knuckles, searching for something to say that might close the distance between us. “is the… magic really gone? Am I… normal now?” I ask, worried that I’m asking a question and will get the worse answer ever.

    Eryx’s mother smiles at me gently, then answers, her voice low. “Your body is healing well, whatever was holding you before is… gone now, you’re right. You will always carry some trace of magic, everyone does, some just don’t unlock it, but the Hollowed Queen’s grip on you is broken.” Her gaze is steady and searching like she’s looking for cracks in myposure or signs that the Queen still lurks somewhere beneath my skin.

    I nod, trying to process that. “It’s hard to believe that it’s over. I keep expecting to hear her voice againb, /bor feel her hands on me,” I say, my voice falters. “I don’t know how to just go back to… eating breaking or pretending that things are fine.” I don’t, I’ve only lived with it for a short time but it feels like part of me is missing now.

    Eryx’s father makes a sympathetic sound. “There’s no right way to feel, April. You don’t have to pretend for us. If you need to scream, and break something, you have that right.”

    It’s not what happened that makes me want to scream and break something, it’s Eryx’s sudden coldness toward me.

    Still it’s almost too much, the kindnessyered on top of confusion, the quiet dread of waiting for the next awful thing. The food sits untouched, and I wonder if I’ll ever really feel hungry again.

    His mother pours tea and pushes the mug toward me. “You’re strong, April. Not just in magic, but in heart. If you need help finding your footing again, you have people here who will help you.”

    My hands wrap around the cup and I let the warmth seep into my skin. They are speaking like I’m staying, do they not know that Eryx is sending me away? For a moment, I let myself try to breathe. I try to steady the storm of fear and anger and heartache. “Thank you,” I say softly, though the words taste thin. I want to believe them, I want to believe that I’m wee here, that I matter, and that I haven’t be some problem, a burden to be moved out of the way now that the worst is over.

    Eryx’s father changes the subject, talking about patrols and supplies, the uing moon, the names of people I barely bknow/bb. /bbHis /bbmoth /bsmiles and asks if I’d like to take a walk in the gardenster, or if there’s any book she could bring me from the library. All bthe /bbwhile/bb, /bbEryx /bstays silent, his jaw clenched, his hands still as stone beside his untouched te.

    It’s this moment that I realise whatever happenedst night, whatever it cost him to save me, he’s carrying it, and he mes me. bMaybe /bthat’s why he’s pushing me away, and can’t look at me because I made him do it, because he had? Maybe he’s angry for what I caused?

    Whatever the reason, I know I can’t force him ito /ispeak to me, not here, and not now. So I hold my tongue and answer bhis /bbparent’s /bbquestions /bas best as I can while I try not to show how badly I want to get up and walk around the table to beg bhim /bbto /btell me bwhat /bI bdid /bbwrong/b.

    Aug

    For now, I’n; here, and for now I’m whole. The pain in my chest is now my own, not some monster that’s reaching out for me, btrying /bto control me and get me to sacrifice myself for it’s dark needs.

    bAD /b