CHAPTER 55: CH:55 STATISTICALLY TERRIFYING (BUT STILL CUTE)

In her mind, Dila whispered eagerly,

"Nari, show me the full stats—I’m too excited."

☆ Now the moment you’ve been waiting for, Master... ☆

A soft chiming echoed in her mind as a glowing panel shimmered to life.

---

Name: Dila

Race: Elf

Age: 17

Class: Support Mage – Alchemist

Sub Hidden Class: → Archaic Conductor detected.

Classification: Rare/Unknown.

Authority Access: Locked

System Compatibility: Incomplete

Class Description: Unavailable

→ Potential Ancient Weapon Wielder

Gender: Female

Mana Level: 1 / 2500

Health: 6800 / 25000 (Bleeding: Stopped)

Level: 25

Class Level: H

System Buddy: Nari

---

Personal Stats:

STR (Strength): 1 / 500 ← A leaf can beat her in arm wrestling

DEX (Dexterity): 498 / 500 ← Laser-precision spell shots but no dodge

INT (Intelligence): 500 / 500 ← Einstein, but with sparkles

VIT (Vitality): 200 / 500 ← Sponge durability

AGI (Agility): 100 / 500 ← Just fast enough to trip gracefully

---

Dila blinked.

"...Yo, Nari."

☆ Yes, Master? ☆

She deadpanned.

"Didn’t you once tell me my combat weakness was just compatibility issues? That’s why I couldn’t even lift a wooden sword during training?"

☆ Ehehe... good times. ☆

Nari giggled.

"Good times?! So it’s not a compatibility issue—it’s because my STR is ONE?!"

She looked like she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

☆ Bwahahaha, yeahhh... you’re basically as strong as a soggy baguette. ☆

Dila sighed with a long, exhausted wheeze.

"...Unbelievable."

☆ But look at your DEX! ☆

☆ You’re like a spell-slinging sniper! ☆

Dila rolled her eyes.

"Yeah. I can cast fast... but still get hit by an orc like evos ass because I’m literally one second too late. Amazing reflexes, zero survivability. I’m basically a magical traffic cone."

☆ Ahahaha... a very deadly cone! ☆ Nari offered nervously.

She squinted at her INT stat.

"Oh, so I can amplify magic like a boss... but still don’t hit hard enough to vaporize a goblin."

☆ Well, you do sparkle when casting. ☆

"Comforting."

Next, she looked at VIT.

"Huh. So that’s why I suddenly feel less like paper and more like soggy cardboard. Great upgrade."

She moved to AGI.

"Even with this, I still get smacked like a training dummy. Nice."

☆ W-we’re working on that... ☆

☆ Slowly. ☆

☆ Very slowly. ☆

"...You sure this is supposed to make me feel better?"

☆ Well... are you satisfied now, Master? ☆

☆ You were practically drooling to get appraised. ☆

Dila flatly replied, "It’s... mid."

☆ WHAT DO YOU MEAN MID?! ☆

Nari popped a dramatic pout.

"Also," Dila added with a suspicious tone, "who even allocated these stats? Was it... you?"

☆ W-what?! No! ☆

☆ These were automatically placed by the Well of the World! ☆

☆ Totally outside my control! ☆

"Oh... interesting."

She nodded sagely.

"So if the Well of the World wants me to die tragically, I guess I die?"

☆ M-Master! L-let’s not go there! ☆

☆ Hahaha...ha...ha... ☆

☆ You’re joking, right...? ☆

Dila just shrugged mentally.

Still deadpan.

Still not okay.

But at least now... she knew she was built like a glass cannon strapped to a banana peel.

And Then suddenly.

Fran tilted her head, her fluffy cat ears twitching slightly.

"Sister... are you oki?" she asked softly. "Because... I see you’re thinking a lot this time. Is everything fine?"

Dila blinked, still mentally recovering from her "you’re as strong as a wet tissue" stat reveal.

But instead of answering directly, she stared at Fran’s innocent, worried face and said—

"...Can I pat your head?"

Fran blinked.

"...Ummh... hmm!" She nodded quickly—twice, then once more for emphasis.

Permission granted.

Dila reached out and gently placed her hand on Fran’s soft navy-blue hair, just between the ears. Fran’s eyes instantly fluttered shut as her arms tucked up like a resting kitten.

"Yehey..." Fran mumbled dreamily, cheeks puffing with pure bliss.

She swayed slightly on her feet with each pat, tail flicking back and forth like a happy pendulum.

Dila smiled softly, the tension in her face fading away.

In her mind, she thought: "Ohh... so cute... she looks like she just got plugged in and started charging."

Fran let out a soft, "Mmmm~" like a sleepy kitten being praised by its owner.

And then, in a small whisper:

"...I don’t know why... but I feel like I just leveled up..."

Dila chuckled under her breath.

☆ Petting Fran: +100 Morale ☆

☆ System Report: Fran’s fluffiness has temporarily nullified existential despair ☆

From a few steps away, Sarios just watched the scene with a confused frown.

"...Did the appraisal fry her brain... or is this just what bonding looks like?"

Meanwhile, the guild master squinted from the side, muttering to himself.

"Should I be worried this girl just nearly destroyed my entire establishment... and now she’s... petting a cat girl?"

Dila continued patting, ignoring the world.

Fran’s tail wagged.

Balance: Restored.

Suddenly, thump-thump-thump!

A cheery voice echoed from the wooden stairs.

The receptionist came bounding up with dramatic flair, one hand raised like she was announcing a royal decree.

With a twirl and a hop, she struck a pose and shouted—

"Tadaaaaa~! Your very own Guild Bar International Card!"

Confetti should’ve fallen. Trumpets should’ve played. A choir should’ve sung in the background.

Instead, it was just her holding a card and whispering "Yehey~" to herself while jazz-handing.

Fran blinked.

Sarios blinked.

Dila blinked twice.

The guild master, still recovering from his golem-induced trauma, just leaned his red, jiggling face to the side and muttered—

"Yeaaaah..."

His voice was so long and lifeless, it could’ve filed for retirement.

Fran couldn’t hold it anymore—she burst out laughing and even clapped her hands a little.

"Hahaha! Look at his face! He looks like he aged twenty years just now!"

Dila, completely ignoring the trauma behind her, took the card with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Ooooh... shiny," she whispered.

She held it up to the light, turning it left and right as it glinted like a freshly-polished weapon of paperwork approval.

Sarios peeked at it and said dryly, "That thing’s so bright, you could reflect spells with it."

"Maybe I’ll use it to blind enemies," Dila smirked.

The receptionist gave a proud nod. "Yep! That’s platinum-coated silver! Stronger than steel! Waterproof! Fireproof! Emotionally supportive too! Probably!"

Dila raised an eyebrow.

"...Emotionally supportive?"

The receptionist gave her a thumbs-up.

"Hey, when your golem nearly nukes half the kingdom, you’ll want your card to still be there for you."

Dila just stared at the card again.

"...Shiny and loyal."

Meanwhile, the guild master rubbed his temples and groaned softly.

"Someone please send me to early retirement..."

Sarios stood there, arms crossed loosely, watching Dila hold her shiny new guild card.

Despite her bandages... despite the dried blood still clinging faintly to her temple...

He couldn’t help but smile.

"Hmph..." he thought, his red eyes softening. "Even like this... she still manages to look kind of cute."

Then his smile froze.

"Oh no—!" his eyes widened slightly. The castle. The king. The afternoon sun. The screaming ministers—

He slapped a hand against his forehead.

"We need to get back to the castle... like..... now."

But instead, he turned to Dila and grinned like he wasn’t panicking at all.

"Sooo... are you satisfied now?" he asked, smiling with that typical heroic tilt of his head.

"You nearly lost your life just to get a guild card, but hey... worth it?"

Dila, still examining the silver shine of her card, replied bluntly without even glancing at him—

"Yeah. Good enough."

Sarios chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

"Hahaha... yeah, good enough... really, really solid enough..."

Then Dila finally turned her head sideways and gave him a look.

"You do know you can see everything in the appraisal screen, right?"

Sarios raised an eyebrow.

"Eh?"

"Like STR, DEX, INT, AGI... You know—actual stats?" she added dryly.

Sarios blinked.

"Wait... those are things??"

Fran tilted her head.

"Sister, is that food or something?"

Dila facepalmed lightly.

"...Never mind."

As she looked away again, her mouth twitched slightly. That faint Dila smile—the kind that shows up only when she’s secretly enjoying something.

Meanwhile, Sarios leaned over to Fran and whispered—

"What’s ’STR’ again?"

Fran whispered back, totally serious—

"Strawberry?"

Sarios nodded thoughtfully.

"Makes sense."

And Dila, who heard all of it, just kept walking forward.

As they stepped down the guild’s upper floor, Dila flicked her eyes toward the corner of her vision, mentally opening her system window again.

Still there. All the little colored bars.

STR, DEX, INT... the whole package.

She smirked faintly.

"Guess I’m the only one who can see that full stat window," she said in her mind, eyes glinting a bit.

"They only get to see the class rank. Not the juicy details."

Nari’s soft voice chimed inside her head like usual, this time with a light, teasing hum.

☆ Mhm, just a bit of an exclusive perk, Master. I mean... what’s life without a few secret advantages? ☆

Dila rolled her eyes but smiled.

"You sound smug for someone shaped like a voice bubble."

☆ Hehe~ that’s because now I know your DEX stat is basically a cheat code for casting magic fast... even if your STR stat couldn’t lift a sandwich ☆

Dila blinked.

"...Hey."

☆ I’m just saying! ☆ Nari giggled.

Dila sighed and muttered to herself, just low enough for no one to hear.

"I’m gonna make you stutter next time by running straight into a wall..."

☆ Y-You wouldn’t dare! ☆